[Wander]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Wander, I have been thinking about you. I'm so sorry that the hospital has been a source of stress for you, instead of a retreat or safe haven. I do want to say how important it is not to rush away from intensive treatment. Doing so can exacerbate the situation. If it does end up best for your to leave the hospital, can you maybe go to an Intensive Outpatient program or at least schedule frequent visits to your therapy and psychiatrist?:

Thanks for thinking of me. It is disappointing that I can't relax here properly until I fully recover, but I do feel ready to deal with the outside world. I am just a but vulnerable. It is a good idea to see my T and pdoc more. I will see my T weekly and my pdoc at least weekly for the first few weeks to make sure I am safe and recovering well. My partner will also stay with me for the first week so I won't be alone. That will help immensely.

I fell asleep around 9 pm and woke at 3.30 am. Slept on and off for an hour but have been awake since. It is 5.20 am now. I feel good but it is going to be a long morning. I don't start my discharge until 9 am, assuming my pdoc is on time. I should be out by 10 am. I am actually excited, and a little nervous.

[Victoria'smom]

My new therapist resigned. She may have been a good one too. She wants me to go into a private practice. I don't think that's available to me. So IDK.

[yellow_fleurs]

Wander I am so glad to hear you are feeling better. I hope things continue this way for you. Do you have any idea why you are suddenly feeling better? Was it a successful medication change perhaps? It makes sense that your Pdoc is being cautious (we all want you safe), but I can totally understand why you want to get out of a place that is triggering. I have really been feeling for you and your situation. I think the meditation sounds like a great idea. I have tried meditation at a local center recently, but haven't gone back, just been rather busy with other things. A retreat is something I would be interested in looking into. Please continue to keep us posted with how you are doing!

[yellow_fleurs]

Spikes, I am sorry you are suffering so much. I hope your psychiatrist and therapist can help you. Are you safe until tomorrow? If not, please don't wait to get help.

[Wild Coyote]

Had a good time with Ortho NP!!!
I just LOVE her!

Had several Xrays.
I have severe (raging, according to her) Plantar Fasciitis.
I am supposed to wear a splint at night and an aircast during the day.
Picked up prescribed orthotics for aircast and for any footwear.
Having FUN tonight!

Was told it will take at least a year to heal.

I have had this, before, probably 15 years ago now, and it took 2 years to heal.

We will see how it goes. Trying to stay positive.

I hope everyone has a restful night!

[hopeless2015]

Doing ok, seems like it should be later in the week. Excessive heat warming tomorrow through Sunday here.

Hugs to all

[~Christina]

Saw my T today ( thank god) neither one of us can understand why my husband just can’t understand that being gone for a month is going to be so horrible and possibly life threatening to me. He’s usually very understanding.

Saw my Dermatologist Tuesday for 2 huge psoriasis flares. I picked up medication and one area is my eyebrow , the other below the belt. One liquid medication might as well be straight bleach on wide open skin, the other an ointment which burns just as bad !

I call my rheumatologist, they are rushing Me in tomorrow so we can figure a biologic change. They are all shots and must be kept in refrigerator, yeah okay not sure how to manage that while travelling, it can’t get to hot or cold as it ruins the medication.

We can barely afford the hotel for the days we will be there in the kids part of town. so 3 weeks with friends 4 hours north is unavoidable. Then back south for granddaughters birthday party. Our friends keep there ac on 80-82 so I’ll be hot the entire time.

My T is calling me weekly and I’m to call him or email him anytime I need too.

I’ll admit there are days I just scroll Facebook or read and have almost nothing to say , mainly due to pain. Our friends don’t know about my Bipolar, but I guess I’ll have to throw it out there, I always feel judged when I let that frantic cat out of the bag.

I told my T I’ll bring my own box of tissues when i get back , I’ll likely slide into his office bawling my eyes out.

We leave the 13 th. And yes many could saw why bother with worries now ? I have to count out meds and see what we will run out of , getting refills out of state is so difficult and takes days. So I need to skip meds to make them last until we return in September.

So yeah , I’m a freaking mess.

My pain is off the chart today. I was honest about talks of checking out to day during my session. No one in the medical field gives a damn if you have Fibro and even PsA type arthritis , it’s about finding something to help slow down the progression not really help with daily pain.

F M L

Christina !!!!!!!
I made a magic wand for a Halloween party a couple weeks ago. Wish it were real. Still, flinging sparkles your way. Maybe they will help if we hope really hard!
No fair such trials for such a wonderful person... Sending lots of love and healing thoughts to you.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Saw my T today ( thank god) neither one of us can understand why my husband just can’t understand that being gone for a month is going to be so horrible and possibly life threatening to me. He’s usually very understanding.

