Originally Posted by Vaporeon

The holiday season is difficult for many people but I hope you guys are doing okay despite some stress, maybe. I'm sort of depressed and isolating this morning even though I'm at my parents' house for a visit and to do laundry (which I haven't started yet). I just remembered that today is the anniversary of my suicide attempt in 2008. I was also hospitalized for depression last year around this time, and I was just discharged from hospital 10 days ago, I think. December is a tough month for me but I seem to feel better in January - new year, fresh start - I know it's cliche and silly but the new year helps me somehow. Anyway, I hope everyone has a great day. I'll be around if anyone "needs" me.

You're a very strong person! Nothing wrong with cliches..

Hope you feel better soon

[99fairies]

My kids wont stop fighting. I'm about to pull my hair out.

[wildflowerchild25]

Uuuugh I still feel terrible physically. I have to get to the grocery store but I don’t think I can. Hoping I’ll be able to go tomorrow. It’s raining really hard here too and that definitely doesn’t motivate me!

BUT I’m still feeling pretty good mentally. It’s been most of this week so I’m hoping it stays that way.

Right now I just want to sleep I’m so tired and achey. But I have soooo much to do...stupid cold!

[scatterbrained04]

Not in the greatest headspace. Feeling very guilty anymore. Kind of want to have a breakdown and cry. Trying to muster some motivation to do something.

[LadyShadow]

Things have been really good lately. Honestly, since I changed pdocs my life completely changed. He is more understanding, willing to hear me, and make changes if necessary. My other pdoc was too young and inexperienced and I was really struggling.

Since the change from Haldol to Seroquel, it's been night and day. It's hard to wake up sometimes and I usually feel like I am in a fog, but other than that, when I do get up I feel really good. Better than I have in years.

[Unrigged64072835]

Doing better today. Now looking forward to tomorrow instead of dreading it. Hope this will keep up.

Hope everyone can acquire some inner peace around now.

Big hugs to everyone.

[xRavenx]

I feel myself catching a cold. This is really bad timing. I just hope it doesn't get worse.

[Naynay99]

Hey. Happy almost Xmas eve.
Not really sure how I am. My parents did some visiting today so I had the day to myself. I slept away a lot of it. Guess I was tired.

Have Xmas eve at my relatives house and I don't really want to go. I always feel sort of uncomfortable and like I have nothing to say amongst lthis part of my family. Or maybe I just feel sort of blah, and I know I am supposed to be festive and chatty. Part of me would prefer doing Xmas eve with just me and my cats watching it's a wonderful life.

Lately I have been having really vivid and detailed dreams that I remember when I wake up. Maybe I'm just finally dreaming again? Idk.

Mood feels a little bit all over the place. I just wish I felt normal.

[Wander]

On break on a crazy Christmas Eve shift. Started at 9 am and only taking lunch now at 3 pm. Busy is an understatement. Luckily for me I’m slightly hypomanic so I’m killing it. Finish at 6 pm then not back at work till Friday. Still I have to start studying for an exam mid January. Don’t think the crazy busy will be over till then.

Christmas will be chilled with breakfast with my parents, sister and nieces and nephews. Then a swim at the beach followed by relaxing with my parents. Been in a mixed state for a month. It was terrifying me last week but I’m happy as today. Just hope it stays that way. I was almost hospitalised last week it was that bad. Frustrating not knowing how I will feel at any given time. Just have to roll with it I guess.

Merry Christmas to all and BIG hugs to those suffering.

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Not in the greatest headspace. Feeling very guilty anymore. Kind of want to have a breakdown and cry. Trying to muster some motivation to do something.

I'm sorry you're in such a difficult space. If you feel like crying, just cry. I know it's hard with a child around, but letting it out can certainly knock the piss out of depression for a minute. BTW, what do you have to feel guilty about? From what I've read, you're an industrious person & a good parent. Be good to yourself.

[bpforever1]

Doing ok. I went out to lunch with one of my students. We also had cake. I had a great time. I am expecting my online man to arrive in two days. I will see what happens. I am not interested in getting too serious too soon. I will take my time and go with the flow. I am meeting him at the airport. We shall see if we click in person. I like him but in person things are different. The worst case is that we don't like each other. But, I am thinking we may like each other. I will be happy if this is the case. But, we won't be committing to anything serious too soon. I am going to take my time to get to know him. I had a bad marriage before and so has he. The last thing we need is another bad marriage on our hands. So, may be a year or two may be needed before we become serious. I really don't know. I like where I am. Also, I can't afford to fly to the states and meet him there. So, it presents an obstacle for the future. I am not sure he wants to keep flying to meet me here. So, I will wait and see. Tomorrow is Christmas here. Merry Xmas to all!!

