[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I sincerely never want to step on your toes...I think the world of you and then some but you might be feeling so badly right now that you are discounting what you bring to the table. I know we only see a slice of you but you are so uplifting and supportive and kind. There is also everything you push yourself to do for your household. He’s lucky too.

I have hope for you and prayers as well. Thinking of you.

Thank you, Jennifer.
You mean a lot to me.
WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

My relatives picked up mom to take her out to eat and to spend the night at their hotel and my brother is asleep...locked in his room. I’m free as a bird! The world is my oyster! One minor misstep. I started out at the Red Lobster and thoroughly enjoyed their four course meal and raspberry tea that was on special. I ran a few errands and then got so sleepy on all that good food that I’m now at home in comfortable clothes watching Die Hard and thinking of catching up on my sleep (like going to bed by 6:00). Yep...I’m a high flier!

Warm wishes to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

Okay, then!

Try to stay up a bit longer and...
Let's party!

Am glad you are getting a break!
I am going to bed early tonight, too.

WC

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Okay, then!

Try to stay up a bit longer and...
Let's party!

Am glad you are getting a break!
I am going to bed early tonight, too.

WC

Hahaha!!! That gave me a great belly laugh! I needed that. Thank you dear friend.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Am trying to respond to posts. Have been reading.

The past 2 days have been very difficult. Feel like I am slipping into a paralyzing depression. My pdoc added Wellbutrin at a low dose, for starters. I am having difficulty tolerating it, along with my other meds.

I feel like pain, fatigue, depression have ruined my life. It's been over 30 years, with so much lost. I think I could have prevented some of the losses if I was not so impaired when they were occurring.

This all affects my H and stresses our marriage. He is a very compassionate person. Yet, how much is anyone supposed to endure?

He has a BPII diagnosis, too. Yet, he is very stable and functions extremely well. I am lucky to have him in my life; yet, feel very badly because my illnesses have such a huge negative impact upon his life, too.

I feel like my illnesses are progressing. I don't have a lot of hope right now.

I hope to respond to more posts later on today.

Love to All!

WC

You are an amazing person who must have incredible strength to have made it this far with so many struggles. Your compassion for others shines through here. To be encouraging others while going through what you do is inspiring. I’m so sorry your hope is low right now. I understand what it’s like to have chronic physical issues on top of Bipolar. It’s a tough road with so many losses. However I know you can get through this rough patch. Hang in there. May hope fill your soul very soon.

[MissDenim]

I haven't posted in awhile... sorry about that. I may have accidently taken myself off of my mood stabilizer but it was because I wasn't feeling good and I could not take all of my meds without feeling so nauseous. I took most of them though. I am in the process of getting myself back on it.

Today was somewhat productive. I am doing some 'winter' cleaning. You know, like spring cleaning, but in the winter. My house badly needs it. I'm not saying my house is really messy, but it just needs to be cleaned out a little bit. I'm just taking a little break then getting back at it.

I'm still getting these daily migraines. I have an appointment with an eye doctor next week.

[Wander]

Well my head is still in a spin with thoughts racing, ideas flowing (too many to act on any it seems), obsessing over certain things like my diagnosis and prognosis, and oddly feeling happy too. Last year really did my head in.

Saw my T for the first time in weeks and he explained and stressed to me the seriousness of my illness. I feel like I will be able to recover from Bipolar if I put my mind to it. He disagrees. I’m not sure what to believe.

So many people around me think I’m either using my illness as an excuse to go to hospital regularly (as I apparently must like it - sigh), or they thing the whole thing is an act. This confuses me. I either have the worst case diagnosis for Bipolar or I’m making it all up for some sick reason. All mental health professionals around me confirm the diagnosis but I’m still confused by what others say. My mind obsesses over this so much I can’t think straight.

Can I really recover with strong will power and revelation? I’m going to try.

[Guiness187055]

Originally Posted by Wander

Well my head is still in a spin with thoughts racing, ideas flowing (too many to act on any it seems), obsessing over certain things like my diagnosis and prognosis, and oddly feeling happy too. Last year really did my head in.

