[batteries]

Did you guys have a hard time finding a significant other that handles your swings well? I see a lot of you post about husbands/wives/kids and I'm just wondering how the dating process went for you. A lot of the people I've dated say that they're fine with my mental health issues, but 6 months down the line they say it's too much for them to handle. I try telling them not to worry about it and to just be there, but I find most of them think that they can "fix" me, and get frustrated when they can't.
I am pretty young though (19) so I'm still adjusting to bipolar, and a lot of guys my age or close are frustrating enough without adding in serious issues.
I've also always been drawn to kinda unemotional guys though, which probably doesn't help. It's just frustrating trying to find someone who's both accepting and supportive. Did you have this same problem? Thanks

[wildflowerchild25]

My husband met me at my absolute lowest point. I was in IP after a suicide attempt and receiving ECT. My friend was visiting and decided to bring him for some reason (weird to bring a stranger to visit your friend in the mental hospital). So really, we had nowhere to go but up. I was in remission for six years so he didn’t really have to deal with mental health issues. When I started swinging again our marriage took a hit. We were desperately in love but it was so hard to deal with everything. He ended up turning to drugs and passed away from an overdose two years ago.

Now I’ve just started dating again. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know when I should reveal the MI to the person I’m seeing. Right now I’ve heen on three dates with someone and I have no idea how to tell him. Should I wait six months, should I get it out of the way now, I have no idea. Dating is really tough even if you don’t have MI.

You are young though. I’m not sure there are a lot of 20 year old guys that have the maturity to handle something as big as MI. But eventually you will find someone, just like I did.

[Sunflower123]

I was married for 10 years before I was diagnosed. I was married another 10 and had a child. I’m certain there is someone out there for you who will love and support you, MI included.

[99fairies]

I was raised in a very religious strict home. When I moved out I went wild. I ended up living with a drug dealer. He got me pregnant and said he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. 3 months later I found my husband. I told him I was pregnant and it didn't phase him. We dated for 3 months and got married. We have had our ups and downs but have been married for 17 years. Our relationship has never been better and I'm so thankful for him.

[Victoria'smom]

I met my husband when I was manic, he was manic too. We were both undiagnosed. We both knew the other was "crazy". I even told him if he ever hospitalized me against my will that would be the end of us. I had no filter the first couple of weeks neither did he. Within a month we were engaged and trying for a baby. (it felt a lot longer then that.) We've been together 17 years. It's hard, he's mostly on the depressive side and I'm mostly on the manic side but we mostly make it work.

[LacunaCoiler]

I was "normal" when I met my wife. I didn't have my first major manic episode well into our relationship. She gave me the whole "see a doctor or else I'm leaving" thing. I thought about letting her leave because there was nothing wrong with me and I was just having fun. But I knew I loved her and didn't want to lose her so I went and saw a doctor (even though I was angry at her the whole time). Shortly after I saw a doctor and got better with the help of meds she asked me to marry her, so I did. We've been together for 12 years and married for 2. We still have our ups and downs due to my illness but she's told me as long as I stay on my meds and see a therapist whenever I need to she'll stick with me thru thick and thin.

[UpDownAround]

I went through several failed relationships. I was undiagnosed but it was obvious that something was not right when they got close and they bailed. My wife got me to go in for a diagnosis fairly early in the marriage and we were happy for a long time. She has soured on things in the last few years. We are still together but like roommates who don't share a room. Friends without benefits. Actually, I am not even sure she likes me all that much anymore. This story goes from upbeat to depressing in a hurry...

[WildcatVet]

It took a long time to find my significant other...partly or mainly because I wasn't looking for one. But as far as dating I was either the *party girl* or a *real downer*. The one guy I fell in love with couldn't stand my ups and downs and never knowing who I was going to be from day to day...that still hurts deeply and sometimes the memory triggers a deep depression. But a guy came along when I was 24yrs and we've been together for 37 years! It's not a perfect relationship...he doesn't get MI or meds...but he sticks with me...he loves me I know but there's just no passion on my part.

[~Christina]

I was diagnosed after we got together.

He is my Rock, He supports my struggles.

