[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone; I'm still trapped in audit hell and I still have the office invader which honestly isn't that bad, I just wish he would quit asking me for dating advice with R who by the way has a date this weekend, so those two are getting close as well, and he called me Fairy Godmother today since he really does like her and he is a very good person. We are slowly getting through all the audits and I've think we've only had one sorta serious issue missed granted I honestly don't know if this will be done by tomorrow or not.

I seemed to do fine on the new dose of Seroquel: I woke up not so tired and I didn't get to bed much before 2am; I have got to stop staying up so late but I like staying up late. Anyway I didn't feel that usual morning drag and it feels pretty much like 200 IR just without the whole possible good morning hangover and I understand why he upped my dose; with my heart problem and the fact we can't find a dang medication could easily send me back to depression's awaiting arms. So it's at least worth a trial and if I hate it I can always have doc switch me back in February besides if I'm stable on 200 I should be even more stable with 300 that lasts all day long like the energizer bunny.

In a relationship update M came over last night and brought dinner and we snuggled and talked for a while; I got to learn a lot more about him and I just feel like I'm falling into a good relationship for the first time since S the guy I dated for two years before I send him off to the school of his dreams and he's like my brother. M wants to go out on Saturday and then Sunday his mother really really really really wants to meet me; so she's hoping he can drag me to church Sunday and then enjoy lunch out with them and then let her cook me dinner for the night. I mean that's a huge step that he wants me to meet his family; granted we have been kinda sorta dating since November if you think about it; it just wasn't official at all it was more like two friends who always wanted more. I'm not sure how I feel about church it has been quite some time since I have actually went to church but I actually do want to meet his parents from what he has told me and from what I see they are super supportive and M's family means a lot to him; so I'm taking it as a good sign that his mother already wants to meet me. Besides Saturday will just for us and I'm pretty sure I can handle church.

Hugs to everyone

[Blue_Bird]

Having problems with voices tonight. Trying to calm down now.

[Sliders]

Doing ok today, feeling less sad.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

That's the thing, I'm very strongly inclined to cancel all further appointments with her.

Maybe wait until after your ECT to decide whether to stick with her or not ?

I wish you could catch a break

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

Doing pretty well. I had to take Valium to handle Christmas/Boxing Day/New Years and I had a couple of sui days a week or so ago but managed them well with PRN’s. My pdoc was quite the proud mama bear.

Sticky hot summery weather. What I really miss is beer (2yrs abstinent)

Glad you could manage your blood !! Good got you.

I’ll trade you some winter for some summer lol

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Having problems with voices tonight. Trying to calm down now.

Hope the shush up ASAP

[251turnaround]

I'm still climbing. 5 hours of sleep last night. I feel superb.

I can't function anymore. I haven't worked a full shift this month yet. I need to get under control.

I was beginning to experience some paranoia last night that I was able to brush off with self-awareness, but it's probably going to come back.

I'm feeling very distracted by thoughts (self- destructive ones)

I might watch bizardvark in a bit- which is like the only thing at the moment that helps. that said, I just found out my favorite character isn't even going to be in season 3 of the show so it probably won't even be that funny (and It probably won't have the same theme tune either.). can you tell I'm obsessed with bizardvark?

had my shower today which didn't help. made me feel gross and horrible

0 hours of sleep, which, even though it's bad every night,,, is particuarly bad because my back is killing me from chronic pain

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

That's the thing, I'm very strongly inclined to cancel all further appointments with her.

Why? If it is ok to ask...

I really hope things look up for you soon. Lots of

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Why? If it is ok to ask...

I really hope things look up for you soon. Lots of

Thanks for the well wishes and hugs. I'm inclined to stop seeing my T because she's too perfect. I constantly judge myself next to her.

I'm not looking forward to today because my wife and son are both away and I'm having intrusive thoughts.

