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  #576  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 02:16 PM
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Wild Coyote Wild Coyote is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saucygirl31 View Post
ya no depression is awesome. i got a part time job so now i collect SSDI and am working so i keep busy. once my case is dismissed in february ill go back into finance full time and get off disability. ive been stable for two yrs and cant forsee going inpatient for the 9th time unless the staff at my group home forget to refill my meds, which Does happen, unfortunately.

glad to be here thank u.
Wow! Two years of stabilty! Congratulations! I fully believe this stability had a lot to do with you and your self-care. It's almost never medication alone. It's more complicated than that.

Why is February the target date for resuming work?
Are you apprehensive at all about returning to work?
Is finance a high pressure atmosphere/job? I have heard it is, yet, I wonder if it is when someone really enjoys it?

Yes, the staff sometimes forgets!

Will you be able to stay with the group home, which may be a stable atmosphere for you, while you do a trial run at returning to work?
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  #577  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 02:25 PM
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Originally Posted by beauflow View Post
s to everyone
I hope everyone the best, and many have such great words to share

---
Checking in, pretty good day, worked went well (I forget it's a holiday for some)... I joked around a lot ((and inappropriately, as we do from time to time)). We try to know out audience. I know not to joke around with some with how i do at times.

Only had a few agitated and anxious moments more than usual but they passed.

My company, that I'm employed through have a class / learning portal that had managing stress and anxiety learning sessions, so I started it.
It'sa few hours long. it's very light and fluffy, so to speak... some I agree with, other aspects I think they need to be careful on their advice and simi
if not full absolutes.
I've liked the idea of Dialectical on some things .. but w/e. I will finish it, I get a badge if I do 🤣

I haven't had issues driving today and am realizing more on how a week ago I was having issues, needs to be talked about.

BirdDancer thank you for sharing your attendance with Nami .. idk why but it registered with me... , I'm not going to a nami but I signed up for a crises and management meeting with a health group that's being held at the end of the month. It's a meeting to talk about what to do and mgt of bipolar crises. I've Never been to something like this, but I do believe you sharing and others too of course, had helped encourage. Myself-I've always been so-- not willing to check in anywhere to be blunt, and even in the worst times I manage some how..." it will pass", or I am afraid of being so dismissed.
I'm getting older and guess realizing more this hasn't been a phase 🤷🏻

On a good note, my friend gave me a back rub with my special lotion ((CBD and THC)) I feel it helps. I rubbed it on my knees too and ankles.
I have my heating pad tonight, the temp will drop drastically per forecast.. .

I babble too much so am trying to trim things.
CBD and THC? Fascinating!
Does it help a lot, or more so with more applications?
What does it help?

I hope you don't mind my asking these questions. There are many of us here open to trying new approaches to pain managment.

Always good to get an update from you!
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  #578  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 02:28 PM
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saucygirl31 saucygirl31 is offline
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ya i could stay at the home and do a trial run. maybe thats smartest. it is a bit stressful but id rather be stressed than bored. my moods are more w the seasons than stress triggered.

februrary is the date bcuz im on probation until then and in feb they will fully dismiss my case so im not convincted of a felony.
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  #579  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 03:03 PM
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Originally Posted by saucygirl31 View Post
ya i could stay at the home and do a trial run. maybe thats smartest. it is a bit stressful but id rather be stressed than bored. my moods are more w the seasons than stress triggered.

februrary is the date bcuz im on probation until then and in feb they will fully dismiss my case so im not convincted of a felony.
I'll bet you are glad there is an end date set for probation.
It's great that you are getting it out of the way and can move forward with your life.

I used to think that mood changes that are largely seasonal were much easier to plan for. Yet, that is just a guess on my part. I have no idea, in reality!

Many people residing in group home types of places, often find it very helpful, very supportive, etc. You will know m ore about your options , I am guessing, as Feb. gets closer? Depening upon how long one has been in a group setting, it can be very difficult, or challenging, to get a place to live and to do a work trial all at once. Yet, maybe it works well for you! We are all a bit different in whatever works best for each of us.

I hope everything works out for your highest good!
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  #580  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 03:06 PM
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I just left a message for my psychiatrist saying that I think my Seroquel XR dose should be increased back to 600 mg. The decrease is only doing harm, and a further decrease would likely be even more destabilizing. I talked to my therapist about this and she agrees. I had mentioned the thought to do this to my husband about 4 days ago and he suggested I give a little more chance. I think 4 more days, doing even worse (or at least no better) is plenty of time.

