[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

Happy Friday (sat here) right back at you. Maybe your body is finally playing catch up with the sleep

Thanks !
Maybe so , just had another night of very odd happenings, ugh

How are you doing ?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Colonoscopy prep started Thursday night. The drink is vile. I got half done as required- a total of half a gallon. I went to bed without any results. I got most of the 2nd half done in the morning. Had to fast yesterday too. Just clear liquids. I was sitting on the bed and threw up liquid into my mouth. Ran to the sink and threw up a ton of liquid. I called the clinic and they said they were going to call me because they had to cancel all the day's appointments because of a power failure! It's rescheduled for April. She did say shed have them give me a different prep next time. Hmmm....

Omg ! that prep is horrible then to turn around and cancel , I’d flip my shyt !!! Hope to hell they can do something else next time !

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Haha, the "big storm" turned out to be 1 1/2" of snow. Having many decades experience with serious snow, this never fails to crack me up. (Though I can appreciate the factor of it's really not set up here for it.) I only dealt with the grocery store to pick up my beloved muffins that I was out of. Everyone else was just panicked or something. (The cart lines were all the way to the back of a VERY big store(!) And, well, there were NO carts. You had to wait till someone left. I was in and out with a basket and self check-out. )


There's supposedly more coming. We'll see.


So yesterday afternoon was an exercise in patience. The first leg of my commute is usually a 15 min bus ride. It turned into.... are you ready? ... 45 minutes(!!!!) when the bus driver decided he knew a "shortcut" around an accident. He landed us even further back than originally, lol! (I was sitting there thinking "WTF are you doing?! Why are you going THIS way?!") Mind you, it hadn't even started raining yet, let alone snowing... After that, a stop at the library, pharmacy, then zoo, I mean, grocery store. Got off work 2:50. Got home at 7:00(!) By then I was starving.


Doing ok mentally. Must be to have endured that with such patience. Thought you all might enjoy a laugh.

I have to LMAO , 1.5 inches of snow has shut my town down before !!! Hehehe. My area is just not equipped to handle ice or snow

Mhmm muffins , now I’m craving ......thanks Buddy

Maybe that bus should have a gps or better yet use Waze to manage the job of a accident is in the way , dork driver lol

Glad mentally your doing well I love hearing that !!!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Yesterday was very very tough to get through. It was a much calmer day at work but I just struggled. I felt like crying all day. I didn’t join in any conversations that my coworkers had. I thought they all hated me and were just waiting for me to get out of there so they could say mean things about me. I don’t think that’s entirely true but I’m not sure.


RS came over after work and I was still feeling ******. At dinner he said I looked like I was about to cry. I was. But I tried to perk up. I decided that we would watch a funny movie when we got home so I could distract myself from my awful depression. We watched one of my favorites, a hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. I did feel a little better after watching it. RS spent the night. I love sleeping with him. He just makes me feel so safe and wanted.


We stayed in bed late this morning because I couldn’t stand the thought of getting up. We finally got up at ten. RS went out to breakfast with us. I was going to take him grocery shopping with me because I hate carrying in groceries by myself but I couldn’t face it. Plus I don’t have the money until next week anyway. Only have about 100$ until Wednesday. I would have spent at least 100$ shopping because we haven’t been in a really long time. I could take the money out of my savings but I’d rather not if I can avoid it. We have enough snacks to make it through the week. Hopefully I’ll be feeling better by next week and won’t have to force myself to go. I’ve got to go buy some new bras when I get paid as well. I wore them all out and only have one left. Maybe I’ll go Monday if I’m feeling better and put it on my credit card. I but cheap bras. Perhaps why I’ve worn them all out.


Sigh. I just feel so dead inside. I sent RS home early because I didn’t want to drag him down all day. I knew he didn’t want to just sit around like a lump with me and that’s all I want to do. I am going down to my SILs house tonight because I can’t figure out a way to get out of it. Besides it’ll be good for me.


Dear agony just let go of me, please.

Sorry your feeling so bad.

Your working hard on coping skills , in the past you weren’t able to find them to use.

Don’t beat yourself up, you cycle out of depression rather quickly so hold on to that thought.

I’m sure your co workers aren’t talking about you that’s just your paranoia talking. Hang in there hun

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I know this might not seem like an accomplishment to most, but after struggling to read a single page in a novel I’ve been reading, I managed to read about 20 pages today. I would literally read half a page, if that, before giving up, but today, I finally accomplished something. My concentration is always so bad, but with the assistance of an audiobook, I was able to focus more than I normally would be able to. Of course Ritalin helped too, but I finally did something of value. I’m proud of my accomplishment, even if it’s not the greatest one out there. I finally did something other than mess around on my computer or my phone all day!