Saw my Dermatologist Tuesday for 2 huge psoriasis flares. I picked up medication and one area is my eyebrow , the other below the belt. One liquid medication might as well be straight bleach on wide open skin, the other an ointment which burns just as bad !

I call my rheumatologist, they are rushing Me in tomorrow so we can figure a biologic change. They are all shots and must be kept in refrigerator, yeah okay not sure how to manage that while travelling, it can’t get to hit or cold as it ruins the medication.

We can barely afford the hotel for the days we will be there in the kids part of town. so 3 weeks with friends 4 hours north is unavoidable. Then back south for granddaughters birthday party. Our friends keep there ac on 80-82 so I’ll be hot the entire time.

My T is calling me weekly and I’m to call him or email him anytime I need too.

I’ll admit there are days I just scroll Facebook or read and have almost nothing to say , mainly due to pain. Our friends don’t know about my Bipolar, but I guess I’ll have to throw it out there, I always feel judged when I let that frantic cat out of the bag.

I told me T I’ll bring my own box of tissues when i get back , I’ll likely slide into his office bawling my eyes out.

We leave the 13 th. And yes many could saw why bother with worries now ? I have to count out meds and see what we will run out of , getting refills out of state is so difficult and takes days. So I need to skip meds to make them last until we return in September.

So yeah , I’m a freaking mess.

My pain is off the chart today. I was honest about talks of checking out to day during my session. No one in the medical field gives a damn if you have Fibro and even PsA type arthritis , it’s about finding something to help slow down the progression not really help with daily pain.

F M L

I am getting very concerned about you!

What happens if you just say no to this fiasco? Maybe stay at home?

I totally agree with you re: pain and PsA, fibro, etc. one has to experience it in order to understand. Most of the medical community is threatened by the state re: prescribing pain meds. It's a mess!!!

Please know that I am here for you!!!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Doing ok, seems like it should be later in the week. Excessive heat warming tomorrow through Sunday here.

Hugs to all

I enJOY your dropping in!!!
Much Love to You!!!

Well, tomorrow is surgery. It's just carpal tunnel on my non-dominant side, but I'm starting to get a little squicky. Will be off of work for a week. Loaded up on lots of dvds from the library to pass some time. I should still be able to draw, so hope to do a bunch. It will be so weird not being at work. I will actually miss it!

Have to take a big anti-bacterial shower tonight, then again tomorrow morning. Sleep on freshly laundered sheets etc etc. Even tossed my teddy bear in the laundry. He said he didn't like it, but would do his bit.

We'll see how typing goes afterwards. If I get a bit quiet, you'll know why.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Saw my T today ( thank god) neither one of us can understand why my husband just can’t understand that being gone for a month is going to be so horrible and possibly life threatening to me. He’s usually very understanding.

Saw my Dermatologist Tuesday for 2 huge psoriasis flares. I picked up medication and one area is my eyebrow , the other below the belt. One liquid medication might as well be straight bleach on wide open skin, the other an ointment which burns just as bad !

I call my rheumatologist, they are rushing Me in tomorrow so we can figure a biologic change. They are all shots and must be kept in refrigerator, yeah okay not sure how to manage that while travelling, it can’t get to hit or cold as it ruins the medication.

We can barely afford the hotel for the days we will be there in the kids part of town. so 3 weeks with friends 4 hours north is unavoidable. Then back south for granddaughters birthday party. Our friends keep there ac on 80-82 so I’ll be hot the entire time.

My T is calling me weekly and I’m to call him or email him anytime I need too.

I’ll admit there are days I just scroll Facebook or read and have almost nothing to say , mainly due to pain. Our friends don’t know about my Bipolar, but I guess I’ll have to throw it out there, I always feel judged when I let that frantic cat out of the bag.

I told me T I’ll bring my own box of tissues when i get back , I’ll likely slide into his office bawling my eyes out.

We leave the 13 th. And yes many could saw why bother with worries now ? I have to count out meds and see what we will run out of , getting refills out of state is so difficult and takes days. So I need to skip meds to make them last until we return in September.

So yeah , I’m a freaking mess.

My pain is off the chart today. I was honest about talks of checking out to day during my session. No one in the medical field gives a damn if you have Fibro and even PsA type arthritis , it’s about finding something to help slow down the progression not really help with daily pain.

