[Moose72]

I was hoping to go for another long walk with my youngest today. (It ended up pouringwhen we wouldve been walking so Im glad we didnt get caught in it.) I did take him to his piano lesson this afternoon and sat and listened for 45 minutes. Its always refreshing. Sometimes I read during and sometimes I send recordings through fb messenger to my mom. I feel comfortably dozey right now- have background music playing.

To WC, I'm so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by MsSunflower

That really sucks tecomsin. I hate people like that, you deserve better. I'd rather have no friends than fake ones. Good for you for standing up for yourself and not letting her treat you like that.

Yeah I am remarkably upset about her pro forma apologies and then immediately move on to another topic and if I persist then she doesn't know how to respond to 'all this'. She hasn't once acknowledged that she understood that my feelings were hurt. So as I have tried to express my hurt feelings I have just gotten more and more enraged at her repetitive, automatic responses that don't acknowledge neither my feelings nor any specific thing I said. She just says something to the effect of
"I'm sorry. I've already said I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say, and then changes the subject.

Do you think it is possible she doesn't understand how to acknowledge someone else's feelings or it is more likely this lack of caring and concern is really about how she feels about me in particular?

[bizi]

I am agitated/antzy.
not good.
bizi
I hope I can sleep tonight.....

[Scooter9]

My family and I released into a river the ashes of a relative that passed away last January. We're allowed to do that where I live and we did it after much research into the place and how we did it.

As I saw the ashes flowing away I thought that's what it all comes down to in the end... some ashes in the water. It inspired me to do something with my life. I raised a family and made a future for them, wrote some books, helped some people. I hope to do some more with the time I have left (hopefully it's a long time).

I'm feeling a very little better. Still not at my baseline but not as depressed as before. I'm a week into an increased dose of Wellbutrin.

I'm so quiet now. I used to make jokes and talk about a variety of things. Now I just prefer to listen and say very little, if anything at all. It gets awkward in social situations or at work. I've just gotten used to that awkward feeling. I know it's the depression causing this. I hope it gets better soon.

I'm thinking of you WC!

[Pookyl]

I’ve been avoiding PC due to being very easily irritated. But thought I’d pop in quickly.

WC, I’m so sorry to read of your circumstances. Sending many hugs your way.
I agree with the person that suggested you take your computer to the police. The reason is that it may not be as simple as your husband wanting to hurt you. A forensic examination may reveal what if anything your H may have tried to hide (that he suddenly felt he had to wipe the computer). A forensic exam should recover your photos.
My hubby works in IT and has had to over the years conduct many computer forensic examinations. Without fail everyone who tried to wipe their computers clean were hiding something.

[~Christina]

WC , I just can’t imagine being with him for so long he is doing ALL of this bullshyt right and left and it seems to only get worse by the day. He’s so angry because he got caught and she didn’t leave her husband. Booohoo. He’s just a horrible nasty monster. I am so sorry you are having to go through even a day of this let alone 4 weeks and likely will continue for God knows how long

Tecomsin. I think your “ friend” is just wrapped up in her own lol world that she just can’t see or honestly just not care how she’s treating you. I would also be very upset with her. A break sounds like the best thing you can do for yourself. Has your hip improved any?

[~Christina]

Saw my Rheumatologist today for a followup , last blood work showed a slight increase in my liver function nothing huge but enough to address. He said my cholesterol Med “ can possibly cause it” although it’s a rare side effect.

My routine lab work from GP has never been a problem. Just another thing to worry about. Sigh

My joint pain has been much worse last 3 weeks. I also have two areas of psoriasis pop up and my inflammation blood levels are increased. Might be that Enbrel is pooping out on me. Possibly need to switch to a new Biologic, something I’m not thrilled about.

We found a free Treadmill on Marketplace today so we picked it up tonight. It’s on the deck it needs a really deep cleaning. The people that had it had a very dirty looking house the bit that I saw and omg the smell. How do people live like that ?????? I know I’m OCD about cleaning but damnnnn

I realize today my husband and I go through 6-7 gallons of water every 3 days. I have a Britta filter jug. So I’m “ making water” again.

