[yellow_fleurs]

Well the irritability has calmed enough so that it's not making me want to crawl out of my skin thank goodness. Still antsy and a bit irritable/anxious. Had my therapy appointment and practiced some deep breathing which honestly didn't help, but I will continue to practice. She also is having me track my moods and told me we will get to the bottom of it, and to remember to have hope. I appreciate the optimism, and feeling like I have someone on my team. At the same time, since a lot of this stuff seems to be happening without any situational changes, I feel frustrated as it leaves me unsure what I can even work on or change. I guess the skills will still be potentially useful.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I fell asleep before 9 and slept so soundly. But at 1:30 I was AWAKE. I'm hoping I'll get back to sleep soon. I'm going to ask my pdoc for hydroxyzine to see if I can both fall asleep and stay asleep. This staying up super late or waking in the middle of the night has to stop.

and I really need to get back to sleep. I have to be at the dentist as 11 and so I need to wake up and be coherent by 10:45 when I have to leave. I so wish I could take a nuvigil but with the sleep issues I'd fly into mania immediately.

Hope all of you are sleeping (in the part of the world where that is appropriate anyway).

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I fell asleep before 9 and slept so soundly. But at 1:30 I was AWAKE. I'm hoping I'll get back to sleep soon. I'm going to ask my pdoc for hydroxyzine to see if I can both fall asleep and stay asleep. This staying up super late or waking in the middle of the night has to stop.

and I really need to get back to sleep. I have to be at the dentist as 11 and so I need to wake up and be coherent by 10:45 when I have to leave. I so wish I could take a nuvigil but with the sleep issues I'd fly into mania immediately.

Hope all of you are sleeping (in the part of the world where that is appropriate anyway).

Awake, too!

Slept 45 minutes.
I am sorry about your sleep issues.
I also hope to fall back to sleep.


WC

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Sorry you are awake WC. Hope you get back to sleep. I'm gong to try to read and see if that helps. Apparently I have a long wait tomorrow while they make my crown so maybe I'll nap then. Except I won't because I can't stand to sleep in public.

[Wild Coyote]

I hope you have slept, BeyondTheRainbow.

I fell asleep at 5 a.m. The landscaping company was here, blowing leaves again at 6:55 a.m. They were here for 7 hours on Tuesday. They are violating the noise ordinance by starting so early. I am soooooo very tired of hearing them for hours on end! Uggghh!


WC

[liveforsummer]

Same old same old.

I wish you all well!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Christina I am so sorry you are struggling so much right now and that you didn't get to see your T on top of it. Please keep yourself safe and call the crisis line if you need. Don't forget to give yourself lots of extra love and compassion, even if it feels counter-intuitive right now. It's incredibly hard to believe when in the midst of it, but it really will pass and you won't feel like this forever. You have made it through many cycles before. Keep using the distractions and leaning on whatever support you have.

Thank you so much for your support

[Blueberrybook]

Bittersweet morning...went to see my daughter's performance for the Latin Heritage Dance at her school. She is in 5th grade now, so it's the last performance there. And I made it into the school, where I worried about running into anyone involved in the CPS case (I didn't).

Tomorrow, H has a big job interview. He has stayed home today to work on his presentation. It would be a really good thing if he got this position.

A bit down...didn't run today because I was tired and did manage breakfast. When I do what is good for me, I feel guilty EDs suck.

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Not sure my daughter is going to be in the best mood. She started her 2nd period yesterday, and this one is much heavier than the first. I just got back from the school as the nurse called, and she needed a change of clothes. She's very introverted & self-conscious, so I'm sure she is beyond embarrassed about it. That's such a hard time for girls growing up.

Given her introverted and self-conscious nature, how do you think she would feel about her mother posting such personal details about her on the internet? Sorry, but I had to say something as I am pained for her when I read such things. If it were me, I'd be beyond mortified. Likely to a point that would require a trigger warning. Some things are just too personal, and the choice to divulge them or not them should really be up to the person themselves. IMO anyway. Just something to consider. I bring this up in all gentleness.

[Polibeth]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Given her introverted and self-conscious nature, how do you think she would feel about her mother posting such personal details about her on the internet? Sorry, but I had to say something as I am pained for her when I read such things. If it were me, I'd be beyond mortified. Likely to a point that would require a trigger warning. Some things are just too personal, and the choice to divulge them or not them should really be up to the person themselves. IMO anyway. Just something to consider. I bring this up in all gentleness.

Thank you for this. I wanted to say the same thing but wasn't sure how to word it. BBB - I wish the best for you and I hope that you honor your daughter's right to privacy.

