Questions Bipolar Version 3

Oooh, good question. I'm pretty sure it was Neil Diamond's "Beautiful Noise" when I was 9 years old in the early '70's. My mom bought it for me at K-Mart, lol.

Why did you decide to join Psych Central?

I joined because I've no where else to turn- family and friends abandoning me

found this website and it was a dream come true

question: what is something you are alergic to

Woodstock. I have the whole concert. The rest I "borrowed" (100s) from a rich cousin.

Any inheritance coming?.

Yes, if it doesn't all get blown on my mental illness or my parent's long term care when they get too old to live alone.

Anybody else have super irritable, mostly manic episodes with a depressed component?

feeling irritable is the absolute worst. I know that much

do you have any plans for summer?

not really

wait for winter, I think

I was invited to a BBQ later on this year but no thanks...

question: how patient are you for things to happen?

Typically not patient at all lol. I need to work on that.

Q: what is the last song (or current) you listened to?

unwell by matchbox 20

question: what's better?. cold drink or hot

cold (but not too cold!)

favorite flavour icecream

mint chocolate chip

I think I asked this before but am out of ideas. Where did you get the idea for your screen name?

I thought I was a hippie in high school, lol, and the name just always fit me. It’s been a screen name for over fifteen years.

What do you like watching on TV?

- my soap operas

-game shows

-big bang theory

-medical shows

-anything animated
-anything else if it's good

what would your perfect day look like

Almost anything with my nieces. Right now swimming is big.

Do you have artwork on your walls?

We have good prints of the Impressionists. Mainly Renoir and Monet. Some Van Gogh too.

Mirrow mirrow on the wall, who's the craziest of them all?. (I'm a frontrunner.)

it is nice to see you post, pirilin

in answer to your question,
my friend siobhan

she wants to get a tattoo on her wrist that reads, I kid you not,

"meow said the dog"

I really really really want to know the tattoo artistss response to that. I think if it was me I'd be like.. but I thought cats go meow?

I think it comes from me a little.. I'm always saying crazy things like that " meow said the cow" is usually mine

maybe I've started a bit of a trend. lol. even if it's a weird trend.
question: what is the funniest thing to happen to you recently?

funny as in, haha, that made me laugh out loud

I don't know why I found this hilarious, but I literally rofl'd when someone wrote "2sday" instead of Tuesday XD

Q: If instead of the mailman coming to your door, it was an animal, ANY ANIMAL, which would you prefer?

my first thought when I read this question was a chicken.. it could come to the door, and lay the letters on the mat- just like chickens lay eggs

that, or a mail horse, trotting right up to you so you can take the mail off it's back before it trots away again.

I love this question. thanks for thinking of it

question:
if you could find out one thing about your future, what is it you'd like to find out?

The day of my death.
If I could know, I'll destroy the town with booze and ladies of dubious reputation. Some Peruvian flake and Belvedere. Until I fall dead on the ground. Real Montecristos too. The hell with everybody. I'm the one dying right?.

Latest big purchase.

