[giddykitty]

I'm reading as much as I can, but just realize my issues make it hard for me to always be "present" and responsive as I'd like to be, so I just don't react at all sometimes. But I'd just like to remind everyone that I'd always like to give each of you what you need. Don't we all?! So *hugs* or sympathies to everyone!

in other news,

and just like that, today has been better! i had to demand that we hold off on doing taxes though. with the anxiety lifted, ive been so much better, but i know life doesn't work like that and as i've been reading, i'm probably going to have my theraputic efforts focused on this notion of tolerating distress. I absolutely can't do this on my own though. This thought terrifies me, particularly because of my physical heath issues, so I really hope I'll get good help!

I felt good when i woke up and took a shower and got my dog out to the park. But then i started studying Scrabble and got frustrated even tho i actually did okay. One of the words i couldn't anagram was the word OBVIOUS -- ironic! Ha! It's a toughie tho.

I got a couple texts from a woman i usually chat with at Scrabble club. I didn't go this week and she said she missed me and asked if i was alright. So that was nice. Someone was concerned about me and took action to contact me. I guess we're casual friends? I really admire her and i like her attention!

[jacky8807]

still fighting the depression and anxiety and all the dark bleak thoughts that like to come alone with it. My chest is heavy and my soul is weary but continue on I must. Lots of college stuff coming up for my oldest son and of course my 11 year old always has stuff going on and needs tending to so I am marching along. Id rather have my head under the covers while staring at the wall but the show must go on.
I am sending good vibes to everyone who is dealing with the dark side of bipolar and hope a new spring wait for us all.
Thanks to everyone and thanks to this site for always being a light to turn on in the darkness

Jacky

it has been a productive morning

that's good

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m back to mild mixed today. Anxiety through the roof. Police paranoia and general paranoia. I felt like people were following me in the convenience store because I took cash out. I though I was going to get jumped for my cash. Uuuugh Ativan not helping.

Still talking to tinder guy but I don’t want to dump this **** on him since we haven’t even met yet. Trying to appear normal which is easy through text.

Hypomania was fun but I’m getting tired of the racing thoughts. I feel like I can’t remember anything and time is just ebbing and flowing. I ddidnt even know what date it was today. I can’t keep track.

Only one more day then the weekend. I can make it.

[-Astral-]

Feeling so ****ing good lol

[hopeless2015]

Doing pretty good, the sun is shining here and that always makes me feel better. I don't wanna be at work lol

HUGS to everyone!!

[Tucson]

My brain is not functioning. I am having trouble using my new phone. I can not figure out how to hang it up after I make a call. Well, maybe I will get better quickly enough just in time for job interviews that are most likely to come my way, quite possibly in the near future.

I do not know what I am going to do. I have become a bit emotionally unstable. I am still hanging together, but I do not know where this is all coming from. I should be happier than I am, but I am not. I need to get out of my house and do something, something that is not going to cost me any money. Maybe I should hike to the closest restaurant a couple miles from here, and drink water. I think I am going crazy. No matter what happens, I cannot go IP. I must survive this on my own. This needs to be possible.

Struggling badly.

[Unrigged64072835]

Hugs to those that want them.

Tuscon, the hardest part of having a child is letting them go and watch them make bad decisions. I had to go through this with my daughter as well. I think her brains kicked in around 19-20, after living with her boyfriend, going to college and working. She has matured a lot in the past year or two. I think it's also because we're not buying her things anymore except for Christmas and her birthday. She's really frugal with money--I wish I was at her age.

Picked up my regular meds (Lipitor and Xanaflex) this morning. Was going to vacuum the floors but now too tired to. So I've been writing poems and surfing the Net, as usual. Found that yogurt does calm my stomach down so I may do that for a while.

Fashion show is tomorrow afternoon. I can't wait!

[wildflowerchild25]

I might be calming down? Still euphoric, but exhausted from work and not as racey. I think I’m stabilizing. Morning anxiety aside. I hope it stays like this for awhile. We will see.

[wildflowerchild25]

Good morning all!!! I do think I’m calming down still. Little spurts if energy but this an I’m not completely wired so that’s good. Hope everyone has a fabulous day!

[pirilin]

I'm thinking, I'm doing, I'm more tolerant. I'm happy. I love myself. Anything else I can do for you?.

[scatterbrained04]

Got swept up in emotion and got very overwhelmed. Went back to bed. Figure I probably ought to get up now and carry on about my day. I'm getting so frustrated.

[giddykitty]

^ been there!

I was in bed literally all day yesterday from physical pains (cramps). This **** needs to end apparently, because I cant have a normal life like this. (I think about the even less fortunate though. Like ones without limbs or other serious debilitating ailments. Cant people just accept I need to be in bed all day once a month!?! ...i dunno. Of course I wanna be better!! But what if it into in the cards?! It puts way more stress on me than just accepting this challenge-although yesterday really was a pain! Shudders!)

Sorry for anyone uncomfortable with this girl talk stuff. Trust me, I'd rather not have to talk about this, but this is a really big problem for me.

