Bipolar Check-In #38

Thank you, that's good to know. I'll be seeing my doctor tomorrow and everything is pretty much free if it's generic (I have medicaid)

You're welcome! I hope it works for you.

I've been extremely tired today. I'm letting myself just go to sleep tonight and risking waking for a few hours later, but I really need the sleep if I can get it. I have to drive 2 hours each way to pick my nieces up from school tomorrow so I have to wake up. I can't believe how wiped out I am from 30 minutes of anesthesia. Oh and one night without sleep....But that's pretty wimpy for me, I've gone much longer before clozapine entered my life. I only took about half of it Sunday night and not all of my gabapentin either. It was the right call as I was up for the toilet every 20 minutes or so but it messed me up.

Right now we know more about what they didn't find. No polyps, which is excellent. No visible inflammation. No cancer.

I don't have a follow-up scheduled which I think is weird. I think they told my mom they'd schedule if the biopsy showed anything. I don't know what happens if it doesn't, if we just give up or what. I love this hospital system but not loving the GI department.

When I woke up they were talking about "microscopic Chron's (I know I"m spelling this wrong but too tired to figure out the right way)". I asked if I had Chron's and they said we'd talk about it in a few minutes. I don't remember the rest clearly but I think they said I don't have Chron's. However I don't remember the microscopic being discussed further than the nurse who didn't know I was awake and those symptoms match things fairly well. The good news with that is that it tends to clear up in a few years. My mom read about celiac because they biopsied for it and she thinks that is similar to what I've had but I don't. Who knows.

I think the pathology will be back in about a week.

Is Miguel still struggling with suicidal thoughts? Or are you not sure he will be completely truthful ?? yes, however his energy level sucks and he doesn't have a plan. We were told for iop /php we have to go a ways but our car won't make it and it's 3 hours by bus. We're waiting for the med line to call us back. We are calling the other clinic tomorrow.

Took 11 1/2 hours to get about 6 hours of sleep. I miss my dreams. On the plus side of things severely restricting what I eat I have not vomited up my meds since Thursday! My legs feel weak though. Just eight more days before I see the doc.

Well it’s great there was no tumors or major inflammation.

But yeah now , hurry up and wait

Timeline is really seemed obvious it was some virus or parasite when you went on your vacation.

I hope someone can figure out how to help you get back to normal.

I hope tonight gives you good deep restorative sleep

I got up 2.5 hours early today, I couldn't sleep anymore.

I went on the computer and did some flight simulations, practicing my takeoffs and landings. I did pretty well!

I'm feeling withdrawn again. So much that I hardly spoke with my family when I got home and said maybe 5 sentences at work.

But it's not all bad news. The good part is that I'm still hanging on.

Just sort of racing and humming and buzzing here this morning. A bit agitated, for no reason. "Woke up" after maybe two hours of lousy, pathetic sleep and felt the emergency need to clean the apartment. Running around like a madman. Not really staying focused on any one thing. Kind of all over the place. Apparently quite goal-directed, more so than usual. Not quite euphoric, but I can taste it sort of. So, all in all and anyway, fairly concerned about a mania situation coming on. Gonna try to go lie down again and just at least breathe and sort of meditate, if I can pull that off with this raciness going on upstairs. Pdoc gets in at 8 AM (it is 0503 AM here at the moment). So, I can make it three hours. Won't leave the apartment. Won't buy anything online. Won't engage with neighbors. Will just sit tight and see what the good Dr. C. wants to do. More to follow.

Good strategy and impressive insight into your symptoms. I hope the doctor is able to help you knock this down before it progresses into full blown mania.

To those on propranolol, I love it, too. I've been on 40 mg (20 mg morn/20 mg night) for about 10 years. I was put on it for tachycardia. No side effects that I know of.

Bluebird, oh my! An abscess relating to a tooth doesn't sound good. I had one last Christmas. Maybe yours won't require what mine needed - a root canal.

Miguel'smom, I hope you find a doc for your son soon.

Christina, I hope this the last bit of your lung discomfort and that it improves again quickly.

Hug, childofchaos.