[Miss Laura]

I've officially lost the plot.... back on the bandwagon of seeking out guys to have sex with. Joined 3 dating sites. Have WhatsApp my 2 friends to reach out that was over a week ago still waiting on a reply despite them both being online I messaged "hey guys how are you?" Nothing major right. They have still to respond to are you coming to my birthday night out in a few weeks. I sent the invite 2 weeks ago. Been face timing and skyping guys also texting and phone calls. I'm still taking my meds so don't know what's causing it

[tecomsin]

Today is kind of a weird day. I slept solidly until past 6 am and then dozed and slept until after 8:30 am, which is a small miracle for me. It is also 3 years since i had my lung cancer surgery. I would have been waking up just about now.

I have been doing more and more of my physio exercises trying to slowly build up each day so I am stronger and have more energy and my shoulder doesn't freeze up. There's tendonitis in my right shoulder and I have a bad ankle that is missing a ligament after falling on the ice a few years ago. Back when i used to go walking no matter the weather. I have also started reading some works online in the chabad tradition of wisdom and learning.

I did one new thing this week which was to go to an emotions anonymous meeting. I'm going to try an al-anon meeting nearby during the daytime next week. This is a way at least to meet new people.

[Daonnachd]

I've just canceled next week's appointment with my (former) T.

[Wander]

After two weeks of hypomania I’m heading down fast. My brain feels weird, like it’s been crushed in a vice. I’m irritable and confused, and so scared of a mixed state. My thoughts are odd and all over the place but I’m really down and want to hide. Going over my sisters house today to see her and her four kids. It’s going to be 39’C(over 100’F for you guys). It’s 7 am and I’m heading to the beach for a swim. Maybe that will clear my crazy mind.

I've been having a nice time. There's advantages to being mildly depressed. I sleep long and well and don't feel tired. I'm calm enough to play and study for Scrabble. I enjoy my cozy home. My thoughts are not as clear as they were tho. They are kind of messy and sometimes it takes a few tries to get something done. Also, my day is chaotic. But it's all tolerable, with moments of happiness and flickers of pleasure. Changing gears from high mood to low mood is very unpleasant but now that i have fully shifted i feel okay.

[Unrigged64072835]

I’ll believe the foot of snow tomorrow when it happens. I feel really bad for my daughter as she normally works nights on the weekends, so she’ll be going in at the tail end of it. My husband may have to finally wear jeans—with his overheating issues he normally is in shorts until it’s below zero. He is going out to now get bottled water, chocolate, napkins, and coils for his vape. I’m expecting complete pandemonium so I’m staying here. We have enough food and gas, and we don’t have to go anywhere until Thursday.

Pretty productive so far. The table in the craft room is up. My husband figured out the wiring issue upstairs. We can run a temporary line for now until he puts in a better solution. Been cooking and cleaning; will be doing more of that this weekend.

Sleep has been off a little for about a week now. I should be slowing down soon though. I definitely could use more.

Be safe, stay warm (or cool, for those in the Southern Hemisphere). Take care of yourselves and each other.

[Wild Coyote]

Still having a very rough time.
Constant debilitating panic attacks.
Saw pdoc and she put me back on clonazepam and gabapentin.
Can't eat. Can't sleep.

Love to All!

WC

[Nammu]

Spent the day in my pjs. Schools were closed and on tv was running blobs of "the storm" it was just snow, sure lots of snow 7-8 inches so far and it's not stopping soon but it was light fluffy snow not heavy wet stuff and no wind so not a blizzard, just snow. Still I spent the day inside with the Internet and a book. If I were 50 years younger I would have been outside all day sledding. Hard to build forts or snowmen with this light fluffy stuff but it's great for sledding.

[Guiness187055]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Still having a very rough time.
Constant debilitating panic attacks.
Saw pdoc and she put me back on clonazepam and gabapentin.
Can't eat. Can't sleep.

Love to All!

WC

I have been through this before and it's no fun at all. I hope the klonopin and gabapentin work quickly for you. Sending hugs your way.

[Moose72]

So my ex just texted me to drop the bomb that our youngest has a 3 hour choir gig tomorrow from 3 to 6! Its in town but at a place i forget how to get to. That plus the snow thats coming isnt making me very happy. My nose is still stuffed up. I almost fainted getting out of bed this morning. At least my car is fixed. Ugh. At least I went to the grocery store today.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Still having a very rough time.
Constant debilitating panic attacks.
Saw pdoc and she put me back on clonazepam and gabapentin.
Can't eat. Can't sleep.

