[Wild Coyote]

Hey Bird Dancer,

I hope you see this post. I have looked for yours in order to quote you and cannot find your post. (So tired and...)

I really admire all you have done lately, while in the midst of grieving. I am glad you can/do honor yourself by deciding what you are and are not up to at this time.

I hope the decreased stress level will help you tremendously. It's such a pleasure to have you here with us! Thanks for all you contribute.

[Wild Coyote]

Hi Cornucopia!

As others have urged, please DO share any good fortune. It helps to balance things out here and sheds some light in the darkness for all of us!
I am very happy for you and I hope you and you H enrich you relationship by increasing mutual understanding, etc.
It's nice to have you back around!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Oh hun

I’m just going to wrap you up in a big hug.. I’m always here for you

((((( WC)))))

Thanks so much, ~Christina!
You mean the world to me!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Wander

Saw my T. By the end of the session he appeared more worried about me than I have ever seen. The session ran late and he ended it staring at his shoes obviously trying to work out what to do. I was supposed to see my pdoc later today but he called in sick. I see him Friday now. My T ended by saying he is notifying my pdoc of my ‘presentation’ and his concerns. I tried hard to seem normal enough but lost it at the end.

I’m in trouble.

I’m like spying on myself and it terrifies me. Warning signs everywhere. I’m trapped and terrified with no way out. PTSD out of control. I search for ways out but find none. If my pdoc hospitalises me Friday I will be trapped even more. The panic is immense. So much I can’t say.

I’m trying. I’m really trying but I have nothing left. Something out of my control is happening. I do want to live but I’m drowning. I don’t even know why I’m posting. I guess I have hardly anyone to talk to.

HI Wander,

My heart breaks for you. I know how hard you work at staying as well as possible. I am so sorry you are again feeling very unwell.

I know you do not like IP. I do not blame you.
Yet, you have been helped in IP, haven"t you?
It must get old, I am sure.

If you must go, at least you will be safe. In addition, I hope you will be well-served, in every way, IF admitted to IP.

Please keep us up to date?
Thinking of you!

[Daonnachd]

I gave my T her birthday present today. It's not her birthday yet, but she's going to be away then so I decided to give her gift early.


A'best to all yez. I wish I could assuage the chaos that appears to have consumed so many of us.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

I gave my T her birthday present today. It's not her birthday yet, but she's going to be away then so I decided to give her gift early.


A'best to all yez. I wish I could assuage the chaos that appears to have consumed so many of us.

So nice to hear from you!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Wishing I could be more supportive on here. I came back from Dominican Republic with some kind of GI illness and have spent the time since feeling sick and eating bland foods. I saw my family doctor's NP today and am having a lot of tests done to try to find what has taken over my body. I just have trouble doing much more than hitting the hugs button for now but please know that the hugs are heartfelt. Hopefully soon I'll have more nutrition than toast and it will stay in my body long enough to actually benefit me and I'll be able to think more clearly.

I care about all of you so much, even when it's hard to express.

[~Christina]

Well my pain has dropped to it’s normal level of hell !! Sad that I have to be “okay” with such high level pain... but I’m not as frantic today. I can actually take a deep breath

[wildflowerchild25]

I screwed up my final project for the one class. She is letting me revise but I don’t understand where I went wrong so my revision will probably be no good either. I need to get at least a B or I will have to retake the class and my GPA will suffer. I am on academic warning because of a class I failed when I was too sick to withdraw from it properly. My GPA is a 2.93 and I believe it needs to be a 3.0. So I’m right there, but if I get a C in this class I might not make it over. I’m so mad at myself. I followed the “clues to complete the FBA” to the letter. I do not understand how to fix it. I’m going to try though.

As a result I bought a pack of cigarettes and smoked half. RS is not angry with me but I am. I feel terrible. Two steps forward, one step back.

I think I had another hospital dream last night but I’m not sure. I know I woke up with my heart racing and breathing heavy but I’m not sure why. I wish these nightmares would stop.

However, on the bright side, I had a great time at the water park today with RS and my son. We played on the slides, the lazy river, and went swimming in the pool. I forgot how much I enjoy swimming. Usually it’s too cold for me to go in but it was perfect today. I’m dead tired now. So I had a good day despite messing up my project and smoking.

Tomorrow we are going to the zoo down the shore so that should be fun too. Then I will come home and revise my project and hope for the best. Work starts on Friday.

[Wander]

Thank you so much for all the hugs and kind words. I see my pdoc in 26 hours so I’m just waiting it out. Overwhelmed is an understatement. No matter how hard I look there is no way out. Too many bad things lining up at once. Trapping me. Today, I just don’t care anymore. This is beyond me.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wander

Thank you so much for all the hugs and kind words. I see my pdoc in 26 hours so I’m just waiting it out. Overwhelmed is an understatement. No matter how hard I look there is no way out. Too many bad things lining up at once. Trapping me. Today, I just don’t care anymore. This is beyond me.