I contacted my brother and sister early this morning. I decided that as hard as it will be that I should see my dad. He is in the ICU now. My brother told me that it is the scariest they have ever seen him. I am supremely nervous about the visit, but it must be done. I would not go by myself, though. I told my siblings that I must go only with one or both of them. My brother said he will meet me at the hospital at 11 am. The drive there itself is stressful for me. It's all back roads, but it's weaving in and around an area I am not that familiar with. I will not be lecturing my dad. My brother said that Dad is at a stage where we should just go and tell him we love him. I will buy some little flower arrangement or other thing if they allow it in the ICU. I don't even think Dad can eat normally because of his breathing issues. He needs extra help breathing, beyond the typical tubes put in the nostrils. I don't remember if I typed this yesterday here, but my sister says that this just has to be my father's "bottom". If it isn't, it's probably going to be fatal the next time, unless he's again lucky. Apparently his alcohol withdrawals are so severe that they had to put him on an extra potent medication cocktail, including phenobarbital. Bro said Dad can barely communicate because of the medications.

PLEASE, MY FRIENDS, DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO ABUSE ALCOHOL OR ANY DRUG! IT'S NOT A JOKE.

The oral surgeon did nothing because of hubby's blood pressure. He then called his dentist friend in Czech Republic for advice. That friend is an esteemed dentist in Prague. Half of hubby's tooth was very loose. His dentist friend said to just "remove it". That released pressure, etc., so that now the tooth doesn't hurt at all. However, it is only half of a tooth. Hubby even removed the filling part. The oral surgeon had luckily given him antibiotics. His dentist friend said that after removing the half of tooth to sterilize it with vodka. [Yes, soooo Czech.]

I emailed the volunteering operations director at NAMI to cancel my volunteering for this week. I obviously have a good excuse. I would not want to go to see Dad in the afternoon. Also, I wouldn't be up to too stressful round trip drives in the same day.

I'm so sorry you're going through this BirdDancer. It is hard to suffer when the ones you love make choices that hurt everyone. I know your love and support will be appreciated by your Dad at a time like this. You are very kind and brave for making the effort. Sending lots of love your way today!

You are very courageous, BirdDancer!
I would not find it easy to see my dad in ICU. :
Thinking of you, with Love and Prayers

Good luck birddancer, your in my thoughts today.

Thanks for all of the hugs and support regarding my father. I know the saga regarding my dad has gone on for quite a while. My brother and I saw him this morning, but he was barely there. He was in and out of consciousness, probably a lot to do with all of the medications he's receiving. I do recall him saying that we should contact the mortuary. Great, huh? He also expressed sadness that none of his friends, like his former girlfriend, had visited him. First off, they can't visit him because only immediate family can do so in the ICU. Secondly, these "friends" don't want to visit him. Only my siblings and I have, but he doesn't really acknowledge that. It's not because he doesn't love us, but it's because we probably make him want to run away. You know, when a person is so very sick they want to run away from the people that TRULY care. I'm not 100% sure that he will remember that I visited. He looks like he's heading towards death, but that should hopefully change as he gets over the hump of his withdrawals. The question is if he will remain sober. I would put $100,000 on him not remaining sober. It's sad, but true. My brother is the most stressed out of us all. I really feel for him. My siblings saw Dad yesterday experiencing hallucinations. We told his nurse that a very significant issue for him is psych issues. Dad brushes them off, and when a hospital sees an elderly sick alcoholic, even they seem to ignore them. The fact is, he will never recover if he doesn't address his psych issues. He can never properly address psych issues if he doesn't stop drinking.

I've been hoping you'd experience relief with Mirapex, and sooner rather than later. I, for one, am thankful you are continuing to be patient.
Much Love to you and to Yours~

As you know, I am deeply concerned about you!
Let's get this figured out!

How is your day going today?

Sorry your sleep is so off , makes everything more difficult.

As for not speaking??? I often times truly have to force myself to make conversation. Does it help me ?? Maybe ? sometimes ? but the end result... i have a responsibility to my husband to at least find a random topic to chit chat about. He doesn’t deserve having a mute partner. Our spouses/loved one don’t understand how mentally challenging it can be for us to do so. But hey we all have to do things we don’t really want to.

When was the last time you had a decent conversation with your wife ? About anything??

I hope tonight you will be able to get more sleep

Miguel saw his t. He now denies what he said. He get his computer back. Nothing else was solve. I'm mad there's no services for teenagers. Miguel feels comfortable with the outcome. So he sees t in 5 weeks and pdoc in a little over a month. T says it's normal teen things. I don't agree but there's nothing we can do. We're still waiting for his pdoc to call back but I think the earliest would be Monday.

I am very sorry for the pain involved in caring so much for someone who is too ill to help himself.