F M L

Oodles of pain free hugs and cheesecake sent your way.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Well, tomorrow is surgery. It's just carpal tunnel on my non-dominant side, but I'm starting to get a little squicky. Will be off of work for a week. Loaded up on lots of dvds from the library to pass some time. I should still be able to draw, so hope to do a bunch. It will be so weird not being at work. I will actually miss it!


Have to take a big anti-bacterial shower tonight, then again tomorrow morning. Sleep on freshly laundered sheets etc etc. Even tossed my teddy bear in the laundry. He said he didn't like it, but would do his bit.


We'll see how typing goes afterwards. If I get a bit quiet, you'll know why.

My mom had it done about 15 years ago and she was a hair dresser , took the week off and was fine.

My T is actually having this done while I’m gone.

Yes they both had to do all the prep clean everything deal.

I hope your recovery is swift.

Yeah that magic wand would be lovely.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am getting very concerned about you!


What happens if you just say no to this fiasco? Maybe stay at home?


I totally agree with you re: pain and PsA, fibro, etc. one has to experience it in order to understand. Most of the medical community is threatened by the state re: prescribing pain meds. It's a mess!!!


Please know that I am here for you!!!

Yesterday Hubby got really really upset with my worries over the trip and said loudly FINE I’ll skip my reunion and just go for Payton’s 4th birthday party ... are you happy now? Will this help you “ handle” it !! I said F you and had nothing else to say.

I don’t want him to miss his class reunion, he loves going and seeing old friends and I’m happy for him. I hang out with my daughter while hes off doing his thing.

His son and DIL scheduled Payton’s birthday party almost 2 weeks after her birthday or there would be only like 10 days between , but no.

They knew about Steve’s reunion dates and since we drive over 750 miles one would think they might be a bit considerate, but nope. If I just decided to stay home he likely would be furious and it would hang over our marriage heavily, and I do truly need to see my daughter. It’s been since Xmas.

This is very out of the ordinary for him, usually he more understanding about how I manage life. He’s all excited about the trip and 3 weeks with our friends but he is going to be doing a lot of work on George’s tractor and stuff so he has things to actually do.

They never want help with dinner or clean up , I grabbed a broom last time and no no no Alice said your on vacation.

So nothing for me to really do to pass the time. They think being online more than 30 mins a day is ridiculous.

Our dogs will live on a leash for a month, something they are not use too at all. My dog when stressed stops eating he went 6 days last trip without eating. And that was a 11 day trip.

I don’t think I’m borrowing trouble, I have to make sure we are both going to get by medication wise. The 3 meds of concern are all scheduled meds so they can’t even be refilled in another state.

Yes I have a list of things that need to be figured out.

Between our suitcases and my husband big oxygen concentrator in the truck I’m not sure where dog food for both dogs and they are 60 lbs each is going to go, it’s not a brand I can buy small bags as we need them.

Look out your windows... see that mushroom cloud. That’s my brain exploding.

Im done complaining about this cluster F of a trip coming up , it’s a boring saga from beginning to end.

Thanks to anyone reading all this crap.

[Wander]

Home from hospital. Agitated but ok. My partner is coming over for a few days. I know I kind of ran from the hospital but I think I made the right decision. This is a safer environment for me.

Sending hugs to all.

bad tummy and more fibro pain today

not doing anything today though which is good (if I need to run to the bathroom I can. hahaha!)

mood is okay too, made better by the fact that it's all ready thursday- the week's flying by

I got to work at 4:42am because I just couldn’t sleep last night. I tried going back to sleep, but I woke up at 3:30am and have been awake ever since! So, I figured I’d go to work early and leave early. (Might as well, right?) Then I will hopefully be tired enough to take a nap.

I’m not particularly tired, btw. I’m just “blah” from waking up so early. lol. I went to bed at 9pm. Maybe that’s why...? But I normally sleep like 10 hrs, not 6.5.

I’m just chillin at my desk at work being bored while I wait for something to finish running on my computer. I can’t take my Ritalin just yet, though, because I took my linzess at around 4:15am and have to wait 2 hrs. It’s now almost 6am. 15 more mins...

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good day today.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Yesterday Hubby got really really upset with my worries over the trip and said loudly FINE I’ll skip my reunion and just go for Payton’s 4th birthday party ... are you happy now? Will this help you “ handle” it !! I said F you and had nothing else to say.

I don’t want him to miss his class reunion, he loves going and seeing old friends and I’m happy for him. I hang out with my daughter while hes off doing his thing.

His son and DIL scheduled Payton’s birthday party almost 2 weeks after her birthday or there would be only like 10 days between , but no.

They knew about Steve’s reunion dates and since we drive over 750 miles one would think they might be a bit considerate, but nope. If I just decided to stay home he likely would be furious and it would hang over our marriage heavily, and I do truly need to see my daughter. It’s been since Xmas.

