[yellow_fleurs]

WC, wow, I really don't know what to say, but this sounds like a horrible situation. I hope you have support from others in your life, and we are here for you, too.

[Moose72]

WC- my thoughts are with you!

[Daonnachd]

WC, I hope this all gets sorted quickly and easily for you.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

Hi Christina,


Thanks for asking about my hip. It is much, much better and I am almost as good as before except I stopped doing my physio that I really should keep up. My mental health is not so good but my sleep has been fine.


I wanted to share her reply when i texted her how hurt I was about what she did. She never addresses my hurt and immediately changes the subject to why she dumped me to go see her friend, instead, in the middle of our outing together.





That was all she wrote back. It's like a deliberately insulting apology to explain why she had to dump me. I finally texted her that it was like she didn't understand how insulting that is but I think she has me on ignore now.

I’m glad your hip has improved so much.

Yeah you friend... I would have be pissed with her response. There are many ways to apologize and sometimes a “ I’m sorry” just isn’t enough. Her “ sorry “ then rambling into her work excuse talk is just bullshyt.

Had she really acknowledged that she hurt your feelings and how in the future she would be more considerate. That’s an actual apology.

Shame on her for treating you this way, you deserve much better.

[~Christina]

WC , my heart breaks daily for you. I’m glad that things are being investigated further.

It likely he had a lot to hide unfortunately. I hope whatever it is causes him massive problems.

He threw you into a tail spin months ago. I’m glad that you were finally able to break out of the fog and disassociation he was causing so you now have a clear mind to handle all this.

You are such an unbelievably strong person ! Don’t forget that.

Much love as always

[TheSeaCat]

I am so sorry Wild Coyote about what you are going through; we are all here for you.

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I’m glad your hip has improved so much.

Yeah you friend... I would have be pissed with her response. There are many ways to apologize and sometimes a “ I’m sorry” just isn’t enough. Her “ sorry “ then rambling into her work excuse talk is just bullshyt.

Had she really acknowledged that she hurt your feelings and how in the future she would be more considerate. That’s an actual apology.

Shame on her for treating you this way, you deserve much better.

Thanks Christina for validating my feelings. I really appreciate your support through this tumult. She has not acknowledged that she hurt me or indicated that in the future she would act different. I have tried several different approaches and she seems unable or unwilling to say those words so I think it is over. I think it is very likely if I went out with her again, the same thing would happen. She has taught me that she can skip out on me at any time under any circumstances no matter the plans we had or how that affects me.

She is not gaslighting me claiming we never had plans to go to the park after lunch and the like but it feels like a fake apology and she is just doing it because she feels for some reason she has to rather than any heartfelt remorse or sorrow for how she hurt me.

My pdoc said she sounded like someone totally consumed with herself.

[sadveiledbride]

I feel the worst I have in a long time. I have no hope.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by sadveiledbride

I feel the worst I have in a long time. I have no hope.

What a horrible place to be in. Do you have anyone to reach out to, professional or otherwise? It may sound really lame but sometimes the best we can do is stay alive and wait for hope to return. Hang in there and keep posting.

[Wander]

WC, I haven’t yet taken the time to say how horrified I am at hearing what you are going through. You are a strong, beautiful soul. We are all on your side. Keep posting and I hope you have more than enough support during this time.

[Wander]

Saw my T today. He is worried about my rapid decline over the last two days. My anxiety is unbearable and rage inconsumable. Seroquel helps but I can’t function on it so can only have it in the evenings. Saying that I’m struggling to function well anyway.

Last night a trigger sent me into a spin. I was at my parents but had to run out the door to escape the trigger. After a rage-filled dangerous drive I got to my partners flat. He calmed me down enough to go back to my parents where dinner was waiting.

Today I am no better. After nearly an hour of trying not to tell my T I told him I was at breaking point. I am doing every single self care thing; exercise, meditation, healthy eating, trying to keep good sleeping patterns, journaling, distraction etc. Yet, over the last two days I’ve began to lose my mind due to the intense anxiety and crazy thoughts. My thoughts are slipping...

