[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

It’s getting harder to walk around. My left leg and foot is worse than my right. My left foot doesn’t lift up all the way. I’m considering getting a cane to balance myself. I’m worried about falling. I already ordered a shower chair, a grab bar, and a set of grabbers for myself.


I’m worried that I will be permanently disabled. I don’t want to be permanently disabled at 32. I want to be able to walk and play with my son. I’m hoping and praying that surgery will help. I am nervous about seeing my dr on Monday. I’m afraid he won’t refer me to surgery yet again even though I don’t think any injections are going to help with the numbness and tingling. That alongside the pain is what makes it so difficult to get around.


It’s a gorgeous day outside and I wish I could go out and enjoy it but I can’t. I might go out and sit in the driveway at least.


I am just scared. I’m terrified of surgery but I have no choice, I’m more terrified of being disabled for the rest of my life.


I just want answers. At least the spasms have stopped.

Be really proactive in stating to your GP that you need more help than what has been offered and now how bad things are.

I hope you get relief soon ! Please take special care of yourself.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Having a pretty good day. Leisurely cleaning house while watching a Monk marathon. Going out to Costco for groceries and Belk for some yellow box flip flops. I love that brand! They last forever and I get lots of compliments. Here in Tennessee with me being hot natured, I wear them practically year round even though I sometimes get strange looks. I have a friend who works there and gets them at a 20% discount.


When I went to visit my daughter it wasn’t a happy, feel good kind of visit. I went up there to line up resources for her and to see that she gets help (she did everything I asked). We’ve always been so close and she is usually a thoughtful, caring person but she has deteriorated with the depression. I felt unwelcome, unappreciated and uncared for. It’s like I lost my daughter and best friend.


Since then I have researched therapists who specialize in mood disorders, anxiety disorders and the grief process. I’m going to work through my feelings so I can be there for her while not getting dragged down by her behavior. I’m also going to start building up other areas of my life.


Thanks for letting me get that out. I’ve been hurting since that trip.


Warm wishes to all for a peaceful weekend and hugs to all who need them.



.

Yellow box YES ! My go too also.

I’m sorry your visit with your daughter wasn’t so great , she needs help and you have done what you can, for now.

Yes work on your feelings in Therapy. I have had some ups and downs with my Bipolar daughter , it hurts , really hurts, when I only see her 2-3 times a year because of 750 mile drive.

A few times she’s been so distracted in her head she has blown off time we could have together. My husband came back to the hotel numerous times to find me bawling my eyes out.

Hopefully with the right treatment she will be back to herself.

[cashart10]

Had to take my daughter to her quick recall tournament this morning and then took my daughters out to lunch after (my son was with my dad at a Boy Scouts event because my husband works saturdays). I was filled with total dread at the idea yesterday but it honestly wasn’t so bad. I’ve spent the entire rest of the day to myself, curled in a ball on the couch listening to Christian music in my headphones. I am struggling. I am going to church in the morning. I kind of want to die. I am feeling very low right now. I am going to try to spend the evening praying. I want to take a shower but I think my husband might freak out if I get in right now (late night showers are always a bad sign for me). Now, when I think about going back to work April 8th, I feel like there is no way I will survive. It’s just so hard.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Lost in space.


I believe my meds for bipolar are fine.


I am dealing with exacerbated trauma/PTSD/dissociation. No meds for this.


I am reading here. Having a lot of trouble with reading comprehension right now.


Much Love to All!

Sorry life is so difficult right now. Please take extra special care of yourself : sadhug:

Thinking of you daily ((((hug))))

[~Christina]

I slept til 5:13 today ! Had fallen asleep about 3:30 something. I would prefer to sleep 19 hours a day.

