[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by vertigo

Our internet contract lapsed. After several days without web access, we've decided to drop it completely and just run hotspots from our phones for laptop access. I don't like change and don't like what we've had to do. I'm not feeling well, but I don't think it is depression, just disappointment.

This Friday I have ECT, so I'm starting to get anxious about that again.

Anyhow, I should say that I will likely be reading and posting less frequently now. I will also say that I will miss you and think about you all.

I miss you already!
Looking forward to your posting whenever you can, Will be thinking of you!

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bizi

This truly is a new year for me.
I can not say enough about how grateful I am for my life right now.
Between the zyprexa and the naltrexone my cravings for alcohol have diminished ten fold, and I feel like I can diet again and lose this weight.
I finally feel stable.
It has been so long since I have felt this way.
I thank you all for your support and encouragement.

bizi

FANTASTIC!
I am very happy for you!

Much Love,
WC

[Wild Coyote]

Had a god day!

My nephew and his wife came by. Enjoyed their visit very much!
Game loss for the Bills.

Love to All!

WC

[bpforever1]

I had a good day. I taught a student then rested. I also applied to two jobs. I am doing well. I took my medication as usual. I will take a rest again and look at the other courses. Tomorrow, I want to go out and buy some copy paper, printer ink, and some notebooks. I also want to buy coffee bags. Hopefully, I will return and then start doing these other courses. I am happy!!

yesterday I did someone a favour... was online with a lady called abby comforting her after a breakup

well, it turns out, abby is BP as well, and she was looking for support- so I mentioned this site to her, but she's not sure about it yet.

anyway.. we ended up spending most of the evening sending messages back and fourth and at the end swapped email addresses, so it was an okay evening.

I did feel suicidal a little bit and wanted to cut, but she talked me down and made me promise I wouldn't do it (and I didn't, so I'm proud of myself for that)

today I thought would be an okay day, but actually I feel quite low and suicidal.

not really any plans for today- shower this afternoon (maybe, if I can be bothered), but just watch tv and post here

tara wants to talk to me tonight because she's back from her christmas trip with her boyfriend, but you know what?

I don't think I can be bothered

that friendship had it's time a long time ago

[bizi]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

yesterday I did someone a favour... was online with a lady called abby comforting her after a breakup

well, it turns out, abby is BP as well, and she was looking for support- so I mentioned this site to her, but she's not sure about it yet.

anyway.. we ended up spending most of the evening sending messages back and fourth and at the end swapped email addresses, so it was an okay evening.

I did feel suicidal a little bit and wanted to cut, but she talked me down and made me promise I wouldn't do it (and I didn't, so I'm proud of myself for that)

today I thought would be an okay day, but actually I feel quite low and suicidal.

not really any plans for today- shower this afternoon (maybe, if I can be bothered), but just watch tv and post here

tara wants to talk to me tonight because she's back from her christmas trip with her boyfriend, but you know what?

I don't think I can be bothered

that friendship had it's time a long time ago

Please call your health care provider. Do you have a therapist?
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[99fairies]

Feeling very overwhelmed this morning. The kids go back to school today and I will miss them. I feel so low. I know I went pretty high last week, I just hope I don't fall too low now.

[Monkeybutt1313666]

Hmmmmm what to write??? Good morning! Up since 330 and drew a mona lisa then some calvin and hobs. Had some tea .

[incogneo]

I return to the forums to hopefully give myself a little clarity and a place to breathe while I deal with an anxiety ridden time in my life. I am not in a good place when it comes to my career. I recently changed jobs over the summer (same company, sort of a promotion) and it's been one headache after another ever since I made the transition. I tried to carry myself differently with this group of people I am working with now, but sadly my inability to properly read social situations has caused me a lot of unwanted stress.

I confided in an individual that I will refer to as "Spoon". This is because this person is the spoon stirring the pot. Spoon said they felt sorry for me as an individual in the group in that I was being underutilized and the position I was in didn't fully cover all of my skills and abilities. I bought into their talks, and ultimately expressed my own frustrations with the position. Eventually these feelings made their way to upper management as "rumors", word for word as Spoon said them. I was called into a meeting with my direct supervisor and manager. I was so upset I cried. While I was not in trouble - who gets in trouble for hating their job???? - it surely burned a bridge and made my time with the company appear to be on shortened terms.

I have been actively looking since that moment a month ago, meanwhile Spoon continues to meddle with me and try to get me caught in various compromising opinions about my job. I simply refuse to discuss work with Spoon out of fear the next conversation I have will be a verbal / written warning leading up to my dismissal.

[Victoria'smom]

Went to pick up my son school books. It was $150 less then we expected. So I won't have to ask for gas money this month. We might be okay this month.

[xRavenx]

Last night, I had symptoms of a panic attack with some paranoia. I was feeling sensitive to every little noise and felt like I was losing control. When I did finally fall asleep with the help of meds, I was dreaming about a visit at my pdoc and that she was taking my medication away from me. Therefore, it was not the most relaxing rest. At least it was a dream.

[Unrigged64072835]

The whole family is down with colds now. I'm watching my husband, as he has MS and he's taking immunosuppressive drugs. If his immune system is too low he can have some really bad infections.

Started school again today. I'm retaking an online class I withdrew from last term because I got anxious and overwhelmed. I'm doing better now so we'll see.

Saw T today, and talked a bit about how anger is popping up now, and how to deal with it. It's not like irritable mixed feeling. It just seems my temper has been shortened. I will keep writing and maybe do some other things with it.

We're starting to do some financial/time management planning and it seems to work out okay. We're now seeing where the money is going and maybe we can get some of our debt down.

