I had one seriously strange dream last night. In my dream, I was at the grocery store in the sanitary napkin section and one brand had two different types. One read "For bipolar type 1" and the other "For bipolar type 2". That totally perplexed me, as you can imagine it would. Then I went around asking people why on earth people with different types of bipolar disorder would have different needs for such a product. Thought I'd share this odd one.

Hubby is sleeping late again because of his night owl tendencies. I, on the other hand, have been sleeping 10 hours each night. The early darkness makes me sleepy so early. I think I fell asleep at 8 pm last night. I wake up feeling good, though.

Because of early sleepiness and long hours of sleep, I went from 600 mg Seroquel XR to 500 mg about a week ago. I doubt my psychiatrist will lower it further at this point, especially since I'm feeling good. Lowering it more before the holidays would be too risky.

Doing alright. Been doing some art/craft. Not overly pleased with yesterday's results. Started another one. Will go better, right? Right. Listening to music a lot. Made a healthy dinner. Still waking up too early. Still hung on insurance.

Today is another meetup. Yea!

Hmm, what else? Bah Humbug! Except the lights of course.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Small update; vampires wanted more blood; my CBC showed an infection so I guess the ear infection still exists. Head CT scan showed I have a lovely concussion from hitting the display. My blood pressure has ticked up a few points; still super low though. Heart rate refuses to budge.

My primary doc came for a little visit apparently he was working this weekend and was alerted than I found myself in a hospital. He wanted to make sure I was doing alright; he also wants to see me after I am released so I can't escape his office either; so he can check the head wound. He also told me to put down the textbook/laptop and rest. I honestly don't know how to rest finals are next week and I want either President's List; or Vice President's list.

He thought M was the ex C. Nope; best friend/person I have feelings for. There is also that office pole of when; sadly everyone lost since everyone guested by the office Christmas Party. I feel it will be soon since he refuses to leave the chair in my room. He also said he would be spending the night.

R brought me pajamas so now I can ditch the hospital gown since my shirt has buttons, I had to fight with a nurse and a hospitalist since they wouldn't let me use the bathroom since I am fall risk. They threatened a cath; I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom in spite; pissed the hospitalist off completely, which is okay because it was a NP and I really don't like them, the new one is a PA for the night shift; he told me have a nurse accompany me to the bathroom. I win that battle.

I am hooked up to a lot of IV lines and bags; I quite like IV Tylenol it's made the concession headache evaporate and has kicked my fever down a few pegs. I also have antibiotics, fluids with salt, and Levophed. I can count like five odd bags of medication plus my standard pills.

My nieces can't visit since they are not 16 and that's the visiting age; which is dumb since I am technically stable, it's not like I have a vent or a chest tube oozing blood. My Aunt dropped by; I also called my parents and Skyped for about 10 minutes. I've worried them, and told them about the new car in hopes dad screaming would raise my blood pressure; didn't even budge. He's mostly mad that isn't an American Made car; and Nissan's in his mind are a piece of junk.

I cannot have a shower since I am a fall risk, my hair is a bloody mess; literally it's in a nasty top knot. On the plus side I have hypoallergenic cardiac leads and I'm not itchy at all. Cardiologist told me I could have pulled the monitor off after 24 and called his office and told them I had an allergy.

I could do without the old guy in the room next to me screaming for bacon, granted thin glass walls meant I got to hear a fun argument between him and the Cardiologist. He walked in on me eating a big fat burger and didn't say anything. I think he hoped it would raise the blood pressure. M also brought me a milkshake with the burger. I am glad it wasn't hospital food.

I realize I said small update that wasn't so small.

Correction: not an IV it's a PICC line; M corrected me that you don't put Levophed directly through an IV. I'm Admin not a nurse lol

Hugs to everyone

I’m sorry you are going through this. How frightening! I am glad you are being monitored though and I hope they can figure out what is going on and address the problem. Thinking of you.