Many active alcoholics tend to abandon their "buddies" when one becomes extremely ill. I have seen this so often with friends of some of my family members. I am not sure as to why this is so predictable. I think, often, people have great difficulty being Present and difficulty in feeling the many feelings evoked. The active alcoholics I have known have had great difficulty dealing with feelings and they , therefore, numb themseles with alcohol. The active alcoholics I have known, just cannot cope well with feelings, inspite of their love for others. In fact, many of the active alcoholics I have known, care so very much they cannot tolerate the depth of their feelings, the degree of their pain.

I have great respect for you and your family and your willingness to continue caring. It's so often so tempting to shut out a destructive person and understanably so.

It was very challenging for me to recognize alcoholism as a true disease. I'd spent many years expecting my father (and others) to change. I'd felt strongly they could change, if only they'd wanted to do so. After many years of learning from AA, Alanon, ACOA, I'd finally realized that some of our loved ones, seriously afflicted by alcoholism, just could not "recover."

As you know, the likelihood of beating alcoholism is further challenged in those individuals suffering the effects of "dual diagnosis.," mental health challenges as well as addiction.

I know the pain is immense.

I admire your willingness to be Present for your father. You are very courageous.

At the same time, please continue to take care of yourself.

I hope and I pray for healing within the hearts of your entire family.

Much Love and Admiration

P.S. We've shared on this topic before. Please know you are very welcome to PM me anytime.

I got off my birth control a few days ago. My moods are kind of up and down but not terrible. I’m controlling them pretty well.

Hi!

I am not really clear, sorry.
Are you saying the therapist has ruled against your decisions as parents?

it sounds like you are not comfortable with the therapist's viewpoints?

Do you feel the therapist knows M better than his parents know him?

I forget, does this t know M?

How will you and H deal with this? Will you follow the advice of the T?

Will you hold out, sticking to your own decisions?

Will you take some time to think about it all, before making any changes?


I tend to allow myself some time to think about my own decisions/viewponts and the input of others. (including a T). I try to not have an immediate reaction to anyone else's viewpoint..

If i had made decisions about my son, knowing him well, I'd take the t's advice/viewpont into consideration. I would not change my prior decision if I was uneasy about the T's viewpoint.

I would then give it all, both stances, a great deal of thought.

Just my two cents.

I hope things work out for the best with you and your family.
Love and Prayers

My dentist appointment went well posted details in the physical check-in thread. I'm proud because it took me a year to get myself to go due to anxiety. The last time I went was 2 years ago. That's one thing checked off my list of stressors.

Started the Inderal today, haven't had a panic attack or severe anxiety. I feel pretty calm.

Going to the food pantry tomorrow to get some things to get me through till the 2nd when my foodstamps come in.

It must feel good to have things going well for you today!

I woke up to extreme stiffness and in excruciating pain, all over.
It all became worse after getting up and in trying to get around.

I am having a severe flare up of Psoriatic Arthritis. (it is similar to Rheumatoid Arthritis in some symptomatoloy; yet, is different.) We employ some of the same "immune-modulating" drugs used in RA. I have been injecting one of these drugs for several weeks now. I had thought it was working, until yesterday and today.

I am having difficulty sitting, standing, walking, using my hands/arms, etc. I have had to resort to very strong pain meds, which I do not like to take. However, I am in too much pain otherwise. (If it was not for the prn pain meds, I'd definitely be at the ER). The meds don't make me goofy, that's genetic! In all honesty, I am very used to these meds, so I usually only feel some pain relief. I don't feel goofy, at all. (Just a little Public Service Ad on the need for treating pain adequately.)

I have hope, that one day, we will find a helpful medication. This is a destructive type of an inflammatory, immune-mediated arthritis. If one only treats the pain, joint destruction progresses. We have to use anti-inflammatory medication, pain meds and these immune-modulating meds, aka Enbrel, Humira, etc. (These immune-modulating meds cost between $4500 and $6500.00 per month. Some people have coverage for this; some work something out with the drug manufacturer through a patient assistance program, others have a very hefty co-pay.)

I know our ~Christina often mentions the fact that she lives with PsA. I do, as well. We each mention this every now and then. We aren't looking for sympathy. We ARE trying to raise awareness in general. Just a few years ago, Psoriatic Arthritis was barely recognized. Things are changing and I know both ~Christina and I are immensely grateful!

I am extremely grateful that things are improving for people living with PsA.

Thanks for reading!
Love to All!

I’m sorry about your Dad to me watching a love one just continue down a destructive path is one of the hardest parts of life. please make sure you take care of your self.