This is very out of the ordinary for him, usually he more understanding about how I manage life. He’s all excited about the trip and 3 weeks with our friends but he is going to be doing a lot of work on George’s tractor and stuff so he has things to actually do.

They never want help with dinner or clean up , I grabbed a broom last time and no no no Alice said your on vacation.

So nothing for me to really do to pass the time. They think being online more than 30 mins a day is ridiculous.

Our dogs will live on a leash for a month, something they are not use too at all. My dog when stressed stops eating he went 6 days last trip without eating. And that was a 11 day trip.

I don’t think I’m borrowing trouble, I have to make sure we are both going to get by medication wise. The 3 meds of concern are all scheduled meds so they can’t even be refilled in another state.

Yes I have a list of things that need to be figured out.

Between our suitcases and my husband big oxygen concentrator in the truck I’m not sure where dog food for both dogs and they are 60 lbs each is going to go, it’s not a brand I can buy small bags as we need them.

Look out your windows... see that mushroom cloud. That’s my brain exploding.

Im done complaining about this cluster F of a trip coming up , it’s a boring saga from beginning to end.

Thanks to anyone reading all this crap.

I’m so sorry you are going through everything you are. You definitely have a plate full and you don’t deserve any of it. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m so sorry Christina that you are going through all of this. Especially the physical pain. You don’t deserve it. I hope you do ok on your trip as much as you don’t want to go. Hopefully it turns out better than you think, or at least tolerable!

[fern46]

Christina it sounds like you're just being honest about what you anticipate the experience to be like. I don't see it as complaining. I have a hard time being comfortable in other people's homes as well, especially when they won't let me help out. I usually just sneak around and do stuff to help anyway. Maybe they will be more open to your helping out if they knew it helps you to cope.

I know you're happy to see your family. Hopefully you can feel comfortable to escape with your books or online when you need to without fear of judgement from your friends. Self care is often even more important when you're away from the comforts of home. Hugs.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Well, tomorrow is surgery. It's just carpal tunnel on my non-dominant side, but I'm starting to get a little squicky. Will be off of work for a week. Loaded up on lots of dvds from the library to pass some time. I should still be able to draw, so hope to do a bunch. It will be so weird not being at work. I will actually miss it!

Have to take a big anti-bacterial shower tonight, then again tomorrow morning. Sleep on freshly laundered sheets etc etc. Even tossed my teddy bear in the laundry. He said he didn't like it, but would do his bit.

We'll see how typing goes afterwards. If I get a bit quiet, you'll know why.

Thinking of you today, hoping all goes perfectly well!

Ragingvortex, I hope your pain eases soon.

bluebicycle, it sounds like you have a plan with your work schedule today. I remember having days at work when I just tried to meditate a bit. It can help. The printer has a nice sound that can help some people meditate.

Innerzone, good luck with your procedure.

Wander, I am glad your partner will be with you. And we are always here.

Christina, you are definitely not alone in stressing out about vacations. I think I mentioned that I have similar anxiety about them. I am so sorry your husband is not as supportive of your request for a compromise. I really can't imagine why you not going to the reunion would be a big deal. I went to my 30th high school reunion recently and didn't think to ask my husband to join me. He was glad. Fact is, he must compromise a bit. Must. If you think you'll run out of a med during your trip, maybe your doc and pharmacist can work something out ahead of time for you. Mine have for me. This is a common issue for travelers.

I've been struggling to do things lately. Even getting a dinner on the table. Then hubby said he remembered me telling him that many articles discuss how people with mental illness tend to have shorter lifespans. He apparently read this again today in a BBC article. Then he says "Can we get back on the diet again? It would be really good for us." Well, of course I know all of this and would love to get back on track again, but being able to even barely get anything done makes meal planning (and following it perfectly) very difficult. Meal planning for just me is a lot of work, but I was meal planning for both my husband and myself. I will try. I will try.

I saw my new pdoc today. She's not going to be helpful I can tell. There's no such thing as help I guess. These suicidal thoughts are consuming me and no one except me can do anything about it apparently. I don't even know what to do other than give in to them.

Originally Posted by spikes

I saw my new pdoc today. She's not going to be helpful I can tell. There's no such thing as help I guess. These suicidal thoughts are consuming me and no one except me can do anything about it apparently. I don't even know what to do other than give in to them.

Please don't give into them, spikes. Remember, your brain is lying to you and making you see everything in the worst possible light. It WILL pass. Please stay safe, ok? You are cared about.