I got very lucky

[emgreen]

My girlfriend (we've lived together 14 years) is wonderful about accepting the fact that I have mood swings. We knew each other for four years before things became romantic, so we knew pretty much what we could expect. We met in AA & are both in recovery, so that's a huge anchor in our relationship. I'm so damned fortunate to have her; I really don't know what I'd do without her. In addition, I don't think I'd be able to find someone who's as accepting of me as she is. My ex-wife wasn't understanding at all...& could be downright cruel. It took me a long time to heal from my marriage, so there's hope for those of you who have had bad experiences. I don't want to sound melodramatic, but I think I had to recover from PTSD after divorcing. My GF was the medicine I needed.

[Carmina]

I have sabotaged every relationship because I get so worried about losing the person I care about my mood eventually plummets and I get withdrawn and go off sex etc. Haven't found anyone who can put up with me and at the moment have not had a relationship for years as I'm too afraid of reaching out and getting hurt/hurting someone else (plus very shy so can't initiate anything anyway - even the relationships I had were originally initiated by my partners). Deep down I crave love but also don't believe someone can love me.

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by UpDownAround

I went through several failed relationships. I was undiagnosed but it was obvious that something was not right when they got close and they bailed. My wife got me to go in for a diagnosis fairly early in the marriage and we were happy for a long time. She has soured on things in the last few years. We are still together but like roommates who don't share a room. Friends without benefits. Actually, I am not even sure she likes me all that much anymore. This story goes from upbeat to depressing in a hurry...

Posted in a hurry earlier...

In my failed relationships, I see the bipolar pattern in retrospect. I was outgoing enough to approach women and make conversation when I was up. I still had the awkwardness, but it's an awkward situation to express interest in getting to know someone better. I still flamed out sometimes, okay often, but when hypomanic I shrugged it off and moved on. Starting to date someone and having things get more serious involves the passage of time and I wouldn't stay up for all that long. If I only dropped to the low grade sulk, I could usually manage to keep the relationship going for a while but it was often perceived as disinterest. If I fell into the abyss they ran like rabbits. I did not know that I was cycling up and down because of a MI; when I was depressed I would think she was not interested in me anymore causing me to be depressed when it was the other way around.

My wife was the first one to recognize the depression for what it was/is and stick with me through it. In retrospect, there were some early warning signs that we were making do but I ignored them because I feared this might be my only chance. I would be happy to continue making do, which is probably why I stick around. That and the kids.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

I met my husband when I was 16 before things were very bad for me although I definitely was struggling with my mental health then as well and he knew that. That was over 10 years ago though and I have mostly dealt with depression the whole time. This year and all the ups and downs have been so hard on him and the kids that he told me if I cant become stable I will have to leave. I guess that is love though, its what is making me decide not to go steal the wellbutrin out of his truck and stay up all night(even though I want to soooo badly). Bipolar definitely makes relationships much harder

I think I’ve always been bipolar, but wasn’t diagnosed. Definitely, my high school boyfriend knew something was wrong with me. He asked me if I wanted to talk to his dad (a psychotherapist).

I found my husband before I was diagnosed, and we were married within 9 months. Eventually, I got tired of him telling me what a bad person I was and blaming me for everything. I stopped talking to him, and we mostly avoided each other until he passed away.

I was diagnosed after he was gone.

I’ve had one boyfriend since he passed away. My thoughts are that I have no ability to love and attach anymore. I’m way less miserable by myself

[bpforever1]

hmm, I've never found anybody who has been compatible. I was married to another person with sza. It did not work out because we were both too ill and could not be independent from our families. I am doing better now and have lovers but this is not the same as finding a significant other.

[Shazerac]

I think the PTSD And CEN effected my relationships more than the biploar did. I would chose horrible abusive and emotionally unavailable men. The kind of men who insisted on me staying home and not having a job but then would not provide for me. Wouldn't give me money to buy a magazine or get my hair done. I spent a lot of time feeling worthless and humiliated.

After I dealt with these issues I met my husband online in a game not on a dating sight. We hit it off and started private chat. Then it moved to phone calls. Then we met in person and hit it off. We clicked. We've been together now for 14 years. MArried for 10 years. He is very understanding about my bipolar and is happy that I get treatment take meds and am relatively stable.

