[Victoria'smom]

So things are okay. I'm noticing I have a lot of anxiety and that maybe leading to my meltdowns.

My son went to a card shop with my nephew. I was telling my husband I hope he doesn't spend all his money on cards.

He came home with cards for ME I opened them but went to bed because I was so tired. Well he realized he bought the wrong ones when he was looking at it closer. He was devastated. He cried himself to sleep last night. My husband told me this morning.

I told him never to cry himself to sleep even if I'm sleeping he has my permission and I want him to wake me up. He shouldn't ever cry himself to sleep. That he didn't pick the wrong one. I know how horrible it feels when you think you made a mistake.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

So things are okay. I'm noticing I have a lot of anxiety and that maybe leading to my meltdowns.


My son went to a card shop with my nephew. I was telling my husband I hope he doesn't spend all his money on cards.


He came home with cards for ME I opened them but went to bed because I was so tired. Well he realized he bought the wrong ones when he was looking at it closer. He was devastated. He cried himself to sleep last night. My husband told me this morning.


I told him never to cry himself to sleep even if I'm sleeping he has my permission and I want him to wake me up. He shouldn't ever cry himself to sleep. That he didn't pick the wrong one. I know how horrible it feels when you think you made a mistake.

I’m so sorry , can you get your insurance reinstated? Or find a new company ? There is this online “ the general” insurance company.

Aww your poor baby ..... he will be okay tho , he’s a very strong kid.

You can be strong for your family !

[Victoria'smom]

can you get your insurance reinstated? Or find a new company ? My husband is calling tomorrow and seeing what we can do.

[Victoria'smom]

Christmas went well. He enjoyed it he likes his MTG cards best I think.

I'm re-thinking this whole therapy thing.

[Victoria'smom]

I got headphones for christmas. I'm trying to keep them at a volume where I can hear everything but I'm still closed off. It's so temping to blare out the noise in my head. I've been in a place where I know more meds make me zombified but less will just do nothing. This is not working. I'm scared to start therapy again this Wednesday. I totally stopped my mood/event/thought chart. I'm going to give her what I have but I'm going to feel very odd giving it to her. I'm going to tell her See it was weeks back. honestly I'm only in therapy per the request of my Pnuse. I'm a little shy to share what went wrong with the last time. How do you go

Possible trigger:

"I wanted to show her I bleed light but she starting talking about what's going on

Should I tell her m wanted me in iop when she ever she saw me?

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I got headphones for christmas. I'm trying to keep them at a volume where I can hear everything but I'm still closed off. It's so temping to blare out the noise in my head. I've been in a place where I know more meds make me zombified but less will just do nothing. This is not working. I'm scared to start therapy again this Wednesday. I totally stopped my mood/event/thought chart. I'm going to give her what I have but I'm going to feel very odd giving it to her. I'm going to tell her See it was weeks back. honestly I'm only in therapy per the request of my Pnuse. I'm a little shy to share what went wrong with the last time. How do you go

Possible trigger:

"I wanted to show her I bleed light but she starting talking about what's going on

Should I tell her m wanted me in iop when she ever she saw me?

Choose what YOU want to work on in therapy.

Sometimes when I finally go--what I need to work on that day is totally different from what I anticipate on the days prior that I need to talk about. I'll make an appointment for one thing, then when that day finally comes--I have found that I have already worked through some of it so I talk about more recent things.

We don't have to tell our Ts everything but try to talk about what YOU want to change. I think we have to want to change for it to work.

[Victoria'smom]

I think we have to want to change for it to work. That's the thing. I don't see the issue with how I am. Hell it's hard for me to take my meds and they're ODT. I know if I stop I'll isolate more then blame them for it. I don't want the fear ever again. So I take meds. Everyone seems to focus on my loud head but I'm fine with it. I don't want to deal with my "non-existent" eating disorder. I know I'm not okay but it feels like anything I say will lead to iop/ip. especially if I do the m/e/t chart. My meds don't have to be changed or uped.