[Moose72]

Slowly doing laundry. I should run the dishwasher. I wish n2 would clean up her mess in the livinhroom. (And do the dishes but yeah right.)

At Starbucks reading my book. Last night I got out my portable cd player and tried to fall asleep to one of my favorite cds that I hadnt heard in a long time. Was nice but I didnt fall asleep.

My dad called yesterday. Unusual. Was a nice conversation but I wished I had told him I love him.

I've been sat here for the past 15/20 minits wondering what I'm going to say about today (I litirally don't know)

well not really one of the best days- sat here in the dark (now posting on the forum), but before watching tv, and in a lot of chronic pain

can't believe it's sunday and another weekend has passed with very little (none?) activity

what can I say

Possible trigger:

I don't want to be here

and I know sitting here waiting for death isn't really the answer, but what is

[Sunflower123]

My mom was talking with my sister on speaker phone about going out to eat before the symphony today and she was being her usual hateful and hostile self. I said I’m not doing this and left the room. She really started screaming then.

I calmly texted my sister that I didn’t think she knew how hateful she can be and that I would no longer be around that behavior when she acts out. She texted back that she was sorry and that I am correct... she is hateful. I’m elated that I finally set a firm boundary with my sister and put her on notice about her behavior and that I stood up for myself in a diplomatic way.

Going to the symphony’s holiday presentation today with family. Looking forward to it.

Hugs to all.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I've been sat here for the past 15/20 minits wondering what I'm going to say about today (I litirally don't know)

well not really one of the best days- sat here in the dark (now posting on the forum), but before watching tv, and in a lot of chronic pain

can't believe it's sunday and another weekend has passed with very little (none?) activity

what can I say

Possible trigger:

I don't want to be here

and I know sitting here waiting for death isn't really the answer, but what is

Possible trigger:

Im feeling bored and wide awake. Not a good combo! I dont want to be here either.

[TheSeaCat]

I’m really scared guys, my blood pressure returned to my version of normal which is slightly high; after bottoming out once again in the middle of the night. Nothing quite like a blaring alarm to wake up from a Seroquel-induced slumber.

Tilt test in a little bit to see if it’s Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia or Postural Orthostatic Sinus Tachycardia. I’m worried that it is the latter which would be a big change to my go lifestyle, if I pass this test then I get to have a cardiac cath threaded through my leg to figure out my heart’s electrical activity and which medications I react well to. Which to be honest I’d rather have no test and be at home with R, Demon, and yaps-a-lot.

Heart rate is still rather high at 168, which scares everyone that enters my room; besides the Cardiologist.

My Cardiologist is an absolute sweetheart, like I thought most specialists were a-holes. He’s very considerate over everything and super through, have I mentioned he looks super good in scrubs and that accent of his. He also really cares which I appreciate, I don’t think their is anything worse than a doctor that doesn’t care or is burnt out.

I really do not deserve M, like I wish you guys were here to see how marvelous he is. He spent the night in which I am sure was a probably uncomfortable couch, he also wiped my morning drool from my cheek. Held my hand when it felt like everyone was suddenly in my room when the blood pressure tanked again.

A very sweet tech decided to remove the caked in blood from my hair from the cut last night. So now my hair is at least blood free even if my ends are dry. It’s still in a top knot with some bandages wrapped around my head, oh well at least it’s sort of clean.

I’m off to change out of my floral PJ’s and into a pair of leggings for the tilt test, and then eat whatever bland thing they decide to serve me for breakfast. I’m doing okay though just a little scared, I certainly did not realize I was this sick.

Hugs to everyone

You are very much in my thoughts, TheSeaCat. Best of luck through this testing.

