Having ups and downs -- lots of bad moments, but I'm OK.

[gina_re]

Well today was a good day. I was on babysitting duty this morning and this afternoon. I have two nephews ages nine and two. Then I have a niece who is seven months. Needless to say it's a lot of work to entertain and keep your eye on all three. But I was happy to do it. When my mom came back I took the boys outside with me to help me put out the mulch. Then they helped me mow the lawn, first cut of the season! I was so worn out by the time I was done with it all. It was such hard work. But I made it. So now I have to get used to cutting the grass again. I'm not looking forward to this at all. And my backyard needs work to. I pretty much hate this time of year for this reason. At any rate it's over and done with. The kids are back at home and it's back to reality tomorrow.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

Feeling well. Just having to limit how much time I spend in the sun - makes me a little buzzy.
I’ve got a colonoscopy tomorrow. Hate the prep.
BUT my weight is continuing to drop. 4kgs/8.8lbs - yay

My colonoscopy is the day after tomorrow. I hate the prep too.

[tecomsin]

Well I slept just over 7 hours without any olanzapine. If it goes below 7 I will go back on 1/4 of the lowest dose pill. I was sleeping over 8 hours with that dose and once my sleep is disrupted for a few days I can start to have symptoms that can run away so I am vigilant about my sleep and the fitbit helps to stay on top of it. I am hoping I can stay out of IP this way.

My son's last day at his present job is tomorrow and his first day at his new one is next week so he will have a few days off in between. He took me out for sushi this weekend and remembered to get me flowers for my birthday. That was very nice of him.

[wildflowerchild25]

Ugh I woke up so depressed. I stayed in bed till 10:45. I only got up because my son is on spring break and I figured he needed someone there. He hadn’t eaten breakfast because we haven’t gone shopping yet. No milk for cereal. So I took him out to get some donuts and I got an egg McMuffin and no donuts. Now we have this whole ****ing day stretched out before us and he wants to play games and I just want to sleep.

I hope the depression is short lived because I start my master’s classes may 7 and I don’t want to have to drop out before I even start.

My husband and I have been gathering stuff for an upcoming yard sale wer'e having along with our neighbor. We've gathered a lot. It would be nice if it yielded a good return. I am not sure when the sale will happen. It's up to our neighbor since she initiated the idea. She'll be putting her house up for sale in the near future.

I just must prepare for my private French lesson. I've been putting it off so long. I haven't had a lesson for almost a month now. Last week there was a mixup that made me so nervous. The instructor thought I was coming last Friday, but I indicated this Friday. I'm sad to say the stress is building for me, but I don't want to abandon the little progress I've been trying to make.

It's suddenly sunny. There was a doozy of a thunderstorm last night.

I feel sad. Have others here heard that the cathedral of Notre Dame de Paris is completely in flames? It may be the end of that wonderful architectural, historical, and religious gem.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I feel sad. Have others here heard that the cathedral of Notre Dame de Paris is completely in flames? It may be the end of that wonderful architectural, historical, and religious gem.

OH, NO! no no no

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I feel sad. Have others here heard that the cathedral of Notre Dame de Paris is completely in flames? It may be the end of that wonderful architectural, historical, and religious gem.

I had heard and seen pictures of it. It is sad.

[tecomsin]

It's sickening. I'm so sad about it.

[bpforever1]

I'm not doing well. I feel awful. I have delusions and talk to myself. I feel like crap. I have no energy and have gained much weight. I feel like lead. I am hoping to feel better one day but know I'm not going to feel well for a long period of time.

I swear there aren't enough hours in the day sometimes.

My boss gave me a new assignment around 10am today and said he wants it done by 10am tomorrow. I have a strong feeling I'm going to be up ALL NIGHT -- literally. I don't think he knows how much work he actually gave me, but he said he absolutely needs it for a presentation. (Why didn't you tell me this MONTHS ago???)

For what it's worth, I've been working since 5am. I wanted to work early so that I could get out early and relax, but no, I now have a project that's going to take me an infinite amount of time to complete. I'm already depressed and this insurmountable amount of work ain't helping things. I'm going to be grouchy af.

On the bright side, at least buspar isn't giving me any nasty side effects. No drowsiness, nausea, etc.. That's a first with any med. But I think I'm starting to hear voices again after this morning's whispers. I should tell my therapist while I still retain insight. And the sucky thing is that I HAVE been taking my AP.