[~Christina]

Why not just say something like this :

I want to work on finding another way to cope with stress rather than use my headphones to block out the family and myself.

You pick a topic

[Victoria'smom]

We have to go over goals next time. I'm going to show her the note I wrote PN, the "things I forgot to say last time" and the m/t/e chart I started again.

[Wild Coyote]

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and to your family.
I hope there are better things ahead for each of you.

WC

[Victoria'smom]

11 hrs till T.

WC thank-you.

I think my goals are going to be stop isolating and lessen the SH thoughts.

[Victoria'smom]

10 min. Until t.

[Victoria'smom]

I don't like this T but I don't need to for help. She's very confused why we go back and forth between treatment. She says I'm enabling my boys. That I have a ton of trauma and tons of negative coping skills. My treatment plan she didn't have me look at it but I signed it. She said she will not just leave my ED out of it. That I flip back and forth to wether it's a problem. She wouldn't give me the papers back and they'll be in my file and shared with pdoc. today went so bad but good too it's really weird it's completely NOT the way I wanted it to go.

She thinks Miguel should go to public school (not going to happen)

And my husband go to work (also not happening) she says my anxiety is because I avoid everything.

[Victoria'smom]

Possible trigger:

I want to purge, cut, drink, cut, purge, drink... repeat.

[unaluna]

Your t is really trying to push you out of your comfort zone. You and your family members. But thats gonna have to happen just from miguel growing up. My nephew was homeschooled also, so i kinda get it. The family didnt take it well.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I don't like this T but I don't need to for help. She's very confused why we go back and forth between treatment. She says I'm enabling my boys. That I have a ton of trauma and tons of negative coping skills. My treatment plan she didn't have me look at it but I signed it. She said she will not just leave my ED out of it. That I flip back and forth to wether it's a problem. She wouldn't give me the papers back and they'll be in my file and shared with pdoc. today went so bad but good too it's really weird it's completely NOT the way I wanted it to go.

She thinks Miguel should go to public school (not going to happen)

And my husband go to work (also not happening) she says my anxiety is because I avoid everything.

Wow, I wonder what kind of therapy this is? Perhap DBT or CBT? Doesn't seem like the nonjudgemental, I accept you as you are kind. Do you agree with what she said there? I hope you did not sign something you did not agree with. If you did--IMO you should either tell her what you disagree with and why or stop going. Some of the things said sound hard to hear. Perhaps you agreed with some of it?

I did home school my son for a while until I got him into a better school and acknowledge that sometimes home school is better. Does your son like being homeschooled and is he motivated to do the work? Do you think he is learning a lot? When I homeschooled my son (this happened when he was in middleschool), I felt like I needed to have him involved in extracurricular activities so I was driving him around just as much as I did when he was in public school. Do you think your son is getting a good education?

[Victoria'smom]

I don't take offence to any of it because she doesn't know me or my family well. It's not non-judgement but unlike the other 3 therapists I'm thinking and defending the why's of my choices. Maybe I'll grow to like her but I can see most her clientele needing a softer approach. At the same time she meets me after I've been T hopping for the past 4 years and not getting help really. I think she's trying to see where my "soft" spots are. Plus she has very limited time to help before I'm no longer stable and safe. When most Ts won't work with me. I'm okay with her right now.

Does your son like being homeschooled and is he motivated to do the work? He's never had the option for anything else. He's never been motivated. We eventually gave him money for outsourced classes online or college courses. That brought us his grade to a 3.3.

Do you think he is learning a lot? He's been taking college classes for about 1.5 years. It's not traditional classes but he's learning a lot.

Do you think your son is getting a good education? I do, we're trying to pull back his co-ops so that he can do his community service hours for his scholarship. Which he would not get if he was not home schooled. We went from 3 co-ops to 1 co-op that he's teaching at and D&D. We're hoping he'll get a job or something. He has do 100 hrs. Community service and 180 hrs. internship he needs to complete first.