[Blueberrybook]

So sorry for everyone having a hard time. Hugs to all

I'm doing OK. So-so, I guess, for the holiday season not too terrible. Yesterday, we had an extended family birthday party for my daughter at my parents' house (about 1, 1 1/2 hours to get there). It was nice because my sister, BIL, and my 2 nephews drove down from the Dallas area, which is a long drive. I haven't seen them since the summer. My youngest sister was there too, but 2 of my nieces were sick, so they were at home with her H, and only my oldest niece (2nd grade) was there.

It was nice to see everyone, but my daughter started feeling sick after opening gifts (she is not a complainer about sickness usually), and when we got home, she had a fever of over 100 degrees, so I gave her some Motrin, hoping maybe it is just sinus stuff. She seems better this morning, and hopefully, she will stay that way.

It looks like H is going to get the job at Lamar University in Beaumont teaching in Industrial Engineering, first as a visiting professor, then on the full professor tenure track if they like his performance. Not sure if for January or summer, but the guy hiring wanted everything in ASAP, so maybe for the spring, probably an intro class. It is a long drive, but there is a possibly they will have H there 3 days a week, working from home 2 days a week, teaching online classes. We just don't know if it will be for January or starting in summer. It is going to depend on HR now. The dept. wants him, the provost wants him, so really, it's just HR, but even now, people there could be taking vacation and not be back until Jan. Waiting is so hard.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

I’m really scared guys, my blood pressure returned to my version of normal which is slightly high; after bottoming out once again in the middle of the night. Nothing quite like a blaring alarm to wake up from a Seroquel-induced slumber.

Tilt test in a little bit to see if it’s Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia or Postural Orthostatic Sinus Tachycardia. I’m worried that it is the latter which would be a big change to my go lifestyle, if I pass this test then I get to have a cardiac cath threaded through my leg to figure out my heart’s electrical activity and which medications I react well to. Which to be honest I’d rather have no test and be at home with R, Demon, and yaps-a-lot.

Heart rate is still rather high at 168, which scares everyone that enters my room; besides the Cardiologist.

My Cardiologist is an absolute sweetheart, like I thought most specialists were a-holes. He’s very considerate over everything and super through, have I mentioned he looks super good in scrubs and that accent of his. He also really cares which I appreciate, I don’t think their is anything worse than a doctor that doesn’t care or is burnt out.

I really do not deserve M, like I wish you guys were here to see how marvelous he is. He spent the night in which I am sure was a probably uncomfortable couch, he also wiped my morning drool from my cheek. Held my hand when it felt like everyone was suddenly in my room when the blood pressure tanked again.

A very sweet tech decided to remove the caked in blood from my hair from the cut last night. So now my hair is at least blood free even if my ends are dry. It’s still in a top knot with some bandages wrapped around my head, oh well at least it’s sort of clean.

I’m off to change out of my floral PJ’s and into a pair of leggings for the tilt test, and then eat whatever bland thing they decide to serve me for breakfast. I’m doing okay though just a little scared, I certainly did not realize I was this sick.

Hugs to everyone

I am thinking of you and praying everything goes OK for you and they find the problem and it's not terrible. I am glad you have someone there for you, and, yes, you do deserve M.

[Scooter9]

My depression is affecting my marriage. I've been depressed for 15 months now and been unmotivated to do just about anything. Housework included.

I'm working again which is good, at least the bills are getting paid again. But otherwise life is not good.

I take Modafinil to wake up and take Latuda and go to sleep. In between it's a struggle to stay 'normal' and remain productive.

My wife is frustrated with me, that I do so little apparently. She makes dinner for me but I'm otherwise self sufficient. I clean what I can but it's never enough or it's not done the right way, or done too late.

I'm happy with the fact that I'm showering every day, going to work, managing my meds, paying the mortgage and bills, taking care of the cat, visiting our disabled relative, etc. But it seems it's not enough.

On a slightly better topic, my astronomy is going well. Taking lots of photos, organizing the older ones I took, participating in the community by sharing my photos and experience. In getting lots of likes and feedback. So maybe I'll be able to stick with it this time.

