[Blueberrybook]

Depressed too over money situation. Ate a trigger food this afternoon,threw it up. Usually do not purge via vomiting. I tried a lot in college, never could do it well except for this one food...argh...

Panicky this evening. Took low dose Seroquel, no help. Hand hurts. Daughter delaying her homework makes me anxious because she needs help with studying her spelling words, always so stressful. H fell asleep, delaying dinner. I will serve it at 6 I guess, wake him though he likes to shower before dinner. Feel the whole evening is going off the rails, just not good...I hate schedule changes so much.

[scatterbrained04]

Packing for a weekend camping trip but giving myself lots of breaks. Packing always stresses me out for some reason. I can finish up some of it in the morning if need be.

[giddykitty]

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Packing for a weekend camping trip but giving myself lots of breaks. Packing always stresses me out for some reason. I can finish up some of it in the morning if need be.

oh yes. packing stresses me out too. especially when the weather is unpredictable and you don't know whether to pack for warm or for cold. good luck! hope the trip is fun!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moreta

I have to work today. I have been so busy lately and trying to spend less time on the computer. It's helped. Tomorrow I have another disability hearing. Maybe I'll get it this time. Who knows. I'm trying not to be anxious about it. It just really sucks that I have to go to downtown greensboro for the hearing. I hate that place. I think I'm more anxious about driving there and finding a place to park than I am about anything else. I need to get quarters today. The stupid meters in greensboro cost $1 an hour. Here in winston they're just 25 cents an hour. What a racket. Maybe I should just park in the parking deck. Gah. I wish my husband was home.

Hoping the best for you !!!!! You have fought long and hard.

Ridiculous price to pay for parking in my mind , I have never leaves where there was a charge lol

[~Christina]

The sun is due to shine tomorrow!! It’s cooled off a bit and I want lots of Fall !!!

I love my cold weather clothes better the spring or summer ! anyone else feel the same ?

Ex boyfriend texting me... Not sure how I feel about this. I didn't respond. (I'm the one who broke up with him, fyi.) We haven't spoken in over 3 years and now he's suddenly texting me again.

I got pissed at a few things with him before breaking up. (1.) Making fun of severely autistic kids, (2.) Constantly asking for sex and trying to force it after I say no, and (3.) Stalking me

[Unrigged64072835]

My computer glasses work well. My husband's glasses did not--he needs the lenses redone. Good thing we caught it before we left the city. I ordered my regular pair so that and husband's repaired glasses will be done the same time. Thankfully we also were able to avoid a big car accident after we left the second time.

Ate way too much junk for lunch. Stomach was fine. Had a small healthy dinner and ended up with bad reflux. Go figure. Still not going on the PPI--I'll take a bottle of Pepto Bismol before that mess again. My GI doc also didn't mention that my liver enzymes went up with the increase of Lipitor. So that may be another thing.

Regular T and mammogram tomorrow. Then a quiet weekend, I hope!

Lots of love and hugs to all.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Thanks for asking about Charlie (my kitty).

He's better. He tested positive for a nasty bacteria and is on an antibiotic for a month (and each dose has to be followed with 2 syringes of water which increases the time he is held down so not so popular) and steroids for about the same time. he also has an ulcer in his ear now so that gets cleaned and an ointment applied twice daily. One month from today hopefully he'll be off all meds.

He's doing great with all this but it is a lot of being held down and having things done to him. He's so patient. Thank God it isn't his sister who is rather high-strung.

I hope this takes care of it for good. I haven't gotten to ask the vet questions yet so I'm not sure if he will have this through his life or if this long round of antibiotics kills it. We go in next week for a check-up so I can ask then.

I'm now budgeting for vet bills...

I am very glad to hear that Charlie is doing well with the antibiotics and I hope his weekly checkup goes well; can’t blame you any bill is terrible but vet bills are the worst because it’s not like they make good pet insurance. I hope you are doing alright too.

It still has that new thread smell.

I ate some raspberries and pineapple and drank a protein drink in a nod to nutrition. Good for me! I tried to relieve my boredom by trying something new: i looked online for suggestions of musicians similar to my favorite Matthew Good and found Our Lady Peace. I listened to their most recent album on YouTube and liked it well enough to buy it on iTunes. I like "Let Me Live Again" the best. So far, it doesn't rival Matthew Good but it's always hard to get started with new music. I'm trying.