[scatterbrained04]

Originally Posted by emgreen

I'm sorry you're in such a difficult space. If you feel like crying, just cry. I know it's hard with a child around, but letting it out can certainly knock the piss out of depression for a minute. BTW, what do you have to feel guilty about? From what I've read, you're an industrious person & a good parent. Be good to yourself.

I feel guilty about all the crap I've put my son through this year. I've scared him a couple times where he felt he had to put everything I could harm myself with out of my reach. I've also spent a lot of time alone in my room instead of being his mom. And I'm always yelling because I've been so irritable this year...

Also feeling guilty about this relationship thing. Like I just can't put someone else through my crap. I can't take having to feel guilty about putting another person through it. Really feel like I'm just so awful, I deserve to be alone. He deserves so much better. So it's a constant struggle for me to not break off relationships for this reason. So I've been considering doing that.

Feel like vomiting.

I never eat dinner because it can make me nauseous, but I chose to risk it and eat last night. What a horrible mistake...

I'm ok lying down, like I am right now, but sitting up and walking around makes me extremely nauseous.

I don't know why dinner does this to me, but I don't know if I can take my meds tonight. I hope I don't get withdrawal if I feel nauseous for a couple of days. Maybe ask for zofran?

It's giving me panic attacks. I had a horrible vomiting experience where I had to get rushed to the ER, so I now always panic about vomiting.

[99fairies]

I'm doing pretty good..When I get nervous I get the kind of stomach pain I have to walk bent over. The stomach pain arrived last night and hasn't let up this morning. So I'm waiting for my hubby and 17yr old gets up to help me with cleaning the house before befoer my parents come over.

[99fairies]

Blue...I'm so you are so sick! I hope you feel a lot better really soon. Big hugs.

[Unrigged64072835]

Hope you feel better, Blue.

I messed up on the cinnamon roll recipe and added too much sugar to the dough. There's too much sugar with the filling and glaze as it is. The kids will eat it though.

Waiting for daughter's boyfriend to come home from work, so we can celebrate in earnest.

[xRavenx]

I am not as congested as I was yesterday, but I just woke up and hope I don't feel worse later. I feel "empty" for some reason. Maybe it's the losses and fear about having more losses. I'm not really sure. It could be worse though. My family is doing something tonight, rather than doing much tomorrow. We are going out to eat somewhere that I haven't been before.

[hopeless2015]

Not doing much on this Christmas eve. Staying in my jammies all day. Made deviled eggs for tomorrow. Getting up going to my mom's early to help her make Christmas dinner. Hugs to all!!

[Nammu]

I'm thinking of staying in my pjs all day too. No one coming over today and nothing that needs doing till tomorrow. But mum will insist on finding something to do today after 90 years of life she's not gonna change anytime soon. So I'll be helping her with whatever she finds to do. Probably means getting the dishes out today and washing them up. The good dishes are stacked away in the cupboard for use on holidays. Wouldn't be so bad but they are so heavy.

[Tucson]

I made a trip to California with my daughter and her boyfriend. I needed to pick up a printer that I purchased on EBay. We got back at about 2 AM. So this was a long day. My daughter drove most of the way back. We had problems with the car at the middle of nowhere in the dessert. There was a gas station there where we met a helpful man. He fixed the problem. Lucky us! I am doing a little better financially. I refinanced my debts into a home equity line of credit. Now I am paying monthly much less for my debts. Before I was paying out much more than I was getting from SSDI.

Everyone have a terrfic holiday season!

[Wild Coyote]

My mother was discharged from the hospital and is home for Christmas. Amazing what doctors can do. I am very tired, as her caretaker right now.

Happy holidays to all.


WC

[sonjaward809]

Well a little update on my life. My broken foot is feeling better, it's been 2 1/2 weeks since I broke it. It only hurts when I first wake up now. I heard back from my disability lawyer and things are progressing nicely with that as well. So things are starting to look up. I'm having a mixed episode though, tons of energy but I still miss my grandma a ton so I feel depressed about that. It's a weird time in life for me right now. I also have to spend Christmas alone, which has me pretty down as well because this is my favorite holiday.

[Guiness187055]

Baking cookies with the wife. It's very hard having no other family this year. I am really down and depressed

[Victoria'smom]

I'm here for another hour and a half waiting for it to turn midnight so the kids can open their gifts. I'm so tired. I'm usually in bed by 11pm so I'm already sleepy.

[Nammu]

Had a mostly peaceful day today. Made fudge and I guess I'm ready for all the people coming tomorrow. As ready as I can be.