I assume I'll here from my psychiatrist either later this evening or early tomorrow. I think I"m going to just take the amount tonight.
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  #581  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 03:54 PM
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My case manager called to ask how im doing. I was driving through a busy intersection so I just told her I was ok. I see pdoc tomorrow at 10. I dont know what I shouldve told my case manager. Sigh. Im now in bed with jeans and a sweatshirt on along with my space heater going. I just feel the need to be cradled and warmed and cozy. I will read my book. Im almost done with it. I got a few things to make smoothies today. But thats about all the money I have. I dunno how Im gonna get through the month without the child support. That kid just HAS to get a job!
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  #582  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 03:55 PM
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Originally Posted by BirdDancer View Post
I just left a message for my psychiatrist saying that I think my Seroquel XR dose should be increased back to 600 mg. The decrease is only doing harm, and a further decrease would likely be even more destabilizing. I talked to my therapist about this and she agrees. I had mentioned the thought to do this to my husband about 4 days ago and he suggested I give a little more chance. I think 4 more days, doing even worse (or at least no better) is plenty of time.

I assume I'll here from my psychiatrist either later this evening or early tomorrow. I think I"m going to just take the amount tonight.
HI BirdDancer,

You know yourself very well. I would agree with the idea that you should go ahead with your med in crease. My pdoc and I have an agreement like this one. I can make the change, while letting her know of the change and the need for the change on her voicemail.

I hope you feel better right away!
Much Love to You!
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  #583  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 04:06 PM
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I'm back up to 20 mg abilify. She wasn't happy but she didn't over react. I see her in 2 months.
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  #584  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 05:17 PM
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Can Wellbutrin increase your appetite? I know for many it induces weight loss but can it have the opposite effect? I decided to let myself just binge today to see if I could get the feeling of hunger to go away and I can’t. I feel sick now from everything I ate but I’m still ****ing hungry. I’ve been dealing with this for a a couple of months, which is one of the reasons I think I might have diabetes, but today it’s just nonstop. Maybe I’m just feeling it more because I’m not as depressed. Depression tends to decrease my appetite.

I have a job interview on Monday with another school. It’s for the same position I have now, paraprofessional, but full time instead of subbing. The boy I was supposed to work with may not be coming back and if he doesn’t I won’t be Able to be hired full time at my current job. I can’t work as a sub for very long, it’s just not enough money. Plus this other job would be working with behavioral students like I like to do, just not in the capacity of a teacher. I think that would be easier. Still stressful but less so.

I’m mildly depressed today. It seems to be getting better. I had a lot of suicidal thoughts last night, something along the lines of “wouldn’t it be nice if I could just....” but I know I can’t. That doesn’t make me resentful this time around so that’s good.
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  #585  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 05:33 PM
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Welp I did it again! Screwed up yet another procedure by mistakenly taking my blood thinner! Its set for thursday at 730 am but now i have to cancel because i took my blood thinner about 2 pm today. I was supposed to skip today and tomorrow and thursday. Guess i have to call tomorrow and cancel. Im such an idiot. Ive done this twice before too.
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  #586  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 05:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
Oh, well, another night without any sleep. Irritable, anxious, and down. Getting quite worried. Do not want to become manic. Tried the 200 mg of 'emergency' sleep Seroquel, which used to work for me back in the day. Did absolutely nothing. I have no idea what it takes now to get me to sleep. Propofol? Sorry. That was a horrible LA joke. Anyhow, I am hanging in there and going with it. Will call my pdoc again and update him. We'll see where it goes--if anywhere.


I hope you can sleep tonight. I constantly struggle to sleep , major suckage !
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  #587  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 05:57 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdDancer View Post
I just left a message for my psychiatrist saying that I think my Seroquel XR dose should be increased back to 600 mg. The decrease is only doing harm, and a further decrease would likely be even more destabilizing. I talked to my therapist about this and she agrees. I had mentioned the thought to do this to my husband about 4 days ago and he suggested I give a little more chance. I think 4 more days, doing even worse (or at least no better) is plenty of time.


I assume I'll here from my psychiatrist either later this evening or early tomorrow. I think I"m going to just take the amount tonight.


I’m sure you know what you need now as far as dose. You know yourself best. I really hope things look up very quickly for you
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  #588  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 05:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moose72 View Post
My case manager called to ask how im doing. I was driving through a busy intersection so I just told her I was ok. I see pdoc tomorrow at 10. I dont know what I shouldve told my case manager. Sigh. Im now in bed with jeans and a sweatshirt on along with my space heater going. I just feel the need to be cradled and warmed and cozy. I will read my book. Im almost done with it. I got a few things to make smoothies today. But thats about all the money I have. I dunno how Im gonna get through the month without the child support. That kid just HAS to get a job!