Hugs and cookies to anyone that wants or needs it.

[sadveiledbride]

Feeling really ****** at the moment. I want to

Possible trigger:

curl up and die.
i won't do that. though.

[Nevvy]

I'm still okay, the weather is nice so I'm enjoying it while I can. Been thinking a lot about my future...

I have a special indication that allows me to work at places with adjustments, but no one wants me/they won't hire because my education is too high. Should I start something for myself? Should I just buy and resell things online? I need to do something with my life because I don't want to stay a house-husband...

I just wish things were like they were before, when I didn't have to be so careful and that my brain wasn't Swiss cheese now.

Meh, just thinking about things.

[bizi]

I finally slept!
bizi

[tecomsin]

Hi Christina,

Thanks for asking about my hip. It is much, much better and I am almost as good as before except I stopped doing my physio that I really should keep up. My mental health is not so good but my sleep has been fine.

I wanted to share her reply when i texted her how hurt I was about what she did. She never addresses my hurt and immediately changes the subject to why she dumped me to go see her friend, instead, in the middle of our outing together.

"I am truly sorry about today. I realize I was not fair to you.
I don't really know what to say except that I am sorry.
I just felt that I needed to talk to M1. The two of us had a discussion and we sent a joint email to xxx and resigned as facilitators. We will still facilitate the next two meetings, but after that we are done."

That was all she wrote back. It's like a deliberately insulting apology to explain why she had to dump me. I finally texted her that it was like she didn't understand how insulting that is but I think she has me on ignore now.

My mood is only so-so today. I'm not depressed, or even sad, but more the feeling one gets when something really nice ends and you're back to a hum drum situation. My psychiatrist will be away for six weeks. All of our projects relating to our deck and gardens are complete. I would perhaps just be enjoying them right now, but the sky is gray. I brought up a rather triggering topic with my psychiatrist yesterday. All he said in the end was to talk about it with my therapist. He is right, but...I don't know. I do like my therapist, but I guess she's been saying some things I'd rather not hear, lately. Perhaps it is what I should hear, though.

I'm still doing well with my diet. I actually feel and look like I've lost some weight. Given this, I'm hoping/expecting that this week's weight loss amount should be very good. The two weeks before I lost almost 5 pounds. Let's say, as an example, that I have lost 3 or more pounds this week. If that is the case, I think that after losing eight pounds one might feel/see a difference. Eight pounds would be almost one quarter of the grand total I want to lose. I'm sure that my weekly weight loss amounts will start decreasing soon, unless I start adding even more exercise. My husband (also on the diet) said his belt fits one notch smaller. Ditto for me, but where I feel/see the biggest reduction in size is in my thighs and bosom. It would be really great to be able to fit into the next size smaller. Almost all of my clothes are the next size smaller.

I haven't worn my wedding band for some years now. If I can reach my final weight goal, it should hopefully fit again. I'm not aiming to be the weight I was when I got married. I think that's unnecessary.

[Moose72]

Just laying on my bed feeling refreshed an relaxed after a shower. I walked 4 miles straight today with N3 (minus 2 5 minute breaks). I got up at 630. Wonderful to be up and out in the cool morning air! (So much better than sleeping till noon. Meh)

[wildflowerchild25]

We’re all moved in! It’s been so nice relaxing in my own house. I went food shopping yesterday and bought enough for an army! Lots of meats and deli meat and stuff for breakfast so we don’t have to keep buying food out. I spent $150 at the discount grocery store! So you know I got a lot! Now the only problem is that we have nowhere to store pantry items because we don’t have a lot of cabinet space in the kitchen. We’re going to buy cabinets or shelves that we can put in the third bedroom (which we’re using more for storage) so I can get all the food out of bags and boxes. I’m trying to organize so our place isn’t cluttered like my moms. That’s what I hated so much about my mom’s house, the awful clutter and the mess no matter how much I tried to clean. I can keep this place as clean as I want to. I’ve been doing the dishes every night (nice that we have a dishwasher) and I plan on using Saturday and/or sundays as my sweep up, vacuum, etcetera day. Just have to get some cleaning supplies! I’m so so happy that I have my own place and that it’s with the second love of my life!