Now I’m going to make and devour some mac & cheese.

This is a thing to celebrate !!!

Mhmmmm Mac and cheese !

[Under*Over]

Had a horrible day. But its not the end of the world. It challenged me but didnt break me.

I think I'll write a real check in for the first time in a while. I think I'm mixed, but mildly and then something triggers me and then I'm hospital level bad and yell and cry for a bit.

Possible trigger:

I want to sh so bad but don't want anyone to have a reason to hospitalize me

I'm in a lot of physical pain with rashes on my shoulders that make it impossible to fall asleep and just general soreness.
I was also told my cholesterol and triglycerides were high but I'm on several meds that can cause that, but I'm eating obsessively healthily now.
I don't want to open up to anyone either partially because I'm trying to deny anything wrong is happening and because I don't want anyone else to think something about how I'm living is somehow wrong.
Hugs to anyone else struggling and wants some

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by spikes

I think I'll write a real check in for the first time in a while. I think I'm mixed, but mildly and then something triggers me and then I'm hospital level bad and yell and cry for a bit.

Possible trigger:

I want to sh so bad but don't want anyone to have a reason to hospitalize me

I'm in a lot of physical pain with rashes on my shoulders that make it impossible to fall asleep and just general soreness.
I was also told my cholesterol and triglycerides were high but I'm on several meds that can cause that, but I'm eating obsessively healthily now.
I don't want to open up to anyone either partially because I'm trying to deny anything wrong is happening and because I don't want anyone else to think something about how I'm living is somehow wrong.
Hugs to anyone else struggling and wants some

I am so sorry you are still experiencing such painful rashes!
I hope you will feel better, in every way, very soon!

WC

[Wander]

Finally got leave after 11 days stuck indoors IP. This morning my parents took me for my much awaited swim(still escorted leave). I was slurring my speech on the way so bad my Dad was worried I would drown. It was a calmcove so I felt safe. Once I hit that awesome water my speech returned to normal and my soul was refreshed and filled with joy. So lucky!

Last night I was a bit off. My nurse said it is natural when recovering from psychosis. It is just weird that I went from the peak of my psychosis, slept 15 hours then felt perfectly fine, if not a bit ‘up’. Oh, will take each day as it come.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Sorry your feeling so bad.

Your working hard on coping skills , in the past you weren’t able to find them to use.

Don’t beat yourself up, you cycle out of depression rather quickly so hold on to that thought.

I’m sure your co workers aren’t talking about you that’s just your paranoia talking. Hang in there hun

You’re right, depression doesn’t last long for me. Last time it was only ten days. But every other time it doesn’t end until something drastic happens so, I don’t know. I know I at least have RS to help me this time instead of trying to do it all alone so that should help.

I’m having passive suicidal thoughts. The same thoughts I always get.

Possible trigger:

driving down the highway I think maybe that truck will hit me. Wouldn’t it be great if it did? What if I just suddenly pull my wheel and flip my car? But I can’t do that because someone else could get hurt. What if I drive into the pillar? Ah, but there’s a median there, that will push me back into traffic and someone could get hurt. Damn, I guess I’ll just live.

I’m not disturbed by these thoughts because I know it’s just part of my depression package. It’s when they become active, that’s when there’s an issue. And we are a long way from that, at least I hope.

I found some cartridges for my vape that have nicotine in them so I hope I will feel better soon. I may have to face the fact that I may not be nicotine free for a long time. I can switch to lozenges if the vape is too expensive.

Sigh. Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone and happy Saturday everyone. I hope everyone had a great Saturday. I got to sleep in until about 9:30, I love getting to sleep in not to mention weekends just feel a lot more relaxed like I'm not on a time crunch in the mornings. I was able to have a cup of tea and get ready for my day out with M.

We went out to lunch with my Aunt, Uncle, and the nieces. Lunch went great they all love M to pieces; the nieces really like him; I even got a text from the ten-year-old that they like this one more than the last one. I'm glad they suddenly want to have an opinion on who I date. Then again the ex and I did fun things with them like get season tickets to an amusement park and mini golf and laser tag since they like stuff like that and I'm still young enough that I actually want to take them to do things like that. The Aunt and Uncle really like M so at least a few people in my family like and support the relationship; not that it matters at all to me; I'm truly happy and that is what matters. My happiness and his happiness; no one elses.

