Since #26 reached its limit...

(I'm not up for saying any more at this point. Maybe later. Except, since you asked cln, I'm ....safe. Basically. Lots of intrusive images, but it'll be alright I think. )

[Nammu]

Thanks for noticing and starting a new thread innerzone, especially when yer not feeling your best.

Plots are thickening here. As everyone is sick of hearing me whining about, I screwed up twice and nuked three longtime friends. I got bipolar and results were predictably suboptimal. I have only two longtime friends left on the island, a woman prone to sudden psychotic explosions and a sadistic cryptosexual. I'm doomed. Send help.

[Blueberrybook]

I posted to the check-in right as the limit was reached, and my post was lost...

I had a busy day today. I couldn't run, which made me anxious, but I did manage just enough time to walk 2 miles. If I had run, I wouldn't have had time to shower and would have been dripping sweat at the pdoc's. Saw the pdoc, who gave me low dose 25 mg Seroquel to try to help with those drawn out panic attacks I've been having, so long as I'm not driving or about to drive. We'll see how that works. He didn't seem super concerned about the ED stuff or the dissociation. Then, he says to come back in a week. So I don't know.

I saw the PCP, who has known me for over 14 years and has seen me through ups and downs, a pregnancy, a fairly bad relapse and recovery. She did send me for bloodwork (was honest & told her about the excessive running) because losing too much weight too rapidly can cause things like electrolyte imbalances. I also didn't realize that the latest bloodwork she had was requested not that long post surgery, when I first started seeing the new pdoc (maybe early April). It had some small abnormalities in it, but they were all things to be expected post-ulcer surgery. However, whatever tests she ordered today, they took 6 vials of blood. Thank God I didn't need to be fasting because I still almost passed out (it's always about 50/50).

The PCP had a social worker come in, who did give me some paperwork about helping with mortgages in times of hardship, so I will gather what I need, and call them tomorrow to see if anything can be done to help.

I had a lot of errands to run afterwards, and it seemed to take forever. Between that and chores, I had about 10 minutes to myself until I had to pick my daughter up from school. I pick her up as a walker, and wouldn't you know it, a horrible thunderstorm passed through, the kind with tons of thunder & lightning. It was too late in the day to change my daughter's status leaving school from a walker to a car rider, so we braved it, and I got soaked. I also found my daughter outgrew her rain boots, so I'll have to go shopping for a new pair tomorrow.

I don't really know what my mood is like. So-so I guess. I've been too busy to think beyond the next errand or chore which is maybe good when things are so stressful. I haven't had any down time once I got my daughter up for school until now.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I finished my 4 days of higher dose clozaril Saturday night. Yesterday I was still pretty tired. Today I was less tired but maybe not in a good way.

At one point I had to admit to my therapist I was still talking but had no idea what the question was. Other symptoms of hypomania are still present but better than last week. So I'm supposed to monitor and contact my pdoc about another pulse of clozaril (or increasing for a while) if I am having problems.

I'm feeling edgy tonight but it may be from a busy day with my trip to therapy and then visiting with my nieces and watching a movie that was both loud and not my interest.

Hopefully I'll fall asleep soon and wake up feeling good tomorrow. I REALLY don't want to be that sedated again.

[Cocosurviving]

Today was super busy. I had my re-eval with the psychology. She’s going to request my hospital records and see what the notes say. My assignment is to track my moods for the next six weeks. After I picked my daughter up from school I scheduled an appointment with our allergy clinic. My left eye was causing me severe pain. The doctor said it was my allergies and I had an eye infection. He called me in two prescription eye drops and some prednisone. Their really nice and gave me a few samples. Once I made it to the car I opened the sample up. I have not been bothered the eye allergies since I lived in Nashville. My pharmacy was on it today. They text and said my prescription were ready.

I have no real news or anything happening

been like that for a while now- not much change either in my current habbits

that is to say, my overeating is out of control, and I'm not sleeping.

mood is good, even if I am a little irritable.

some people decided it would be a good idea to test my patience last night and I think some of them are now regretting they ever tried.

cln1812, I don't know if this could be of help for your dissociative symptoms, but the techniques really have helped me. I've barely experienced dissociative symptoms for a long time. If interested, you can read about them Depersonalization and derealization – Grounding techniques I’ve found effective – Bird Flight

I'm doing fine and dandy this morning. Not sure what I'll focus on, but I would like something worthwhile to do. I really need to control my eating. Unfortunately, I've been gaining weight lately. I haven't looked at the scale, but believe I may have gained back everything I lost.

[yellow_fleurs]

Last night I started to feel really low and some dark thoughts started creeping in, but I was able to get out of my head by going out with friends for dinner. I felt a little weird, but also managed to enjoy myself some. Today I just kind of feel like crap haha. I just keep telling myself it will pass and is mostly hormones. I hope this is my lowest day of the month, and this is not about to drag out any longer! I am still getting good sleep and waking up early, though. And eating 3 meals, cutting back on caffeine, and taking my fish oil and vitamin D. So, I am doing alright at taking care of myself and am just going to keep at it, hoping it helps. Hugs to everyone!

