[stahrgeyzer]

Feel stable. It's been ages since feeling this way. Feels strange

[Victoria'smom]

My head’s so loud the past two days it’s like a migraine all the time. I read a blog post and realized how suicidal I am. I won’t/can’t do anything. The last thing I need is a hospitalization. Hell living in a hotel is kinda like the hospital without the groups or med change. I’ve been trying to nap/sleep and I’m waking up with anxiety attacks. I’m drinking soda again. Fixing the car is going to be $1000+. My nephew went to our apartment today. (I wish I knew) I guess they aren’t going to replace the flooring, Grrr...This is different then “I can survive without meds!” I’m usually like “Yeah, this is happening but I can deal with it”. Right now it’s “I can’t handle anything else.” I know they hate me but there’s nothing I can do to change it. I want to curl up and go away. I’m worried Miguel’s hatred will continue when he grows up and he won’t speak to me. I think I may need a therapist but it’s not like they have helped me. Plus all the therapists I’ve seen won’t see me without medication because I’m a “suicide risk”. I would love to drink but then I’d want to hurt myself more. I’m starting to think “I’ll get use to this.” I’ll be fine in a couple of days. This whole thing sucks.

PS this took me HOURS to write. I’m sorry I’m thought skipping.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm getting desperate for sleep. Last night I finally took some extra klonopin. Then I drug myself out of bed 8 minutes before I had to leave for therapy. My therapist tells me it's been 2 weeks since I slept all night/fell asleep on time. Hopefully I'll fall asleep soon.

I was supposed to see my pdoc today; I am so glad she cancelled. I wasn't up for another 3.5 hours of driving plus waiting and an hour plus appointment.

At least tomorrow I can sleep in.

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I'm getting desperate for sleep. Last night I finally took some extra klonopin. Then I drug myself out of bed 8 minutes before I had to leave for therapy. My therapist tells me it's been 2 weeks since I slept all night/fell asleep on time. Hopefully I'll fall asleep soon.

I was supposed to see my pdoc today; I am so glad she cancelled. I wasn't up for another 3.5 hours of driving plus waiting and an hour plus appointment.

At least tomorrow I can sleep in.

I hate when I can't sleep. I went two weeks too without any sleep by the time I saw my doc I begged for him to do something because it felt like torture. I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you get to sleep and manage to sleep a lot tonight.

On a unrelated note how is Charlie and his sister?

[~Christina]

Still not doing worth a damn.

But.... my husband dragged me out to see a movie and hit our local mom and pops burger place

I did enjoy it as much as a depressed suicidal-ish person can.

I see my T this week thankfully. Need some help processing a few things that might be beneficial to my situation.

I’m still upright so there’s a +

[Pookyl]

Doing better. Head quieter which is nice.
Have to go now and argue the toss with dr about whether I can drop ramipril instead of propanolol. I don’t need two antihypertensives.
Before bipolar my treating doctors were like “oh you’re a health professional” and considered me their equal and asked for my input re my treatment plan. Now they treat me like every other clueless patient. (No insult intended to anyone)

[Nammu]

The alarm woke me this morning. I was creating a mixed media master peice! Gotta take mum to a funeral. A bunch of distant relatives that I don't know. Even put make up on. Hopefully it works magic. Oh a dread this day.

[liveforsummer]

I just feel so much nothingness. Even if I get up and have a productive day, have pleasant conversation with people, at the end of the day there’s just this emptiness ....feeling...is this it?

Sorry so glum. It is a sunny day and I know eventually I will get myself off this chair and go for a walk and smile for a while

"Woman who has had sex with 15 ghosts is settling down with a poltergeist": Woman who has had sex with 15 ghosts is settling down with a poltergeist - Cornwall Live

Well, I thought I had problems...

I want a phantom baby now.

......

In other serious news, I will likely have to get surgery on my nose. Wonderful. That's what the ENT doctor told me today.