[Tucson]

I was just diagnosed Bipolar I. I was Bipolar NOS. I thought in reality I was Bipolar II. I spend allot of my time in depression. My mood can elevate some giving me problems from time to time. My pdoc says that if I just had one episode of mania, I qualify for BP I. When I think about it, I think I have had at least a one or two episodes in my life a very long time ago. Several years ago, I think I had another, but I am not sure.

My doctor who is very good left the public facility that I went to. He diagnosed me as BP NOS there. He has a home practice. So I located him and went on my first appointment at his house. He remembers most everything about me over 15 years. During our talk together, he suddenly said out of nowhere that I am BP I. How does he know this? He must of remember seeing an episode of mine that I was unaware of having. Is this possible?

Anyway, for some reason, I am losing weight again. I am 6’ 2” and now weigh 166. This scares me a bit. So I stopped exercising and I am eating 2500 calories a day which is difficulr for me to do. Before this I ate 2200 calories. Chocolate shakes can help. This means I have lost 70 pounds.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm done. The world seems too raw and painful. I try to sleep it off but my anxiety's to high to fall asleep, if I do I'm startled awake by my anxiety. Too much needs to get done. We don't have the time or the money for it. I think I'm safe. I'm in a weird mood.

[pirilin]

Many issues. All solvables. Matter of work and time. It's all doable. Just need pacience.

La Bruja went to work with 101 degrees fever. Visiting pacients. Poor people.
She's been sick for more than a month now. Cold, Astrovirus, then Flu.
There's not much left of her rear end. Or breast, for that matter. They will hopefully come back.
Of course, I'm paying for the "gift" the grandaughters gave her.
She lashes at me for the most insignificant detail. Like been naked.
See, I'm a big boy. I can take anything she dishes at me.

Cheers.

[TheSeaCat]

I am so exhausted it feels like someone ran me over with a bus. I just keep telling myself one more day of EMR training and getting up at 6am will be a distant memory. My Seroquel knocks me out and waking up is a problem. I stuck to flats my feet just feel bad today. Those heels are defiantly a sitting shoe. IÂ’m can’t wait till Saturday.

I got my new insurance plan today, it’s still Medicaid but a different plan, the card is plastic instead of paper at least this one won’t ripe. The insurance through my work is cheaper than what I was paying at my other hospital job, and is a much better plan. I’m conflicted on if I get on that plan or keep the state insurance.

My anxiety seems to be doing well with the three Buspar granted I forgot to bring my afternoon pill yesterday and seemed okay with just two.

I also seen my T today after work.

Hugs to everyone

I felt like I was going to pass out earlier today when I was at the grocery store. Yesterday afternoon I went ballistic on the phone with my dad. I have never in my life said (yelled) such a thing to him. Or really anyone. I basically threatened him to get psych help or not to call me again. That is so not like me. I'm just getting desperate about him. I told my sister what happened. She in turn told my brother. My brother wrote me saying he lectured Dad severely, too. He said Dad didn't sleep last night. I don't know, maybe that's good. Bro said perhaps Dad was thinking about the situation.

Then this morning I had a rough conversation with hubby. It was not pleasant, but I told him exactly how I felt. When we parted, it was an upset parting. That's why I felt desperate at the store. Then later hubby emailed expressing some understanding. That relieved me. In response, I made sure the house is quite neat and tidy. I also went out again and bought him a couple gift-like things as a surprise for tonight. I also bought him a few things for his name day that he'll like.

My parrot's lower beak keeps chipping and chipping. I don't know how to stop that. I feed him the most healthful pellet parrot food available, plus fresh fruits and veggies, and a little seed and nuts daily. I've even been putting powdered supplements with calcium in his water for days now. Unless his beak is very damaged there is nothing the avian vet can do. I don't know why this is happening to him. I'm in the same room with him much of the day and don't hear him doing anything that would damage it. He used to, but not anymore. I told hubby to carefully inspect it tonight. He keeps telling me that I'm an over anxious bird mama.

[giddykitty]

I'm working on identifying my emotions (ones other than anxiety and well tiredness) and it's difficult. But I think today I'm a mix of excited and guilty. I'm excited because I had this thrilling dream which got me into writing again, which puts me one step closer to my goal of writing every day this November/a word count of 50,000, but I feel guilty because I slept in and didn't shower. I have to shower tomorrow so I think I'm going to be lazy and just wait until then, but I feel kinda grungy. It's just too cold to shower though and our faucet is a pain. Sigh, just one of those days when I want to stay in my warm clothes. But I feel guilty because I'm not exactly doing anything else with this time. Hmm

[jmariah001]

Not doing to good right now. Emotions are all over the place. Being switched to a different anti-depressant. The one my pdoc put me on about 2 months ago isn't working. She put me on Trintellix. It's a newer ssri. She tried me on Cymbalta but it didn't work. Before that I was taking paxil. But it stopped working. I hate switching meds. Hopefully this new one works. I am trying to think positively. We shall see.

