[Wild Coyote]

((((((( gabyunbound ))))))

[Cocosurviving]

My anxiety is really high. I was able to eat some oatmeal this morning. I did get my younger daughter to school this morning. I’m on pins and needles that she behaves her self at school the rest of the week.

Yesterday I was so energetic and felt great. That was maybe even a very small touch of low-grade happy hypomania after what was a bad mixed episode. Today my mood is fine, but I'm rather lethargic. The night before last I took my increased dose of Seroquel XR and it beautifully removed the mix, but left the good stuff. Last night it really hit me with the sedation. Actually, both hubby and I clocked a lot of zzzzs. Maybe I slept too much and that's part of the problem.

[Cocosurviving]

I have some good news to share. My complex was raising my rent by $33 its time to renew my lease in July. We worked things out and my rate will be $20 more per month instead of $33. Yesterday the sent over the lease electronically via e-mail.
I read over everything and electronically signed it on my iPad. I received a confirmation that it was submitted and how many pages. I took a screenshot of that. I just walked my dog. I ate a yogurt and took two Visatril. I’m watching Hot Bench.

Today is the day of the phone interview, assuming the recruiter doesn't flake on me again. I'm super nervous. Practicing hard as hell right now. Hoping I'll make it to the next stage of the interview process...

I have no idea what this lady is going to ask. That's the nerve-wracking part of it all. I'm not so nervous about speaking. I'm nervous about giving the right answers and being able to show who I am. I want to be fully prepared.

I already got screwed at a phone interview back in college because I had no idea what to say to the lady who was interviewing me. (Not the same lady here.) She was confusing me and cut me off all the time. I wasn't rambling either. She just kept cutting me off. She was mean, honestly.

Fingers crossed! Wishing you luck, blue!

[Cocosurviving]

Good luck Blue!

[bizi]

good luck blue and report back.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[liveforsummer]

Good luck blue!

[giddykitty]

well that's it. I managed to psych myself out. Just when i need help/support, i'm afraid or awkward and don't know how to ask for it. I'm trying to wean myself off a Facebook addiction, but that's where i feel most comfortable...and even that, I feel so awkward or depressed sometimes.

I still don't know what's wrong with me or if there's any hope of recovery. I've already axed two therapists, getting frustrated that I'm not really making progress. however, at least I don't think I'm any worse off since that, so maybe I was right. Life is just hard and sucking right now. Of course I'm gonna be moody! bleh.

edit: sadly i've gotta say it. coming on here is depressing me. It's not you guys. I think...I wonder if this is my hypomanic-the dysphoric feeling. I get impatient with myself and i either go off in some rant or I don't say anything at all and hate on myself for wasting time. This has happened before. I'm really looking for a place, but sadly i can't seem to find it, or I just don't know what I'm doing to make my way anywhere. Maybe this is that emptiness or confusion of myself that is related to borderline. hmm, should i post there?? Gah! I feel like such a fraud not knowing what's going on with me and posting about things I've no clue about. ...ok, i'd better stop.

[giddykitty]

you can do it, blue!

edit: oh, i posted a rant before this, folks.

Thanks guys

Interview with the recruiter went well. There are two more rounds, so I hope I do a good job. I think the recruiter was more nervous than me, though. lol!

I'm supposed to get materials to prep me for the second (next) round of the interview. That part is a little scary because it's a 45-min phone call and I'm supposed to program a bunch of things for them during that 45-min call. (They use a Skype-like thing.) But I obviously won't know what I have to program until the interview. They're just going to give me a broad sense of what to expect.

Alsoooo, I might not have to relocate to California, so we'll see. I might be able to stay in Boston. That's such a relief! But she said there's no guarantees. She's going to ask.

I hope something good becomes of this.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m so exhausted with only four hours sleep. I was fine until I came home and laid down. But I’m SO exhausted that I can’t even sleep. Which is good because my son wants to play outside (after he’s done being mad at me).

I think my interview went very well but of course there’s always the issue of someone else having more experience than me. So we will see. I’m praying hard for this job. It seems like something I can do without having a mental breakdown every six months. Not easy but not that stressful either. I’m hoping hoping hoping they give me a chance. This one feels right. The other two didn’t.

I know if this one doesn’t work out then something, someday will. Now I’m doubting myself and thinking once again I’ll never get another job. Ugh with the back and forth.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by giddykitty

well that's it. I managed to psych myself out. Just when i need help/support, i'm afraid or awkward and don't know how to ask for it. I'm trying to wean myself off a Facebook addiction, but that's where i feel most comfortable...and even that, I feel so awkward or depressed sometimes.

I still don't know what's wrong with me or if there's any hope of recovery. I've already axed two therapists, getting frustrated that I'm not really making progress. however, at least I don't think I'm any worse off since that, so maybe I was right. Life is just hard and sucking right now. Of course I'm gonna be moody! bleh.

edit: sadly i've gotta say it. coming on here is depressing me. It's not you guys. I think...I wonder if this is my hypomanic-the dysphoric feeling. I get impatient with myself and i either go off in some rant or I don't say anything at all and hate on myself for wasting time. This has happened before. I'm really looking for a place, but sadly i can't seem to find it, or I just don't know what I'm doing to make my way anywhere. Maybe this is that emptiness or confusion of myself that is related to borderline. hmm, should i post there?? Gah! I feel like such a fraud not knowing what's going on with me and posting about things I've no clue about. ...ok, i'd better stop.

I say you post wherever you feel is best, honestly. If you feel bp is more comfortable, post here, even if you end up getting a bpd dx. Plenty of people cross post. I hope you start to feel more comfortable soon.