[Moose72]

blue. Phantom baby.... Settling down with a 👻. Hahaha

[Victoria'smom]

My sister came to visit. It was nice. I really, really need to at least shower and comb my hair.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

"Woman who has had sex with 15 ghosts is settling down with a poltergeist": Woman who has had sex with 15 ghosts is settling down with a poltergeist - Cornwall Live

Well, I thought I had problems...

I want a phantom baby now.

......

In other serious news, I will likely have to get surgery on my nose. Wonderful. That's what the ENT doctor told me today.

Lol! Re: the ghost story.

I am sorry you'll need surgery. I've had a lot of ENT surgery. I think you will do okay with it, even though it's a nuisance. I hope the ENT gave you a detailed description of the surgery?

I hope things are going better at work!

Thinking of you!

WC

[Blueberrybook]

Hard days lately. Just a super busy week with school/Halloween stuff for my daughter. Every day there is something, and Nov. 1, she has her Latin Heritage Dance the parents are invited to see, and a big project due on Nov. 2 she has procrastinated about.

I see the T at 2:30, then pick up my daughter, then go to H's school for a trick or treat thing the various clubs & athletic groups put on.

Not doing great with eating or exercising lately. Only managed half a bowl of minestrone soup & Greek yogurt for lunch. Hopefully, I will start getting an appetite back soon. I was hungry when I started eating lunch but then soon full.

[Faltering]

I saw my pdoc today. I told him all about my deep depression. He said he wanted to lower the Latuda to 80 mg because I'm tired. I just kind of looked at him blankly and couldn't believe he didn't want to do anything except lower the dose. He said, "Are you worried the depression will get worse?" I told him that yes, I think the meds aren't working anymore. So he recommended lithium and printed out some lab tests I have to go get before and after starting it. I didn't really understand his directions because I'm slow to process lately. I did ask questions and I just hope I can do everything right. I'm feeling frustrated about my treatment lately and I want to cry. I don't know what I really expect though. I guess I feel like no one can help me. I'm thinking about going to a psychologist because I think there are other things going on besides bipolar. I increasingly can't function and my job is on the line.

[Victoria'smom]

I took a shower and talked to my husband. He says I'm loved and needed. He wants sex but there's no way that's going to happen. I told him my head is playing tricks on me but not about what. (We were talking in the bathroom away from Miguel).

Originally Posted by Faltering

I saw my pdoc today. I told him all about my deep depression. He said he wanted to lower the Latuda to 80 mg because I'm tired. I just kind of looked at him blankly and couldn't believe he didn't want to do anything except lower the dose. He said, "Are you worried the depression will get worse?" I told him that yes, I think the meds aren't working anymore. So he recommended lithium and printed out some lab tests I have to go get before and after starting it. I didn't really understand his directions because I'm slow to process lately. I did ask questions and I just hope I can do everything right. I'm feeling frustrated about my treatment lately and I want to cry. I don't know what I really expect though. I guess I feel like no one can help me. I'm thinking about going to a psychologist because I think there are other things going on besides bipolar. I increasingly can't function and my job is on the line.

I hope you feel better soon.

If ever you struggle to understand directions, consider asking your doctor to write them out on a piece of paper. They shouldn't mind doing that. I've asked mine to do that when I was so unwell that concentrating was difficult.

I ate so poorly today. It wasn't so much the amount of food, but the type.

I have my adult school class tonight. Again, I not looking forward to it. It is all for an idea of hubby's that I'm not into.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Faltering

I saw my pdoc today. I told him all about my deep depression. He said he wanted to lower the Latuda to 80 mg because I'm tired. I just kind of looked at him blankly and couldn't believe he didn't want to do anything except lower the dose. He said, "Are you worried the depression will get worse?" I told him that yes, I think the meds aren't working anymore. So he recommended lithium and printed out some lab tests I have to go get before and after starting it. I didn't really understand his directions because I'm slow to process lately. I did ask questions and I just hope I can do everything right. I'm feeling frustrated about my treatment lately and I want to cry. I don't know what I really expect though. I guess I feel like no one can help me. I'm thinking about going to a psychologist because I think there are other things going on besides bipolar. I increasingly can't function and my job is on the line.

I am very sorry you are going through this.