Wander I think you really should go IP at this point. You have been at battle for far too long.

Stop swimming against the current and let someone take care of you, IP will give you a safe place to be.

(((((( Wander ))))))

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I screwed up my final project for the one class. She is letting me revise but I don’t understand where I went wrong so my revision will probably be no good either. I need to get at least a B or I will have to retake the class and my GPA will suffer. I am on academic warning because of a class I failed when I was too sick to withdraw from it properly. My GPA is a 2.93 and I believe it needs to be a 3.0. So I’m right there, but if I get a C in this class I might not make it over. I’m so mad at myself. I followed the “clues to complete the FBA” to the letter. I do not understand how to fix it. I’m going to try though.


As a result I bought a pack of cigarettes and smoked half. RS is not angry with me but I am. I feel terrible. Two steps forward, one step back.


I think I had another hospital dream last night but I’m not sure. I know I woke up with my heart racing and breathing heavy but I’m not sure why. I wish these nightmares would stop.


However, on the bright side, I had a great time at the water park today with RS and my son. We played on the slides, the lazy river, and went swimming in the pool. I forgot how much I enjoy swimming. Usually it’s too cold for me to go in but it was perfect today. I’m dead tired now. So I had a good day despite messing up my project and smoking.


Tomorrow we are going to the zoo down the shore so that should be fun too. Then I will come home and revise my project and hope for the best. Work starts on Friday.

I’m sorry you have to work on your project further I’m sure you can bring the numbers up.

Oooohhhh a day at a water park sounds fantastic!!! When I still lived in Florida I use to buy my daughter and I yearly passes , we went all the time. I miss those days.

Tomorrow is another day to continue the fight to stop smoking, you will get there.

I’m so sorry your being plagued with these nightmares, I know they are exhausting. Have you tried journaling?? Maybe they will ease up. Or maybe more gratitude writings ? I dunno just tossing some stuff out there

[Ezrigirl]

It is 10.15, and I will be going to bed.

[Victoria'smom]

IDK, how I'm doing. Saw spider-man far from home for my birthday. We have a theater that only plays 2 movies but on alternating Wednesdays the movies are $3. So we saw it for $6. I'm waiting for bed now. I ordered 2 more games even though we have yet to play the others. Those games I ordered are gifts from my parents.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Happy Birthday MM! Glad you got to get out and have some fun.

[Victoria'smom]

Happy Birthday MM! Glad you got to get out and have some fun.

Thank-you, It's not until the 13th but we thought today between storms when we're already out would be best.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

IDK, how I'm doing. Saw spider-man far from home for my birthday. We have a theater that only plays 2 movies but on alternating Wednesdays the movies are $3. So we saw it for $6. I'm waiting for bed now. I ordered 2 more games even though we have yet to play the others. Those games I ordered are gifts from my parents.

Happy birthday, Miguel'smom!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

MM, how is the diet/your stomach doing? The diet ends soon right?

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Well my pain has dropped to it’s normal level of hell !! Sad that I have to be “okay” with such high level pain... but I’m not as frantic today. I can actually take a deep breath

I am really sorry you have to deal with that, but glad it's eased up a little bit. Hope you get some relief for awhile.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

IDK, how I'm doing. Saw spider-man far from home for my birthday. We have a theater that only plays 2 movies but on alternating Wednesdays the movies are $3. So we saw it for $6. I'm waiting for bed now. I ordered 2 more games even though we have yet to play the others. Those games I ordered are gifts from my parents.

So glad you got out !!! Happy Birthday !

[Wander]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Wander I think you really should go IP at this point. You have been at battle for far too long.

Stop swimming against the current and let someone take care of you, IP will give you a safe place to be.

(((((( Wander ))))))

Thanks. It will probably be forced on me if I don’t go willingly so I guess I’ll be going IP. The last hospitalisation in February was very traumatic so it will add to my anxiety and make me feel more trapped, but the walls are closing in out here so my choices are few.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wander

Thanks. It will probably be forced on me if I don’t go willingly so I guess I’ll be going IP. The last hospitalisation in February was very traumatic so it will add to my anxiety and make me feel more trapped, but the walls are closing in out here so my choices are few.

A friend of mine went IP recently because she was just rung out and just couldn’t deal anymore. I just spoke to her and she’s being discharged tomorrow.

She’s always against IP.... but her words “ this was the best gift I could give myself, I’m not 100% but I found clarity and I can move forward now.

Take care of yourself

[Blue_Bird]

I slept straight through the night! So happy

[Blue_Bird]

Happy birthday Miguel'smom!

[Nevvy]

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

I'm afraid that the result of this interview will cause problems... Adjusted pills right when this was going on, and these things always give me a stupid reaction, even without a pill adjustment. I'm such a spaz.

Went to the home improvement store to get things to switch out the (seemingly all at once) broken light switches. That will keep my mind off of things, I might game a bit, too.

Oh well, time to try play hobby electrician.