I laid around for long hours today. I dozed the day away. I worry that i am wasting my life but i have nothing to do.

I ran into someone from my support group that i haven't seen in ages when i went out to the mall in the evening for a change of scenery. She was somewhat rude, chatting with me for just a few brief minutes, then retreating to her phone. I felt a little rejected. She uses a cane now and has braces on both knees so perhaps she felt too unwell to be her old friendly self.

The results were posted for the last night of the Scrabble season and i have won the trophy again for top player in my division. It's the second time i've won it so i'm not excited; also not excited because it's all women in my division who are quite a bit older than me. So i can beat a bunch of old ladies -- so what! I just feel for the amount of work i put into Scrabble i should be far more advanced than i am. I haven't got out of it what i've put into it which makes me feel bitter.

It was the same way with gymnastics when i was young. I worked hard and i improved but not on the scale of my efforts. About the only thing which really gave as good as i did was school, academics. If i tried hard in school i got the marks. I realized this the other day and decided i'd study something since that's what i'm good at. I tried chemistry and German. Chemistry was too hard and German seems pointless. I'd tried "Chemistry for Dummies" and it was too hard. I guess i need "Chemistry for Retards!"

Guess it's back to dozing the day away. I'm staying up half the night, til 4:30am and it's really isolating as i can't go anywhere at night. Everything is closed. I tried an all-night coffee shop the other day and it was okay but i take the bus so i can't go really late.

I feel so stuck. I'm unhappy and unhealthy but i can't seem to change it.

[Pookyl]

Pain free day so mood ok.

so far feeling really stressed.

was stressed for most of the morning because due to certain things happening, some of my rooteen had to wait

then nearly collapsed because I ate at the wrong time

had a run in with my phone because it wouldn't do what I wanted it to do

yes I'm stressed

hopefully someone is coming to bring me a KFC though this afternoon to make up for it

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

I ate some raspberries and pineapple and drank a protein drink in a nod to nutrition. Good for me! I tried to relieve my boredom by trying something new: i looked online for suggestions of musicians similar to my favorite Matthew Good and found Our Lady Peace. I listened to their most recent album on YouTube and liked it well enough to buy it on iTunes. I like "Let Me Live Again" the best. So far, it doesn't rival Matthew Good but it's always hard to get started with new music. I'm trying.

I laid around for long hours today. I dozed the day away. I worry that i am wasting my life but i have nothing to do.

I ran into someone from my support group that i haven't seen in ages when i went out to the mall in the evening for a change of scenery. She was somewhat rude, chatting with me for just a few brief minutes, then retreating to her phone. I felt a little rejected. She uses a cane now and has braces on both knees so perhaps she felt too unwell to be her old friendly self.

The results were posted for the last night of the Scrabble season and i have won the trophy again for top player in my division. It's the second time i've won it so i'm not excited; also not excited because it's all women in my division who are quite a bit older than me. So i can beat a bunch of old ladies -- so what! I just feel for the amount of work i put into Scrabble i should be far more advanced than i am. I haven't got out of it what i've put into it which makes me feel bitter.

It was the same way with gymnastics when i was young. I worked hard and i improved but not on the scale of my efforts. About the only thing which really gave as good as i did was school, academics. If i tried hard in school i got the marks. I realized this the other day and decided i'd study something since that's what i'm good at. I tried chemistry and German. Chemistry was too hard and German seems pointless. I'd tried "Chemistry for Dummies" and it was too hard. I guess i need "Chemistry for Retards!"

Guess it's back to dozing the day away. I'm staying up half the night, til 4:30am and it's really isolating as i can't go anywhere at night. Everything is closed. I tried an all-night coffee shop the other day and it was okay but i take the bus so i can't go really late.

I feel so stuck. I'm unhappy and unhealthy but i can't seem to change it.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so stuck. I know it’s hard when you’ve got nothing to do all day. I’ve been unemployed since May and it’s been torture. Like you I mostly sleep all day because I’m bored. Have you tried something like meetup? You could find people in your area with similar interests that you could meet with and hopefully form some friendships. I don’t know what your anxiety is like though; I know personally I’m too anxious to go to things like that.