Latuda is often viewed as effective as it's going to get at approx. 60 mg. While this may be incorrect, it is in the literature on Latuda and confirmed by my pharmacist. This may be a factor in your pdoc lowering it and adding lithium?

I think it's a great idea to get input from a neuropsychologist. They can be very helpful.

I hope things are much easier for you soon!


WC

[~Christina]

I can’t handle responses to everyone my heads to loud but hugs to those that need and Spears for those dealing with Pdoc that don’t seem to “ hear” what your saying or any other annoying , upsetting thing.

My husband and I are going to put up lights at my friends house and lately she’s on my last frayed nerve so she best not say anything about my lack of communication as I have explained over and over I get stuck in my head and it’s Bipolar. I don’t expect her to get it at all .... but damn stop stomping on my boundaries.

Freaking balancing act , I know I’m on the unicycle today.

[wildflowerchild25]

Job is still going well. I’m feeling a little inadequate because I keep forgetting to do simple things like put the wheelchair pummel up or buckle a buckle on her harness. Friday I put her shoes on the wrong feet! I felt so foolish. But I’m still learning and her wheelchair is rather complicated so it’s not that strange that it would take me awhile to learn how it works. Everything else is great so I am getting a confidence boost that I can actually work full time as long as I have the right low stress job.

Money is going to be tight though. This job pays waaaaay less than teaching. I won’t be able to save any money. I definitely won’t be able to move out. But at least I can work. I just need to make a few adjustments on how I live. Quitting smoking would be a big one. I’m a pack a day smoker so that’s $9 a day that I’m spending. I need to stop eating out as much too. I’m going to buy McDonald’s tonight because I forgot to put the chicken in the crock pot but I’m going to write myself a note and stick it on my coffee maker to remember tomorrow.

It’s going to be so nice out tomorrow and Thursday. 70 and sunny. I’m looking forward to it. I hate the cold and I’d like this little blast of fall before winter sets in.

Also, I met the guy I’ve been talking to. I met him last week. We met outside my house lol because I couldn’t go out. It was nice. I think I’ll have fun with him. I don’t know if it will develop into anything serious but it’ll be nice for awhile.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Job is still going well. I’m feeling a little inadequate because I keep forgetting to do simple things like put the wheelchair pummel up or buckle a buckle on her harness. Friday I put her shoes on the wrong feet! I felt so foolish. But I’m still learning and her wheelchair is rather complicated so it’s not that strange that it would take me awhile to learn how it works. Everything else is great so I am getting a confidence boost that I can actually work full time as long as I have the right low stress job.

Money is going to be tight though. This job pays waaaaay less than teaching. I won’t be able to save any money. I definitely won’t be able to move out. But at least I can work. I just need to make a few adjustments on how I live. Quitting smoking would be a big one. I’m a pack a day smoker so that’s $9 a day that I’m spending. I need to stop eating out as much too. I’m going to buy McDonald’s tonight because I forgot to put the chicken in the crock pot but I’m going to write myself a note and stick it on my coffee maker to remember tomorrow.

It’s going to be so nice out tomorrow and Thursday. 70 and sunny. I’m looking forward to it. I hate the cold and I’d like this little blast of fall before winter sets in.

Also, I met the guy I’ve been talking to. I met him last week. We met outside my house lol because I couldn’t go out. It was nice. I think I’ll have fun with him. I don’t know if it will develop into anything serious but it’ll be nice for awhile.

It's great to hear how things are going for you!

I am happy for you!

I think it's important to keep working IF you are up to doing so. A very large percentage of people who go on disability are never able to get off of it...something like 80%. (Nothing against going on disability; I am on it. I just think it's easier to keep the daily skills w/interpersonal relationships and with a daily schedule by staying active if possible.)

I hope you and "the guy" have loads of FUN!

Enjoy hearing from you!