My T suggested hospital if I don’t pull up out of this nosedive but I told him I refuse to be trapped in there. He knows me well enough to know that but to also know I’m in trouble. My partner is to stay with me this week and I am to text my T tomorrow and let him know how I am. I won’t say worse as I know he will try to get me IP. Hopefully I won’t have to lie. Right now I feel sick. This is way too much stress.

[Blueberrybook]

Ugh, woke up at 2:30 AM with horrible insomnia, hot then cold then hot (iron related, hormones, anxiety,who knows?, body seems crazy these days). I don't think I remembered to take my calcium/magnesium last night, and that combo (the magnesium especially) tends to help with my restless leg syndrome, the calcium a bit with relaxing muscles. So I had restless legs too. But I wasn't sure if I'd taken the magnesium, and since too much of it has a laxative effect (at least on me), I decided to forgo it. The trade-off was only 3.5 hr. sleep though...

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wander

Saw my T today. He is worried about my rapid decline over the last two days. My anxiety is unbearable and rage inconsumable. Seroquel helps but I can’t function on it so can only have it in the evenings. Saying that I’m struggling to function well anyway.


Last night a trigger sent me into a spin. I was at my parents but had to run out the door to escape the trigger. After a rage-filled dangerous drive I got to my partners flat. He calmed me down enough to go back to my parents where dinner was waiting.


Today I am no better. After nearly an hour of trying not to tell my T I told him I was at breaking point. I am doing every single self care thing; exercise, meditation, healthy eating, trying to keep good sleeping patterns, journaling, distraction etc. Yet, over the last two days I’ve began to lose my mind due to the intense anxiety and crazy thoughts. My thoughts are slipping...


My T suggested hospital if I don’t pull up out of this nosedive but I told him I refuse to be trapped in there. He knows me well enough to know that but to also know I’m in trouble. My partner is to stay with me this week and I am to text my T tomorrow and let him know how I am. I won’t say worse as I know he will try to get me IP. Hopefully I won’t have to lie. Right now I feel sick. This is way too much stress.

I am so sorry your just stuck in the unrelenting hell of ptsd. I hope with your partner staying you can start to break the cycle.

As much as IP can suck at times there is a time and place for it. We must keep our selves safe.

Stay safe

[Nevvy]

Going to my clinic today to meet with my social worker to talk about things. Not entirely sure I'm in the mood to chat about things, but it gets me out and maybe I can learn something? I always find those meetings so.... Confronting I guess? I don't mind talking about my head problems, but when it comes down to the gross life problems I'm just not into it.

I cleaned the bedroom today and did a lot of laundry, so if this meeting is a waste, at least I did something that I've been putting off? Laundry baskets are empty and the bedroom doesn't look like a dorm, go meeeee.

Mood wise, I feel ugly as usual (didn't share that in my last check ins) , but I'm working on it. I am trying to dress nicely and wear more fitting things, to get myself to feel attractive. I'm not depressed or anything, but ever since I lost my weight I feel worse off? My partner says I look great, but when I look in the mirror I don't see that, and I see all of that skin that's becoming loose and I feel just gross. I wish I could see myself how other people see me.

Small things I think, but in general I'm still okay!

[wildflowerchild25]

I had yet another dream about being hospitalized against my will and being unable to contact RS to let him know. This time I escaped to ward by running through the doors as someone was coming in but they caught me later on because obviously I had nowhere to go and no way to get anywhere. They physically restrained me and carried me back to the ward. I don’t like these dreams. They disturb me all day. Not sure why I’m having so many right now. Maybe I’m stressed out about something. I’m definitely stressed out about school. I don’t know. I hope they stop soon.

[tecomsin]

On top of the difficulties I am having with my 'friend', I found out yesterday from my sister than my estranged father is dying of pancreatic cancer. He's in the hospital and the friend who took him there called his ex-wife, who then called my sister, which is how I found out about it.