Just not doing the greatest..... same ole why am I here? What purpose do I even have? Self loathing and feeling like a burden. Ugh

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by cashart10

Had to take my daughter to her quick recall tournament this morning and then took my daughters out to lunch after (my son was with my dad at a Boy Scouts event because my husband works saturdays). I was filled with total dread at the idea yesterday but it honestly wasn’t so bad. I’ve spent the entire rest of the day to myself, curled in a ball on the couch listening to Christian music in my headphones. I am struggling. I am going to church in the morning. I kind of want to die. I am feeling very low right now. I am going to try to spend the evening praying. I want to take a shower but I think my husband might freak out if I get in right now (late night showers are always a bad sign for me). Now, when I think about going back to work April 8th, I feel like there is no way I will survive. It’s just so hard.

April 8th is a month away don’t even think of that.

You always become overly religious when your doing poorly. It’s good you realize that things aren’t just black and white.

Please folllowup with IOP your T and Pdoc

You are going to be feeling better, please continue your medication.

[Wander]

Went to sleep at 7.30 am and slept (apart from getting up for breakfast) until 4 pm today. Utterly exhausted. Still tired but now drinking beer. Hurt my hamstring again. Done with healthy coping. F*** it. I’m giving up trying. This is beyond my skills and I’ve lost all hope.

[pirilin]

Good morning.
I started my exercise regime today.
I'm weighing 207lbs.
My normal weight at this age is 185-195.
I did the full ten minutes too.
Standing in that dam vibration machine
is no walk in the park.

Cheers.

Day 1 1/2 of New Diet! (I consider yesterday a 1/2 day since I didn't adhere to it for breakfast)

I woke up today with a headache (assuming it is because I haven't had caffeine from no soda), so I took some headache medicine. At least the caffeine in the pill doesn't come with loads of sugar and other chemicals that are unhealthy, right? It's temporary anyway until I can manage the headaches without it, and eventually they'll go away. I'd say at most 4-5 days.


As I've stated before-- portion control and over-eating isn't really my problem but I want to drop this weight fast. No soda, light exercise, and sensible meals. I'm using weight watchers so I have a point system. It's a very friendly and forgiving system (there are 14 "splurge points" a week so you can go over your daily amount without feeling guilty).

Anyway, outside of that -- I feel OK. My mood is normal I guess, I don't feel that high or low, but most importantly I don't feel low. I'm very happy about that.

I am ashamed to be alive

litirally doing nothing with my day- I don't really deserve it

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I am ashamed to be alive

litirally doing nothing with my day- I don't really deserve it

You really don't deserve to feel that way. I'm sorry you're going through that. I am in the same boat, I am unemployed and I don't leave my house unless I have to. I am wasting away the days. However, we are struggling so things are difficult right now -- cut yourself a break. Your life is valuable and you contribute in the ways that you can.

[yellow_fleurs]

raging vortex, I am sorry you are feeling that way. I do think you deserve to feel well. In fact, I think right now you could use some extra self compassion and care. Maybe do something nice for yourself

[downandlonely]

Originally Posted by Brentus

Day 1 1/2 of New Diet! (I consider yesterday a 1/2 day since I didn't adhere to it for breakfast)

I woke up today with a headache (assuming it is because I haven't had caffeine from no soda), so I took some headache medicine. At least the caffeine in the pill doesn't come with loads of sugar and other chemicals that are unhealthy, right? It's temporary anyway until I can manage the headaches without it, and eventually they'll go away. I'd say at most 4-5 days.


As I've stated before-- portion control and over-eating isn't really my problem but I want to drop this weight fast. No soda, light exercise, and sensible meals. I'm using weight watchers so I have a point system. It's a very friendly and forgiving system (there are 14 "splurge points" a week so you can go over your daily amount without feeling guilty).

Anyway, outside of that -- I feel OK. My mood is normal I guess, I don't feel that high or low, but most importantly I don't feel low. I'm very happy about that.

@Brentus I have done weight watchers and it works really well if you stick to it. I like that there are no forbidden foods.

For caffeine, you can try unsweetened tea or coffee. I drink a lot of tea instead of soda.

I did a chore today that i've been putting off for months so that's good. I took a shower i was overdue for also. I'm painfully lonely so i thought i would retry that meetup group i tried last year. My membership is pending. Listening to mood music on YouTube. It's nice and soothing.

