Bipolar Check-in #40

I hope you have a wonderful, relaxing time.

I hope you both have a time of renewal.
We will miss you; yet, very happy that you are taking great care of yourself!

Safe travels!

Hi Laura!
So happpy to see you again!
It sounds like you have made a lot of progress.
I am very happy for you!

About those letters, it's always a good idea to destroy them. This way, if you are feeling suicidal again, you would have to take the time to rewrite them and during that time, you might change your thinking somewhat.

I once wrote a letter like the ones you have mentioned. Just writing the letter helped me to feel more connected to the people I had addressed in the letter.

As you know, Bipolar illness is cyclical. It is likely that you and I will get depressed again and might feel suicidal. So, one of the strategies to help us to stay safe is to set up"barriers" to actually taking action. We then agree we must make it over all of the barriers before taking any action. Writing the letters might be one of the barriers/hurdles you set up for yourself?

Will you shred the letters or burn them? Or do you have another way to destroy them?

You know what I would do? I would write some affirmations or some reasons to live. I would take the letters to a safe place for burning. I would state my reasons for living and burn the letters or do a similar ceremony, affirming my decision to live. I like to do things like this! Do you?

It's truly great to see you.. I am glad you have made it out of the dark abyss of depression..

Thanks, Jennifer 💖!

I hope to get back to supporting others more during that time. It should hopefully be a laid back vacation.

I am finally out of the hospital again... I really hope I don't need to go back this time. I'm so tired of that place.

Hey WC, Thank you so much. I have an issues with the letters. They are on my phone and I feel attached to them. I can't seem to get rid of them. I'm not very good at affirmations. I'm pretty negative as a person although I can fake it to make it for people when around others. I write a lot of lists tbh and my notes in my phone are long. I then save them in my emails. I have a thing about keeping things I have old diaries from decades ago some are good others are bad. I'm told to get rid of them but I really struggle with this. I'm a lost cause I guess.

I'm taking today just for me. I watched the second half of war for the planet of apes until midnight then read until almost 2am. Then I slept until 10:30. My dreams were so benign I promptly forgot them. I don't plan on getting dressed today. Just laze around in pjs all day. I plan on a shower and fresh pjs at some point, but this day is mine. Sir has already declared his intention to sleep the day away on my feet.

I refuse to believe it!
You are not a loss cause! :
You can handle things your way, however you are most comfortable, without being a lost cause!

I am very glad you did not follow through and you are here to say hello to all of us!

Nice!
I had hoped to do the same. However the ____ hit the fan at 9am.
Another day of putting out fires instead of having some decent alone time. I also work better alone, in most cases.

I was wondering about you last night, as I did not see if/where you might have signed in yesterday! I am glad you are just fine!

Thanks, Wild Coyote, but you may not need to miss me. I'll likely be checking in. Maybe even more often than these past couple weeks. We're not going to do much travel after we get there. Just beach stuff.

Welcome Home!

It's great to have you back home!
I hope the time spent in IP was helpful to you.
You have done very well staying safe and getting into IP.
You set an excellent example for all of us!

How are you feeling?

Again, welcome home!

Great!!!

I'm sorry you didn't get a " me" day too. Everyone deserves a lazy day here and there. Hope you get one soon : hug:

Oh, so it was Carl Gustav Jung's messsage that was hidden in your message! Now, at last, I understand. Thanks for the clarification!

A load of laundry is in the dryer so that Is something to check off my to do list for today.
Hubby just left to see the college student dancers do their performance. I usually go with him but I have paperwork/billing that must get done and some filing other paperwork/charting That needs to get done. Don't get paid unless I send out bills.

I HATE PAPERWORK!!!!!.
10 pounds down in 5 weeks.
Hugs to those who need them.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I'm doing good so far. Thanks for saying that I've done well, it means a lot. I always hate having to say I need to go back, it makes me feel weak. I know logically it's not, that's how it feels tho.

I'm having these weird cramps right now below my sternum and under my rib cage. I wanna say it's a GI cramp, but I'm not sure what it is. It's been going on for a few hours now. Crampy crampy crampy. It happened yesterday, too. Or maybe they're spasms or gas pain instead? I can't tell, but it's a dull ache that pulsates. Like 4 out of 10 on the pain scale.

Normally, I wouldn't care about a 4/10 ache, but we're having an early Thanksgiving dinner today with my aunt because she's over. It's important that I DON'T have these cramps/spasms things because they almost made me throw up during lunch yesterday. Like, I came within seconds of puking at the table in front of my mom, my sister, and my sister's boyfriend.

Anyway, my day has been light so far. Yesterday was super busy for me. I was out of the house from 12pm until 6pm, and was driving for nearly all of those 6 hours (against my better judgment since I had almost puked earlier!! but I feared that I left my apartment unlocked, so I had to go check it). I didn't go very far. I just went to a bunch of places that happened to be like 30-45 mins apart from each other, and I went in circles trying to run a bunch of errands. I wasn't being very organized because I could have gotten the errands done in like 3-4 hours instead of 6...

Then this morning, I picked up some pastries from the local bakery, then drove to the airport to pick up my dad and aunt. Wasn't a bad drive. I wasn't feeling crampy at the time, though. I started feeling that way when I got back around 10am, and now it's nearly 3:15pm and still cramps. I don't know what it is, but I hope it goes away soon.

Hey Blue1
Check your inbox.

I don't know you, coc831, and I am having an awful day. but I just had to quickly say that you are strong and awesome for doing that hospital thing and getting through it. I have spent so much time in the hospital that my current outstanding bills could buy a house in the Bay Area--long story/embarrassing, but true. What you just did is NOT weakness. It is strength. Good job!!

Right or left side with the crampy thing?

I really don't want to be posting. Put it off all day. Had a horrible morning. No voices, just bad depression and anxiety. Hopeless. See--I don't even want to be saying this! What's the point? I never get better. It just goes on and on and on. Psychosis, then mania, then I want to k*** myself, then I'm hypo. You wanna know how messed up I am? This morning, I wanted a martini. A martini!! I've been sober for 11 years, people!

I just think this is a struggle I can't win. I feel like I've already lost it. I am so sorry I posted this. I don't want to bring anyone else down. But I also don't want to lie. I just can't keep doing this. I can't do this anymore.

You are incredibly strong and I admire and believe in you. Sending hugs and supportive vibes. Please hang in there. Are you safe?

I went with my mom to her church for a Thanksgiving dinner. I’ve never been so uncomfortable before. It’s worse than before – I don’t want to be around people. I don’t want to them talking to me, looking at me, being near me. I didn’t know a soul there and even if I did, I wouldn’t have been up for a conversation anyway. I know it sounds rude and there are kind-hearted people, but I just don’t feel comfortable around any of them. I stay at home and never leave for a reason – because I’m comfortable alone. I don’t know… it just really was an unpleasant experience for me. ☹ I don’t go out of my way to talk to anyone but I did my best when I’m talked to, to seem engaged and part of the conversation -- but it’s very hard for me. I know it’s a problem deep down, because I have to interact with people, but I find it hard to commit to that idea because hey, I don’t have to deal with other people 98% of the time. So it’s normal. I just don’t know how to fix it.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr