[lightly toasted]

Wildflower, I could relate to so much of your post, especially not really being able to blame meds for my eating any longer, and not feeling pretty enough for pretty clothes. I feel like "mutton dressed as lamb" as the bags used to say. But maybe, just maybe because we've had such a s*** time of it, we really do deserve to wear pretty clothes, if even just once in awhile. We are certainly no less deserving than anyone else. Now, I of course believe that about you, if I could just convince myself

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I tried to make another meal but I burned the **** out of it. Not used to pan frying things.
.

Thank you for this. I literally laughed aloud. I'm not laughing at you but with you, because this is me all over. Do well with the first attempt, burn the s**** out of the second...oh man, I've been so tempted to try these meal kits, but I know this would be my experience...I just know it

[Unrigged64072835]

The stye--yes, there was a stye, no thanks to Ms. "Oh noes, you have pinkeye"--finally cleared out and I can close my right eye without pain. Most grateful for that. Hopefully I can now sleep without feeling a grapefruit on my eyeball.

Spent most of today on the computer. I redid it so it has that renovated desktop look.

I didn't burn dinner but I made quite a mess of the stove. Good thing I have ceramic top and not fancy gas burners, or not-so-fancy electric coils.

My husband is due for a colonoscopy this year. I can't laugh too loud, because I'm due for one next year. Fun times had by all.

Love and hugs to all.

Wildflowerchild, I can relate. And I never really thought I would (used to not even be able to gain weight). Never so much, and very little self-control. Anyhow, yeah.

But I did pick up a couple things the other day. There is a little event tonight that I thought I'd put a little effort into. Then totally couldn't decide which to wear...

I'm trying to get in a festive mood for it, but it seems life is not finished taking away good things. Just got an email that my favorite MeetUp group is on the very precipice of ending (they charge considerable fees to host, that apparently just went up). Unless someone steps forward, but we all know how rare that is.

WTF, universe?! First the social services help goes away (which meant, you know, I could actually GET medical and psych w/o worrying how I'd be able to pay. Same with eating.) Then the internship, now this! (And worst of all is something coming that I'm not supposed to know about. It's not for sure, but I've got a feeling of dread that it will. (That my roommate, who I adore, might be moving out)). Too much loss!!

So, right now I'm pretty upset. Trying to pull out of it. I was even thinking I'd get up the nerve to dance tonight (it's been a long time -- in public anyway...), but it's a little hard to imagine now. This stuff is really dragging me down.

Will try like hell to push through...
First order of business -- stop crying.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone I really don't even know where to start honestly. I've failed with updating; I've been active in chat so I really have no excuse for not updating my forum friends. Other then I've been dealing with a lot emotionally and physically. I don't feel the best physically I feel very tired and run down. My heart rate also varies but what I've been seeing isn't going to impress the Cardio. So probably more biweekly visits that I really don't want. I just want to tie this issue into a pretty little bow. Sadly I don't see that happening; I am probably back to biweekly visits for the foreseeable future.

In regards to M's surgery which was last Wednesday; he got released that Sunday. Monday he started Physical Therapy three times a week. He's doing alright in terms of things all things considered. He sees the doc again this week for a follow-up. He's doing alright pain wise; I think he's starting to become bored.

This week I also lost a very dear animal. She was the families cat; she died at the old age of 17. So that was also news I wasn't expecting. We lost the family dog this time last year; so both of my childhood pets are gone; which feels odd to me. I knew I am getting older and changing but it's odd to think about. Granted ever since I moved in December it's just been me and kitty; but it feels oddly strange that both of my childhood pets die less than a year apart.

This is also the month I got diagnosed with anxiety/depression so I am dealing with the feelings of finally having this condition a year; plus it brings flashbacks of things. I am trying to overcome and think of my Bachelor graduation coming up in May. That degree will mean a lot to me. I was sick the last semester before this one and fought to be happy; and to think of what this degree will do for me career-wise.

I just kind of feel all over the place lately. With my emotions and physical health. This month was very hard for me last year; and while I know some of those symptoms can be traced back to my Cardiac issue. I know I should be happy with everything I have overcome the past year with my health and mental health.

I really have been at a loss for words lately with everything that's happened.

I apologize for not updating you guys; I know a large chunk of you have probably been worried with the my lack of updates or time in the forums.

Hugs to everyone

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Wildflowerchild, I can relate. And I never really thought I would (used to not even be able to gain weight). Never so much, and very little self-control. Anyhow, yeah.


But I did pick up a couple things the other day. There is a little event tonight that I thought I'd put a little effort into. Then totally couldn't decide which to wear...


I'm trying to get in a festive mood for it, but it seems life is not finished taking away good things. Just got an email that my favorite MeetUp group is on the very precipice of ending (they charge considerable fees to host, that apparently just went up). Unless someone steps forward, but we all know how rare that is.


WTF, universe?! First the social services help goes away (which meant, you know, I could actually GET medical and psych w/o worrying how I'd be able to pay. Same with eating.) Then the internship, now this! (And worst of all is something coming that I'm not supposed to know about. It's not for sure, but I've got a feeling of dread that it will. (That my roommate, who I adore, might be moving out)). Too much loss!!


So, right now I'm pretty upset. Trying to pull out of it. I was even thinking I'd get up the nerve to dance tonight (it's been a long time -- in public anyway...), but it's a little hard to imagine now. This stuff is really dragging me down.


Will try like hell to push through...

First order of business -- stop crying.

(((((((((((((( IZ )))))))))))))

[~Christina]

We are leaving Monday 5am or more likely earlier to get my excited butt to Savannah !

This is only the second vacation in 15 years of only trips to see the kids so I’m very excited.

They need to start making it a priority to come see us , we are the old getting more and more physical health problems all the time.

Our physical and financial difficulties are not going to allow us to keep making 2-3 trips down a year much longer.

The dogs are also happy when they see suitcases being pulled out. They love going on vacation or camping.

I’m still just fine off Latuda. My sleep is still good , again glad I made that decision.

Hugs and cookies

[Wander]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

We are leaving Monday 5am or more likely earlier to get my excited butt to Savannah !

This is only the second vacation in 15 years of only trips to see the kids so I’m very excited.

They need to start making it a priority to come see us , we are the old getting more and more physical health problems all the time.

Our physical and financial difficulties are not going to allow us to keep making 2-3 trips down a year much longer.

The dogs are also happy when they see suitcases being pulled out. They love going on vacation or camping.

I’m still just fine off Latuda. My sleep is still good , again glad I made that decision.

Hugs and cookies

Have an awesome trip Christina!

[Wander]

Having a wonderful time at my parents with my partner. Listening to music so loud our ears may burst on the amazing stereo, and watching films etc on their HUGE TV. It is the holiday we both sorely needed. It is five days and I’m so thankful for my generous and beautiful parents.

Mood good. Been discussing the trauma so a lot of tears but it is cathartic. My leg is still giving me grief. I’m so over it. It’s been a month. I can’t even swim now. Physiotherapist is working on it with exercises for me. They are helping. I’m just inpatient.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

We are leaving Monday 5am or more likely earlier to get my excited butt to Savannah !

This is only the second vacation in 15 years of only trips to see the kids so I’m very excited.

They need to start making it a priority to come see us , we are the old getting more and more physical health problems all the time.

Our physical and financial difficulties are not going to allow us to keep making 2-3 trips down a year much longer.

The dogs are also happy when they see suitcases being pulled out. They love going on vacation or camping.

I’m still just fine off Latuda. My sleep is still good , again glad I made that decision.

Hugs and cookies

Oooo, have fun!

It's the second day for the Lamictal and i don't have any side-effects -- no rash and not even a headache today. Yay!

I'm way overweight and feeling uncomfortable with my body so i'm going to try dieting again. I fear dieting. I'm scared.

[gina_re]

Well my sister and the kids are here, so I'm happy. Today I had a good nap then decided to get out the house. So I made the boys get dressed and we went to home depot. I need to get the house together now that it's spring. All of us (mom, sister and niece) ended up at a pizza parlor for dinner. Good times. Tomorrow I'm going to put down the mulch I bought today and mow the lawn. A good today and hopefully tomorrow. Hugs to all!

Well, danced my *** off, lol. Banish! Banish! Music started getting a bit off the mark as it went, which was fine because it was time to catch the (last) bus.

Hmmm, that was good exercise....
And yes, I *do* have to go to work tomorrow.
I need some quality time with my teddy bear. *Quite* tired...
'Nite, all!

Whoa!! Wrote that on the bus. Got ahead of myself. Dyslexically got off at a way wrong stop. Wandered winding streets for 1/2 hour+ (yeah, SO very lost). But I MADE IT!! Home, sweet home!! Now I am REALLY tired!

Edited again to add... but there was one funny. I got home, saw the microwave and it said 2:30. I thought **** ****!, I ve been wandering for an hour and a half??!!!!! Haha, turns out it was a cook time. It was *only* 1:30.

[Wander]

Posting again. I can’t stop staring into space and crying but I don’t exactly know why. My partner is a great support. Still I feel overwhelmed. The Radiohead song ‘Karma Police’ has a line, “Phew. For a minute there I lost myself”. This reminds me of my recent psychosis. And it scares me.

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Well, danced my *** off, lol. Banish! Banish! Music started getting a bit off the mark as it went, which was fine because it was time to catch the (last) bus.

Hmmm, that was good exercise....
And yes, I *do* have to go to work tomorrow.
I need some quality time with my teddy bear. *Quite* tired...
'Nite, all!

Whoa!! Wrote that on the bus. Got ahead of myself. Dyslexically got off at a way wrong stop. Wandered winding streets for 1/2 hour+ (yeah, SO very lost). But I MADE IT!! Home, sweet home!! Now I am REALLY tired!

Edited again to add... but there was one funny. I got home, saw the microwave and it said 2:30. I thought **** ****!, I ve been wandering for an hour and a half??!!!!! Haha, turns out it was a cook time. It was *only* 1:30.

You should download Waze or Google Maps on your phone if you don't have them already. Both apps have "pedestrian mode" which give you an ETA for walking, and the ETA is pretty accurate if you walk at a leisurely pace. (I think it assumes you're talking 2mph?)

I use Google Maps in Boston all the time when I don't know where I'm going. Only downside is that if you use either app all the time (i.e., daily), you'll end up using a lot of data on your phone plan. (You can probably blow through your monthly data plan within 1-2 weeks if you leave location services on and/or leave Google Maps and Waze on, so make sure to turn it off ASAP.) But if you're in a pinch and really lost, paying for extra data might be worth it.

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

You should download Waze or Google Maps on your phone if you don't have them already. Both apps have "pedestrian mode" which give you an ETA for walking, and the ETA is pretty accurate if you walk at a leisurely pace. (I think it assumes you're talking 2mph?)

I use Google Maps in Boston all the time when I don't know where I'm going. Only downside is that if you use either app all the time (i.e., daily), you'll end up using a lot of data on your phone plan. (You can probably blow through your monthly data plan within 1-2 weeks if you leave location services on and/or leave Google Maps and Waze on, so make sure to turn it off ASAP.) But if you're in a pinch and really lost, paying for extra data might be worth it.

Thanks for the tip. Believe it or not, I was actually trying to use it (GM), lol(!) And there I was, a blinking beacon on the screen, but I didn't particularly know how that was supposed to direct me. Have to admit though, I didn't spend much time trying to figure it out. I just kept moving in what I *thought* was the general direction and eventually came across a familiar road name that I knew intersected with one near where I live. I was SOOOO glad to get home! Fortunately, it was all decent/nice neighborhoods, so I wasn't afraid, though I was pretty annoyed with myself and felt impatient to BE home already (and wishing it was a grid area!). Oddly enough, I wasn't terribly panicked.

Still, won't make THAT mistake again!

Pretty wiped out this morning. I really, really would like to have been able to stay in bed, but that was not to be...

(Even remembered to turn location services back off! Yea!)

[mynameisfred]

Feeling great gr. TMS is a wonderful thig

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

We are leaving Monday 5am or more likely earlier to get my excited butt to Savannah !

This is only the second vacation in 15 years of only trips to see the kids so I’m very excited.