[GoldenSnitch]

Originally Posted by bpforever1

I'm not doing well. I feel awful. I have delusions and talk to myself. I feel like crap. I have no energy and have gained much weight. I feel like lead. I am hoping to feel better one day but know I'm not going to feel well for a long period of time.

I hope you feel better soon

[GoldenSnitch]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I swear there aren't enough hours in the day sometimes.


My boss gave me a new assignment around 10am today and said he wants it done by 10am tomorrow. I have a strong feeling I'm going to be up ALL NIGHT -- literally. I don't think he knows how much work he actually gave me, but he said he absolutely needs it for a presentation. (Why didn't you tell me this MONTHS ago???)


For what it's worth, I've been working since 5am. I wanted to work early so that I could get out early and relax, but no, I now have a project that's going to take me an infinite amount of time to complete. I'm already depressed and this insurmountable amount of work ain't helping things. I'm going to be grouchy af.


On the bright side, at least buspar isn't giving me any nasty side effects. No drowsiness, nausea, etc.. That's a first with any med. But I think I'm starting to hear voices again after this morning's whispers. I should tell my therapist while I still retain insight. And the sucky thing is that I HAVE been taking my AP.

Wow I’m sorry your boss dumped all of that on you. That’s super stressful. I hope you don’t have to be up all night to complete it

[GoldenSnitch]

I’ve been pretty high the last couple of days so I’m feeling the crash today. Feeling really low despite my meds all being increased.

I saw this post today on Facebook from a mood disorders page that I follow and it was talking about gaslighting. I don’t even know what that is but the guy I’ve been sort of seeing has given me all the red flags for gaslighting. I guess that’s not a good thing. I need to break things off but I’m scared and don’t know how.

[gina_re]

Today was a waste of a day. Last night I didn't go to bed until 3am because I was on social media wasting time. My brain was racing and I needed a distraction. It just lasted longer than it should've. So because of that I didn't wake up until 11:30 Today. I ate a bowl of cereal and then I went back to sleep for several hours. I finally woke up around 4:30. I painted my nails, ate and continued to watch tv and waste time in bed. Hopefully I can go to bed at a decent hour tonight. I need to get back on this job hunt asap. I've just been too overwhelmed to keep up with it.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by gina_re

Today was a waste of a day. Last night I didn't go to bed until 3am because I was on social media wasting time. My brain was racing and I needed a distraction. It just lasted longer than it should've. So because of that I didn't wake up until 11:30 Today. I ate a bowl of cereal and then I went back to sleep for several hours. I finally woke up around 4:30. I painted my nails, ate and continued to watch tv and waste time in bed. Hopefully I can go to bed at a decent hour tonight. I need to get back on this job hunt asap. I've just been too overwhelmed to keep up with it.

I was unemployed last year after losing my teaching job and it was awful. So disheartening to put in like fifty apps and get no phone calls. Of course I was trying to go from teaching to admin assistant. No experience = no phone calls.

[jmariah001]

Not doing good at the moment. I was told my Grandma is dying of cancer and has 2 or 3 months to live. She doesn't want treatment. To top that off my cat who has FIV is not doing good. I might lose him soon. Too much stress. I also have been dealing with this pain in my stomach for a few days now. I have a feeling that the area that I had my hernia fixed is infected. There is still stitches there. I have been to the doctor. They put me on Keflex. It's an antibiotic to help kill infection. Just dealing with a lot at the moment. I do have a counseling appt coming up. I have a lot to discuss. I hope she is a good therapist. This is a new one. I haven't seen a counselor in over a year. Way too long. I am just listening to music and trying to stay calm. I thought about pulling my journal out and writing about the current situation. It has been a while since I wrote in it. Probably should. It has always been therapeutic for me to write out my feelings. I have been told I should call or go see my Grandma but I am very uncomfortable I don't know what to say. I know if I don't I will regret it for the rest of my life. This is throwing my anxiety into overdrive. The next few months are gonna suck. God help me.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by jmariah001