Saw my T for the first time in weeks and he explained and stressed to me the seriousness of my illness. I feel like I will be able to recover from Bipolar if I put my mind to it. He disagrees. I’m not sure what to believe.

So many people around me think I’m either using my illness as an excuse to go to hospital regularly (as I apparently must like it - sigh), or they thing the whole thing is an act. This confuses me. I either have the worst case diagnosis for Bipolar or I’m making it all up for some sick reason. All mental health professionals around me confirm the diagnosis but I’m still confused by what others say. My mind obsesses over this so much I can’t think straight.

Can I really recover with strong will power and revelation? I’m going to try.

It's an illness just like diabetes. One can't will their blood sugar lower they need to take meds. Just like we can't will our bipolar to go away we must take meds.

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

It's an illness just like diabetes. One can't will their blood sugar lower they need to take meds. Just like we can't will our bipolar to go away we must take meds.

And I'd add that we can't let people who can't understand this get all up in our heads. Don't let them get to you, Wander. They just don't understand. We don't choose this ****.

[Unrigged64072835]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Am trying to respond to posts. Have been reading.

The past 2 days have been very difficult. Feel like I am slipping into a paralyzing depression. My pdoc added Wellbutrin at a low dose, for starters. I am having difficulty tolerating it, along with my other meds.

I feel like pain, fatigue, depression have ruined my life. It's been over 30 years, with so much lost. I think I could have prevented some of the losses if I was not so impaired when they were occurring.

This all affects my H and stresses our marriage. He is a very compassionate person. Yet, how much is anyone supposed to endure?

He has a BPII diagnosis, too. Yet, he is very stable and functions extremely well. I am lucky to have him in my life; yet, feel very badly because my illnesses have such a huge negative impact upon his life, too.

I feel like my illnesses are progressing. I don't have a lot of hope right now.

I hope to respond to more posts later on today.

Love to All!

WC

You surviving every second is a courageous feat and you can be proud of that. Lots of people would cave in going through what you do everyday. And you’re such a wellspring of support to others here. It’s utterly amazing. I’m in awe.

I sometimes feel like I’m putting my husband through the ringer but he knew coming into this relationship that I was mentally ill, same with me knowing he has MS. And like with MS there are good times and bad times. Sometimes the bad times are long and they feel never ending. But there are good times, even for a few seconds.

Love to you too, WC.

[Unrigged64072835]

Originally Posted by Aurelius710

Mixed bag today. On the plus side: it's my birthday. Working day, unfortunately, but I've got a couple of movies ready to watch when I get home. Old school detective movies (and shows) like "The Thin Man" and "Decoy" and "Father Brown."

Other question will be if I can last until tomorrow without going to urgent care. Doctor took some blood tests and found out my body was reacting to an infection of some kind. What kind? Nobody knows, considering the only symptoms I'm displaying are allergy related congestion and extreme exhaustion. Hopefully, the crapload of supplements I bought will act as a crutch until I make my appointment tomorrow afternoon.

Hope you’re having a happy birthday!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Happy Birthday Aurelius710!

[Unrigged64072835]

So tired and sore. Small bedroom is cleaned, though, so we can start moving storage stuff there over the next few days. Then clean the large bedroom and turn that into a craft/sewing room.

Husband has neuro followup tomorrow. He seems to be doing okay without the meds but he’s still fatigued. Guess that won’t change now. I’m picking up the muscle relaxant for my back since the nerve blocks didn’t work for that either.

Doing good though. Been making some art and some music, and a lot of cooking. Keeping busy helps.

Lots of love and hugs, especially for those who are struggling.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone I hope everyone had a good day today. My day was okay my jaw is still really hurting even with the Anaprox which does take some of the edge off; I probably shouldn't have went to work since all the talking probably didn't help. I've been eating easy things and drinking a ton of water.

My boss pulled me into her office and made sure I knew how serious things could have been for M with the whole writing my meds; she totally understands my condition and understands that it's not a good idea for me to be unmedicated; not to mention that's probably the quickest way to destabilize me. She just wishes I would have to went to someone I'm not dating or sharing a house with. Which now that i'm not worried about my meds: I see how this could have been disastrous. In other news she still loves me and is grateful for everything I do on a daily basis.