We went and saw What Men Want and it was hilarious; granted I got carded getting the tickets. Like I don't at all look under 17, I usually get mistaken for 20 and still get carded when it comes to getting drinks, but not a stupid movie ticket. It was really funny, M was laughing because it was just that funny. I mean I guess I'm flattered she thought I was under 17 but it was kind of embarrassing like I am way passed the teenage years; sad thing is I don't think I was carded when I was actually 17/18. It was just pretty funny. The movie was really great and it was a laugh I needed especially after the past week even M needed a laugh. The last week was pretty trying for the both of us work wise not relationship wise.

Tomorrow is Sunday School and Church day. Plus I am hosting a Working with MI Chat tomorrow in the Chat rooms at 8 EST if anyone would like to swing by. I would love to see you all.

Hugs to everyone

[Wander]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Hello everyone and happy Saturday everyone. I hope everyone had a great Saturday. I got to sleep in until about 9:30, I love getting to sleep in not to mention weekends just feel a lot more relaxed like I'm not on a time crunch in the mornings. I was able to have a cup of tea and get ready for my day out with M.

We went out to lunch with my Aunt, Uncle, and the nieces. Lunch went great they all love M to pieces; the nieces really like him; I even got a text from the ten-year-old that they like this one more than the last one. I'm glad they suddenly want to have an opinion on who I date. Then again the ex and I did fun things with them like get season tickets to an amusement park and mini golf and laser tag since they like stuff like that and I'm still young enough that I actually want to take them to do things like that. The Aunt and Uncle really like M so at least a few people in my family like and support the relationship; not that it matters at all to me; I'm truly happy and that is what matters. My happiness and his happiness; no one elses.

We went and saw What Men Want and it was hilarious; granted I got carded getting the tickets. Like I don't at all look under 17, I usually get mistaken for 20 and still get carded when it comes to getting drinks, but not a stupid movie ticket. It was really funny, M was laughing because it was just that funny. I mean I guess I'm flattered she thought I was under 17 but it was kind of embarrassing like I am way passed the teenage years; sad thing is I don't think I was carded when I was actually 17/18. It was just pretty funny. The movie was really great and it was a laugh I needed especially after the past week even M needed a laugh. The last week was pretty trying for the both of us work wise not relationship wise.

Tomorrow is Sunday School and Church day. Plus I am hosting a Working with MI Chat tomorrow in the Chat rooms at 8 EST if anyone would like to swing by. I would love to see you all.

Hugs to everyone

Lol! Count that a compliment. Soon enough you will be jumping for joy if your carded

[pirilin]

It's about 3:30AM here.
I woke up sure of an "accident".
False alarm. Probably a failed intent.

I've recup my freedom of sleeping buttnaked, after a positive 'bout 3 month ago.
I'm so happy, I'm going back to sleep.

Tata!!.

Cheers.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

This is a thing to celebrate !!!

Mhmmmm Mac and cheese !

Thanks

Mac & cheese is the best comfort food for me. I enjoyed eating it with chopsticks. lol.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Thanks


Mac & cheese is the best comfort food for me. I enjoyed eating it with chopsticks. lol.

One of my favorites too, I suck at chopstick ability lol

[downandlonely]

@TheSeaCat I will be at the work support chat tonight. Looking forward to it.

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

You’re right, depression doesn’t last long for me. Last time it was only ten days. But every other time it doesn’t end until something drastic happens so, I don’t know. I know I at least have RS to help me this time instead of trying to do it all alone so that should help.

I’m having passive suicidal thoughts. The same thoughts I always get.

Possible trigger:

driving down the highway I think maybe that truck will hit me. Wouldn’t it be great if it did? What if I just suddenly pull my wheel and flip my car? But I can’t do that because someone else could get hurt. What if I drive into the pillar? Ah, but there’s a median there, that will push me back into traffic and someone could get hurt. Damn, I guess I’ll just live.

I’m not disturbed by these thoughts because I know it’s just part of my depression package. It’s when they become active, that’s when there’s an issue. And we are a long way from that, at least I hope.

I found some cartridges for my vape that have nicotine in them so I hope I will feel better soon. I may have to face the fact that I may not be nicotine free for a long time. I can switch to lozenges if the vape is too expensive.

Sigh. Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow.

Sorry to hear you're experiencing those thoughts. Always remind yourself that you are loved and that no one wants to see you get hurt. Even people you don't know, such as people on this forum, love you and care for you.

I hope you feel better today and that you do something special to treat yourself. It's always good to treat ourselves when we feel down.

blah.

that's all

life's just going past with no real significance

I just spilled a half of a cup of coffee all over myself in bed. Luckily the coffee wasn't hot. In addition to having to wash my night gown, I had to wash the duvet cover, fitted sheet, and comforter. Hopefully that's my only major clumsy act of the day. I tend to have at least one per day.

There's a lot to do around the house today. I also want to prepare for an appointment I'm dreading tomorrow. I was thinking of postponing it, but I should just get it over with. Plus, it's likely too late to postpone it now.