I am not new, but it's been a year or so since. I have bipolar 1 disorder for 30+ years. I've been married for almost 50 years. My husband has withstood so many anger issues, hitting, yelling, you should know the symptoms and outbursts. I have just recently gotten over a 2 years sublevel bout of depression. I thought I was getting better because I got a job a couple days a week. It takes my mind off things. My husband is not a real emotional person. He is always cracking jokes and at times it's okay and he does make me smile but he also has a side that is just downright insulting. Last night I was upset (I might add this has happened over the last 50 years) because my granddaughter who is expecting and living with us. She doesn't help around the house at all. She does not offer to help and even when I ask her directly or put up a note it is taken down and she says she didn't see it or when I ask she is too tired or she forgot. I am really angry that I have to do so much while she sits around the house all day playing on her phone and watching tv. All I ask is that the kitchen be kept clean to do something, dishes, sweep, mop, put away other dried dishes. But nothing. She has free reign. If she cooks she doesn't clean.Okay you get the point. So last night while doing the dishes that she was ssupposed to do. My husband says he might start Ubering and he wants our gd to show him how she started out. She drives, she loves to drive, she doesn't have a license, no insurance, no job, no money, just a "I want and I want it now" attitude. She lies, steals and does everything that I do not like, but love her because helped to raise her the first five years of her life. Her papa told me he wanted her to come with him on these Ubering jobs until he gets the hang of it. Me, doing dishes, because she wouldn't, he says he wants her to come and she will and papa knows it. So I am complaining that I shop, cook, clean, clean, clean and no help. He tells me this and I blew a cork. His back was to me in the kitchen. I took some dishwater and threw it on him and kept hitting and hitting until he t urned and screamed at me "
"Well no one is as perfect as you". That threw me into a rage. After I stopped hitting him he turned and screamed at me and then pushed me hard on the shoulder and I hit the wall. I walked away so angry I was seething. And he gets all honey when you coming to bed. I am not over this. I know he has put up with so much and I wish to God I had known because I had Bipolar, I couldn't have children, I had a few other matters wrong with me and he took the brunt and still is apparently. He isn't emotional touchy feely kind of guy so fish kisses and we haven't even been intimate for over 20 years. Oh, he gives me a hug once in awhile. But no matter what I say or do doesn't make him want to change. Last night I looked up divorce. I am 68 years old. I am disabled by bipolar and on SS and am going blind in one eye. I can't live on my own can't drive. But 50 years of putting up with his putdowns has me in constant turmoil. I hate him and I love him or do I just need him cause I can't take care of myself? I just want to cry. I am not a person who can be by myself I turn into depression almost immediately. I reach out to daughters but they are lukewarm because they lived through the beginnings of my bipolar and it wasn't nice. It bordered on abuse. My grandkids we don't connect. My dad is 87 and not doing well, my mom died in 2002. I literally have no one to turn to to talk to. I tried a therapist but it seemed it was just a superficial advice. I guess I am feeling sorry for myself and that isn't good that leads me back into depression. My husband wants to get an RV and travel he is 69. In such a small area how can I get away if we get into it again? I need to be able to shut myself away if I get too bad with my anger from bipolar. If I can't get away to be by myself to calm down and use music or whatever, I get claustrophobic and more anxious. But I hate to ruin his dream since he has put up with me all these years. I am out of ideas and even thinking maybe he would be better off If I was gone whether leave or just go away. I thought I was getting better, but I must be kidding myself, because I haven't felt like this in such a long time. I am hating, really hating and all I can do right now is swallow it as I have for the last at least 35 years. I want us to sit together to touch so our bodies are feeling each other. But I am with a live in stranger. Even our beds are separate...two twins put together to make one large but a big divide inbetween and he said he couldn't get close because of that. If he really wanted he could climb in on my side cause I do go to his side and lay next to him but he has a cpap machine on and I have to lie on my bad side. But nothing is making our relationship any better. He works, comes home eats, watch tv and go to bed. That has been our routing for at least 20 years since his last job we worked together for 25 years and as it is now no physical contact at least no loving contact. I just want to go hide and never come back. He blames everything that is wrong with me is that I haven't taken my pills not anything he might be doing wrong. His first comment upon me getting angry is have you taken your pills. The anger comes when I've had just too much and no solution in sight. Where do I start at 68 y/o? My dad at 87 is paying some of our monthly bills because my husband doesn't make enough with SS and my SS and the small salary he gets from working. I feel so bad. I really just want to just lay down and die. I have those feelings. I don't think I will act upon them. I don't want to do that to my children and grandkids, but I get no emotional support from any of them. Am I asking or expecting too much from everyone else? The only two people who talk with me are two youngmen who I befriended on FB they are from India. We have been talking and messaging for over 4 years. I have video chatted and we message almost everyday. I feel they are my grandsons and we celebrate their birthdays over messenger. They are parentless and I feel like a fill in grandmother and they talk with me and I offer advice and the older one 21 says he feels I am more like a mother than a grandmother.* I do get so much satisfaction and feel the love they give. Am I grabbing at straws. Am I being duped? But they do depend on me. I can't stop being there for them. I am for all my others even if I can give a you are important don't give up keep it up love you. I try to give as much positive interactions as I can. The saying I cam across it says "The one who tries to make everyone happy is usually the loneliest". That is exactly how I feel. I feel I have wasted my life. That I haven't done anything except with my boys in India. If it is fake they are masters, but at 21 and 17 and we began when they were17 and 13 and has built up over the last 4 years going on five now. It could also do with I can't drive anymore because of my right eye. I feel a little less able. But I haven't driven in over 4-5 years. I don't have an outlet. I don't ask my children or grandkids for anything. I don't want my burden to become theirs. I ruined their lives enough over the time of my bipolar being at it's worst. I've ranted on way to long. Thanks for listening.

DJR450, welcome to the bipolar board. Unfortunately this is kind of a game thread and I don't know how many responses you'll get here. You may be better off copying and pasting this into a new post and starting a new thread entirely for this.

I'm sorry I don't have a lot of advice; marriage is not something I have experienced. I can tell though that you are very frustrated and it sounds like you need to vent and this is a great place for it, just maybe not this thread.

My care is paid off this month so a REALLY big purchase.

Does your cycling follow a seasonal pattern?

I'd like to know that too (the day of my death)

it's a big anxiety for me- not having anything in order when I die, so it would really help me

only thing I know is that I can't cope in the summer

not sure it's really a pattern though. just a bad time of year in general.
question:

do you know any first aid?. what do you know

Basic first aid and CPR (I think my certificate expires this year).

What's a vacation from your bucket list?

Bahamas (which I think we're doing next year)

What is the worst med reaction you've ever had?