My brother finally got back to me too. Turns out he doesn’t want to come to our party because he and his wife have developed a drinking problem and don’t want to be around people who might be drinking. I knew they drank a lot and in my opinion it was too much because they would get blackout drunk and fight with each other. So I’m glad they’ve finally admitted it. I’m more than happy to have them over by themselves because I hardly drink at all anymore. I’m just happy he was honest with me and didn’t brush me off. I feel a lot better now knowing that it’s not me he was upset with.

Last day of school was today! I snuck out early lol. Now I have two weeks off until ESY starts. I never heard back from my old job so I guess they’re not interested in rehiring me. Not surprised, I told them I was leaving because of mental health issues like an idiot. Why I said that I’ll never know. Of course they wouldn’t want to rehire someone with mental health issues. Oh well. When I get my special ed certification there are more private schools in the area I can apply to.

So overall I’m happy! Things are going well. I’m so glad! Last April I was in the hospital, and now I’m living with my love and my son in our own little house and I haven’t had a serious incident since last April. I love my life!

[Sunflower123]

Doing well today. Spent the day up until now floating in the pool with M. It was really nice. She’s gone to work now so I’ll start unpacking and straightening the house. Just didn’t have the motivation before.

Today is the first day I’ve felt like myself since 12/31/18 when mom had her accident and I went into crisis management mode. I think I can start on the goals I had for 1/1 now. I’ve decompressed and caught up on my sleep etc. Feels good.

Warm wishes and hugs to all.

[pirilin]

I'm doing the best I can fighting anxiety.
I hope the big D doesn't show up.

Cheers.

[sadveiledbride]

I am okay today I guess, sort of sad and worried. Not much happening tonight.

[Nammu]

So nice to see the sun after what feels like months of overcast skies and rain. Sat outside as long as I could without suntan lotion.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

I’ve been avoiding PC due to being very easily irritated. But thought I’d pop in quickly.

WC, I’m so sorry to read of your circumstances. Sending many hugs your way.
I agree with the person that suggested you take your computer to the police. The reason is that it may not be as simple as your husband wanting to hurt you. A forensic examination may reveal what if anything your H may have tried to hide (that he suddenly felt he had to wipe the computer). A forensic exam should recover your photos.
My hubby works in IT and has had to over the years conduct many computer forensic examinations. Without fail everyone who tried to wipe their computers clean were hiding something.

Thank you! I agree. I could not mention the involvement of the authorities until today, when they'd announced their own involvement. I have had IT techs involved for days now. The police have been involved for about a week now and continue on the case. I also highly suspect something illegal is being hidden. I hate to think so; yet, I cannot imagine what else would cause such interest and such an ongoing saga? I am very sad about this.

Just before this all had started (the remote accessing of the computer, etc.,) I had discovered a lot of files hidden in the C:drive, labeled "Backup files" and in a vault. I played with passwords until it opened the "vault." I was shocked to find so many files there, labelled "documents." definitely not all documents, as many had ".mov" suffixes. Those are movies/videos.

The vault not only was locked, it gave notification that someone had accessed those files (me). Almost immediately, the files were moved,/deleted. I could not believe it! I went back out and back into the same location and something entirely differently was there ( a very different visual... with all files folders emptied.) what does anyone want to hide so much, esp when videos/movies are involved? I think we can all make a good guess, sadly.

I have found other "vaults" and have been able to unlock the ones I have found. I cannot always open the files easily... or at all. Some were pictures and video files in a vault in places like: RealPlayer, etc. All of the contents of any media program were taken and/or wiped out.

