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#476
Dec 24, 2017, 11:19 PM
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I did pretty well today until my sinuses clogged and took me down with a sinus headache at 6pm. So I didn’t get the quiche made but whatever, it is what it is. I have muffins, bagels, and strudel for brunch tomorrow. My son passed out early thank god so Santa came and left by 9:30 pm. I thought I’d be able to get to bed early but naturally I can’t sleep now. I think I’m sleeping too late in the morning. I didn’t get up until 9:30am when my son claimed he was “starving” but couldn’t get the cereal himself (he can).
I hope I get to sleep soon. I’m sure my son will be up early. Merry Christmas to all who celebrate!
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
 Anonymous45023, bpforever1, Nammu, Sunflower123, xRavenx
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#477
Dec 25, 2017, 12:45 AM
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I ate herb roast chicken and dutch apple pie with coffee. I am happy. It was expensive but it is Christmas here. I feel ok. My online man is coming here tomorrow. I have to call him tonight to make sure he wakes up. He says I don't have to call but sometimes he does not wake up on time. I am excited. I will teach tonight since there is no holiday here. I feel pretty good. I was a little manic this morning so I took my medication and calmed down. I am thankful for what I have. It is lonely today on Christmas day. I will teach and talk to some students but my family is in the states and I have no family here. I am grateful. I will meet my online man tomorrow. I am really looking forward to meeting him. We will probably figure out if we like each other in person in the first hour or so. I can't just leave him though because I promised to be with him for five days. Oh well. This is the first time I have been visited from someone from another country. I am expecting nothing. But, I am hoping for the best. Merry Xmas!!
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| Sunflower123, xRavenx
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 Nammu, xRavenx
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#478
Dec 25, 2017, 04:39 AM
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yesterday was okay.
after the last few days I've had.. yesterday was okay. I had the right food, everything fell in to tradition and everything was alined today feeling a little depressed because of the whole no gift thing, but I also have my christmas dinner being delivered later, and I think that will be lovely was speaking to someone on the phone about it this morning, apparently their food is 5 star so that will be good |
| Anonymous45023, Sunflower123
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#479
Dec 25, 2017, 06:48 AM
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Working on getting to sleep. Haven't slept for 2 days.
__________________
"I get knocked down, but I get up again..." Bipolar 1 |
| Sunflower123, xRavenx
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#480
Dec 25, 2017, 09:31 AM
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dinner was good.
the best part of it is that I didn't actually fill myself up with junk beforehand so was able to eat it and enjoy it |
| Sunflower123, xRavenx
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| Nammu
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#481
Dec 25, 2017, 11:28 AM
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Happy, happy Christmas to all!
Even if you're alone (or feel alone), remember that you have us here. 
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| Anonymous45023, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, xRavenx
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| Nammu, xRavenx
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#482
Dec 25, 2017, 12:04 PM
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I had a nice dinner yesterday, but made the mistake of overindulging when it came to alcohol. I really didn't have all that much....just a few glasses of wine, but you know how meds really don't mix well......especially mine with Seroquel with all the sedation and fear of respiratory problems. I was afraid to take it to go to sleep after that. My night turned horrible!! I waited many hours, but since I still had stomach issues, I ended up taking half of a pill that was already an old lower dosage at like 6:30 AM! My heart was pounding and anxiety was through the roof. I seriously need to limit myself to only 1 drink every now and then with Seroquel, Lamictal, Gabapentin. I never drink when I take Klonopin PRN thank goodness. The warnings scare me a lot. No sleep throws things off big time. For New Year's, I'm going to be more careful and stay away from people who trigger.
Merry Christmas to all. 
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| Anonymous45023, Nammu, Sunflower123, Vaporeon
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| Nammu
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#483
Dec 25, 2017, 05:27 PM
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I have a roast chicken, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and peas finishing up in the kitchen. Smells good in here.
All in all today has been ok. Have had some bad moments when the depression has just been too much. Have had issues with anger and resentment. Suicidal thoughts are rattling around in my brain. Trying very hard to let myself relax and to try to find some joy. |
| Anonymous45023, emgreen, Nammu, Sunflower123, xRavenx
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| Nammu
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#484
Dec 25, 2017, 06:20 PM
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Well my day just turned to **** .. ** trigger**I found out about an hour ago one of my brothers committed suicide today ** trigger** I’m at a loss for words and can’t stop thinking about him. I just talked to him last night and he seemed upset but not enough to where he would do anything extreme. Apparently I was wrong. My family already went through one funeral in November when my grandma passed away from cancer and now this one. I’m not sure if I can handle it and might need to go IP if I get to stressed out from everything. Now every Christmas this is the memory I will have ..
__________________
Bipolar 1 GAD C-PTSD BPD |
| Anonymous45023, emgreen, Guiness187055, Nammu, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Victoria'smom, wildflowerchild25, xRavenx
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#485
Dec 25, 2017, 07:17 PM
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Quote:
WC
__________________
May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths. 
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| Sunflower123, xRavenx
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| sonjaward809
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#486
Dec 25, 2017, 07:28 PM
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Mixed feelings all day long. Feeling stressed as my mother's caretaker, while also having to take charge of the family celebration today. Weather was challenging so only had 12 ppl. which helped. Still tired from all of the late nights at the hospital, etc.
