Bipolar Check-In #38

I'm feeling so much better tonight. Yesterday I had a bowl of bean soup and rolls, today I had scrambled eggs with ham and cheese and applesauce and so far it's been all good. Still broken sleep but hey, that's better than no sleep and I was able to keep my meds down. I gotta drink another bottle of water tonight though. I give blood tomorrow and they keep sending me messages about how much they need my O blood. Then tomorrow I've gotta drink at least two bottles before I go in. .....still that nothing on what rainbow had to drink tonight!

Can't sleep again

I took part of my clozapine and part of my gabapentin and the rest of my meds. I hope this is enough to let me sleep but not so soundly something bad happens.

I tried to clear this with my pdoc but it got lost in the forest of the GI who was demanding my pdoc re-schedule the procedure and do things not in my pdoc's job description. So I guessed. Chances are pretty good I won't sleep much. I can take more meds if I need them but I'd rather be overly tired tomorrow from being up late than be overly tired from being up late due to an accident in my sleep.

For now i"m just staying awake to keep drinking until midnight when I have to stop. I'm surprised how little it bothered me to not eat today; I kept plenty full with fluids. I brought jello but it just was gross so that was a waste of $1. beef broth, however, has tasted amazing.

In 12 hours I should be waking up or awake from anesthesia. Yay.

hi Jennifer!

I was thinking of you today. I should have sent you a message.

Did something happen? Did someone/something trigger you?
The last i knew, rather recently, you were up and looking forward to seeing M.

Please do let me know if I can help?
Keep reaching out here, Jennifer.
We are here for you. I also think you know how to text a helpline?

I am very concerned. I have known you for a few years now and I have never seen you admit to feeling so down.

Please stay safe!

Very impressive! you are amazing! i don't know if i could have gotten this far, all things considered.

i hope you can sleep. i also pray the procedure will occur with ease! it will be over before you know it!

Thank you. I"m terrified that I'll get there and be sent home for an incomplete prep or something. I have no real basis for this fear, just general anxiety about having to repeat the gallon of yuck.

I’ve had a good day so far. It’s funny how much better I feel and how much more upbeat I am on 400mgs Seroquel XR than on 300mgs.
I managed to push through the anxiety and go out for a couple of hours. Had lunch and got my nails done as a reward. Must admit though that it was a relief to be back home.

Oh no Bipolar life can be such a struggle at times

Have you been getting out much ? I think you have posted in the past about isolating and it sends you downward into a spiral

Do you have anything planned to look forward too ? Any plans set to see your daughter soon ?

Please stay safe...

Yay !! Food and meds are staying where they belong!!!!!

Yes must hydrate hydrate hydrate !

I often just lay down and stare at the wall.. sometimes I doze off from boredom.

Does a shower before bed help you relax at all ?

Hope sleep finds you

Hopefully you get some sleep tonight

I’m so glad the meds are working well for you !!

I think rewards are a wonderful way to stay motivated glad you got out

Jennifer, we all care! I hope tomorrow is a nicer day.

Well, I thought I was doing so great because I didn't get hungry at all during my day without food. I don't think I realized exactly how much I drank. Now I'm 4 hours past the end of liquids and I am so hungry! And thirsty but much more hungry.

I've gotten to doze a few times but can't get to sleep. Every time I almost get there I have to pee, also because I was so good at drinking fluids all day.

3 more hours to try to rest.

I want a cheeseburger. And an apple. And a cookie.

Slept for about 4 hours, don't know if I'm gonna get back to sleep.

Well, slept an hour longer than I have been (until about 1230 or so), so that's a bit of progress. I do actually feel a bit better this morning, probably not surprising, since my moods have always been closely tied to my sleep issues. Getting ready to exercise in a few hours. Gonna try to have a good day. Onward!

Well bed has become torturous. Right side, flip left side flip right side, leg falling to sleep, flip, oh no, not comfortable, flip, flip, toss, turn, back? Nope, flip. Cat joins me, he knows I'm awake, if I'm awake I can pet him, nudge, nudge. Ooo, gotta pee now. Back to bed, nudge, nudge, toss, turn, flip. Turn pillow upside down to cooler side. Oh dear, gets up.

Beyondtherainbow, good luck today with your procedure. We'll be thinking about you. At least it will be done and over with. If I were you, I'd treat myself afterwards.

Rainbow you are lucky you'll get some deep sleep with the general A. You're probably on your way, good luck.

Thank you I got a bit. . Better than nothing. It's the second day of just a few hours of sleep so it's kind of frustrating. I ended up having to take one of my klonopin last night. Showering sometimes helps. I need to get my showerhead replaced

Pookyl, I would have quoted your earlier post about your Seroquel XR increase, but I couldn't for the life of me find it. I did see it quoted in another member's post. I just wanted to say that I can totally believe a Seroquel XR increase helping with depression. I find it to be an interesting antipsychotic in that respect. Sometimes increases are what work (even for certain types of depression) and sometimes decreases. It's actually the only medication of mine whose dosage is manipulated. I appreciate it. I hope you continue to feel better!

I guess I should head to the pharmacy and pick up some of my meds. I don't feel like doing much today. I'll have to stop by the library later and type/print a letter I need for my college

Good Morning, Jennifer,

Just checking in with you.
Are things looking any better this morning?

I don't recall if you use "Light Therapy" or not? If so, have you started yet?

I don't mean to minimize whatever is going on for you by suggesting this. I know some have found this approach supportive.

I am here for you. you know how to reach me.

Much Love to You, My Friend

I seem to have developed a couple of twitches that started before I started Mirapex a few weeks ago.

Could be due to the Latuda. I have been wanting to reduce it a little for a long time, I just never had a reason to ask my pdoc.

The outing with my disabled relative went well. She was very happy that she joined us.

I felt pretty withdrawn yesterday but it seems to be better today.

I was thinking about how I haven't spoken with my father for a long time. The last time was when he was in the hospital. I ended up yelling at him. I saw my brother not that long ago, and after our conversation it seemed that maintaining a distance from Dad was the right thing to do. I won't say I don't feel a little bad, but I don't believe contact does us any good. The story is a little more complex than it may seem.

Since my mother died about 14 years ago, my brother has cooked/hosted Christmas meals at my father's house (he lives with him). He told me that he is discontinuing that practice. For some years now my husband and I go to Florida for Thanksgiving. We don't have family there, we just "get away". Thanksgiving meals here in NJ, in my family, have faded away. My dad was even going out with his girlfriend, before she dumped him. For a while, I had been hosting a small Easter meal,but only with my brother, father, and his then girlfriend. Now I don't want to do Easter anymore, unless I just invite my brother. I don't need a drunken man slurring words and then demanding my brother take him home 15 mins after arriving. As for my sister, she has her own unique situation. I can't invite her because my brother-in-law wouldn't come. She can't host dinners, because her house is one step from being a hoarding house (my remaining nephew and b-i-l cause that). The idea of a "Family Holiday Dinner" is likely deceased. If I invite only my brother and not my dad, that would be a much more direct snub. As it stands, avoidance is just....happening.

I was thinking of maybe just inviting my sister and brother only, sometime in early-mid December, to celebrate both of their birthdays plus Christmas. Not on their birthdays, though. Maybe that would suffice and make us feel a little better? Dad doesn't even have to know. By then, I should have some Christmas cookies made to give them and maybe a Bishop's Bread.