[downandlonely]

I hope the meetup group works out and you can make some friends.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone and happy Sunday. To be honest I am honestly exausted; the time change really hurt me this morning. I hate spring for this reason; the terrible time change; I love the option of getting nice weather but I hate springing forward. My body and brain was not at all happy with the time change; it likes fall but spring is usually hard on my body.

I'm not doing the best had a pretty emotionally exhausting day today and I know tomorrow isn't going to be any better with the emotional exhausted feeling. Today was pretty terrible honestly.

I went to church which was nice but lunch out with his parents was not the best; plus my worry is really starting to get the best of me and stressing me out. I just feel exhausted after today; I am not looking forward to tomorrow at all.

I am still at the boyfriends place at least for a little while longer.

Sorry I feel like I haven't been posting a lot regarding updates; I've just had a lot on my mind.

Hugs to everyone

[bizi]

Am very proud of myself this evening.
I ate well today, Only eating from 12;30pm to 6;30pm
No snacking after dinner. I won't eat again
until 11;30 tomorrow morning, a 17 hour fast.
Went to the gym and walked a 5K.
Came home and took a shower,
Did not pick the pimple on my red nose.
Took all of my supplements and meds.
Remained alcohol free.
bizi

[beauflow]

I keep deleting posts, due to the feeling of safe and even worth it creeps in.
Thanks to you that have been kind, and I wish everyone the best.

I have been kicking around thoughts, if any read what I wrote earlier it is in reference to cannabis- which is controversial and yes - I would be an abuser of getting high; But I really don't care atm because at least it got me off of sui and hom thoughts, I have still been bouncy and chaotic like I was but not as bad. When I got sick in mid feb I stopped medicating myself.
I hope work goes better this week, last week was a breaking point and I cried, snapped, and just too much.

The place that general doc suggested I've been writing emails with to get a better idea of what to expect. They only do psychotherapy, so I am in the midsts of asking do they referral out to psychiatrists -- because I keep getting prescribed drugs that I am afraid to take, and I am at a point that I Guess I should start taking them.
A lot of things in my mind revolving around this; because - what if I would had just stuck with the first therapist and pdoc back in 2011... what if. etc, whatever-

Look forward and yet- I can't help but to keep wondering what is it "that I am missing" to be whole? in a sense.. it's hard to explain.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by beauflow

I keep deleting posts, due to the feeling of safe and even worth it creeps in.
Thanks to you that have been kind, and I wish everyone the best.

I have been kicking around thoughts, if any read what I wrote earlier it is in reference to cannabis- which is controversial and yes - I would be an abuser of getting high; But I really don't care atm because at least it got me off of sui and hom thoughts, I have still been bouncy and chaotic like I was but not as bad. When I got sick in mid feb I stopped medicating myself.
I hope work goes better this week, last week was a breaking point and I cried, snapped, and just too much.

The place that general doc suggested I've been writing emails with to get a better idea of what to expect. They only do psychotherapy, so I am in the midsts of asking do they referral out to psychiatrists -- because I keep getting prescribed drugs that I am afraid to take, and I am at a point that I Guess I should start taking them.
A lot of things in my mind revolving around this; because - what if I would had just stuck with the first therapist and pdoc back in 2011... what if. etc, whatever-

Look forward and yet- I can't help but to keep wondering what is it "that I am missing" to be whole? in a sense.. it's hard to explain.

The urge to self-destruct with drugs is a BIG red flag. Do you have the support you need? Why are you afraid to take your meds? A trip to a pdoc sounds in order. Be careful. Things can get out of hand quickly. It is an understandable thing to wonder. Just don't obsess over it. You may find your answer organically just by going about your life. Please stay safe and seek urgent help if you cannot. Keep posting. It may help you gather your thoughts, and get support while you do.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Hello everyone and happy Sunday. To be honest I am honestly exausted; the time change really hurt me this morning. I hate spring for this reason; the terrible time change; I love the option of getting nice weather but I hate springing forward. My body and brain was not at all happy with the time change; it likes fall but spring is usually hard on my body.

I'm not doing the best had a pretty emotionally exhausting day today and I know tomorrow isn't going to be any better with the emotional exhausted feeling. Today was pretty terrible honestly.

