Bipolar Check-in #40

That's a good idea.

Thinking back , I'm not typically an irritable person but I was extremely irritable before the panic started. Noises were really making me angry today. I'll have to watch out for things like that next time, I've never don that before so thanks for the great idea

Glad your Son has had a great birthday yes parties do get expensive. I hope you receive a check soon.

I love Five and below, lots of cool stuff

I do notice vision problems sometimes. Some days are worse than others. I was wondering why the other day things looked even blurrier than usual without my glasses on (near-sighted)

I really hope you're able to find something to help you sleep, lack of sleep is torture

Yes that's definitely possible. It's a different kind of anxiety than I'm used to so that may be it. I've had trouble focusing the past week.

It seems that whenever my abilify is increased my anxiety gets bad for a week or so then it settles down, and for myself it's worth the wait because it's been a very effective med for my symptoms

Thanks! I hope you have a good night

I am so sorry about all you are going through. You have worked so hard to try to heal your life.

I am puzzled as to why you are having to go through hell with panic?
why isn't the panic component being treated adequately?

I think of you often, wondering how you are doing.

I hope you find healing, Wander! You have more than earned a break, in the least.

take care!

i am glad it is effective for you!
we must count our blessings!

I am sitting hear listening to music, in a self-induced paralysis. I am struggling to become unstuck and clean up this place, and pay a couple bills. None of this is hard. I have been this way all my life. However, there are other times where this does not happen to me. That is when I get stuff done. Music has recently become important to me. A bit of classical, and a lot of jazz and blues. I cannot forget here classic rock. I spent more money, and signed up to a music streaming service. I can always cancel when I get good sense. I have been feeling a depressed. I am ramping back up my Lamotragine. I am finding that this med is actually helping. I stopped talking to that lady that I mention earlier. The drama was just making me feel more depressed.

I've been in a weird place I'm trying to pass the time by doing math but it's hurting my head because it's so loud around. I've been on the hunt for cheap gifts. It keeps the darker thoughts away. I just need to get through these next couple of weeks. Sorry I'm not around.

I believe i am insane and bipolar and suicidal and homicidal among other things i am currently not on meds i was on stuff that made me unable to function i felt totally locked inside myself i hated everyone and myself i still do very much i dont know why my wife puts up with me everyone else gave up on me its just a matter of time before she does too i guess it all started when i didnt sociallize at all there was always work to do i got enough financial aid to get the heck out and as far away as possible i was always good at working on cars and made it a career until my past haunts me so much i cant be in a place where theres more than a few people i cant go to grocery with my wife if someone looks at me think i need help really badly

The extreme panic started last Tuesday. I can take extra Clonazapam, or PRN Seroquel. They do help most times. I can’t take them if I’m driving though. Still, even doped up im raging inside. I see my pdoc in 9 days. If things haven’t changed, or are worse, he will recommend I take higher doses, or want me IP. Both options I’m not happy with, but may have no choice if this worsens.

Hi all! I have been a bit busy, but back to check in. Today was a good day! I went to outlet stores with my friend and got a few things. I have been needing some new clothes and feeling frumpy at work, so this was good. I do feel bad about spending money and wonder if I could have bought stuff at a thrift store cheaper or something, but it was fun to go with my friend. I just feel so much better than I was feeling for a minute there. I have to get this whole hormone mood thing under control, I just have no idea how. Like I am a totally different person full of distrust, fear, anger, panic, sadness some months, yet I don't know what to do about it. I don't think there are medication treatment options that will help. However, I will try to appreciate that part of the month I feel pretty good like at the moment. I am really glad I have therapy on Monday and can see my therapist while I am feeling okay. The last several sessions have always fallen at a not so good time for me. Sounds strange perhaps, but when I am in that kind of bad place mentally I really cannot make progress in therapy. I also feel like I come off as very closed off and not engaged. I leave therapy feeling bad that I just "whined" or was pessimistic and worry I either annoyed my therapist and/or was rude to her. So, maybe I will show up with a clear head and we can set some goals and whatnot. I do think I am going to call my psychiatrist about some psych testing and a follow up eval. I am feeling okay so put it off, but I think they are the best person since they know me well and also have the background in medicine to consider possible things that could be interacting with my issues.

Hope everyone is doing well! I will go back and catch up. Sending compassion!

Is it loud like inside your head or is there actual ambient noise? I am sorry you are in a weird place. Do you enjoy math? Maybe you could get a book of math puzzles or something?

Why not set Math aside for right now and maybe the writing course would be a better fit right now?

Five and below ! Awesome finds

What’s the focus on when your IP ? Is there Therapy there to work through the stages of your ptsd? EMDR? Trance work?

Or is it more focused on the medication end? Finding meds to help you deal with the anxiety your unresolved ptsd is causing?

I’m curious because you feel everything is PTSD and not Bipolar in the mix.