[Scooter9]

I helped get the house ready for a party my wife was hosting yesterday. Lots of cleaning etc.

She has the strange thing that I have to be out of the house when she has her friends over (but she can be there when my friends are over) so I had to find something to do. I think it's a cultural thing.

So I went to another town to look for something we need, found it and got it.

Met with a friend and got stung by a bee while we were out! I had never been stung so I was afraid I may be allergic. I got stung on my finger but it's just swollen now so I guess I'm ok.

I got back many hours later to a house full of nice Indian food but I wasn't hungry. I did have a beer though.

I'm still feeling low but staying busy. Still looking for a job and worried about that too. Waiting for my pdoc to come back from vacation for med adjustment.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I helped get the house ready for a party my wife was hosting yesterday. Lots of cleaning etc.

She has the strange thing that I have to be out of the house when she has her friends over (but she can be there when my friends are over) so I had to find something to do. I think it's a cultural thing.

So I went to another town to look for something we need, found it and got it.

Met with a friend and got stung by a bee while we were out! I had never been stung so I was afraid I may be allergic. I got stung on my finger but it's just swollen now so I guess I'm ok.

I got back many hours later to a house full of nice Indian food but I wasn't hungry. I did have a beer though.

I'm still feeling low but staying busy. Still looking for a job and worried about that too. Waiting for my pdoc to come back from vacation for med adjustment.

I love Indian cuisine.

Sorry you'd been stung by a bee.

I hope you pdoc returns soon.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Since #26 reached its limit...

(I'm not up for saying any more at this point. Maybe later. Except, since you asked cln, I'm ....safe. Basically. Lots of intrusive images, but it'll be alright I think. )

(((((( Innerzone ))))))

Thinking of you.
Offering good vibes.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I finished my 4 days of higher dose clozaril Saturday night. Yesterday I was still pretty tired. Today I was less tired but maybe not in a good way.

At one point I had to admit to my therapist I was still talking but had no idea what the question was. Other symptoms of hypomania are still present but better than last week. So I'm supposed to monitor and contact my pdoc about another pulse of clozaril (or increasing for a while) if I am having problems.

I'm feeling edgy tonight but it may be from a busy day with my trip to therapy and then visiting with my nieces and watching a movie that was both loud and not my interest.

Hopefully I'll fall asleep soon and wake up feeling good tomorrow. I REALLY don't want to be that sedated again.

(((((( BeyondtheRainbow ))))))

Thinking of you.
Offering good vibes.


WC

I hope I can still post here since I think I have autism instead of BP...

Someone knocked on my door last night at 1am. It freaked me the f*** out. I don't know if it was those stupid kids or some creepy person, but I locked my bedroom door from the inside and grabbed a large kitchen knife because it scared me. I heard the knocking down the hall too. It was like someone was knocking on every door in the apartment building. (Or maybe they got locked out and were looking for help? It scared me nonetheless.)

Anyway, I'm looking to be evaluated for autism since it runs in the family. I don't believe my BP diagnoses, as I think they're all wrong. (IMO, these professionals are just relying on past diagnoses and agreeing for the sake of agreeing. They know that I probably accidentally misreported symptoms.) They're also wrong about delusions.

Also, btw... Job interview today!! I'm so nervous!! I have NO idea what the interviewer is going to ask. The company just linked me to a webpage with a shitload of review topics. I mean literally 70+ of them. (I think it's a generic page, because they're lazy and they're a huge company that everyone has heard of, so they're popular, everyone wants to work for them, and don't give a f***). If I got the job, my salary would increase by 64% according to my math.

[Moose72]

Just want to lay down and watch tv. Missed judo last night. Watching "Wentworth" on Netflix. I was talking to my best friend C on the phone. We want to watch the new Will & Grace when we get together soon.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I hope I can still post here since I think I have autism instead of BP...

Someone knocked on my door last night at 1am. It freaked me the f*** out. I don't know if it was those stupid kids or some creepy person, but I locked my bedroom door from the inside and grabbed a large kitchen knife because it scared me. I heard the knocking down the hall too. It was like someone was knocking on every door in the apartment building. (Or maybe they got locked out and were looking for help? It scared me nonetheless.)

Anyway, I'm looking to be evaluated for autism since it runs in the family. I don't believe my BP diagnoses, as I think they're all wrong. (IMO, these professionals are just relying on past diagnoses and agreeing for the sake of agreeing. They know that I probably accidentally misreported symptoms.) They're also wrong about delusions.

Also, btw... Job interview today!! I'm so nervous!! I have NO idea what the interviewer is going to ask. The company just linked me to a webpage with a shitload of review topics. I mean literally 70+ of them. (I think it's a generic page, because they're lazy and they're a huge company that everyone has heard of, so they're popular, everyone wants to work for them, and don't give a f***). If I got the job, my salary would increase by 64% according to my math.