They need to start making it a priority to come see us , we are the old getting more and more physical health problems all the time.

Our physical and financial difficulties are not going to allow us to keep making 2-3 trips down a year much longer.

The dogs are also happy when they see suitcases being pulled out. They love going on vacation or camping.

I’m still just fine off Latuda. My sleep is still good , again glad I made that decision.

Hugs and cookies

So happy for you! I hope you have a wonderful time!

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Well, danced my *** off, lol. Banish! Banish! Music started getting a bit off the mark as it went, which was fine because it was time to catch the (last) bus.

Hmmm, that was good exercise....
And yes, I *do* have to go to work tomorrow.
I need some quality time with my teddy bear. *Quite* tired...
'Nite, all!

Whoa!! Wrote that on the bus. Got ahead of myself. Dyslexically got off at a way wrong stop. Wandered winding streets for 1/2 hour+ (yeah, SO very lost). But I MADE IT!! Home, sweet home!! Now I am REALLY tired!

Edited again to add... but there was one funny. I got home, saw the microwave and it said 2:30. I thought **** ****!, I ve been wandering for an hour and a half??!!!!! Haha, turns out it was a cook time. It was *only* 1:30.

That’s great that you had a good time! You deserved it!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Well, danced my *** off, lol. Banish! Banish! Music started getting a bit off the mark as it went, which was fine because it was time to catch the (last) bus.


Hmmm, that was good exercise....

And yes, I *do* have to go to work tomorrow.

I need some quality time with my teddy bear. *Quite* tired...

'Nite, all!


Whoa!! Wrote that on the bus. Got ahead of myself. Dyslexically got off at a way wrong stop. Wandered winding streets for 1/2 hour+ (yeah, SO very lost). But I MADE IT!! Home, sweet home!! Now I am REALLY tired!


Edited again to add... but there was one funny. I got home, saw the microwave and it said 2:30. I thought **** ****!, I ve been wandering for an hour and a half??!!!!! Haha, turns out it was a cook time. It was *only* 1:30.

Glad you got up and danced !!!!! Lol I never have the right time on microwave or oven hehehe

[Blue_Bird]

Had about 7 cups too much coffee today, now it's causing some anxiety, I guess I should have expected that lol

I went to the local bookstore today and bought Steve Jobs' biography, it was on their $2 shelf, so it was significantly lower than it's original price, they have some really good deals on that shelf and in their bargain books. I love that place, I could live there!

I still have this lingering cough, hoping it goes away soon.

Trying to get inspired to draw something

[Daonnachd]

You probably won't remember, but I couldn't find a driver for my next ECT session. I called the hospital to reschedule but they didn't get back to me. Then yesterday a friend said, "I'd love to drive you." (yay) Now I've got to get in touch with the hospital first thing tomorrow morning about keeping the original date and time for my treatment.

Good luck, Daonnachd! Glad you got a ride.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

It's the second day for the Lamictal and i don't have any side-effects -- no rash and not even a headache today. Yay!

I'm way overweight and feeling uncomfortable with my body so i'm going to try dieting again. I fear dieting. I'm scared.

I have been intermittant fasting and it works for m, might work for you as well.
My 8 hour of eating window is 1130am to 7;30pm then no snacking or drinking any calories until the next day lunch for me.
bizi..I have lost 15 pounds in 5 weeks.

[yellow_fleurs]

Today was decent, went with some friends for breakfast, then shopping with another friend. We are going to start a garden together which is exciting. Looking forward to healthy vegetables and a hobby. I am trying to remain optimistic and just keep moving.
I think I made it through the worst of it. That was a bad week. I actually feel like I don't know who I am in those kinds of states and it gets almost unsafe for me. It seems ridiculous that I could have that kind of reaction to hormones honestly. I am thinking again of birth control to see if it helps, yet so nervous it could make me really unwell and it could end up dangerous for me.
Sending out lots of compassion!

[Pookyl]

Feeling well. Just having to limit how much time I spend in the sun - makes me a little buzzy.
I’ve got a colonoscopy tomorrow. Hate the prep.
BUT my weight is continuing to drop. 4kgs/8.8lbs - yay