Beside the crabbiness, my mood has been good. Just want to be over this cold.

[scatterbrained04]

Right now I feel alright. Earlier I felt very depressed and angry. Not sure what my deal is. I'm consistently depressed but also on a bit of a rollercoaster. Don't know if a small increase of my mood stabilizer would help? This is so irritating.

[99fairies]

I do not need a lecture, but I took some sleeping pills this afternoon to try and sleep away this crappy day, but no sleep...now just crabby. Stupid me.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

The whole family is down with colds now. I'm watching my husband, as he has MS and he's taking immunosuppressive drugs. If his immune system is too low he can have some really bad infections.


Started school again today. I'm retaking an online class I withdrew from last term because I got anxious and overwhelmed. I'm doing better now so we'll see.


Saw T today, and talked a bit about how anger is popping up now, and how to deal with it. It's not like irritable mixed feeling. It just seems my temper has been shortened. I will keep writing and maybe do some other things with it.


We're starting to do some financial/time management planning and it seems to work out okay. We're now seeing where the money is going and maybe we can get some of our debt down.


Beside the crabbiness, my mood has been good. Just want to be over this cold.

I hope you guys feel better soon.

[Cocosurviving]

My night meds leave me dragging in the AM so I have not been taking them. Falling asleep is hard and the next morning I’m dragging. I had to take a nap today and was not able to get things done on my to-do-list. I’m trying to eat healthier and it seems I get the munchies at night. I have an appt with pdoc next week. I’m going to ask to go back on Topamax. My mood today was pretty decent.

tara never showed up (she's learning!)

I also got my shower done yesterday which is something that can be ticked off the list.

today I am having some groceries arive (as yesterday I finished off what was in the house, my overeating is wayyyyy out of control!) and I'm not really sure how I feel yet.

it's really too early to say.. it's 7 40 A.M, and even though I've been up for hours, I don't know how I feel.

well I guess a little better than yesterday, as i've not had any hopeless thoughts.... yet..

[bpforever1]

I am doing fine. I ate a burrito again with lemon soda. I am stuffed. I also took my medication. I went out and bought stuff for my courses. Now, I am ready to tackle them again. I am feeling well. I have not heard from the jobs yet because they are going to open on the 11th of January. I am hoping for interviews again but we shall see.

[Moreta]

Finally slept. Feel a lot better. Me and my husband went and ran errands yesterday. Our pipes were still frozen so we went and took showers at the gym, then he dropped me off at the herbalife club so i could get lunch while he went to drop off packages at FedEx and get some lunch. Then we went to the juice shop, then the library. The library didn't have the book I wanted so I got them to transfer it there, so it'll be a couple days before I get it. I also put the book Fire and Fury on hold. hehehe. They didn't even have it yet cause it's on order. I can't wait. People keep telling me about it.

Today I'm gonna go to the herbalife club for lunch and spend time hanging out with my husband. He found out he's leaving on the 21st, so we still have some time to hang out this month. He needs to see his pdoc before he leaves so hopefully he can get in. Apparently his pdoc is known as Dr. Pills. lmao. That cracks me up so much.

Hugs to those who need them. Hope y'all have a good day.

[incogneo]

I struggled so much last year to get a new job that when I finally got one I didn't like what I was going to be doing. Months of applying, being rejected, interviewing, being rejected, to finally getting an offer weighed heavily on me. I guess my wife was right in saying that I was just excited to get a job and took the one offer that came across after everything else I tried failed.

Last night I felt shaky and didn't feel right. I can't quite describe it. I wasn't sure if it was nerves, anxiety, low blood sugar, etc. My wife freaked out on me and said that it was possibly me entering another episode and that I shouldn't change jobs because I'm not ready to. She says I didn't take the time to do enough research on the companies I'm applying for because ONE employer I applied to is known for layoffs and I didn't have a fast enough rebuttal. Honestly I need the interview experience, so even if that job wouldn't pan out I would have another interview under my belt.

I just want back to a familiar routine. A job I can go into each day knowing I have work to do and I'm capable of completing it all in the eight hours I'm paid to do so. A lot of jobs do that, mine doesn't. It also has to pay decently with good benefits. My wife is a stickler for health benefits - if they aren't up to snuff I can't accept the job. Period. While benefits are benefits our current financial situation is fragile and additional expenditures due to higher cost of health insurance could undermine our budget.

So I feel...trapped. Right now I just want to walk out of the office and never come back. I hate my job this much. I doubt my wife will ever understand it. I doubt anyone will ever understand it. I should have never left my old position, no matter how much I felt I needed to move on.

[hopeless2015]

Doing pretty good. My husband has a job interview Fri morning. He also got a payment arrangement on his motorcycle so that's a little over $200 a month until April freed up.

I haven't missed much work since my last ip stay and med change so I'm really caught up and starting on a project that's been on hold for quite awhile, that feels good

Hugs to everyone!!

[CloserToTheMid]

Struggling. paranoia. anxiety. hypomania. thinking about moving my visit with pdoc up a little.

[99fairies]

I feel better than yesterday. Had a panic attack over absolutely nothing this morning. I don't think this depression is going to go on for very much longer, so that is encouraging.

[Sunflower123]

Got my surgery done and over with yesterday. Sleeping a lot and in pain but really grateful everything went well. The surgeon said we may need to go in one more time.

Sending hugs to those that are struggling.

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Got my surgery done and over with yesterday. Sleeping a lot and in pain but really grateful everything went well. The surgeon said we may need to go in one more time.

Sending hugs to those that are struggling.

Jennifer- thank you for the update! I've been thinking about you. I am so pleased to hear that you are OK, and I'm crossing my fingers that you are done!