Maybe write some stuff down that’s on your mind .. make sure you discuss the situation that happened that you needed to take Haldol prn.

Do you pay ANY bill for your son? Phone?
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  #589  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 06:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Moose72 View Post
Welp I did it again! Screwed up yet another procedure by mistakenly taking my blood thinner! Its set for thursday at 730 am but now i have to cancel because i took my blood thinner about 2 pm today. I was supposed to skip today and tomorrow and thursday. Guess i have to call tomorrow and cancel. Im such an idiot. Ive done this twice before too.


You get pill packs right ?? Maybe when you get rescheduled you can count out your days and put a huge red X over those days as a reminder to skip it ?
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  #590  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 06:33 PM
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Originally Posted by ~Christina View Post
You get pill packs right ?? Maybe when you get rescheduled you can count out your days and put a huge red X over those days as a reminder to skip it ?
Good idea. Ive done this twice now. Its just too easy to open the pack and throw all the pills in at once and a gulp of water...
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  #591  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 06:36 PM
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Originally Posted by ~Christina View Post
Maybe write some stuff down that’s on your mind .. make sure you discuss the situation that happened that you needed to take Haldol prn.

Do you pay ANY bill for your son? Phone?
He pays nothing. I do pay for his phone but if I cut his off I can't get ahold of him and he wanders all over the place every day. We're talking miles.
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  #592  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 06:51 PM
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the post that you keep deleting instead of posting.
yeah. that kind of thing.
I write it all out and then i just delete it.
im so alone.
the movies in my head wont stop, of the past.
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  #593  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 06:57 PM
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I think I am a bit depressed. Took me like an hour to get out of bed and I just could not make myself care this morning. Also more obsessive thoughts and feeling a little less trusting of people. However, I called a friend and that made me feel better. I was stuck in traffic and getting in a rotten mood and decided to make use of the time and catch up with someone. Turns out she was available to talk and we caught up which was nice.
I feel like I am getting a bit of a mood dependent memory or emotions thing going on. Like this rainy weather and my depressed feeling remind me of this time I was really depressed while traveling several years ago and it's kind of amplifying the feel and making me feel really bad. So, I am trying to make my apartment feel cozy and bright and relax tonight so I feel comfortable and safe.
Sending compassion to everyone!
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  #594  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 06:57 PM
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Originally Posted by BipolarWolf View Post
the post that you keep deleting instead of posting.
yeah. that kind of thing.
I write it all out and then i just delete it.
im so alone.
the movies in my head wont stop, of the past.
We're with you. We will also listen if you ever want to hit submit instead of delete. Nobody here is judging you because you've lived some tragic screen plays and you're stuck on repeat. Many know exactly what that is like.
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  #595  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 06:59 PM
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Victoria'smom Victoria'smom is offline
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Oh my psychiatrist said she appreciates us. That we always come in tell her exactly what is going on. Even when it's hard. That we're prepared. My husband wanted my dose doubled but she explained she worries about side effects especially with me as I'm likely to just stop taking it. I guess he's pretty worried. It was super nice to hear. (My pdoc not that h is worried) Meaning she understands how hard it is to say x is happening and it's not super fun. So I'm still paranoid, hearing and feeling things. I'm still depressed but hearing that I still have options on abilify odt really helps. They are going to fight my insurance for me if I have trouble filling the script. I'm always scared to go but I'm glad i went.
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  #596  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 07:02 PM
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Victoria'smom Victoria'smom is offline
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Moose what about getting him a safelink cell phone. You can bring your own phone and that's one less bill.
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  #597  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 07:11 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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He pays nothing. I do pay for his phone but if I cut his off I can't get ahold of him and he wanders all over the place every day. We're talking miles.


Well I’d say ... Get a job in 14 days or I will turn your phone off. Tough love time. Meh let him wander... it’s cold he won’t stay out too long.

When I turned 18 , this was back in 1985 .., I was expected to pay 80.00 a month. To help with Food Cost and having a place to live. I had certain chores that were non negotiable it was just part of living at home after age 18 ( I had chores growing up and I wasn’t paid to do them) I got a job at a drug store in high school and from that day forward I paid for my clothes , school activities etc. at 18 I had to get my own car insurance policy. I paid my Father 50.00 a month, he kept it so I would have money in case my car needed repaired, tires or whatever.

As long as my daughter was going to college I did not charge her anything , she did pay me for her car insurance and cell phone, both were added onto my policy/plan. Had she dropped out of college I would have likely charged her at least 250.00 a month.
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  #598  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 07:14 PM
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Just outta the shower and dressed. Feeling so refreshed! Listening to Libera. Taking home n3s gf in 7 minutes.

