[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

You surviving every second is a courageous feat and you can be proud of that. Lots of people would cave in going through what you do everyday. And you’re such a wellspring of support to others here. It’s utterly amazing. I’m in awe.

I sometimes feel like I’m putting my husband through the ringer but he knew coming into this relationship that I was mentally ill, same with me knowing he has MS. And like with MS there are good times and bad times. Sometimes the bad times are long and they feel never ending. But there are good times, even for a few seconds.

Love to you too, WC.

Thanks so much, Fharraige!

Yes, my H knew of my illnesses when we'd married. We have been together for 27 years. I am not the person I was in the beginning. Illnesses have progressed. It's more difficult for me now.

I appreciate your support and your very kind words. I am in awe of you, too. You have to deal with a lot, too.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

So tired and sore. Small bedroom is cleaned, though, so we can start moving storage stuff there over the next few days. Then clean the large bedroom and turn that into a craft/sewing room.

Husband has neuro followup tomorrow. He seems to be doing okay without the meds but he’s still fatigued. Guess that won’t change now. I’m picking up the muscle relaxant for my back since the nerve blocks didn’t work for that either.

Doing good though. Been making some art and some music, and a lot of cooking. Keeping busy helps.

Lots of love and hugs, especially for those who are struggling.

I am so sorry the nerve blocks did not work. I hope you can get comfortable with the use of the relaxants.

WC

[Victoria'smom]

My husband is going up. I feel empty, numbed and pain

Possible trigger:

thoughts of sui. are on my mind. I'm safe I wouldn't want to pass this feeling to anyone.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I’m sorry. I understand how your feeling, I think many of us do. We all deal with degrees of guilt and sadness about our own personal situations but it all boils down to having self worth , I struggle , actually it’s my biggest struggle.

I just remind myself as often as I can I matter and I matter to others. Really hard to do at times.

You know how I feel about you and my heart breaks for you that your sliding down, how to stop ? Oh if it was easy my shoulder is always available for you.

Just do your best self care and keep talking don’t get stuck in your head.

Thanks so much, Christina
I appreciate your undying support.
Some of this is depression talking. Some of what I was referring to exacerbates the depression and the pain. You know the drill very well, for which I am sorry.

You are a great friend to me and I am grateful.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by elliecake

The weather is getting worse, we (my mom and I) moved houses, it was my birthday a couple weeks ago, Christmas was stressful and I've just felt my mood plummeting. I sleep so much and I feel like a total loser. You'd think birthdays are supposed to be fun, but mine wasn't. I mean, it was a great birthday, but... idk. I just felt down. I hate myself for that. Christmas sucked too because of my mood. I cried at church. I just feel so emotional lately. This past week has gotten worse but I'm working on getting better because I start school again in 2 weeks... maybe it'll help me get back into a routine and feeling better.


Joining this forum has really helped me. You're all so nice and supportive, and it makes me feel less alone to see people who share my struggles.


Hugs to you all x

It must truly be tough to have a plummeting mood and to get through life, not to mention school! Good for you!

Many of us feel like losers when we are depressed and are having a tough time. We are not losers though; we are very courageous!

I am glad you are here with us!
Please take good care.

WC

[Nammu]

Oh, I'm sooooooo irritated. I went to give blood today and it went wrong. After my bag filled up they couldn't get more blood to fill the test tubes. So after dickering awhile they asked to use my other arm. They fussed and mussed and couldn't get blood out of that arm either so the blood the did collect will be discarded! Then I get home and immediately mums on me about the refrigerator and how she cleaned it had an attack( she's up to her poor me routine again and I have no patience for it. Then she asked me to make her muffins before I even got my jacket hung up. So after she stopped messing about I set the oven for 325 per instructions and went to wait for the oven to beep.....then I go in and she's reset the oven to 350!!!! Gah!!! Then she asks if it cold out in her poor me tone cause she's got to go out to get the paper and I just go get it. I can't stand it when she pulls this poor me crap, yes she's 90 but she's in fine health! I suppose I could be affected from giving blood but ahh! Just leave me alone and stop talking to me unless you can say something positive.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

My husband is going up. I feel empty, numbed and pain

Possible trigger:

thoughts of sui. are on my mind. I'm safe I wouldn't want to pass this feeling to anyone.

I am very sorry you continue to be met with challenges.
I hope you will, indeed, keep yourself safe. We all love you and your family loves you and needs you!

Please take care.

WC

[wildflowerchild25]

I left work early today. I’m so weak. I also had thoughts of crashing my car while driving down the highway. I hope I can keep them in check. I don’t actually want to die.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Oh, I'm sooooooo irritated. I went to give blood today and it went wrong. After my bag filled up they couldn't get more blood to fill the test tubes. So after dickering awhile they asked to use my other arm. They fussed and mussed and couldn't get blood out of that arm either so the blood the did collect will be discarded! Then I get home and immediately mums on me about the refrigerator and how she cleaned it had an attack( she's up to her poor me routine again and I have no patience for it. Then she asked me to make her muffins before I even got my jacket hung up. So after she stopped messing about I set the oven for 325 per instructions and went to wait for the oven to beep.....then I go in and she's reset the oven to 350!!!! Gah!!! Then she asks if it cold out in her poor me tone cause she's got to go out to get the paper and I just go get it. I can't stand it when she pulls this poor me crap, yes she's 90 but she's in fine health! I suppose I could be affected from giving blood but ahh! Just leave me alone and stop talking to me unless you can say something positive.

Oh, wow. They waste blood like that? I am so sorry this happened to you.

I have days when I am tired of being "needed" so much, too. I try to be patient; yet, sometimes I just need a break!

I have to get on people a bit around home, when they start being negative. I can't take a lot of negativity, either.

I hope you get a break soon.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I left work early today. I’m so weak. I also had thoughts of crashing my car while driving down the highway. I hope I can keep them in check. I don’t actually want to die.

Those types of thoughts can be frightening.
I hope you will stay safe.
We all love you and your son loves you and needs you.

WC

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone I am so tired of health issues it's not even funny; I feel tired from the new Cardiac med; my jaw is super swollen and I'm pretty sure I'm heading for a dry socket or infection despite the antibiotics; so a PA that wasn't M or R put me on a different Antibiotic to see if maybe I need something stronger than the standard Amox. I know realistically if I was a smart person I would have taken at least one day off to recover; but no I'm a workaholic that doesn't know how to slow down.

Work was fine today no lectures from my boss regarding M doing what he did on Tuesday, in the best news my Seroquel is the brand that knocks me right out; granted I did switch to a different pharmacy. So now my sleep is back to being falling asleep 15 minutes after taking it; instead of having to augment with Melatonin; I mean I'm still probably going to take the Gummy since it does help me stay asleep. My Prilozec is also a different color; haven't noticed anything with it's effectiveness; I'm not spitting fire like a dragon; then again I'm not eating bad things but rather good things so that could be the difference. Who really knows at this point if it's the better eating or the medication.

I have Saturday plans with M again; I'm sad that we cannot kiss with my inflamed jaw; he has started kissing the left cheek that isn't swollen; with this though it makes me scared to have the lower left molar pulled. I just one week in which I don't have to see a doctor; dentist; or Cardiologist. I know I work with them but I guess it's to big of an ask to just go one week without needing to be seen.

Hugs to everyone

[jmariah001]

Kind of a bad day today. Found out my sister totaled her car yesterday because of bad weather. But she is now in the hospital for totally unrelated reasons. She was suicidal so they thought that being in the psych ward is the best thing for her right now. She has been suicidal on and off since November. The same time that I started IOP. I almost went inpatient last November for suicidal thoughts. So now I am having mixed feelings. I am glad she is getting help. But when she gets out they probably will want her in IOP. The problem is it would be the same class that I am currently taking. That is not allowed. Should I quit the program and let her go or have her go to the other agency in our county? I don't think it would be fair to have me quit. I am not ready to stop yet. That is the only thing keeping me sane. Winter is difficult for me. I don't want to slide backwards in my recovery. Scared right now. What to do?

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by jmariah001

Kind of a bad day today. Found out my sister totaled her car yesterday because of bad weather. But she is now in the hospital for totally unrelated reasons. She was suicidal so they thought that being in the psych ward is the best thing for her right now. She has been suicidal on and off since November. The same time that I started IOP. I almost went inpatient last November for suicidal thoughts. So now I am having mixed feelings. I am glad she is getting help. But when she gets out they probably will want her in IOP. The problem is it would be the same class that I am currently taking. That is not allowed. Should I quit the program and let her go or have her go to the other agency in our county? I don't think it would be fair to have me quit. I am not ready to stop yet. That is the only thing keeping me sane. Winter is difficult for me. I don't want to slide backwards in my recovery. Scared right now. What to do?

I can understand why you feel torn. It does sound like you should stay where you are and finish your IOP.
I hope both you and your sister feel much better soon.

WC

[Sliders]

Sad the past few days.

[~Christina]

Better today , my friend is finding her footing. Still wish I could hop a plane and see her, I’d hug her so tight.

My pain is ridiculous today.

At least things are improving.

Hugs to all

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m trying to remain calm about work tomorrow. I feel like I can’t do it but I did it on Wednesday when I was feeling bad so I know it’s possible. I can’t skip out again. I’m half hoping my girl isn’t there again because I really feel judged by the other classroom assistant even though I think that may be all in my head. I’m not sure. I feel like she’s talking bad about me behind my back. But again, I might just be traumatized by my last job where that teacher definitely was judging me and talking behind my back.

RS came over again tonight and just having the distraction helped me feel better. We went to dinner and then came back and just hung out with my son for awhile. I sent him home though. We’ve only been dating two months, I don’t want to be too dependent on him. I want to give him his space. I’m afraid if we are too intense in the beginning we will flame out. I want our relationship to grow. I want to be with him for a long time. I don’t want him to lose interest six months down the line like my ex did. We made plans to spend the night together tomorrow though. We are going to take my son to the aquarium and arcade on Saturday. I hope I feel up to it because I already told him we are going. But I should be ok as long as RS goes with me.

I guess I should try to sleep. I’m exhausted so it shouldn’t be too hard.

Feeling really good and happy. It was Scrabble last night. It was fun to see the Scrabble Pals. They're all so smart! I'm playing the higher division now and it's almost all men and it's very challenging. I couldn't even follow some of the stuff they were saying. One expert player sent me home with homework! Everyone is super helpful. I didn't do well in my games but it was just mostly sh_t luck.

I've noticed i sometimes don't enjoy activities that much while i'm doing them, like last night when i was losing so badly, but the next day i only remember the good things and i'm really happy i went. So, with that in mind, i scheduled two more activities that i've been waffling about.

I did my exercising today and really enjoyed it. I'm still very flexible from being a gymnast as a youngster. The greatest thing happens when i'm done my routine and i stand in front of the mirrors drinking my water: it looks like i have lost 100 pounds! I guess i think of myself as gigantic and when i finish exercising i feel better about my body and i see that i am just large and not gigantic at all.

My neighbor and i ran the dogs this afternoon and it was so delightful to see how my dog is just frenzied with excitement over the ball they chase! I love to make her happy. My neighbor and i are getting so close i almost feel like she's my best friend! She's super helpful. Actually, it's absurd how helpful she is and i feel so blessed to have her!

I'm cooking more and having indulgences and pleasures at home that i would never have had before. I would always have had to go out to a restaurant to have them. It's so nice to be able to provide for myself in my own home and i'm developing good skills in the kitchen.


I'm so happy!!!

[~Christina]

Wow ! I just logged on here with my laptop ! I only use Tapatalk anymore.. As I find it easier...

Funny I spent years on here via laptop yet I prefer Tapatalk now ...

Only down side is you can only hit "thanks"not a "hug".. So I click thanks and most people understand or at least I hope LOL

Ok back to my Phone it is easier on my PsA arthritis ...

Just wanted to share this random nonsense LOL

[251turnaround]

Just got out of the hospital yesterday. I was in a pretty bad mixed state and it was horrifying. I want to cry thinking about it. the whole experience. I haven't been that bad in years.

Seems like my bipolar is just getting worse these days.

[liveforsummer]

Hey everyone. I’ve been reading your posts and many hugs to all
I’ve slowly tapered my lamictal to half the original dose. Don’t feel any changes. Also tapering off zopiclone. That’s way harder. Sticking to my CBT sleep schedule so I’m hopeful.
Freezing here but sunny. I’ll take all the sun I can get!

Dermatology appointment went fine yesterday. She injected me with a liquid steroid and, while my shoulder still looks frightening, I'm not screaming every time I bump into something or roll over in my sleep. I have a prescription to pick up later but of course there was some BS with the insurance so it's going to take some time.

I'm still depressed. I'm "hearing" thoughts that aren't mine. I kinda just want to be on US 50 in Nevada.

Edit: Figured the insurance BS with some help and picked up my Rx. Driving feels weird today for some reason. Maybe it's my car. The tires probably need air.

[Blue_Bird]

Went out to the movies with some friends the other night, it was a lot of fun!

I had a headache for 2 days which finally went away. Only got 2 hours of sleep last night but I'm doing well overall.

The seroquel has been great. It seems to have helped my mood too even though I'm just taking 200mg every night for sleep. I'm already on a moodstabilizer but my mood is more level than it's been in a long time. I know it's sometimes used to augment other meds. I didn't realize how out of whack it's been until feeling better.

Haven't been hearing things lately, I'm happy about that. My mind isn't racing.

It's freezing outside. 13 degrees right now with a low of 9. I had to walk to the pharmacy earlier and I was completely frozen within a minute or two. I'm staying inside for the rest of the day and drinking cocoa with my cats.

I made it onto the deans list at my college for the fall semester, very proud of myself The spring semester starts on the 22nd.

Hope everyone is doing well

spikes, I'm glad the injection seems to have started to ease your shoulder discomfort. Hopefully you'll get the prescription med soon so it can be healed more asap. As for being in your desired place (US 50), a little healthy daydreaming may help with that.

Blue_Bird, so much great news from you! Congrats on the Dean's list and on finding relief from the Seroquel. I can totally imagine the Seroquel being helpful. I am a Seroquel fan. It's really been Seroquel (though Seroquel XR, in my case) that has made a real difference for me in recent years. Savor that cocoa! Sounds yummy

Yesterday wasn't really a bad day, but it was not as good as many days before it. Luckily this morning feels a little better. I hope I can feed this properly to keep it going.

I need to set some good health goals for myself. I won't choose hard to do things, just little things. Lately I've been drinking up to two glasses of wine each night at dinner. That's not good. I need to go back to my 1/2 glass or no glasses again. It would also be good for me to do any amount of walking. Even if it's just around the block. That doesn't have to be every day, but at least some days. I'm glad tomorrow is the weekend. Hubby will walk with me.

I see my therapist today. I'm going to ask to reduce my sessions to every other week instead of every week. That will not only save a little bit of money, but honestly, I'm not that happy with her. She's kind of nice, but is really ineffective. I think that at this moment, I could manage well with less therapy. I could use the saved co-pay money towards taking better care of my appearance. I've been delinquent about getting my hair cut and colored. I'm also due for eyebrow waxing. Way overdue. Sometimes when I go the technician tells me that. Oh well!

[wildflowerchild25]

Still depressed today but not as scared or hopeless. I did take one more half day from work just to burn up my personal days even though I probably shouldn’t have as I could have made it through. This is the last day I’ll take. I’ll push myself through next week. Although I’m hoping I’ll be feeling better since I feel slightly better today. Maybe the increase in haldol is working. Maybe I won’t have to use the emsam. I can’t use it for two weeks anyway so I have some time to decide.

I’m probably going to take a nice nap. Then I won’t be exhausted for tonight.