[Naynay99]

Hey all u wonderful folks. I'm Still here. So I must be doing grand. Or
Something.
At work, sort of feel like I need to take huge gulps of air as it is claustrophobic in here, but all will be golden soon I'm sure.
I have my fav Snapple cap to play with if still feeling keyed up while teaching. It's prob annoying but I don't really give a shiit.
Anyway, happy Tuesday.

[99fairies]

I think my higher power is seeing how much I can take. My husband can still hardly move. My 8 year old was throwing up all night and my 6 year old can't move her arm without screaming, so there is no way I can change her shirt. She got a shot yesterday. I'm doing okay, just overwhelmed. I feel bad about ranting, Because I know people out there have much bigger problems than what I'm complaining about.
forgot one last thing...my dystonia is still kicking my ***.

I just don't feel right today. I can't explain it, but I just feel off.

[hopeless2015]

True story!! Not able to do any gifts this year and feeling horrible about it

[Tucson]

I made it through another day. A confrontation with a neighbor who I have known a long time rattled me. He tried to physically intimidate me. He was out of control. I know he has emotional problems, so I have always treated him well. I did this in part to keep him from becoming volitile with me. I am still shaken, and I do not know why this has effected me this much. Staring at the walls all day has not helped him put this behind me.

My daughter has been taking her final exams for the first half of her school year. I hope this works out for her. I think she is finally taking her studies seriously. I am very happy for her. I want her to succeed in work that she enjoys and helps provide her financial security. This is very important to me. I want to live long enough to see this happen for her.

Update: Oh yes, I forgot to stay I am very scared of going back to work. I do not think I am capable of handling a responsible job with any kind of stress. I have an interview tomorrow. I wish I was somewhere else.

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

True story!! Not able to do any gifts this year and feeling horrible about it

Nah, don't feel horrible about it. Not everyone can afford to buy gifts or have the time to get gifts.

Not to sound cheesy, but I think people value other people's presence more than they value presents. Memories last longer than gifts do, anyway.

[Unrigged64072835]

Another day of appointments. The dermatologist said my skin looked good and will keep me on the doxycycline indefinitely for the rosacea. I'm doing better in physical therapy, though the pain has shifted to my left side.

My daughter's boyfriend did get the 5AM-1PM shift for Christmas Eve. I'm pissed because he has time off to be with his family, but he has to screw up our traditions so he can make a few extra bucks. I don't know how to tell him without blowing up. My daughter and husband are kind of upset as well but they are handling it better than me. Just deal with it I guess.

Finally listening to holiday music, even though I'm the only one who does.

I'm just going to let things be. Still have to do the daily things.

[Naynay99]

Made it through another day of work.
The sears phone people made me cry this morning.
Then I get observed by my superoisor during one of my morning classes. I think it went okay considering I feel like a hot mess inside. Will find out tomorrow.
Had to leave early to meet the repair man again. I think my most recent problem has been resolved.

I am not sure why my reactions to life's events are so extreme lately. It's like I can't just have a blah or bad day. It has to be THE WORST DAY EVER... idk. I am worried I may be coming apart a bit at the seams.
But my coworker got me a shake to cheer me up, and another one covered my class so I could leave early. So I know I am lucky to have good friends. I just can't help feel like I keep on fuucking up this whole living thing.

Anyway, today I am gonna do laundry and clean the house. This calls for good and loud music. Sending out hugs to all who need them. Take care.

[xRavenx]

Last night, my sleep was better. Some paranoid thoughts were there before bed, and I was feeling crappy, but Seroquel knocked me out....which is really good, because when it does not knock me out, that's when I hear voices. I am hoping to get back on track with my meds to at least prevent psychosis and prevent me from becoming more and more unstable. I gave a list of my meds to a family member and my pdoc's number in case of an emergency.

[wildflowerchild25]

Wrapped all my son’s Christmas presents with my mom’s help. The last two years I’ve had to wait until Christmas Eve bc I couldn’t get time alone. So it’s nice to have them all done.

My MIL wants me to come to the cemetery on Saturday but I just can’t face it. I’ll catch up with her afterward. It’s supposed to be raining all day anyway, who is ants to stand around in a dreary cemetery.

I ordered a book on binge eating and I’m hoping it has some help for me. I’m too embarrassed to mention my eating problem to my therapist or doctor. I’ve touched on it but just gotten brushed off anyway.

I did actually have a good day mood wise so that’s good. Let’s keep em coming.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm not happy, I'm still mad as hell that I have to man the welcome desk at the Monday co-op. I found out my sisters online crush is coming and doesn't have a return flight. He's staying at her house, with her kids (and my parents) and she's never met this man. On top of that we're not having our Christmas until after he leaves. I have my doubts he'll leave. On top of all that her lease is up end of next month and she has no money or place to stay. Which then it comes down to her staying with me. I'm not letting a stranger in my house. I hope he goes home but he has no job or anything there to go back to. He just got out of jail for child support and my sister bailed him out. This can't go well.

[Tucson]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm not happy, I'm still mad as hell that I have to man the welcome desk at the Monday co-op. I found out my sisters online crush is coming and doesn't have a return flight. He's staying at her house, with her kids (and my parents) and she's never met this man. On top of that we're not having our Christmas until after he leaves. I have my doubts he'll leave. On top of all that her lease is up end of next month and she has no money or place to stay. Which then it comes down to her staying with me. I'm not letting a stranger in my house. I hope he goes home but he has no job or anything there to go back to. He just got out of jail for child support and my sister bailed him out. This can't go well.