This friend then called my sister from the hospital line and she talked for the first time in years to my father on the phone. I called him later. it was the first time in a long time I spoke with him.

I found out from my sister that my father is being hugely insulting to non-white hospital staff who are caring from him. She heard this from my Dad's friend who called her on the hospital line. My father is a terrible racist.

Neither me nor my sister is going to see him but my sister's husband is flying there today to help him arrange hospice. He wants hospice at home rather than in a facility.

I felt a momentary sense of release and relief yesterday when i found out he was going to be dead soon, that he would no . longer be a part of my walk on this earth.

Sending hugs to everyone who needs them.

My husband has been really stressed because of work, so I convinced him to take a little vacation to get a break. He needed that push and is now excited about it.

Hubby discovered that someone stole our credit card number and started using it for multiple Netflix purchases. Hubby had to cancel that card, so we will get a replacement. I guess it could have been far worse. The thing is, who stole it. You wonder whether it was someone we have some level of interaction with or not.

The weather is gorgeous out. I want to do some weeding and eat lunch outside.

[Moose72]

Hugs to Christine and WC and everybody else!

I'm home cleaning today. Dunno what else to do- my friend won't be around. I'm doing laundry and sweeping and mopping the kitchen. Dishes are done. Etc. Slightly sore from yesterday's long walk.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I had yet another dream about being hospitalized against my will and being unable to contact RS to let him know. This time I escaped to ward by running through the doors as someone was coming in but they caught me later on because obviously I had nowhere to go and no way to get anywhere. They physically restrained me and carried me back to the ward. I don’t like these dreams. They disturb me all day. Not sure why I’m having so many right now. Maybe I’m stressed out about something. I’m definitely stressed out about school. I don’t know. I hope they stop soon.

I hate dreams like that, tells me I'm still afraid the BP is in control and no med, no amount of time will temper it.

Hugs and baklava to everyone.

[Tucson]

I have been very depressed lately, up and down on mood. It gets better in the afternoon. So to help myself, I decided to get an antique pistol. It is hand engraved and assembled. It is a part of history that I enjoy thinking about.

Possible trigger:

Here is the one I have purchased.

Shared album - Google user - Google Photos

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I hate dreams like that, tells me I'm still afraid the BP is in control and no med, no amount of time will temper it.

Hugs and baklava to everyone.

I think I’m afraid of BP taking over and losing RS over it. I still believe that my illness sent me husband over the edge and caused his drug addiction which ultimately killed him.

In the dream before this one, I was violent and hurt a stranger just because she was rude to me. I get those dreams often too. I think that’s a fear of loss of control for me.

[Scooter9]

I just found out that my eldest son might end up staying for most of the summer! That's fantastic because I miss him so much when he's away. We're planning some weekend outings now.

Also a Starbucks opened really close to where I work. There was one I went to before but it was a 10 min walk there but this one is on the same property. There goes my retirement savings

I'm feeling ok. I saw my pdoc yesterday and she agrees that I have a way to go to get out off this depression I'm in. She says I'm doing all the right things with my books, sleep, continuing to work, walking.

It's really a matter of getting the right med combo. She has hopes that things continue to improve with the Wellbutrin. We might increase the dose again in 3 weeks if I'm still depressed by then. I can live with that. At least there's a plan.

[sadveiledbride]

Couldn't fall asleep until very late. I am feeling sad and regretful.

[Sunflower123]

My T told me today that my insurance only pays her $6.86 plus my copay and she can’t afford to take that kind of loss so she can only see me once a month. I’ll need to find another T. It’s a shame because I’ve had some great breakthroughs with her in the short time I’ve seen her.

Having very dark thoughts today. I’ll be okay. I talked it over with a good friend and it’s at a manageable level. I do get tired of the frequent struggle. I’ll talk it over with my NP next week.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

[Victoria'smom]

I think I might be mixed. I want to indulge, I'm getting paranoid, I also want really dark things that I can't have. I'm spinning out of control silently. I don't have the words to explain what's going on. I feel dangerous but I'm safe.