[Moose72]

Tried to go to choir but my windows all fogged up. I couldnt see out the back. Blasted the heat on defrost. Opened the back windows. Dangerous. I decided to come back home because it would be worse in the dark.i really am not looking forward to another winter like last year. I can see depression creepiing up if it is.

I only took 3 of my meds today -- lexapro, Lipitor, and Ritalin. I didn't take my Rexulti or my Lamictal. Didn't take my PRN Klonopin either (not that I take it often, but just stating that I didn't take it).

I feel better without the lamictal and rexulti. I don't think I will end up taking them again. I just don't see the benefit in them. I wish I could go off my lexapro too, but I get nauseous from stopping that, so that's something I'll have to figure out later.

I'm pretty content right now and I feel that my meds are just holding me back. I was able to concentrate SO WELL today without the lamictal. Rexulti doesn't really affect my concentration so much (at least I don't think), but it's just an added pill like lexapro that needs to go. I'm thinking about cancelling my upcoming pdoc appt in December because I'm sick of meds.

Meds just cost too much $$$ and I don't need them. For me, they're just a bunch of sugar pills with bad side effects.

This is not about me hating meds simply because of their side effects. This is about me hating meds because I think they're useless and do nothing for me.

[TheSeaCat]

Come on Saturday! I need a day off. Training is going well then again it’s an EMR I’m used to from my former job. I can’t wait till next week when I don’t have to get up at 6 in the stinking morning. My therapist thinks I’m doing well since I don’t feel any anxiety or panic. It means my meds are keeping me in check. We talked about my fear of the Cardiolgist. We talked about how I need a stronger dose of Prilosec to hopefully stop the fire breathing dragon. The boyfriend and I did Greek for lunch it was delicious.

I love my new therapist he is the sweetest thing.

I’m exausted and it’s not even 8pm here. Probably going to be an early night

[yellow_fleurs]

I stopped using my light box a couple of days ago after I got super irritable. I don't know if it is related, but I felt like I needed to try something because it was getting out of control. My irritability has decreased, but now I feel very tired, lethargic, apathetic. Just really blah. I cannot tell if I am under the weather or depressed. I hope it was all a coincidence because I really want to use the light box and ward off the seasonal depression.

[Victoria'smom]

My SIL wants us to drive up to my MIL birthday. Yeah tells us now, really? I mean we don't make a lot. We kinda need more of a heads up. We're suppose to be up there on the 17th a two day drive so we need to leave around the 14th. In a rented car? because you know our cars are broken and we don't have the money to fix them. She texted this in a group text with their brother that my husband hasn't talked in 5+ years. My son has school too. What about that? I'm so frustrated.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

I stopped using my light box a couple of days ago after I got super irritable. I don't know if it is related, but I felt like I needed to try something because it was getting out of control. My irritability has decreased, but now I feel very tired, lethargic, apathetic. Just really blah. I cannot tell if I am under the weather or depressed. I hope it was all a coincidence because I really want to use the light box and ward off the seasonal depression.

I've had to start and stop then restart my box several times in a year before to get a positive effect. Too early and I get manic. I never start it until mid-November because of this. Some years I am able to use it and some years I can't. Right now I am not sure I'll be trying it at all this year since I'm having trouble sleeping already. I'll have to see.

Have you had a vitamin D level checked lately? That can really help with the symptoms you mentioned and a deficiency is really common.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I got the best sleep I've had in weeks. I went to the dentist and had a crown replaced and 2 fillings. Tomorrow I have another 2 fillings and a special cleaning for gingivitis (stupid dry mouth from meds). Then I'll just have one more appointment for 4 fillings and I need 2 crowns that have to be spaced out a bit because of limits on my insurance. Probably one in the next few months and one next year. Fun stuff but I'll glad to get it done and to have a dentist I feel is competent and kind. I still miss my dentist who retired but this is a good situation.

We went to Sam's club and Kroger after I got home from the dentist and so I'm pretty tired. Hopefully I'll fall asleep pretty soon so I have lots of sleep before my next appointment. I also hope my advil keeps the soreness away so I can sleep. The crown placement is sore.

Come on sleep!

[Pookyl]

Hot gorgeous spring day - 104 degrees Fahrenheit.
Wee bit buzzy as a result.
I’m managing to be compliant with meds even though I don’t want to take them. I’m trying to remind myself how unwell I feel when manic etc.
I had a big argument with my pdoc (mainly one sided). She said I only ever want to be off my meds when my mood is up.
I want to go buy some clothes but I still don’t have access to cash/cards following my last manic episode in May.