What you stated here has boggled my mind and then some. What is going on with your sister? I am stating this rhetorically. So do not take that as an actual question. I agree that I do not think you should let any stranger in your house. I do not mean to nose into your affairs here. It is just that what you have said alarmed me.

[Lifeischallenging]

So its been a while since my last post. I figured I check in. I'm doing fine. I recently had a talk with my psychiatrist about education and where I want to pursue it. He told me to actually think about going to the UK. He liked the idea of me doing that and wasn't telling me against it; just to think about it. I have and now I don't know if I want to. I know I want college, just don't know if I want it to be over in the UK. College itself is going to be tough because paying. I'm going to have explore some financial aid options. So that is my plan.

[Naynay99]

So I went to dinner with a friend. Then cleaned and vacuumed in preparation of my parents coming tomorrow. They are arriving while I am at work. Had to change linens and move my stuff into the guest room since they are staying in my bedroom.
But I did tons of glorious laundry in my fixed washing machine and didn't have any more floods to clean up.
I think I broke the vaccum again but at least I was almost done when it happened. I feel like a fuucking superhero, having successfully cleaned my house just in the nick of time. Why did I stress all week about it- I know myself by now- and it was always not gonna get done until the 23rd hour. Bc that is how I roll. Ah well.

There is no food in the house but I'm okay with that. My mom will buy me food. She always does. All I have is apples, water, and condiments. Ah well.

Sometimes I do wonder if maybe I lowered the bar on expectations that other ppl have for me than I wouldn't suffer so much. I am always trying so hard to appear less fuucked up than I am which is exhausting. Apparently normal people don't have 20 empty boxes of cat litter forming a Great Wall up to the ceiling in their bedroom bc it's too much effort to put it outside on recycling day... I think i just can't handle the idea of people worrying about me, so I make sure to seem okay in others company. Nobody needs to see the crazy hoarders episode level mess that my house becmes when I get depressed.

Anyway I am exited to see my parents. My mom and I are going to anshow on Friday for her Xmas present.
Well happy hump day to all. Hang in there and hope we all have more good stable mood days. Hugs.

[251turnaround]

Just got out of the psych hospital. What a horrible experience. At least my mixed state is over. I feel much more balanced now, albeit a little elevated still. Lithium rocks!

[bizi]

Happy holidays to those who celebrate them. May the new year bring good health and happiness to each and every one of you!
Bizi see you next year!

[Wild Coyote]

I will be participating less for awhile. Lots going on, lots of demands, lots of stress in my life right now.

I wish everyone a blessed Holiday Season.

Much Love to All!

WC

[emgreen]

I wish you well, Wild Coyote. I hope your holidays are peaceful...without too much stress. We'll see you more in the new year, I'm sure. Take care.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by bizi

Happy holidays to those who celebrate them. May the new year bring good health and happiness to each and every one of you!
Bizi see you next year!

Happy holidays!!! See you next year.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I will be participating less for awhile. Lots going on, lots of demands, lots of stress in my life right now.

I wish everyone a blessed Holiday Season.

Much Love to All!

WC

I hope you have a blessed (and peaceful) Holiday Season as well.

[emgreen]

Screw the holidays, is my mantra. I hope you all have a pleasant one, though. The Winter Solstice is tomorrow. There's more light out there somewhere.

[-Astral-]

feel manic happy but i have to self injure or kill myself dont know whats wrong with me

[Sunflower123]

I invited my mother and daughter out to a tea house in town and then invited my niece and sister along. The stars were aligned just right and we all were able to go. It’s located in a 3 story mansion and they had 17 beautifully decorated trees. It was festive and delightful and we all had a great time. I preferred that casual, easy going event so much more than the forced atmosphere and expectations at Christmas (if that makes sense). It was really nice.

[Unrigged64072835]

At least we all have made peace with the Christmas Eve thing.

I picked up the last of my meds for this year. We went to find our favorite hot cocoa mix but the health food store stopped carrying it. We're trying something else instead based on wheat they recommended. We also had a good lunch and I picked up some music magazines. Hopefully I can stick to it this time.

I have physical therapy tomorrow afternoon, and that is it until Christmas Eve. I'm making the pie on Friday, my daughter is making cookies for a holiday party Saturday, and then we have all the food on Christmas Eve. Daughter's boyfriend said it would be cool if we go see his parents on Christmas Day, so that would be nice.

My mood is better and I'm looking forward to the weekend. I'll probably be around over the holidays. Hugs to all that want them.

[scatterbrained04]

Ugh crashing hard over here....was so out of it at work today. Second day in a row. Don't know if it's the depression and anxiety or my meds all of a sudden making me spaced out. I'm so frustrated and discouraged.

Going away to a cabin with my significant other tomorrow. Should be a relaxing time though my son is coming along. Might have to clue him in on the reason I'm so withdrawn. I think he thinks I'm somehow upset with him or something. That makes me feel so lousy on top of feeling lousy. Just don't want to spill the beans and have him wanting to talk extensively about it. Relationships are so hard when the sky is falling down around you.