Love to All!

WC

I am really sorry to hear this, panic attacks are so terrible. I hope this passes quickly for you. I know it feels like it never will in the moment

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I've spent the last 3 (it feels like so many more) days preparing for my father's death. We are waiting for his do not resuscitate order to come through from the state's guardian and then they will remove life support. It should happen mid-late next week.

I've been trying to make arrangements to donate his body. The medical school couldn't take him because of some of the tubes he has so they referred me to another place. It took my siblings until tonight to decide on this place so I haven't called them yet. Hopefully they take Saturday calls.

I've spent a lot of time going back and forth between my siblings who don't speak to each other. I feel like I'm doing everything twice. Sometimes I need to involve my younger brother's mother and then it is 3 times. But I need to know everything is as done as possible so that I can relax. The first night I didn't sleep. Last night I fell asleep with my glasses on and slept so hard they bruised my face where they pressed into my forehead.

I need to feel like I'm doing things though so it helps me to feel like I'm in control. So far I can't cry. I know that will come but right now I need to stay focused on what is happening and I'm not ready to grieve yet. I'm ready to say my good-byes but that is the next step and I'm not ready to think of the one after that. We were going to see him tomorrow but the snow storm delayed that so we're going Wednesday. Unless they are removing life support that day. I don't want to be there for that. The social worker thinks he'll not live long without it and I don't want to have that be my last memory.

Next I have to find a way to convince my brother that we are not going to my father's house. Apparently it is in horrible shape with nothing salvageable but he won't believe the social worker about this. I do and I don't want to go to the house. I don't even have an address so that makes it pretty hard to go and it would add 2 hours to a 12 hour drive (plus time in the hospital) just to get there. And I don't want to see. So I'm hoping the guardian will send me the pictures he took so I can send those to my brother. Not sure how to handle that. My brother has Asperger's so sometimes he fixates on things and this is one of them. Maybe my mom can help.

I don't know. I can't believe this is happening; a week ago I had no clue I'd know a lot about donating bodies to science by tonight. Or that I'd have called a bunch of funeral homes or have partially written an obituary.

I don't know what to feel. This is so weird.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Still having a very rough time.
Constant debilitating panic attacks.
Saw pdoc and she put me back on clonazepam and gabapentin.
Can't eat. Can't sleep.

Love to All!

WC

thinking of you. Hope the meds kick in quickly.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone hope everyone had a good Friday; it's finally the weekend. Work was alright I am still stuck in chart and med audit hell; we have been working on it for an entire week and still probably have another day if not two of it. I will honestly be glad when it's done and over with; granted one never truly escapes chart audits. Work is great actually my boss has been very appreciative that I took a large bulk of the chart audits and showed doc how to do them and what I as a boss don't want to see.

After work I went to the gym for more float yoga with R; I think I am getting good with the whole float yoga thing; I actually prefer it over regular yoga not to mention it's just a lot more fun. I think I laugh every class; plus the instructor is absolutely hilarious. I'm glad I have taken the steps to better my health and I'm glad the med weight is coming off.

M came over after I made myself a quick dinner and he is currently curled up with my cat on the couch while we talk which is just so nice having a good conversation with a guy; not to mention Demon adores him and Demon tends to be picky in who he likes, but he loves R and he really likes M. I feel really good about my job and relationship for the first time in a long while. Not really a lot to update tonight; I am going out to lunch with M and we are going to go see On The Basis of Sex; L and R said it was a very good movie; I would mind seeing The Upside either so we could probably do a double feature. Then on Sunday I am going to church for the first time in a while followed by lunch and dinner with his family.

Hugs to everyone

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Still having a very rough time.
Constant debilitating panic attacks.
Saw pdoc and she put me back on clonazepam and gabapentin.
Can't eat. Can't sleep.

Love to All!

WC

I miss you dear; I'm sorry that you are having a rough time; I know the panic attack feeling well; please stay safe and know that I am sending warm hugs your way