I went to church which was nice but lunch out with his parents was not the best; plus my worry is really starting to get the best of me and stressing me out. I just feel exhausted after today; I am not looking forward to tomorrow at all.

I am still at the boyfriends place at least for a little while longer.

Sorry I feel like I haven't been posting a lot regarding updates; I've just had a lot on my mind.

Hugs to everyone

I am so sorry you had such a terrible day and are feeling so exhausted. After tomorrow is there any time that you can take to yourself and rest a bit? It sounds like you need a little break or you will reach breaking point. Keep us up to date if you can. I really hope things improve soon.

[Wander]

Well I actually stayed out of bed today, although it is only 2.15pm. I doubt I will get back to bed. I have been so exhausted. Had a couple of panic attacks, which is unusual for me. I am overwhelmed and making bad decisions because of it. I feel my life falling apart. It terrifies me. I think I am stable Bipolar wise, just PTSD stuff. I know I am in trouble. Free falling. It is beyond my skills to prevent. Seeing my T Wednesday. I am worried he might want me IP due to my out of control emotional state. I have too much to do to be locked up. I have had severe PTSD in the past. It can get much worse than this. I sense it is going to but I really don't care right now.

[yellow_fleurs]

Feeling tired and apathetic right now, but hoping the day gets better as it goes on. I had a pretty productive day of shopping for supplies for my kitchen and making a red curry yesterday. So, at least I have food for lunch. I am doing pretty well at keeping stable and using coping skills, but right now I am just feeling a bit pessimistic about the whole thing. I know this way of thinking will get in my way, but I am just tired of the amount of energy that goes into maintaining my health on the daily. Maybe I need to track my progress, because I have come a long way, but this morning I feel like why even bother? Gosh, I really do sound whiny haha. I think it comes down to a mental fatigue because of these exhausting thoughts and anxiety I am dealing with, so I am walking around constantly burnt out. Anyways, I am off to work. Hope everyone has a good day!

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Wander

Well I actually stayed out of bed today, although it is only 2.15pm. I doubt I will get back to bed. I have been so exhausted. Had a couple of panic attacks, which is unusual for me. I am overwhelmed and making bad decisions because of it. I feel my life falling apart. It terrifies me. I think I am stable Bipolar wise, just PTSD stuff. I know I am in trouble. Free falling. It is beyond my skills to prevent. Seeing my T Wednesday. I am worried he might want me IP due to my out of control emotional state. I have too much to do to be locked up. I have had severe PTSD in the past. It can get much worse than this. I sense it is going to but I really don't care right now.

I am glad that you are seeing your therapist on wednesday.
Maybe you could go to IOP therapy, out patient and not go in patient.
They do CBT therapy there I believe. And it would not cost as much as a hospital stay.

sorry it is so hard for you right now.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[pirilin]

La bruja found smaller faucets that cascade.
I'm glad she did, but will admit to nothing.

I'm the MP, she's labor. We make a great team.
By 2020, we will have the drains working.

Cheers.

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Feeling tired and apathetic right now, but hoping the day gets better as it goes on. I had a pretty productive day of shopping for supplies for my kitchen and making a red curry yesterday. So, at least I have food for lunch. I am doing pretty well at keeping stable and using coping skills, but right now I am just feeling a bit pessimistic about the whole thing. I know this way of thinking will get in my way, but I am just tired of the amount of energy that goes into maintaining my health on the daily. Maybe I need to track my progress, because I have come a long way, but this morning I feel like why even bother? Gosh, I really do sound whiny haha. I think it comes down to a mental fatigue because of these exhausting thoughts and anxiety I am dealing with, so I am walking around constantly burnt out. Anyways, I am off to work. Hope everyone has a good day!

Don't underestimate the effects of mental fatigue. I know how much it affects even the simplest of tasks. It changes our moods for the negative and makes everything 10x harder than it should be. I'm sorry you're goin' through that. It sucks. I hope you get a chance to mentally decompress and relax. Mental/emotional health is just as important as physical health! Hope you have a great day at work!