[tecomsin]

I was supposed to pick up my son at a medical office yesterday but he didn't show up, nor answer any phone calls or texts. So I drove out and back in -25 C wheather for no reason. I was also worried about what might have happened to him. Turns out he set his alarm for pm instead of am and had his phone on silent, nor did I have his roommates number so there was no way to rouse him.

He apologized when he woke up at 1pm and then we arranged to have a late lunch together so it was back out in the -25 weather. (I'm in Canada.)
Then I drove him to his place downtown with a few things he wanted from the house. I don't like driving downtown but I did it.

I've also started going to Emotions Anonymous (EA) meetings. This program is an off-shoot of AA 12 step program for people who have emotional problems. I've also started to go to Al-Anon meetings, so I am getting out of the house on a more regular basis.

Just hoping this cold spell passes instead of lingers for weeks.

[Wander]

Can't seem to stop posting. It is 1.30 am and I have refused to take Seroquel as it is putting on weight and I hate not having relatively natural sleep. Also I am on four other meds. I have been on it for over four months and when I don't take it I don't sleep. Well my thought is that the best place to try and sort this out in while I am IP. Right now I feel fine, not tired at all, but I am guessing I will feel crap by the time I have to get up as I think this is more insomnia rather than hypomania.

Why is sleep such as issue for us BP's? I have had issues sine my teens. I hope to see my pdoc tomorrow (haven't seen him since Thursday) and sort out a plan for discharge ASAP, sorting out my sleep, and finding out how to recover from the psychosis so I'm ready for university in two weeks.

Sorry for the rant. I just can't seem to stop typing.

[wildflowerchild25]

Thanks bluebicycle, I appreciate it. I know I have a great life right now. I have a great family, a job I enjoy, a great man who loves me. I just have an illness that gets me down sometimes.

I’m still having passive SI today. I’m very down. I bought more cigarettes which I feel terrible about. I know my son doesn’t want me to smoke and neither does RS. Hell, I don’t want to smoke. But when I get this depressed I lose my willpower.

I did take a shower even though I really didn’t want to. That made me feel like I accomplished something. I’m focusing on small goals. I bought McDonald’s for lunch for my son and I which I also feel guilty about but I’m trying to tell myself that at least he’s getting fed. It’s not the best food but at least I’m not letting him starve while I lay here on the couch. Right now that’s what I’m doing but I’m hoping I will be able to get up at three and go shopping. I’m not sure I will but I’m going to try.

I’m going out with my friend later who I haven’t seen in a few months. She’s very nice and supportive. I’m glad we are going to catch up. That ought to take my mind off of things. Then I will come home and go to bed early. Get ready to go to work tomorrow. Supposed to snow tonight, but only an inch. Enough to make my morning annoying because I have to clean off my car. But oh well. Monday night it’s supposed to snow more, but still only like three inches. Not enough to cancel school. Which is a shame, I could use a day off.

I see my pdoc on Tuesday. I will ask him when it’s ok to start emsam since I stopped the decongestant on Thursday. I have to explain that I didn’t start it right away because I felt better from the haldol right away. I hope he won’t be mad. I don’t know this guy. I don’t like him much. I’m just staying with him until I can get in with my old pdoc in April.

Unfortunately I had to cancel my t appt in order to see the pdoc. She said she didn’t want to go two weeks without seeing me if I’m still feeling bad so I’m gonna text her tomorrow to tell her I still don’t feel well and ask if she has another appointment available or if she can do a phone session with me. She does tele-sessions when one of us can’t make it into the office.

I’m listening to my positive playlist in an attempt to get myself in a better frame of mind. I’m doing all I can.

[Scooter9]

My mother is doing well considering the surgery. I stayed with her last night to help.

There was bleeding from the wound and it was tough to see my parent like that but that's life. She saw my injuries as a child so now it's my turn.

A friend of here's who is a nurse is stopping by today so we'll see if we have to go to the hospital based on what she sees.

I slept in a cot and got up during the night to help my mother. I was surprised I heard her calling me because the Latuda really makes me sleep deeply. But things worked out and I'm rested.

Just helping her with getting through her day and exercises.

I'm feeling ok. A little nervous and low but that's normal.

[Scooter9]

My mother's nurse friend came over and took a look. She says we need to watch it for a couple of days because she's seeing some inflammation.

She feels the bleeding happened because of all the movement of getting home and walking.

Thanks for all the hugs

[Moose72]

Im finally off seroquel! Id been taking half a pill for a few days then just quit. At that dose it was only working as a sleep aid anyway. I feel just fine and slept through the night!