My older son is coming to visit for the holidays, he arrives soon so that'll be nice.

[Unrigged64072835]

Just down today. I was going to do some music work, but one of the pieces of equipment I bought won’t work, and the other is too big for my desk. I tried to send them back but my husband wanted to take the second piece. I’m sending the defective part back tomorrow. Now I don’t have a keyboard until next month. Ugh. I suppose I could do other stuff but I was really looking forward to doing the music bit and now I’m really disappointed. Back still hurts but I’m still doing housework. I’m not supposed to but if I want it done I have to.

TheSeaCat, I do hope there is some diagnosis and treatment soon.

Love and hugs to everyone.

[Guiness187055]

You are doing great on the weight loss. It's amazing what eating right and no alcohol will do for you. Especially no alcohol.

[Nammu]

((((((((SeaCat)))))))))) hope they figure out what medicine will help, soon!

[yellow_fleurs]

Had a great day with my friend yesterday. We made some candles, and had wine and cookies. Today I feel irritable and anxious. I have been feeling stuck with a life situation I do not know how to fix. Working on some exercises my therapist gave me. We started with DBT, then she discussed some ACT, and now I think she is moving towards EMDR.

My advisor has been really patient with how long it is taking me to edit my paper. I think he sensed that I was not doing well this past year. But, at this point I kind of feel like I owe him some sort of apology. Thing is I don't exactly want to explain the issues I was having with my mental health because I want to keep our relationship professional and it would make me feel a little weird. I also don't want to sound like I am making some sort of excuse. Maybe I will just mention I have had personal issues and leave it at that.

Hugs to all who want them

I didn't sleep too well last night. I kinda stayed up until 4am. I didn't take the Clozaril at all. The pharmacist doesn't want me to take them, they hinted that at me with a new pharmacist and by screwing up my Rx. See my pdoc in a few weeks, and I'll ask him to switch me back to one of the APs that I can get at the pharmacy up the road instead of jumping through hoops for Clozaril.

[hopeless2015]

Doing so, so. Was in bed at 8 last night. In the recliner for the day I think. Just gonna give in to it today and then get my *** up and go to work tomorrow, I just have to get through next week then I'm off work until Jan 2nd. I'm looking forward to the break even if I dont have anything planned.

Hugs to all

[xRavenx]

I haven't felt this way in a while. Even with depression, usually I hold back tears. Today, the tears keep flowing and flowing. The rapid cycling with mania caught up with me, and I'm feeling the "crash." I don't even know why I feel this way, and I cannot even explain to anyone around me why I feel this way when others ask what is wrong. This is why I locked myself in my room and do not feel like getting up or doing anything.

[wildflowerchild25]

Had a low day today. I don’t feel low but I acted low. I slept until nine, got up for an hour, then went back to sleep until 12. I did take a shower. I took my son out to lunch with the intention of going grocery shopping afterward but it’s miserable out; cold and rainy. I hate unloading groceries in the rain so I said **** it I’ll go tomorrow after work. Then I can home and laid in bed waiting for my phone to charge. I did wash the dishes with the intention of making cookies but it turns out I don’t have any ginger. I must have used it up last year making gingerbread cookies. So that was a fail.

I still have so much baking and candy making to do. I want to give RS a tin of cookies and candy for Christmas. I also got him a pair of buffalo bills slippers and I’m going to get him a black hoodie for work which he asked for. I asked him for a scarf and gloves. That way it’s not too expensive. He already got me those beautiful flowers a week ago I don’t really need anything else from him. But he said he wanted to get me a gift so there you go. He got my son a gift as well which I’m touched by because he really didn’t need to do that. He’s so sweet.

Ugh I just feel blah. I’m starting to panic about quitting nicotine. I want to try but I’m so scared I’ll get depressed. Depression goes from 0-60 for me in a matter of days. On day one I’m a little down and by day 5 I’m actively suicidal. If that happens I will buy a different vape and just try again at another time. I don’t see my pdoc again until feb 19 so I won’t be able to get a med change to counteract the nicotine withdrawal.