To continue my status though, I'm "grateful" it's over-ish for now! And there's more sunshine today!!

[leomama]

Going to see my t today.
Wondering if anyone is reading my check ins?
Anyways doing two weeks of laundry today.
Stressed out and still dealing with this rash. Now I’m wondering if it’s a reverse lamictal rash as I’m going down. Maybe it’s my body purging itself of the drug. I’d ask my p doc but he’s busy so I’ll ask my primary care doc.
Frustrated too but I now accept I’m an independent liberated feminist divorced mother . Oh well.

[wildflowerchild25]

I don't know why I have so much trouble with this. All my other medications I accept that I need them and that I feel much better with them, but when it comes to taking the benzo I just don't want to. However, my anxiety is so extreme these days that it truly feels like torture. They euphoric hypomania seems to have subsided and I feel relatively normal today, but I just had a major anxiety attack, one of the worst I've had in a while. Major fear that I was going to get pulled over and arrested, major fear that I was going to get in an accident, out of body feelings, which led to panic. I barely made it home without breaking down and crying. As soon as I parked the car I took an ativan. and all the rest of my meds that I forgot to take last night and this morning.

I just want to try so hard not to use the benzo and I feel like a failure when I do. Doesn't make any sense since I use all the rest of my meds no problem and don't feel like a failure for those. But the benzo...I just feel like I should be able to handle it on my own.

[leomama]

I’m wondering how many people blocked me on this thread. Guess I’ll never know. I’m just talking to myself.

[Unrigged64072835]

Well, I did it. And I was hyper afterwards but seem to have calmed down.

So, this is me. I bought the skirt, but not the shirt or jacket. I didn't have makeup on--I have yet to find makeup that I'm not scratching off my face in an hour. Even "hypoallergenic" makeup doesn't work. I don't like how I look now, but I live with it.

Had pizza and root beer afterwards, and felt good about the day.

Mood is okay.

[Wild Coyote]

Saw my pdoc yesterday. He has increased my stimulant med: Adderall. I am hoping it helps. He'd explained more to me about my depression and my being severely affected by C-PTSD over and above, which makes it difficult-to-impossible to treat the depression.

My niece came for lunch today and stayed 4 hours. We had fun... again!
She's a sweetheart! She is 30 y.o. now! Unbelievable.

I had a video chat with my nephew. He is an Army medic in Afghanistan. He's working nights right now, so it's easy for him to chat with us, in the U.S.

I hope everyone is having a reasonably good day!


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Well, I did it. And I was hyper afterwards but seem to have calmed down.

So, this is me. I bought the skirt, but not the shirt or jacket. I didn't have makeup on--I have yet to find makeup that I'm not scratching off my face in an hour. Even "hypoallergenic" makeup doesn't work. I don't like how I look now, but I live with it.

Had pizza and root beer afterwards, and felt good about the day.

Mood is okay.

CONGRATULATIONS! You did it!!!

What a great picture!!!



Thanks so much for sharing!

WC

I'm having a difficult time motivating myself to do things today. I don't think I'm depressed, though. I just feel like my brain is fried and that I can't figure out what I want to do, as I feel like I have nothing to do.

I'm just bored of doing the same ol' same ol'. I just want to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, I guess. I hate winter and everything involved with it. Like, there's nothing interesting to do here because of all the snow interfering with things. I'm also in the middle of nowhere now (ever since I moved) with not many places to go in general, besides shopping places maybe, but I don't want to do that.

I feel pathetic

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I'm having a difficult time motivating myself to do things today. I don't think I'm depressed, though. I just feel like my brain is fried and that I can't figure out what I want to do, as I feel like I have nothing to do.

I'm just bored of doing the same ol' same ol'. I just want to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, I guess. I hate winter and everything involved with it. Like, there's nothing interesting to do here because of all the snow interfering with things. I'm also in the middle of nowhere now (ever since I moved) with not many places to go in general, besides shopping places maybe, but I don't want to do that.

I feel pathetic

Invite your sister or others over for dinner or over for a pizza and a movie?
Have you ever tried to find people with similar interests through meetup.com?

I see my nieces and nephews fairly often. They come by a lot. (I am a lot older, though, so they are adults.) It's fun to have people in.

When's your first "dinner party?"


WC

[scatterbrained04]

Never did start to feel any better today. Guess I'm back to crashing every few days. At least I had a month reprieve from it.

[giddykitty]

To those (also) wondering if folks read their posts, I come in and out. I can't always focus so much attention to read everything, but I try to do a fair job. And if, in the future I don't react, I may still have read a post...or maybe not. ha! I know saying this might not be helpful, but I'm trying to say that people still and do care, including myself, even if I'm in my own world a lot of times. :P

I've been on more today because I'm excited about sharing blogs with folks. If anyone here sees this, has a WordPress account and wants to add me, send me a message. (I'm sure the link would get lost in this thread, but I'm still a bit shy about sharing it to everyone just yet so, PM please. Thanks!)

Have a good weekend everyone!