[hopeless2015]

Got up this morning..car was covered in bird ****. Went to laundry mat..forgot my phone, had to run home and get it (How else would I mill time). Went to gas station next door for cigarettes, then broke the first one in half before I got it lit. Day didn't get off to a good start lol. Anyway, got the car washed and hubby took me to outback to eat. Hugs everyone!

Still doing good! Ive got an interview tomorrow and feeling optimistic

[liveforsummer]

Hello all, I’m going to take a break from PC and electronics in general.
I wish you all a happy and safe holiday season and see you in 2018!

[bizi]

I will also be taking a break from internet. see yall next year!
bizi

[Victoria'smom]

I think I'm doing better today. Not as much urgency in my thoughts. I think I’m finally going to shower. I don’t trust myself to shave so hopefully before Christmas I will. We’re going to DH’s sister’s house because his mom refuses to stay at our house. His sister is moving soon to where his mom lives. We won't see his mom again unless we go up to see her. She won't come down here anymore. It makes my husband feel very ******. I’m worried about him, and my son. My son’s friend “betrayed” him on a game and my son’s taking it really, really hard. I found out which friend he’s holding secrets for but I don’t know what she’s telling him.She’s being verbally abused by her mom I know that.

[xRavenx]

A guy that I was supposed to go out with (casually just for some company), but still, we had plans tonight. I didn't even push the plans, and he texted me this morning saying he would see me right after he drops his kids home with the mother. On the way home he texted me that he was leaving to come back to his house. Just because I got back to his text saying this 20 minutes late, all the sudden I see a text saying, "I'm going to stop by my friend's house. He wants me to have a drink with him." Then later....it's, "Oh, I drank too much. I am just going to stay here tonight."

I don't know.....this guy is 40, I expected maybe just a tiny bit more maturity? It's fine if he wants to see my friends, but I found it really rude that he made plans and even this morning confirmed them, especially since he's been texting me all week, so what's his deal? I know I am not ready for a relationship, but I feel whether it's a friend, co-worker, etc, there needs to be more respect there.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

Hello all, I’m going to take a break from PC and electronics in general.
I wish you all a happy and safe holiday season and see you in 2018!

You will be missed. See you when you get back. Happy holidays!!

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by bizi

I will also be taking a break from internet. see yall next year!
bizi

We’ll miss you. See you when you get back. Happy holidays.

[Naynay99]

Not doing so well. Have to keep it together and not lose my shiit.
Why does nothing ever seem to work out for me? I am trying to look for the silver lining but all I am seeing is hopelessness and frustration. I wish I didn't live alone so that I had somebody else to lean on and deal with the hard stuff for when I needed a break. Instead i just get crushed by the weight of it all.

It's 2 am. I am currently Watching "meow manner" and trying not to cry. At least 1 week and I have a break From work.
Oh well. Maybe tomorrow will be less sucky. Hugs to all.

[winter loneliness]

Originally Posted by bizi

I will also be taking a break from internet. see yall next year!
bizi

Good decision. I have been off FB for months.

[hopeless2015]

I just found out today that Wed through Fri next week are gift days so I'll have all next week off paid. Made my day! Hugs to all!!

[Naynay99]

The universe just gave me a giant fuuck you.
I can't keep fighting anymore when I am always on the losing side.
Im so exhausted of waiting for my luck to turn.
Why Does everything I touch have to turn to
Shiit

[99fairies]

Very shyty day.

[jmariah001]

I'm doing better right now. I am not alone which is good. Just listening to music and watching the hubby play his video game. He doesn't work til Thursday. I am happy about that. My kitty is here with me to. I did have to put my other to sleep. Stomach cancer. I still miss her. But overall good day so far. One day at a time for me. I hope everyone who is struggling has some light at the end for them.

[Unrigged64072835]

Woke up very tired and depressed. I took a nap this afternoon and feel a little better. I just wasted a day though, even though I did my usual chores and have dinner in the crockpot.

Tomorrow will be hectic, though. I suppose I should rest for all the running around.

[Tucson]

I am OK. However, Through the day, I temporarily forget what I was thinking and doing. This is not uncommon. I think it started with this new medication that is supposed to reduce my hand tremors. I cannot have this happen in my interview that is this Wednesday. But I cannot have my hand shake either. So I do not know what to do.

[99fairies]

Tucson... What side effect meds are you on. Cogentin made me very forgetful.

[scatterbrained04]

Feeling pretty rough, but my mind is surprising not too loud. My eyes are heavy though. Really want to lay around, but I'm trying to force myself to go to the grocery store since I refused to go yesterday. Depression is so awesome. Need to force myself to work on laundry too.