In other bigger news I saw my Cardiologist and his girlfriend who is also a Cardiologist. My blood pressure is kinda sorta normal or at least it has been the past week; so he is thrilled that it's only a few points above normal instead of Prehypertension range. My heart rate refuses to go down no matter the medication the lowest my Fitbit shows in 110 and that was when I was sleeping. He really isn't happy that my condition doesn't like anything he puts me on. My heart rate during exercise is also pretty worrisome. So now I am on two heart medications to see if maybe two can do it; I am still on Metoprolol 40mg and Diltiazem 120mg to see if this combination might be the answer,

I also get to see him again in two weeks; call after a week for a quick check-in. I also got my first EKG of the year; I joked to his girlfriend that I could probably do it myself, after all I only had probably ten last year between Cardio, Primary, Employment Physical, and friends that worry.

The best news of all I have lost 6 pounds in two weeks at least according to the scale at the Cardio office. The gym has a scale I've just been avoiding it; but fully dressed and in heels I've lost 6 whole pounds; probably 7 if you remove the clothes and heels. He was happy to see that I am eating right and actually visiting the gym. I'm still shocked then again I haven't been going near my daily Calorie limit and spend at least an hour at the gym each day unless I have something going on like yesterday I wanted to get my nails done instead of trying to exercise with a sore jaw. I feel really good to since cutting out processed out of my diet and choosing things like fish, grilled chicken, and just not going near the microwave. I'm feeling better about my self than I have in years. In reality probably a big chunk of that was water weight; but still I'll take it.

In relationship news M came over last night and we cuddled on the couch while watching TV the ice pack was on his thigh which is what I was using for my pillow. He also rubbed my back since I was in pain.

It was also day two of floating yoga it was of course really fun; granted I think I might have been enjoying it more knowing that it's actually causing weight loss and the instructor is so hilarious anytime anybody goes in the water; which luckily hasn't been me. I guess balancing in heels most days has prepared me well for floating yoga.

Hugs to everyone

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Am trying to respond to posts. Have been reading.


The past 2 days have been very difficult. Feel like I am slipping into a paralyzing depression. My pdoc added Wellbutrin at a low dose, for starters. I am having difficulty tolerating it, along with my other meds.


I feel like pain, fatigue, depression have ruined my life. It's been over 30 years, with so much lost. I think I could have prevented some of the losses if I was not so impaired when they were occurring.


This all affects my H and stresses our marriage. He is a very compassionate person. Yet, how much is anyone supposed to endure?


He has a BPII diagnosis, too. Yet, he is very stable and functions extremely well. I am lucky to have him in my life; yet, feel very badly because my illnesses have such a huge negative impact upon his life, too.


I feel like my illnesses are progressing. I don't have a lot of hope right now.


I hope to respond to more posts later on today.


Love to All!



WC

I’m sorry. I understand how your feeling, I think many of us do. We all deal with degrees of guilt and sadness about our own personal situations but it all boils down to having self worth , I struggle , actually it’s my biggest struggle.

I just remind myself as often as I can I matter and I matter to others. Really hard to do at times.

You know how I feel about you and my heart breaks for you that your sliding down, how to stop ? Oh if it was easy my shoulder is always available for you.

Just do your best self care and keep talking don’t get stuck in your head.

[beauflow]

managing. I will probably always be a bouncy ball.
s all
just wanted to check in and thanks for the support earlier in time.

stuff going on that I am back on contemplating of what to do with life. in many aspects of life; I've been thankful for past therapy with last t.. some of it has stuck with me. I remebered to take my oil, again stopped.. idk why i do this tl myself, found something that helps me and then I am like- "nah dont need it".

been back thinking I'll just stick out the ride at work, with others.. if i can continue with the chaos of the environment... however i need to some how mustard on preparing .... Ive been lost or even at times bleak at times, of what to do next; what to pursue ....
i try best to remind myself ive learned a lot and also have value.

[elliecake]

The weather is getting worse, we (my mom and I) moved houses, it was my birthday a couple weeks ago, Christmas was stressful and I've just felt my mood plummeting. I sleep so much and I feel like a total loser. You'd think birthdays are supposed to be fun, but mine wasn't. I mean, it was a great birthday, but... idk. I just felt down. I hate myself for that. Christmas sucked too because of my mood. I cried at church. I just feel so emotional lately. This past week has gotten worse but I'm working on getting better because I start school again in 2 weeks... maybe it'll help me get back into a routine and feeling better.