[Faltering]

I'm feeling a bit calmer today. I think the evil entity is finally starting to die. I keep getting images of it dying mixed with the same taunts.

I've noticed I keep getting migraines since increasing the dose. I've been making sure to eat enough to help with absorption, so I don't think it's from hunger. I hope this isn't a pattern.

[Unrigged64072835]

Just a quick note before my battery runs out--

We took my daughter's cat to the local animal ER. She looked like she was in pain and very lethargic. Vet said she was dehydrated and had a low white blood cell count, but no FIV or feline leukemia. It might be a viral infection so all we could do is supportive care. All that for $500 and four hours. Don't know what was worse, the cat freaking out or the daughter freaking out. It could've been worse; there was another cat in for his second round of chemo.

Tomorrow is regular T and meds. Hopefully no more runs to the vet.

I'm relieved but exhausted.

[Cocosurviving]

I picked up my younger daughter from school. Then we went to the grocery store. I just grabbed a few things for today and tomorrow. I’m watching a little tv trying to stay relaxed. Tomorrow is my daughter’s last day of school. I’m nervous about her report card. Fingers crossed

[pirilin]

The world was made for me to enjoy.

[wildflowerchild25]

I forgot to take my morning meds so I took night and morning together. That gives me ten mgs of haldol at once but I don’t think it will matter. Haldol doesn’t sedate me. I wish it would though, I need sleep and I’m not close to sleeping yet.

[Lifeischallenging]

Had an interesting chat with my pdoc today. He is very friendly. He helps me a lot. It was conversation about finding a job. I mean like an entry level position, something other than supermarket. I'm happy I have something, but I want more. I've been with my current job for 5 and a half years. But he told me all I can do is keep trying. From past news, I had an interview with cellular phone company. I didn't get the job though. Feel a little down, but I have to keep trying. My pdoc increased my dose again this time to 1350 mg. That might make me feel a little drowsy with all the medication I'm on. But I going to give it a try. My lithium levels were really low. I've seen an extreme weight gain in me recently. I'm having a hard time loosing the weight. My pdoc said he will address the metformin not working in a month. He is also thinking taking me off Lithium and putting me on Latuda. Does anyone have tips for about Latuda?

[Merlin]

Originally Posted by Lifeischallenging

Had an interesting chat with my pdoc today. He is very friendly. He helps me a lot. It was conversation about finding a job. I mean like an entry level position, something other than supermarket. I'm happy I have something, but I want more. I've been with my current job for 5 and a half years. But he told me all I can do is keep trying. From past news, I had an interview with cellular phone company. I didn't get the job though. Feel a little down, but I have to keep trying. My pdoc increased my dose again this time to 1350 mg. That might make me feel a little drowsy with all the medication I'm on. But I going to give it a try. My lithium levels were really low. I've seen an extreme weight gain in me recently. I'm having a hard time loosing the weight. My pdoc said he will address the metformin not working in a month. He is also thinking taking me off Lithium and putting me on Latuda. Does anyone have tips for about Latuda?

Latuda is supposed to be taken with 350 calories, so most people take it with supper. Although in my case, it makes me too drowsy if I take it a supper so my pdoc and I decided I'll take it with a small snack at bedtime and we won't worry about the 350 calorie number. I think it works for me, though I did have to supplement it with valproate.

[Tucson]

Originally Posted by Merlin

Latuda is supposed to be taken with 350 calories, so most people take it with supper. Although in my case, it make be too drowsy if I take it a supper so my pdoc and I decided I'll take it with a small snack at bedtime and don't worry about the 350 calorie number. I think it works for me, though I did have to supplement it with valproate.

NOW someone tells me.

I am here. I went walking today for four miles, and did really well. I rewarded myself with a personal 8” pepperoni pizza with Pepsi. I am thinking of half a slice of pie with ice cream, but I do have to watch my calories better than that. My air conditioning has not worked since last summer. I am too cheap to get it fixed.

My friend in another state is suppose to get the first installment on a contract that he has signed with his new client. We have been waiting for this to happen for close to a year now. Once he gets the money, which I am not really sure will happen, he is going to give me some money on a regular basis. I told him that I want to work for it, that I will do whatever he wants me to do. He is telling me and insists he will not let me work for him. I asked him what am I supposed to do about this. He told me to volunteer somewhere. LOL Once I get a good paying job, I will then not permit him to send me any more money. I will then begin to pay him back despite him not wanting me to.

It has been a wild ride for him. I do vicariously live through his adventures. This takes my attention off my small pathetic meaningless rudderless life. Meeting with a member of the royal family in Quatar? Meeting with a King and his Prime Minister of some small country in Africa? Meeting with the Minister of Foriegn Affairs of the Dominican Republic? This has been quite an adventure to me, er, I mean him. I am very proud of him! At least one of us is successful. No possible way it has been or will ever be me.

[bizi]

Tuscon...YOU LIVE IN ARIZONA WITHOUT AIR CONDITIONING?????
bizi

[pirilin]

So it's after 12:AM so I can check in again.
No worries, I slept thru the whole afternoon and part of the night.
And I'm going back to the sack right now. Nite nite.

[jmariah001]

Dealing with a lot of anxiety lately. They are doing a review of my ssdi case to see if I am still disabled. I hope everything turns out okay. I still can't work. It will all depend on what my therapist and pdoc says. My condition hasn't gotten any better. Matter of fact my anxiety has gotten worse over the years. I am going to ask my pdoc if she will give me something for my anxiety. I take paxil daily but I think I need something to take when the anxiety gets to be too much. Something like maybe ativan. I am scared they will stop it. If they do I will lose my health insurance and prescription coverage. Things will really be bad then. I am barely holding it together right now as it is. Just feeling scared.