Some videos. quite a few were previously deleted from media player, Windows picture gallery and RealPlayer. There were also vaults at 2 of these locations. There is alot more to this; yet, it all gets tedious... I'll save anyone from reading it all.

All computer backup sets were also removed or deleted. The person had the password to the backup sets. Only two people had that password. I was one of them.

All picture, movie/videos and document files are gone.

I saw some of the deleted files as they were being deleted.. That was the first action taken remotely an d I was watching it, wondering what was going on?. The file names came onto my screen for some reason? They were from the hidden vault in the C drive. Some had live links in them. I had filmed the files as they came onto my screen. I filmed those with live links, while I opened the links. I am not yet at liberty to reveal the contents. I am shocked... repulsed and deeply saddened.

I guess we never really know the possible '"complexities" of our seemingly best friend(s)? I had no idea.

Someone has still been trying to access the computer. The battery is out, so someone cannot turn it on remotely. If I plug it in for even 3 minutes, it is being "pinged" at least twice a minute... when it is not even connected to the internet.! It is being accessed from a cloud, it seems.

I have changed the password on the security and have reinstalled it just to have even a few minutes of security if/when anyone turns the computer on.
Even so, someone keeps trying to access my security password. The security company keeps notifying me of this. Whomever is doing this has my email address, as the only mistake they are making is not knowing the new password. Each attempt generates a notice to my email acct.

Anyway.. it has been quite a mystery. Much of it has been found out, but there IS more. Only the C drive is left at this point and someone still wants to access the computer. As you have noted, the C drive holds a lot of info.

The other interesting note: Whomever was involved was loading the pics, videos, files into a hard drive. This is clear from the security reports. So someone wants to keep all of the files.

Hmmm... I wonder who is that interested in deleting the files from the computer and then wants to keep/store the various types of files?
Who is interested in deleting all backup sets?

The authorities have mentioned they may want the computer, the C drive. The investigation moves forward with each passing day.

There is much more.

So this is what has had my attention lately. Sadly.

Sorry for the long rant. It has been very tough. I did not, however, disclose anything that was not made public info just today.

VERY STRESSFUL.
VERY SAD.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for your support, everyone. You all mean lot to me.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

With my second husband, since I knew his secrets and I was leaving him, he made me into the bad person to protect himself from feeling like a failure or a bad person. I didn’t come back so things went really bad after that. I think that may be what your husband is doing, but don’t know him personally. I do feel you’re being treated unfairly. It isn’t your fault.

Thank you!
Yes, I have made MANY discoveries since asking him to leave. I am shocked.
Yes, he has been making me out to be quite the B**ch!

I am sure he does not like some of the things I have found out. I have shared a few of these things with him. He gets very irrate and belligerent.
He says he thinks someone is out to get him,is trying to set him up?

I cannot imagine anyone having cause to do such a thing.
If so,someone is making an extremely concerted effort to do so and has been at it for years. He says he thinks someone else has accessed the computer in question and has hidden the files which Ii have found were hidden. I remind him his password was the password that unlocked the vault of files. Hmmmm...

Time will tell.
Thanks again.

[Sunflower123]

Thinking of you WC and praying for you to have the strength to make it through this nightmare.

[Blueberrybook]

WC, keeping you in my thoughts

T says I am looking well even if I did only put on makeup because I was going to therapy, at least I did it.

Not surprisingly, we worked on positive affirmations and coping with anxiety today.

[hopeless2015]

Thinking of you WC!!

[Unrigged64072835]

WC, I’m glad the authorities are involved with this and I hope there’ll be justice for his actions. So sorry you’re going through this though. Prayers and good vibes for you.

[Pookyl]

Oh bugger. WC I really was hoping that I was wrong and just being paranoid. I don’t know what to say except let him know as little as possible about what you’re up to.

Christina, I haven’t restarted the Epilim. I was due for Lithium levels this morning. I’m hoping that they’re low. I’d rather increase my Lithium than take Epilim.
If it’s not possible to increase my Lithium I’ll get back on the Epilim.