Am feeling very stressed, with much si taking over. The stress feels overwhelming, coming from all directions, It's all too much. I'd like to say it's nothing, no problem, and I'm doing fine; yet, it's not the truth. It's feeling very overwhelming, this life. I am overly tired.   WC
__________________
May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths.
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| Anonymous45023, emgreen, Fuzzybear, Nammu, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, xRavenx
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#487
Dec 25, 2017, 11:03 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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| sonjaward809
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#488
Dec 25, 2017, 11:04 PM
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Quote:
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| Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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| Wild Coyote
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#489
Dec 25, 2017, 11:08 PM
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Quote:
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| Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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| sonjaward809, Wild Coyote
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#490
Dec 25, 2017, 11:08 PM
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My family got together for a meal Christmas Eve and a good time was had by all. We got together again today to do presents. I so rarely get in a bad mood but boy howdy was I in one today! The only thing I could do was to be polite, stay very quiet and only speak when spoken to. Shortly after opening presents I excused myself and went to another room until everybody said their goodbyes and left. I’m the “nice guy” and everybody was just so confused. I feel really bad about it and so incredibly guilty and ashamed.
My sister tried to start something with me and I gave her a look and a one word answer and she shut right up. That is so unlike me. She said she was sorry I was so stressed out as she hugged me goodbye. I hope I can forgive myself at some point for being human and having human failings. Right now...not so much. I feel like a jerk. |
| Anonymous45023, Fuzzybear, Nammu, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25, xRavenx
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| Wild Coyote
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#491
Dec 25, 2017, 11:11 PM
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I had a very nice day today up until about 8 o’clock, when my grandmother snapped and started cursing at my grandpa for unplugging the light to plug in his new google home device. My grandma has low tolerance for my grandpa these days as his dementia causes him to be verbally abusive towards her. Although to be fair, he’s been an asshole just about as long as I’ve known him, so I don’t know how much is dementia and how much is his uninhibited personality. But up until then it was pleasant. I missed my brother and sister in law, who weren’t traveling due to my sister in law being heavily pregnant and due any day now. They didn’t want to be too far from the hospital. I got new pillows and a cozy jacket, among other things. Very nice.
My mood has been very good for the whole week. I am hopeful this means I have overcome my depression without bouncing into mania. I now have to figure out what to do about work. But that’s for the new year. I am relaxing with a bottle of wine and will be going to sleep shortly. I hope everyone had a tolerable Christmas!
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
| Anonymous45023, Nammu, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Vaporeon, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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| Nammu, Wild Coyote
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#492
Dec 25, 2017, 11:18 PM
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Quote:
__________________
"I get knocked down, but I get up again..." Bipolar 1 |
| Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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#493
Dec 25, 2017, 11:38 PM
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I didn't socialize much today. Did the minimum and was on my iPad a lot. If it wasn't for my family I wouldn't celebrate Christmas at all.
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| Anonymous45023, Sunflower123, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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| emgreen, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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#494
Dec 26, 2017, 12:13 AM
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I went to my exes place for dinner. That ended up with tamales and soup. I also had banana bread for dessert which I made. I have purchased a printer for the present to myself. I have been tinkering with my computers for today.
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| Sunflower123, xRavenx
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#495
Dec 26, 2017, 12:19 AM
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Quote:
Maybe there was a message, for everyone, within your behavior? Maybe you are tired of always being the "nice guy?" I am glad you can experience a full range of emotions. Self-compassion my grant you some further insight into you behavior. I imagine you were merely taking care of yourself. WC
__________________
May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths.
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| Sunflower123, xRavenx
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#496
Dec 26, 2017, 12:27 AM
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Quote:
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| Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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| Wild Coyote
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#497
Dec 26, 2017, 08:51 AM
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Sonjaward, my heart goes out to you. Words do not suffice. Much love to you going through this time.
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| Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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| sonjaward809, Wild Coyote
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#498
Dec 26, 2017, 02:32 PM
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Sonjaward, so sorry fo your loss.
Holiday fun is over, now back to reality... Had T this morning. That went okay. As usual, he validated my feelings of anger and almost got on his political soapbox. We laughed because we do that too. Husband and I are working on goals for next year. We can't slack on things anymore, they need to be done. Lots of work ahead. Have physical therapy this afternoon. Mood is wavy...some excitement, but also fear about what lies ahead. |
| Anonymous45023, Nammu, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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| Wild Coyote
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#499
Dec 26, 2017, 02:40 PM
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I feel stupid writing this, but hang in there, Sonjaward. I can understand the "body blow" you've been handed. If you're not good to yourself, it's hard to be there for others. Condolences.
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| Sunflower123, Wild Coyote, xRavenx
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| Wild Coyote
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#500
Dec 26, 2017, 05:24 PM
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I tried to make these Christmas cookies that I usually make, but for some reason, they didn't come out like they usually do.....it was kinda disappointing. I don't know what went wrong. It's the one thing I usually look forward to doing out of the holidays. I have a car problem, so I need to drop my car off at the shop. However, I have a visit with my therapist scheduled for 12:30. I can't move the appointment, so I just have to hope my car doesn't break down, then drop it at the shop afterwards. Money is getting to be really tight. I don't even know if I'll be able to afford therapy anymore. After a few more sessions, I might need to stop and just go to my pdoc visits. It's always something.
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| Anonymous45023, Nammu, Sunflower123, Wild Coyote
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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