I might see my case manager tomorrow. Sometimes she sits in on my med reviews. Otherwise its just me and pdoc. Really, I still have self-destructive thoughts here and there. When I finish my book what will I distract myself with? Another book, of course! I hope I can get some eggs to go with the bisquik I have- pancakes and waffles! I even have syrup. We might have to eat only once a day but that's better than nothing, right?
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  #599  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 07:26 PM
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Just popping in to let you know how my special set-up for my Overeaters Anonymous meeting went on Monday. I was perfectly safe and everyone enjoyed the special touches, the tablecloths, the carafe of water and nifty mugs and the instrumental piano music by one of the members' son. I actually decided to collect small red maple leaves on the way there to decorate the tabletop rather than the faux flowers which i can use another time. The leaves were more evocative of Thanksgiving (Canada).

But i'm a little worried that it is an "anti-eating" group more than a "pro-health" group. Also not sure if i have any eating dysfunction beyond med-induced behaviors. I don't eat compulsively and i'm not a food addict. I've overeaten the same amount each day for twenty years, since i went on APs. I expect my sub-optimal eating behaviors will disappear once i am off psych meds. Feeling more labile, euphoria which is good then fear which is bad. But what am i to do? Live in a chemical straight-jacket for the few years i have left just because it's risky to have feelings? What kind of life is it to have a chemical lobotomy? NO LIFE AT ALL! I'd rather risk it all and learn to manage my emotions than be numb for the rest of my life. I actually haven't been suicidal at all, at all.

What a waste these past 20 years have been! Stagnant and inert most of the year with brief periods of euphoria not able to string together twelve consecutive months of employability and not even being allowed to try to manage my emotions without chemical aid. But i guess it's *me* who took the meds, *me* who sought out and "won" the label BIPOLAR. It hasn't even ever been useful to have gotten the label as the meds don't help with my mood swings anyways. They just make me fat and exhausted and dependent. Be glad to get rid of them. 67% done my Seroquel taper. Risperdal will be the next to go.

I'm DONE with meds!
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  #600  
Old Oct 15, 2019, 07:41 PM
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beauflow beauflow is offline
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Originally Posted by Wild Coyote View Post
CBD and THC? Fascinating!
Does it help a lot, or more so with more applications?
What does it help?

I hope you don't mind my asking these questions. There are many of us here open to trying new approaches to pain managment.

Always good to get an update from you!
Thanks Wild Coyote, I am sorry if this will be a ramble

with the topical cbd plus thc I find does help with sore muscles and joints, especially if I use it before I get too bad. It's soothing in a gentle way to me.
I found this, which mentions why cbd and thc together in lotions help . As thc is known for the psychoactive of getting high. Lotions do not have that effect.
Why THC and CBD are Better Together in Lotions and Topicals

before I had my spinal fusion and was in a great deal of pain the topical of anything (icy hot/biofreeze, arnica, cannabis lotion etc) didn't really help but that's because the herniated discs where putting so much pressure on my spine. I remember the holistic doc I saw during
that time told me, sometimes and some things we do need surgery for ((which I didn't want to here because it was my 2nd on the same two discs!)) But I'm glad I went through it, even though it was sincerely tough.

But during the time presurgery-for my knees that were being effected Indirectly from my back, those topicals would help (the arnica lotion I hadn't felt helped as much but a friend it does wonders for who had recommended it to me). Just like the tens machine, at that time didn't help my back but would help my pain in my knees.

I have an older friend that has issues in his knees- he didn't think the cannabis lotions worked ((but shortly had knee replacement))
but I have another older friend (his spouse actually) that swears by it and he asks me from time to time on my opinion as she loves the topical cannabis lotions.

I think we're all different even with topical things I think the rubbing and working the muscles is helpful with any oil or lotion.

I found also dry needling helped reset my leg muscles and acupuncture can help with tension in my upper back ((and stress)).. I also do float tanks from time to time, that's helped too I felt some times with my back.. I have slight scoliosis too, and l2 and l3 aren't in the best shape..
my friend's dad mentioned acupuncture did nothing for him, my "oldest friend " (who is almost 80) he finds benefits with acupuncture

Chiropractor I will never do again, but some people that really helps them.

I have no doubts that the herbal remedies in the three I mention here have their own powers too along with other things.

I too am always game to try something. I don't like chemical drugs, even in pain management but at times they do have their place ((ie post surgery I was glad to have the prescription drugs as they helped greatly even though I got severely depressed on them, but the first few months of getting back up and moving is crucial and there's so much pain with that with any post surgery))

I hope that makes sense.. hope not too much. And is help to weigh in some ideas.
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Nammu
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