Miguel has decided to do an extra year at home before moving away to college. He has no idea what he wants to do and that's good, maybe he'll find a passion. If he chooses not to go on then that's fine too but it sucks because he has a huge scholarship.

My Nephew Moved into the dorms. So now I don't have to worry about where he's sleeping.

My eating disorder and anxiety are spinning out of control. Suckey thing is I don't want to stop it. I can stop the anxiety with indulging the ED but then that's deadly. There's no you can do it x amount of time before it'll cause death. It's a one wrong step and your done.

[Victoria'smom]

My husband seems to be coming out of his depression. School starts in a week from now. Honestly I suck at this whole parenting thing. As Miguel gets older I doubt more and more if I've done an okay job creating a happy and healthy adult.

[Victoria'smom]

I have this empty pain, like a hole in my chest. I can't catch my breath. I've had it for a couple of days now. I've thought of suicide but that'll just spread this emptiness to everyone I know and for some (family, friends) that hole will never go away. I don't want to spread this.

[Victoria'smom]

I talked to my son last night. He just wants motivation and his irritability to go away. He's mad because he doesn't get mania. He doesn't take meds because they don't work fast enough. Then he gets caught up in his head being negative and stops taking it. He wants to go back on all the meds he was on when we moved down here. He looks back on that time as him doing well. He doesn't care about the picking. I'm hoping Pnurse can help. I told him not to restart his medication without seeing pnurse. It's like a little over a week before he sees her and his T again. He's also upset he can't do a co-op because his Pnurse only works Monday and Wednesday.

[Victoria'smom]

So I went to T. I really don't like her but whatever. She wants me to journal which I'll start the mood/thought/event chart tonight. She wants me to take a walk or do sit ups any time I want to hurt myself. I’d be doing sit-ups all day. That’s kinda the point though isn’t it? I’m learning I complain about the boys to much and I really need to stop. She says I’m enabling but everyone has roles in a household, right? I didn’t tell her about how my depression feels. She asked if I wanted to hurt myself I could only shake my head yes and she asked if I needed the hospital I shook my head no and squeaked out “I wouldn’t do anything.” I would do anything to get rid of this pain. I know that’s a slippery slope. It sucks knowing a couple solutions but being unable to do them because they frowned upon. It’ll just make it look like I’m doing worse than I actually am. She made sure I have a Pdoc appointment. I don’t see the point in doing this anymore. I kinda just want to fade away anyway. Why can’t I just do that? Why is that wrong? She’s already frustrated with me and it’s the 3rd time I see her. I’m the best at introductions. (sarcasm).

[~Christina]

Why do you say she’s frustrated with you? I highly doubt it, I think it’s more your “ thinking” she is.

I’m glad you told her as much as you did. I know you have many fears about being honest in T , you did well today.

Her pushing you to journal and exercise when you want to self harm is a perfect logical request that you try.

Please do yourself a favor and stick with her .... might be a perfect fit.

What about you both use cannabis if it's legal. If it's not, I won't tell 😶

[Victoria'smom]

Why do you say she’s frustrated with you? I highly doubt it, I think it’s more your “ thinking” she is. She thinks I enable to much. I'm not raising my son right. (which with the thing she says I doubt she has kids).

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I don't like this T but I don't need to for help. She's very confused why we go back and forth between treatment. She says I'm enabling my boys. That I have a ton of trauma and tons of negative coping skills. My treatment plan she didn't have me look at it but I signed it. She said she will not just leave my ED out of it. That I flip back and forth to wether it's a problem. She wouldn't give me the papers back and they'll be in my file and shared with pdoc. today went so bad but good too it's really weird it's completely NOT the way I wanted it to go.

She thinks Miguel should go to public school (not going to happen)

And my husband go to work (also not happening) she says my anxiety is because I avoid everything.

Is there any truth whatsoever in what she is saying?