[xRavenx]

Last night was absolutely awful and terrifying. I was hearing voices (really loud ones), music, things in the background, really bad chatter all night long. I also had some kind of delusional thoughts that I was going to die, because I felt paranoid. Today, I have a massive headache from not getting to sleep until close to 6 AM after waiting for medications to kick in. I hope tonight isn't like that. My pdoc said to raise Seroquel.

[Naynay99]

This is the universe's hand reaching out to save me. Or maybe not...

IMG_2010.JPG

[wildflowerchild25]

Finally stepped down to three days a week at my IOP program. Thank god because I’ve had enough of the groups for real. It really gets repetitive. I’m tired of talking about coping skills. I’ve got coping skills. I need to be able to talk about what’s going on in my head. Straight up therapy would work better for me but I can’t quit IOP until I figure out what to do about work.

Speaking of work, I may have worked out an excuse as to why I want to resign mid year that a potential interviewer could understand. I still need to work it out more so it doesn’t make me look bad.

Still compulsively eating. I keep saying after the new year I’ll get back on track but I might put on another ten pounds by then and I won’t lose it very quickly, if at all. Besides I don’t see how I can get back on track on these meds. But if the meds are finally starting to work then I don’t have a choice but to be on them, especially as the med that definitely worked did the same exact thing to me.

I’m not quite done Christmas shopping but I don’t want to go back out there. People are crazy. There’s nowhere to park, even in the middle of the day. I think it’ll just be gift cards here on out.

[Naynay99]

Well I'm still alive. Didn't burn down the Xmas tree or blow up the washing machine. So there's that.
I did vacuum the LR and cleaned the kitchen (minus the floor that is covered with sopping wet towels...). So I'm slowly getting the place cleaned for my parents.
I really need to take a shower or bath, but right now the bath tub is full of wet clothes and I have no clean towels to dry off with so that may not happen any time soon.

Fuuck Sears service center. They jerked me around all afternoon and the technician never did come back like they promised, nor did they ever call me back, even with multiple calls on my end. I can't take another 1/2 day off work to deal with this.

Well I have tomorrow after work to finish cleaning up the house. My parents are staying in my room so I have to clean that room and the guest room where I will be staying and where things without a home get stashed.

My vacuum power button doesn't work so I have to duct tape it and it will work for like 10 min until the tape gets hot and stops sticking. I wonder if I can somehow glue it down and just unplug it to turn it off?? Idk. Dumb crap only I would have to deal with.

I had pizza for lunch and didn't eat dinner bc I have no food nor motivation. Idk if I am hungry. Whatever.
Take care all.

[VerMOZZica]

Another day of feeling sad and tired. I did manage to get out of bed. After lunch I folded and put my laundry today. After eating dinner I cleaned the dishes and wiped the counter tops. That was all I could manage today. I just feel so tired.

[Tucson]

It’s been a terrible time for me. Everything went downhill this evening. Do not tell anybody, but I feel like crying. For me to say this is a first for me that I can remember. I rarely feel this way at all. I am also scared about my interview this Wednesday with a company who may help me find a professional job. I want to work part time in order to keep my SSDI. I do not know how I will function on a job that is demanding at times. My brain is in a fog right now. I do not know if I will be reliable due to my MI.

Still I am happy about some things in my life, like my daughter calling me on the phone to talk to me, which is a first. My ex treats me well. I think she still cares about me. I will be in a better situation soon concerning my income and expenses. I need to acknowledge the good that is happening to me. All is not bad.

[bpforever1]

I am feeling fine. I took my daily med. Tomorrow, I meet my college friend who I have not met in 20 years. I am so excited!! She, of course, is doing well. She has two kids and is married. I am happy for her. I told her about my illness so she understands my situation. I hope we are not shocked by our appearances. I am really looking forward to seeing her again. Time has flown by. I used to be a gunner in college but then I became mentally ill right afterwards. I did well in college was near a 4.0 average. I also aspired to become a doctor but am not. I am not mad at my life but am thankful for what I have. Situations can change rapidly and can be out of one's control. I have no regrets. Of course, if I had been mentally stable, I may have become a doctor. But, fate dealt me a different deal. I am happy to be alive and relatively healthy. I could have, would have, should have are all behind me now. I am what I am today. I am not ashamed. I can say that my life was like a roller coaster. I am grateful for all that I am and have. Sometimes, you don't get what you want but get what you need. I don't think with a severe mental illness I would have been a good doctor. I am used to taking it easy now and can't imagine being under much stress. So, I am thankful for what I am doing now. I feel good about myself.

My online man and I are meeting in a week!! I am also excited about this. He is so sweet still. I hope we become a couple forever. I talk to him daily and feel good about him. He is my Christmas present. Hopefully, the best present I will have received for Christmas.