Joining this forum has really helped me. You're all so nice and supportive, and it makes me feel less alone to see people who share my struggles.


Hugs to you all x

Originally Posted by elliecake

The weather is getting worse, we (my mom and I) moved houses, it was my birthday a couple weeks ago, Christmas was stressful and I've just felt my mood plummeting. I sleep so much and I feel like a total loser. You'd think birthdays are supposed to be fun, but mine wasn't. I mean, it was a great birthday, but... idk. I just felt down. I hate myself for that. Christmas sucked too because of my mood. I cried at church. I just feel so emotional lately. This past week has gotten worse but I'm working on getting better because I start school again in 2 weeks... maybe it'll help me get back into a routine and feeling better.


Joining this forum has really helped me. You're all so nice and supportive, and it makes me feel less alone to see people who share my struggles.


Hugs to you all x

welcome elliecake!.

I hope you like it here.

((((hugs)))

another day of going through the motions

nothing else to really say, wish their was. life is dull at them oment

[Aurelius710]

Well, my birthday was alright. Got to watch my movie marathon. Can't say I've seen many murders solved by police mandated dinner party or 1950s style Law and Order that holds up so well!

On a less fun note, I get to go to the doctor this afternoon and (hopefully) find out what's wrong with me. Infection, screwy blood sugar courtesy of the meds that are supposed to help me, depression, something else. All I know is if I'm able to get up and not feel the urge to go back to bed after a few hours, today will have been worth it.

[Miss Laura]

Had to go and get blood test for my thyroid no idea why so just waiting on results probably be 2 weeks. Went to supermarket then home probably go for a snooze soon. Its one of those days

Good morning, everyone! I hope today will be a good (or better) one.

Miss Laura, hopefully your thyroid is fine, but it is good for all people with bipolar disorder to get it checked out. Thyroid issues are supposedly more common for people with bipolar disorder than even the general public and can exacerbate mood issues. Having thyoid problems is not that big of a deal, though. At least in my opinion. It may require a pill, but it's usually just one small pill, and usually has no side effects. I have never had side effects from my thyroid med.

My main goal today is to finish filling out a French placement test so hubby can scan it tonight. I will email the pdf file to the school tomorrow. A week back I had these ideas of taking both French during the day and finding a volunteer opportunity. I sent inquiries and my resume for the latter, but never heard back from them. I don't want to end up doing nothing. For now I'll push myself to first take French classes. Really, that is likely the most I can handle now beyond simple chores and errands.

I'm in a room with four cats right now so I guess it's not all bad. I see the dermatologist later today so hopefully she'll be able to do something about my shoulder. I need to get off my *** and take my meds though.

[winter loneliness]

I feel pretty stable today.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Wander

You are an amazing person who must have incredible strength to have made it this far with so many struggles. Your compassion for others shines through here. To be encouraging others while going through what you do is inspiring. I’m so sorry your hope is low right now. I understand what it’s like to have chronic physical issues on top of Bipolar. It’s a tough road with so many losses. However I know you can get through this rough patch. Hang in there. May hope fill your soul very soon.

Thank you, Wander.

You inspire me, too. You fight so hard to be well.
Thank you for your kind words.
Glad to have you back around.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by MissDenim

I haven't posted in awhile... sorry about that. I may have accidently taken myself off of my mood stabilizer but it was because I wasn't feeling good and I could not take all of my meds without feeling so nauseous. I took most of them though. I am in the process of getting myself back on it.

Today was somewhat productive. I am doing some 'winter' cleaning. You know, like spring cleaning, but in the winter. My house badly needs it. I'm not saying my house is really messy, but it just needs to be cleaned out a little bit. I'm just taking a little break then getting back at it.

I'm still getting these daily migraines. I have an appointment with an eye doctor next week.

I have a hard time tolerating meds, too.

Migraines are so debilitating! I get them now and then now. there were a few years when I'd had then daily.

Please take care!

WC