I hope you will keep posting here!!!
I'd really miss you and am very interested in how life is treating you!!!

I would have been very unsettled, too, with someone knocking on the door at that hour! It would give me an adrenaline surge and I probably would not have been able to rest any further.

Good luck with your job interview today!

Please keep us posted!

Much Love,

WC

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I hope you will keep posting here!!!
I'd really miss you and am very interested in how life is treating you!!!

I would have been very unsettled, too, with someone knocking on the door at that hour! It would give me an adrenaline surge and I probably would not have been able to rest any further.

Good luck with your job interview today!

Please keep us posted!

Much Love,

WC

Thanks, WC.

Apparently I have a 2nd interview, but with a different company. I asked for 50% more money than my current salary (which was when they initially asked me what I was looking to get paid) and I guess they don't have a problem with it. *shrug*

I have to coordinate both interviews now for job offers. They're both with large companies.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Thanks, WC.

Apparently I have a 2nd interview, but with a different company. I asked for 50% more money than my current salary (which was when they initially asked me what I was looking to get paid) and I guess they don't have a problem with it. *shrug*

I have to coordinate both interviews now for job offers. They're both with large companies.

I hope these interviews work out for you and hope you will get to chose which job you prefer.


WC

[Cocosurviving]

I was a little stressed earlier. My younger daughter’s school does not provide music instruments so they refer parents to a certain company to rent them. I went to the website to pre-order and pay. Then two hours later I received a call from a company rep telling me I was denied because of my credit. I told him I did not understand because I was putting a card on file so they could take the payments out automatically so what’s my credit have to do with it? The crazy part is I managed to buy I brand new Honda three years ago. I have never missed a payment or been late yet I can’t get approved for an instrument that cost around $1,500 per the sales guy. My credit is not that low. I have Credit Karma on my iPhone and have for the last three years. My score has been going up. I called my daughter’s school and left a message for a call back. The assistant principal called me back and I explained the situation to her. She completely understood where I was coming from. I also told her that on that music company website it does not ask for your consent to run a credit check. The assistant principal said she was going to speak with the music teacher about this and take care of this matter. I’m try to get some laundry folded. My stomach is a bit upset 😢.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

I was a little stressed earlier. My younger daughter’s school does not provide music instruments so they refer parents to a certain company to rent them. I went to the website to pre-order and pay. Then two hours later I received a call from a company rep telling me I was denied because of my credit. I told him I did not understand because I was putting a card on file so they could take the payments out automatically so what’s my credit have to do with it? The crazy part is I managed to buy I brand new Honda three years ago. I have never missed a payment or been late yet I can’t get approved for an instrument that cost around $1,500 per the sales guy. My credit is not that low. I have Credit Karma on my iPhone and have for the last three years. My score has been going up. I called my daughter’s school and left a message for a call back. The assistant principal called me back and I explained the situation to her. She completely understood where I was coming from. I also told her that on that music company website it does not ask for your consent to run a credit check. The assistant principal said she was going to speak with the music teacher about this and take care of this matter. I’m try to get some laundry folded. My stomach is a bit upset 😢.

I'd be upset, too!
Why are they running credit checks w/o permission?
It certainly seems like they haven't grounds to deny you!
Is it me, or are simple things getting more and more difficult for everyone?
I hope the principal can get things squared away.

WC

[liveforsummer]

Got up at 10am though didn’t want to. Made myself. Need to go to the grocery store but I won’t. There’s enough in the fridge to scrape together 1 more dinner. On a positive note I found my old resume and will update it and try to ignore the anxiety so I can apply for a part time job. Something different hopefully with a lower stress level. If nobody will hire me I might see if our local seniors residence will take me on as a volunteer. Found a meditation group that meets once a month and a beginner yoga class I might consider. Just thoughts tumbling around in my mind with good intentions to push the darkness aside. I hope I can see at least one of them through

[Daonnachd]

I meet with my T today.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

Got up at 10am though didn’t want to. Made myself. Need to go to the grocery store but I won’t. There’s enough in the fridge to scrape together 1 more dinner. On a positive note I found my old resume and will update it and try to ignore the anxiety so I can apply for a part time job. Something different hopefully with a lower stress level. If nobody will hire me I might see if our local seniors residence will take me on as a volunteer. Found a meditation group that meets once a month and a beginner yoga class I might consider. Just thoughts tumbling around in my mind with good intentions to push the darkness aside. I hope I can see at least one of them through

Sounds like you are having a tough time.
I also put off going to the grocery store.

I hope you can find a job that interests you. Volunteering could be fun!
The meditation group and the yoga class sound interesting!

I hope you succeed in "pushing the darkness aside."

Great to have your Presence here!


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by vertigo

I meet with my T today.

I hope your appointment goes well!


WC

[Moose72]

Is only Tuesday. I am looking forward to seeing my Pdoc Thursday at 8:30 a.m. i'm supposed to be getting off Seroquel and lithium and back on Haldol. Now if I can just wake up in time to get there. Lol