Not doing good at the moment. I was told my Grandma is dying of cancer and has 2 or 3 months to live. She doesn't want treatment. To top that off my cat who has FIV is not doing good. I might lose him soon. Too much stress. I also have been dealing with this pain in my stomach for a few days now. I have a feeling that the area that I had my hernia fixed is infected. There is still stitches there. I have been to the doctor. They put me on Keflex. It's an antibiotic to help kill infection. Just dealing with a lot at the moment. I do have a counseling appt coming up. I have a lot to discuss. I hope she is a good therapist. This is a new one. I haven't seen a counselor in over a year. Way too long. I am just listening to music and trying to stay calm. I thought about pulling my journal out and writing about the current situation. It has been a while since I wrote in it. Probably should. It has always been therapeutic for me to write out my feelings. I have been told I should call or go see my Grandma but I am very uncomfortable I don't know what to say. I know if I don't I will regret it for the rest of my life. This is throwing my anxiety into overdrive. The next few months are gonna suck. God help me.

I’m so sorry to hear about your Grandma, your cat and the pain in your stomach. I hope you feel better soon (i.e. your stomach).

[Sunflower123]

I started out having a good day sitting in the sun with my dog and flamed out spectacularly this evening. I ended up needing to text the crisis line. I would just take my medicine and go to sleep but the drugstore didn’t have it so I’ll be up all night. Going to watch a movie to distract myself. Hopefully tomorrow will be consistently better.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

[Wander]

Good news is I have been stable, Bipolar-wise, for two months now. That is a record for me for over ten years. Usually between severe episodes I still have significant symptoms. Never stable. I have tentative hope that my new meds are the cause of this and I will remain stable for some time.

On the other hand the PTSD is rearing its head. Last night I had a minor argument with my partner and ended up curled on the couch with a blanket over my head, terrified and unable to move. I felt so nauseous I almost threw up. This was after a day of being happy mixed with many moments of horrible memories flooding my mind, staring into space unable to snap out of it, being hyper-vigilant, and crying at the drop of a hat. There were reasons for this escalation in symptoms but I won't go into it. Thankfully I see my T tomorrow and can talk it out and hopefully calm down a bit.

I didn't want to take a shower today even tho i was due for one. I decided to give myself a break but later i rallied and took one. Yay for small victories. I stuck to my diet today also and am happy to be on a diet but my mild depression continues. The Lamictal is still going well, without side-effects. Hugs to all who need them!

[fern46]

Today has been a busy day, but a good day. I am starting to feel a little anxious though. I have a family therapy appointment tomorrow with my kids. We are seeking treatment for the trauma I caused when I suffered a mixed episode with heavy psychosis last November. I have been stable for months and it is always hard to replay the memories of what I did while in that state. I can see clearly how messed up it was and it breaks my heart my kids saw it all. I know we need the help, so I am glad we are going, but I wish there was a magical way to heal without reliving the past. I'm still so ashamed and furious at myself even though it was my first episode and I had no idea what was happening to me. I feel responsible. Hopefully the therapy helps. Wish me luck.

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Wander

Good news is I have been stable, Bipolar-wise, for two months now. That is a record for me for over ten years. Usually between severe episodes I still have significant symptoms. Never stable. I have tentative hope that my new meds are the cause of this and I will remain stable for some time.

On the other hand the PTSD is rearing its head. Last night I had a minor argument with my partner and ended up curled on the couch with a blanket over my head, terrified and unable to move. I felt so nauseous I almost threw up. This was after a day of being happy mixed with many moments of horrible memories flooding my mind, staring into space unable to snap out of it, being hyper-vigilant, and crying at the drop of a hat. There were reasons for this escalation in symptoms but I won't go into it. Thankfully I see my T tomorrow and can talk it out and hopefully calm down a bit.

Congrats on the stability. That's really wonderful especially given the ptsd work you are doing. I hope things go well for you today and you and your partner can enjoy the rest of your time at your parent's house.

[Moose72]

In 45 minutes, I am starting the colonoscopy prep drink. It should take 2 hours to finish half. Tomorrow I get up at 7 and start the 2nd half. By 9 I should be done! Then I can still drink white grape juice and water until 11 am. We need to be checking in at the hospital at 2. The procedure should go from 3 to 7ish. Ill be so glad to get this over with. By 9 am I should be happy the drink is done! I CAN DO THIS!!! Two months ago it got cancelled! And in November I took my blood thinner by mistake that morning and it got cancelled! Third time's the charm?