Bipolar check in #37

Hi ~Christina!

7 weeks must feel like a very long time with all you have been going through.
I do hope you get a lot from your session.
I hope you feel better soon!
You know where to find me, dear friend!

Much Love

STupid hypo....up at 3:00 AM still. Still feeling great during the day but night is hard. Anything that can overpower clozapine like this is pretty impressive and I've got other sedatives too. Yet I'm completely awake.

oh well. I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow anyway.

~Christina, I'm so glad you get to see your therapist. 7 weeks is a very long time.

How are you feeling? My asthma is flaring a bit from allergies and I've been thinking of you.

My asthma is still being a jerk , I do t hear the constant wheeze but my chest is tight and heavy.

Was 99 degrees here today and horrible humidity so that’s not helping matters !

Can I order you to sleep????? Lol

I hope sleep finds you quickly

Kinda bored right now. I have so many things on my mind that I can't pick just one thing to do. I literally want to do EVERYTHING at once. That's the problem. But since I can't pick, I am sitting here doing nothing... *sigh*

I have lots of work to do, but I can't do it because I can't focus. I have so many thoughts going on that it's hard to focus. I can't think straight. However, maybe my therapist can help me come up with coping mechanisms for this. I'm waiting for her call back today. I know she gets in the office around 6:45am, so I have from then until 2:30pm to hear back from her.

Maybe make an activity out of your racing thoughts to pass the time? Write each one down as it comes in. That way, you won't lose any of your great ideas. As a bonus it will serve as a diary of sorts to show your therapist. It will help her to grasp how your brain is processing at the moment.

Hey Blue! Maybe give her a call this morning to remind her to call you? The squeaky wheel gets the grease!
it is very important you both be in touch with one another asap.

:hug;

This has to be frustrating!
My sleep was broken enough that I feel horrible this morning .
I hope you feel okay even though you did not sleep?

Therapy didn't help one bit. And I'm getting angry at my car. And I'm getting even angrier at myself for not fixing the things wrong with it.

Should I make another attempt at group today?

Get your pot out and trash it all. It cannot help you right now and it will actually make things worse. It has properties that dork up your dopamine system along with others and that can cause or exacerbate psychosis.

Gather up your sharp objects and lock them away so that they are harder to get to. I realize you will still have access but maybe you can stop yourself if you have to take the extra step to get an instrument.

I think group is a good idea. Even if you don't share you'll be safe for a bit and it will give you an activity. It would be great if you told them what you're going through.

Stay safe Spikes.

Good Morning!
You deserve good things! If you are told otherwise, it's a lie.
Yes, go to group today. Stick with it. In time, you will feel more at home there!
The members there need you and you need them right now.
We need you, too!
Check in after group if you want to let us know how it goes!

Yes. Absolutely avail yourself of this. Sending good thoughts. Let us know how it goes, ok? And btw, YOU DO DESERVE THE GOOD THINGS.

Thank you! I don't know if I feel like I know my needs. I feel confused if switching therapists is just avoiding addressing other underlying issues like my current therapist wants to explore or if it's taking charge and getting the treatment I need. At least I know ERP is the evidence-based treatment for OCD so that's encouraging. I'm sure I do have other issues but right now a lot of that seems speculative and the OCD is a clear goal I can work on. One step at a time, right?

I wouldn't even know what to say if I go. Am I supposed to get out my whole back story? Do I need to complain to a bunch of mentally ill people who have gone through much worse about my trauma? Do I tell everyone that a large percentage of my body is covered in cuts and bruises? What do I say and how do I say it?

Just go with the flow! attend and then decide at what level you might share.
You can do this!

Feeling meh again. Kids are driving me crazy. I just got up at 10:00 and here it is almost 1 and I am exhausted.

Just start talking and let it flow. Try not to compare your trauma to others. Keep in mind that your sharing may be theraputic to someone else. You might inspire them to share something they wouldn't have otherwise.

Maybe start with the most pressing issues of cutting and thoughts of not being worthy of your life or good things.

You can do this Spikes. And don't forget about this place as a form of therapy. Keep sharing here if you want. We'll talk to you and share with you.

I'm home from my first official volunteer day. Actually, it was just from 10 am to 12 noon, but the drive added almost 40 mins each way. It went well. Less chaotic than yesterday. I liked the lady that was training me.

I wondered if a local Italian People's Bakery was still in the area, and it was. I bought a loaf of caraway seeded rye bread and a treat, and they gave me a second loaf for free, deliberately. That was nice. Maybe next week I'll get some other freebie. Maybe. I'm thinking of going to the store to buy some corned beef and sauerkraut to make Rubens. Hubby loves them. I'll make my own homemade Russian dressing.

Life seems nice. I'm happy right now, but perfectly stable.

I need to do some work on hubby's project. I did little yesterday. I'm hoping to sort of finish my part by this Friday, but I'll offer to help with even more. He may send his nephew to Vienna soon for a mission related to the project. Vienna is less than 4 hours drive from Prague, Czech Republic. Or similar by train.

Well new t is useless. She told me crying is how girls release their emotions, SI is a teen thing, psychosis can only be dealt with more meds and if I didn't lie on my depression form we'd "Have to talk about our options". She doesn't think I'm on enough meds and wants me to switch to their dr. I'm moderately depressed acourden to her work sheet. Her feeling is mania ALWAYS leads to the hospital. I'm going to bring her my mood/ event/ thought chart next time. She signed me up for a program for people who drop out of therapy a lot. So it's not like I can ghost her. It was all around bad. I doubt she sees it that way

I'm sorry it didn't go well MM. Maybe it will improve with time. I've always needed some adjustment time to really know and trust new therapists. The one I had now had a lot of strict ideas about hospitalization but my pdoc didn't so I wasn't hospitalized when he thought I should be a bunch of times. Now he doesn't worry about it and knows I do what I have to do to be safe and will go IP if needed. He definitely is aware of when things are bad and he monitors carefully and contacts my pdoc if he is really concerned and thinks I can't communicate effectively but he definitely no longer freaks out. Hopefully your therapist will get used to your symptoms and adjust too.

I have a nastyass headache right now. I'm pretty sure it's from the lack of sleep. Ugh. I'm also irritated as all f_ck.

I asked my therapy office to ping my therapist because she isn't responding to me, and my pdoc's assistant is a useless moron who thinks I have basic anxiety and not to worry about it.

I've made like NO progress at work this week. Ugh. I can't concentrate on anything because I am being bombarded with so many thoughts.

I'm so glad it went well today!

Were you able to get something to eat?
Staying hydrated?

Glad you have called your therapist again! Good job!!!
Your situation is enough to cause a headache and more!!!

Breathe deeply and slowly.. calm yourself if you can do so.

I think you are almost there, as far as getting a provider to respond! I hope so!
I am around... I just had to take a couple of calls.

Hang in there!

Didn't go to group today. I'm not going tomorrow either (I'm not going to group on my birthday!)

I'm am very happy for you! Sounds like you have had a good day!
The sandwiches sound delicious!
Thanks for sharing about your upbeat day!