Bipolar check in #37

Well, hubby and I are home from our vacation. I'm generally glad. However, when I got home and checked our voice messages on our landline vmx, my brother said that my dad is in the hospital yet again for the same thing he's been in the hospital for (4 plus times, or 7 - however you want to count them) this year. The biggest problems for him are that he desperately wants to continue drinking (albeit moderately) for the rest of his life, and obviously he can't. Plus, he refuses to seek intensive help after his hospitalizations (i.e. AA, IOP/PHP, therapy, and psychiatrist). If he gets out with no after care or AA, he's going to end up in the hospital again, and again, or until he dies. It sounds sad to write that, but that's the reality.


I called my brother back as soon as I got the message, and we are frustrated by or even resigned to the whole situation never improving. We can't MAKE him get better. Our WANTING him to get better doesn't encourage him to try.


My brother gave me my dad's room number in the hospital. In response, I asked him "What am I supposed to say to him that I haven't already said." Basically, my dad has cried wolf. I will offer to take him to an IOP near me, but that's about it. As for visiting him frequently, I will do that but not if I find him drinking again. If I do, I will stop visiting. If he ends up in the hospital yet again, I'll again offer to take him to an IOP near me.


Don't think I'm being cruel here. I am not asking my father to do anything I haven't done many times over. I DID go to IOPs/PHPs and AA many many times. I have had a psychiatrist and therapist I've seen regularly since. Effort means something.

I sure am!!!! What is going on? Going to a football game tonight wishing I needed a light sweater instead of a tank top.


Hugs!

I saw the GI doctor today. He didn't really say anything about what he thinks is going on. He ordered a thyroid test and scheduled an endoscopy and colonoscopy for Oct. 21. I'm dreading that but know it is necessary. I wish he'd had some theory for what this is but understand he needs more information to make a diagnosis.


3 more weeks until we hopefully know something.....

Yesterday was awful. The irritability and agitation just got worse throughout the day. Being on edge just made every task difficult, including watching TV so I took a load of Seroquel and went to bed at 7 pm. I just could not stand being awake. I hate this. I feel so alone. Even though no one can help it would be nice if a friend called or dropped by. But no one calls.


Now, 8am Saturday, I am up having coffee, hoping for a better day. I am visiting my sister which will be nice. Then I have to drive half an hour to go back to my parents place as my partner thinks he left a key there. I am so pissed he didn't check before we left yesterday. My parents are in Bali. Sigh. So lots of driving today. At lease I feel awake and am not as irritable, at least for now. Each morning I hope the suffering is over but in the last three weeks it has just been getting worse. C'mon brain! STABILISE!!!! I want my peace back.

I’m so sorry you still have to hurry up and wait, again.

I hope the time passes quickly ! You need answers and treatments

I’m sorry for your ongoing struggle.

Sure having to drive back over is a chore but think of it as an hour of listening to music while driving or play stupid car games like seeing how many blue trucks you see, I spy... etc .

Ok so it sounds silly but every moment your thinking about the next song or the next blue truck is a moment your not just thinking about Bipolar and your current unhappiness.

Enjoy the visit with your sister.

Maybe a walk on the beach ??

I slept for 18 hours. (12 hours last night then two 3 hour naps during the day) I'm still exhausted. I don't really know why. Normally I have trouble sleeping more than 5-6 hours. I went from having tons of energy to having absolutely none like 100 to zero. I might have worn myself out with exercising excessively. That's a possibility I guess.


Part of me wants to just lay here all weekend

Battlebots is on, down to the final four then the battle for the silver nut. I love Battlebots.

Home from ECT. My doc wants to do one more treatment on a one week interval. She said that or a single week of three treatments. Then, after I woke up in the recovery room they couldn't reach my MIL for an hour. I turns out my dear MIL had gone shopping but left her phone in the car. What was she thinking?! *facepalm*

I’ll feely admit I must keep my phone with me allll the time.

I feel lost without my phone. I will literally go back and get it, if I forget to grab it, no matter how far I've gotten before I realize.

I feel lost without my phone. I will literally go back and get it, if I forget to grab it, no matter how far I've gotten before I realize.

I rarely carry a purse, if I need to carry cash( farmers market, flea market, fair or garage sale) or I'm taking mum to an appointment and need to wait I put my iPad and book in a purse to carry but my ID and cash card are in a leather case I keep in my pocket. So on the occasions I carry a purse I'm always leaving it behind. I have a carbine hook on the keys and can hook them to my waistline or purse. I hate carrying things. I've been lucky so far in not having my purse stolen but it's a huge hippie bag and probably no one thinks much would be in it. I have maybe $10 dollars in change that I keep in a coin purse so my purse could be used as a weapon if I ever need one. That plus a book.

Home from ECT. My doc wants to do one more treatment on a one week interval. She said that or a single week of three treatments. Then, after I woke up in the recovery room they couldn't reach my MIL for an hour. I turns out my dear MIL had gone shopping but left her phone in the car. What was she thinking?! *facepalm*

For some reason every time I drive home from the city I get a migraine. This time I didn't even go into the city, just a place right outside yet I still have had a migraine most of the evening/night. I finally gave in and took vicodin which my doctor gives me because nothing else works with my MAOI restrictions. There are 2 triptans I can take but they are useless. I take vicodin for migraines probably 4 times a year. I fell asleep and now it is better. The pain is mostly gone but I can still feel the migraine hanging in there if that makes sense.

Falling asleep is bad because I won't be able to fall asleep until late. But I'll deal. My kitty is cuddling with me and that always helps. I missed both of them while I was gone (for a whopping 24 hours).

I read my colonoscopy instructions. Has anyone ever used GoLightly? I remember patients drinking it but have no clue otherwise as the dr. down here does a totally different prep. I know I'd have to do this in about a year anyway as I'm 43 and they are recommending colonoscopies start at 45 but I'm still not looking forward to anything but finding out what is wrong with me.

I'm frustrated today. I really hoped he would say "Oh that's a common Domican Republic illness and here's a medicine that fixes it". Guess not.

But tomorrow will be better. No more migraine, no more driving, just a day at home.

(I really miss my dog.)

Do you think there is any chance you are straining your neck when you drive for that length of time
I
have found some of my migraines seem to be triggered by tighness and trigger points in my neck/shoulders. Just a thought.

Yes, I have used GoLytely in the past as a prep for colonoscopy. It was very gentle. (Because I am on long-term pain meds, I have to do2 days of prep instead of one.)

I am glad you are well on your way to getting some answers. I have been very concerned about you.
i hope you feel better asap!
Love and Prayers!