Speaking from my own experience with my own PTSD, bipolar will always go sideways when something really rocks our world like a ptsd event it’s just how Bipolar is ....

I’m just trying to find out a way to maybe help you somehow.

I’ll keep thinking on it

When did you last have a physical with full blood work including hormone levels which generally they aren’t typically ordered.. if your noticing a pattern each month I’d be asking for the hormone levels and a fuller thyroid panel too, Add vitamin D testing also. Most every Bipolar person I know always has low D, I take a supplement.

Does your T knows that you have this ongoing pattern ? I’m not sure how often you see your T but is it possible to maybe switch appts to more stable times of the month so you can get a more productive session ?

I’m glad you got out with a friend. Hey ! It just feels good every once in a while to buy a new outfit ?

When IP the focus is usually meds, and 1:1 nursing chats. I’m usually too out of it to participate in groups, and in the past did the various groups at the hospital I go to to death because I was IP so often. I do Yoga, and meditation though. I usually only go IP to keep me safe when needed.

Since last Tuesday I’ve been wondering if I’ve fallen into a mixed state. It’s more the change in my thinking, the ‘vibe’ inside my mind, that is making me suspicious.

Thanks.

Hi!
Are you referring to PMDD? Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder?
What is PMDD — IAPMD

I agree with Christina, do get labs done, if possible. It's better than simply guessing. Some pdocs will prescribe based upon reported symptoms, no labs. On the other hand, sometimes labs are not affordable.

Glad you are socializing! I need to do more of that!
Always great to see your updates!

My mother’s birthday party was nice. She was very surprised that we managed to get her friends together for it. Plus my eldest son came from California for the party.

The bill came to $1,300! I was quiet but everyone was busy with one another anyway.

Hey guys, sorry I have been AWAL for a month. I really wasn't doing too good. The depression was really tough and I was massively struggling. I eventually got my meds albeit the wrong dosage. I'm only on 10mg x 4 times a day of Propanol. They make me so sleepy. I'm feeling after a month and a half I'm more optimistic.

I still have the letters I wrote to my family incase I attempted suicide. I can't get rid of them even though everyone wants them gone.

I was seeing my CPN and community worker weekly. I'm now seeing my CPN fortnightly. So I'm improving. Everyone says I'm brighter.

I think going away at the start of November helped I was in a lodge with a hot tub on the west coast of Scotland. It was gorgeous chilly and dark.

Thanks Christina for the reply. It's been awhile since I've had a full hormone work-up. I have had thyroid tested several times in the past including in the past year or 2, and it's always been okay, but other hormones I haven't had tested for several years. It's been on my mind to get a work-up just to be sure. I think that would be a good convo to have with my psychiatrist. My T does know I have this pattern, but I was thinking this is a convo to have in therapy tomorrow about switching around my appointments to a better time of the month. I end up only seeing her every 3 weeks or so based on our schedules, and it's just been falling at a bad time of month the past 3 or 4 months. Yes, it does feel good to have a new outfit every once in a while.

I'm sorry if I have misinterpreted your message! I felt very confused as well when I read your message. I am out of PC, but had understood that Jennifer was on "the bipolar road" before I left (from the depression forums). I was afraid that something could happen to her and looked for her in the depression forums and I prayed for her. Then I got the idea that perhaps she was to find in the bipolar forum. I found her here and felt happy on her behalf because she gets help and right medication. If my input came at "the right time" for her, that's good. To me it is important that she has all of you at this thread to support her on the road forward. I hope she will find some support in the real world as well, as time goes, because it is a terrible feeling to be out of support. I know by my own former experience.

I know that I have been of support to her earlier in the forums for the depressed and she and some others have been of great support to me as well. I am grateful for that! That is among other what has helped me to be able to step out of the forums and live my life in the ordinary world only.

I still don't understand your message. English is not my first language. So let it be with that. Sometimes the best is to overlook misunderstandings and move on.

I wish you a good Sunday and a happy week!

Thanks Wild Coyote! Yes, I am referring to PMDD. I have been diagnosed with it and my gynecologist says I definitely seem to have it. My most recent psychiatrist didn't actually diagnose me with it, I think because he was leaning towards it just been an exacerbation of bipolar disorder, but I have a lot of physical symptoms classic for PMDD which makes me think I have it, too. I think you're both right about it being time to get some labs.

No worries. I'll attempt to explain. Like I mentioned Jennifer was seeking new sources of support. I don't think she meant just here at PC, I imagine her desire included IRL people as well. At any rate, your message of support came shortly after she gave the update.

I was pointing out that these two events were synchonous or that they showed possible synchronicity. This is a concept developed by a psychiatrist named Jung. Here's an explanation of it.

Synchronicity - Wikipedia

Jennifer is awesome and I am sure all agree we support her no matter what road she is on

I hope you have a good week as well.

I'm glad to see you back, Miss Laura

My husband and I have been taking it easy since yesterday. Today we must prepare for our vacation. We head to the airport at 3 am tomorrow.