I hope you feel better soon.

Almost got in 4 accidents on my way to work. (Work is only 20 mins away, btw.)

First one is me merging onto the highway. I was halfway in the lane when someone tried to pass me and almost side swiped me on the front left corner of my car because they cut me off.

Second one was changing lanes while someone else was doing it at the same time, except he must've been doing like 80mph I the 55mph zone. But we couldn't see each other and it was a genuine mistake.

Third one was some massive turkey in the middle of the road. HUGE. It was downpouring and I couldn't see it until the last minute. Then it tried to fly away and flew upwards near my windshield, but thank god I missed it because it probably would've cracked my windshield. I slammed the brakes and swerved. Stupid turkey!

About 1 minute after that, some oblivious DEER jumped out in front of my car, on the same road. You definitely don't want to hit one of those since they usually go flying through your windshield and can kill you. Had to swerve and slam my breaks for that one too. Not sure if it got blinded by my headlights, as it was about 6:30 in the morning and somewhat dark.

Also, some asshole at work accidentally deleted my work lwst night and now I have to redo it today because he didn't ask if anyone was using the computer. He just changed things on his own and didn't even tell anyone he did it until I asked him wtf he did.

All in all, unluckiest day this year.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Almost got in 4 accidents on my way to work. (Work is only 20 mins away, btw.)

First one is me merging onto the highway. I was halfway in the lane when someone tried to pass me and almost side swiped me on the front left corner of my car because they cut me off.

Second one was changing lanes while someone else was doing it at the same time, except he must've been doing like 80mph I the 55mph zone. But we couldn't see each other and it was a genuine mistake.

Third one was some massive turkey in the middle of the road. HUGE. It was downpouring and I couldn't see it until the last minute. Then it tried to fly away and flew upwards near my windshield, but thank god I missed it because it probably would've cracked my windshield. I slammed the brakes and swerved. Stupid turkey!

About 1 minute after that, some oblivious DEER jumped out in front of my car, on the same road. You definitely don't want to hit one of those since they usually go flying through your windshield and can kill you. Had to swerve and slam my breaks for that one too. Not sure if it got blinded by my headlights, as it was about 6:30 in the morning and somewhat dark.

Also, some moron at work accidentally deleted my work lwst night and now I have to redo it today.

All in all, unluckiest day this year.

So sorry. I hate driving for all those reasons and others too. Like when I'm too manicky, I will do risky driving stuff without even realizing it until someone blares a horn and/or I get into a fender bender. Though to be honest, the last one, we were both turning left, so the police ticketed neither of us. But the other lady had the sun right in her eyes, and I think she drove through the lines of the parking lot she was leaving, which was bigger than the lot I was in. She even said it was her fault when we hit. Because it was a busy road, people on their way into work, the police made us move the cars off the road before they even arrived. We both had pictures, but it did no good. Messed up my car more than hers since hers was much bigger. Sigh...at least it is driveable, passed the state inspection last month, which I was a bit nervous about with the front end damage. When I was having that problem with forgetfulness, one day I even turned the wrong direction onto a one way street. Luckily, it was at a time the road wasn't that busy (still plenty of people honking at me), also lucky, there was no cop around. I had just been going on auto-pilot, dissociating a bit.

[Blueberrybook]

I am so tired of financial stress. God, I wish H could find a new job and/or the 2 startup companies he has shares in would start paying him for his time & consultation.

Yesterday sucked for me, pretty much. I hope today goes better. I am meeting with the T this afternoon. Panic attacks are driving me crazy, but the coping mechanisms are the place I need to start since my weight is getting me in hot water with both the pdoc and my PCP. I have done a good job of not running this week, but I am so anxious now. I feel like I need to run tomorrow. I keep feeling like I'm getting so fat with lack of exercise. I hate it.

Panicky & high anxiety too. Fibro hurting quite a bit. Gabapentin is not helping the fibro the way I'd hoped. Maybe the dosage, maybe need a different med. See the rheumatologist next month.

Feel like my daughter is pulling farther & farther away from me because of my changeable moods (think bipolar mixed is making this much worse) and panic attacks/high anxiety. I've got to fix that too, and I have no idea at all how to start.