I hope the rain stops tomorrow. That will lift my mood some.

[TheSeaCat]

Another small update that probably won’t be small at all. Still in the CVICU still have the angry bacon guy on the other side if only I could get out of this bed he and I would be having a discussion. I didn’t sleep well at all last night Seroquel is a lovely sedative at home but when everything beeps and your nurse checks on you every damn hour, you aren’t getting much sleep.

Cardiologist also had the audacity to tell me no coffee since we don’t need a lot of things overstimulating my heart. So I’ve been reduced to Sprite but I can still eat what I want, might send R for some tacos that sounds good. My blood pressure also bottomed out again a few hours after the tilt table test, which I passed so I do not have Postural Orthostatic Sinus Tachycardia. It is Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia. So I get the fun test of needle in thigh sometime tomorrow since the electrophysiologist doesn’t work weekends, my Cardiologist said he’s an ***, he will also be there so that’s good. I also won’t be asleep, I’ll be given some good stuff that will make me happy and chill but I’ll be able to talk during it.

R went to get more clothes for me since my doc told me I probably wouldn’t be released much before Tuesday or Wednesday. Demon had a episode when R got home he was screaming loudly and pawing at her. She called me and I needed up having to Skype a cat to get him to settle, guess his Prozac doesn’t work when I’m not home. Poor baby I miss my kitty.

My primary doc also stopped by for another visit, he and M get along swimmingly the only thing I can think of is I wonder if I can poach him from the evil empire he currently works for. He complained that they are just terrible, I agree. I’m really surprised that he has visited both days. I know I was his first patient and all but I really am a pain in the tush most of the time. They put new bandages around the head wound and my hair feels absolutely gross.

I have a wonderful new Hospitalist who is officially super sweet she said M and I would make a cute couple and wanted to know where my pajamas were from. Doesn’t matter how nice the staff is I still want out of her.

I would love a shower, but after the last drop of blood pressure I’ve been reduced to bed rest and a port a commode. I want to go home but my blood pressure is still not normal it’s 90/60 and my heart rate is atrocious at 170.

I know I sound really whiny and I should probably learn what a short update is, I’m just tired and my options are basically study, talk, or post. Since sleep I’m impossible here.

My boss also said I’m like a daughter to her, and that I need to hurry up and get better. But to take my time in getting better and that I can have all the time I need; and to not worry about the doctor’s appointments. I might have bauled after she left.

M is also wonderful in the fact that he refuses to leave; he also had R stop at his place and make him an overnight bag. I really do appreciate him and of course R. It’s also really having a PA millimeters away since he is usually up the moment one of the stupid alarm goes off.

The IV Tylenol is wonderful when it comes to concussion headaches and fever reduction. Also I’m glad my antibiotics are in IV form instead of horse pills.

My family also came for a visit, mom really likes M. Dad ran his mouth to the Cardiologist and got a lecture from him which was amusing.

Hugs to everyone

Also thank you all for the well wishes. I really appricate all of you guys

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I haven't felt this way in a while. Even with depression, usually I hold back tears. Today, the tears keep flowing and flowing. The rapid cycling with mania caught up with me, and I'm feeling the "crash." I don't even know why I feel this way, and I cannot even explain to anyone around me why I feel this way when others ask what is wrong. This is why I locked myself in my room and do not feel like getting up or doing anything.

(((((((((((Raven))))))))))))

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( TheSeaCat ))))))

Sorry you are going through so much. I hope it turns out to be very helpful.
Thinking of you!

WC

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( Jennifer1967 ))))))

Good for you for setting some boundaries! Sounds like it went well.
I hope you are having fun at the symphony!


WC

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( xRavenx ))))))

Sounds like you are having a rough time. So sorry about the depression.
Please take care!

WC