WC

[Victoria'smom]

I'm looking at going back to school. Penn Foster doesn't have a degree I want and that's all I can afford. (asking several people for help for Christmas.) I need something to keep my mind busy or it'll turn on me. My mom called she got a new phone so I could have her old one. So nice of her. She'll be down next week with my dad. That'll be great. Hopefully our car will be fixed by then. We need a car. My husband's mom was suppose to come today. She didn't come because we're in a hotel and didn't want to "cause problems". She lost the money she spent.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Job is still going well. I’m feeling a little inadequate because I keep forgetting to do simple things like put the wheelchair pummel up or buckle a buckle on her harness. Friday I put her shoes on the wrong feet! I felt so foolish. But I’m still learning and her wheelchair is rather complicated so it’s not that strange that it would take me awhile to learn how it works. Everything else is great so I am getting a confidence boost that I can actually work full time as long as I have the right low stress job.


Money is going to be tight though. This job pays waaaaay less than teaching. I won’t be able to save any money. I definitely won’t be able to move out. But at least I can work. I just need to make a few adjustments on how I live. Quitting smoking would be a big one. I’m a pack a day smoker so that’s $9 a day that I’m spending. I need to stop eating out as much too. I’m going to buy McDonald’s tonight because I forgot to put the chicken in the crock pot but I’m going to write myself a note and stick it on my coffee maker to remember tomorrow.


It’s going to be so nice out tomorrow and Thursday. 70 and sunny. I’m looking forward to it. I hate the cold and I’d like this little blast of fall before winter sets in.


Also, I met the guy I’ve been talking to. I met him last week. We met outside my house lol because I couldn’t go out. It was nice. I think I’ll have fun with him. I don’t know if it will develop into anything serious but it’ll be nice for awhile.

So great to hear this !!! I’m over the moon happy for you. You slowly have been putting your life back together and things are falling into place.

Be proud and let out a big Roar

[TheSeaCat]

Just got a call from my boss drug screen and background check came back totally clean, I go an hour away for training which will last for three days, then I will have to train with another referral cordnator for a week. So by the time I see the cardiologist I will be back to my office, and my boss said just to take a long lunch for the Cardiologst appointment and work later than the scheduled shift. I’m so excited but at the same time I’m going to need a ton of Starbucks because I am not used to mornings and the Seroquel sometimes causes morning hangover.

My meds seem to be keeping me stable and in check, plus the boyfriend and therapist have both said if I start getting anxious or having panic attacks to call them no matter the time.

Today is my last day of freedom for a while so the boyfriend and I will be kidnapping my little cousins and taking them trick or treating followed by a movie, they really want to see a House with a Clock in its Walls.

I am also getting my Bachlor’s degree in Healthcare Adminstration and the Clinic Practice Manager will let me be her assistant and help her manage so it’s like an internship on top of a really good job.

I’m feeling happy for the first time in a long while. The boyfriend said my smile is finally reaching my eyes again. I guess for a while with that depression made me have dead eyes.

Hugs to everyone

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Just got a call from my boss drug screen and background check came back totally clean, I go an hour away for training which will last for three days, then I will have to train with another referral cordnator for a week. So by the time I see the cardiologist I will be back to my office, and my boss said just to take a long lunch for the Cardiologst appointment and work later than the scheduled shift. I’m so excited but at the same time I’m going to need a ton of Starbucks because I am not used to mornings and the Seroquel sometimes causes morning hangover.

My meds seem to be keeping me stable and in check, plus the boyfriend and therapist have both said if I start getting anxious or having panic attacks to call them no matter the time.

Today is my last day of freedom for a while so the boyfriend and I will be kidnapping my little cousins and taking them trick or treating followed by a movie, they really want to see a House with a Clock in its Walls.

I am also getting my Bachlor’s degree in Healthcare Adminstration and the Clinic Practice Manager will let me be her assistant and help her manage so it’s like an internship on top of a really good job.

I’m feeling happy for the first time in a long while. The boyfriend said my smile is finally reaching my eyes again. I guess for a while with that depression made me have dead eyes.

Hugs to everyone

Great news!

It's wonderful you can work and do an internship in the same place!
I love Starbuck's coffee, too! Starbucks or Peet's. Both are great!

So glad your eyes are smiling! Twinkle! Twinkle!

Have fun on Halloween!


WC