I am at the point where I feel a lot of my like is broken, and I don't know how to fix it or how to get it together enough to get everything put back together. Depressed and feeling like I am doing a bad job at everything and a good job at nothing.

Still have not heard from CPS. No communication at all for awhile now. I just want to hear the case is closed. By all indications, the last time I spoke with the caseworker she sent it to her supervisor for approval. My luck, her supervisor went on vacation or has a giant pile-up or something. Well, the CPS case got me back into therapy again. I hope this time around, therapy will help. The last therapist I saw (before the one who had qualms about working with someone with an ED) didn't really help. I just talked and that was pretty much it. I got talked out; it really became pointless. She wasn't suggesting anything, giving me methods to help cope, breathing exercises for panic attacks. I felt like she wasn't a bad person, but her thinking was more like, "I will sit here an listen and be sympathetic for 50 minutes because that is my job." Doing all the talking myself was not helpful to me once I had said everything I needed to vent.

I have a headache and just don't feel like going to my therapist today. I don't feel like talking. I have to go, though.

[Moose72]

Ive been having really sore nipples the last week. A nurse at my primarys said to check for my iud strings. So i tried twice and they are nowhere to be found. So now i am going to my gyn's office to see if they know whats up. I do have the essure so its unlikely im pregnant but this is weird.

Hi Moose, if it's not related to your IUD, I wonder if it could be elevated prolactin level? I don't think Seroquel is that known to cause that (but possibly), but maybe Haldol might? Just a thought.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Almost got in 4 accidents on my way to work. (Work is only 20 mins away, btw.)

First one is me merging onto the highway. I was halfway in the lane when someone tried to pass me and almost side swiped me on the front left corner of my car because they cut me off.

Second one was changing lanes while someone else was doing it at the same time, except he must've been doing like 80mph I the 55mph zone. But we couldn't see each other and it was a genuine mistake.

Third one was some massive turkey in the middle of the road. HUGE. It was downpouring and I couldn't see it until the last minute. Then it tried to fly away and flew upwards near my windshield, but thank god I missed it because it probably would've cracked my windshield. I slammed the brakes and swerved. Stupid turkey!

About 1 minute after that, some oblivious DEER jumped out in front of my car, on the same road. You definitely don't want to hit one of those since they usually go flying through your windshield and can kill you. Had to swerve and slam my breaks for that one too. Not sure if it got blinded by my headlights, as it was about 6:30 in the morning and somewhat dark.

Also, some asshole at work accidentally deleted my work lwst night and now I have to redo it today because he didn't ask if anyone was using the computer. He just changed things on his own and didn't even tell anyone he did it until I asked him wtf he did.

All in all, unluckiest day this year.

Unlucky? Id say you were pretty lucky!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Hi Moose, if it's not related to your IUD, I wonder if it could be elevated prolactin level? I don't think Seroquel is that known to cause that (but possibly), but maybe Haldol might? Just a thought.

yeah I wonder if Haldol does that too?

[Unrigged64072835]

Posted more pictures from my birthday. That took a while.

Saw T this morning. No help with the body image thing. I mentioned the Five Love Languages book she had in the bookcase and she went on for ten minutes. Really fed up with her and I want to go back to my old T, even if my husband didn't like him.

Have mammogram this afternoon. Better clean up my armpits. Woohoo!

Didn't sleep well last night. Guts aren't happy. Finally took a Zantac and that seemed to help, but still have bloating and pain. I am soooooo tired but no rest for this weary person.

Hugs and love to everyone.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Posted more pictures from my birthday. That took a while.

Saw T this morning. No help with the body image thing. I mentioned the Five Love Languages book she had in the bookcase and she went on for ten minutes. Really fed up with her and I want to go back to my old T, even if my husband didn't like him.

Have mammogram this afternoon. Better clean up my armpits. Woohoo!

Didn't sleep well last night. Guts aren't happy. Finally took a Zantac and that seemed to help, but still have bloating and pain. I am soooooo tired but no rest for this weary person.

Hugs and love to everyone.

You have shared some very beautiful photos! Thanks!
I hope your mammogram goes well!

WC

[Moreta]

I was approved for disability.

[Nammu]

What a relief!