[Carmina]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

I think the PTSD And CEN effected my relationships more than the biploar did.

Yes me too I think now, taken me ages to realise this though - well CPTSD

[Carmina]

I have worked out that my problem is I am attracted to beautiful, loving, confident, intelligent, well grounded, creative women - women I see as warm, stimulating and also loving and frankly could worship body and soul. Problem is they don't seem attracted to me and more often than not are already in relationships (partly because they are women who manage stable relationships). So they are always out of reach and unattainable.

The women that are attracted to me often see me a a good listener and intelligent but tend to be damaged themselves in some way so look to me to provide them with strength, even though I'm not really strong enough for them. Some realise that and get disappointed or turn against me, others tend to use me for their own needs. Unfortunately because I don't believe much in myself I tend to settle for relationships with women I'm not particularly attracted to or even can see that they could be damaging for me because of their needs. My marriage was like this, she made all the moves, I held her off for over a year but then she started a relationship with someone who was abusive to her so I thought I was helping her by giving into her and that eventually I may come to love her (I'm a bit of a rescuer). The irony is I did in the end and we had a child together (who I ended up bringing up on my own) but by then she had moved onto another, more edgy guy (she liked guys like that). I wasn't strong enough (or 'man enough' as she told me) for her.

[xRavenx]

I was with the love of my life for 8 years and was engaged, and he was always nurturing. The irony is that HE had his first episode, but became so cold and even went as far as saying he stopped loving me. The change was so opposite of who he is, but when I've had episodes while with him, I never ever felt I didn't love him. Of course, there were times I was irritable and at times maybe took it out on him a little bit though. After we broke up when he pushed me away after his 2 psych hospitalizations, we had time apart. He went down a bad path, and I was suffering from the shock of my world getting turned upside down.

We did get back together and everything seemed great, but then he hurt me again in a different way. He begged me to stay, but I couldn't. I had been hurt way too much. Although I've been on dates, my heart is still hurt. I feel closed off in a protective way. Plus, my episodes have been making me isolate. I need to get myself together first, before I feel I can be in a real relationship. I do want to find someone that I can share my world with, when I am ready. Someone else hurt me badly after this break up, so that further shattered my trust. Hopefully I'll find the person I am meant to be with, if it's out there. Seeing is believing. I don't feel worthy though, as much as I try to believe the opposite.

[Aurelius710]

I don't think I ever made the time to look for a significant other. When I was in thrall to my moods, I was more interested in living the adventurous life. Traveling everywhere, seeing everything and just generally living life full steam ahead. I would invite people to share in those experiences, but inevitably they would stall and/or politely decline. Eventually, I just stopped asking and went it alone.

In retrospect, I'm positive I was going way too fast to maintain any kind of steady relationship at the time. Now that my mood is tempered to a degree, I feel like I'm back to basics. I'm learning how to date again after so much time ignoring it. And the loneliness stings.

That said, I still would love what I was seeking while manic: someone to share my life, adventures and experiences with, and vice versa. Someone for when we write out the respective stories of our lives, we made each other better.

[boogiesmash]

I’m going on almost 9 years without a girlfriend .

[all74]

I was married for 16 years before I was diagnosed, although I'm sure I was having episodes before that. My wife has had a very hard time being supportive, but she continues to work at it. I think part of the difficulty has come from the fact that I mainly get dysphoric/angry hypomanias, which are understandably rough on a spouse.

[Carmina]

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

I’m going on almost 9 years without a girlfriend .

Sorry to hear that - something like 7 for me

Since coming of anti depressants I've been getting hornier too at times (apart from during my lowest mood swings) - frustrating!

[bioChE]

I’m married for almost 15 years and going strong. Four kids. I was diagnosed about two years after we were married.

[GoldenSnitch]

My worst episode led to the breakdown of my marriage and 11 year relationship with my ex husband.

Since we split dating has been rough but I can’t blame it all on mental illness.

Not to be a downer but I sometimes fear I’ll never find anyone.