Bipolar Check-in #40

I’m glad you had a wonderful holiday with family and especially M

If the vomiting happens again tonight you might want to skip a dose of Lithium as vomiting can be a sign of toxicity which is dangerous... how much are you on now? And when was your last blood work ? When do you take your lithium ? Are you taking it with food ? Are you drinking enough fluids ?? Just becareful

My heart breaks for you with your brothers poor health Do you know why he’s so against seeing a Doctor ?

Thank you. I’ll do that. I just started it and was supposed to have bloodwork on day 5 which was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving so they told me to hold off until Monday. I take the lithium at night. I’m on 450 mg. I’ll increase my fluid intake as well. Thanks for caring.

I think my brother feels so badly he just wants to stay in bed. We’ll have to make a plan and get things rolling.

Thanks Christina

That's probably what it is, not having enough to do. I get very restless so maybe I'll start doing more activities in the evening hours

I enjoyed a nice thanksgiving with my family yesterday. It was a bit stressful as my aunt was clearly furious with my uncle and got a little snippy with everyone. She’s usually the level headed one. My cousins were not too insufferable this time. My uncle was his old stubborn, contrarian self but whatever. RS and his parents seemed to enjoy it.

We put up the Christmas tree today but I forgot to buy hooks for the ornaments so that’s on the to do list for tomorrow. I wasn’t feeling very well today; sore throat and a headache when I woke up. I got up at 9a but dozed on n the couch until 11a and then fell asleep again around 12.30p. I had to snuggle in my bed because I couldn’t get warm no matter how many layers I put on. No fever though. I feel better now, just exhausted still.

I did a little Black Friday online shopping yesterday. Some professional clothes for myself. I spent more than I should have. I only got paid half a paycheck today so Money is going to be tight. I also had to drain my savings in order to be able to make rent. So I only have $500 left in my savings acct. I still don’t know how I’m going to pay for Christmas gifts for my son. Thankfully I don’t have too many more people to buy for, we bought most of those gifts on our weekend getaway.

I’m also a little upset. I may have to stop seeing my therapist. She doesn’t accept the Insurance my job offers. I can’t afford to pay out of pocket, even if she slides her scale and I back down to twice a month instead of weekly. If I have to say goodbye I am not going to find another therapist. I have too much history built up with her. I don’t want to start over with someone new.

Beautiful pink lungs.
Beautiful pink lungs.
Beautiful pink lungs.

Love Ya!

LOL !!! Sweet talk my lungs ! They serious hate me

I can’t remember when I last posted, but thank you to everyone who offered support for me. I am feeling a little better now that I am more consistent on my meds. I am still not feeling 100% normal, but maybe more like 70%?

Anyway, I did some Black Friday shopping online today. I'm honestly not a huge fan of consumerism, but my parents want to get me gifts and I feel it'd be wrong of me not to gift anything back. So, I got a bunch of things on sale that my parents needed anyway (like towels and slippers because both of those things have holes in them). Only downside is that I had to ruin the surprises because they were actually going to buy the stuff themselves.

I suppose I'll get my sister a cheap gift like fern46 was suggesting. Not sure what to get though. I'll have to think about that. Maybe makeup stuff, like a $20 gift card to Sephora. She'll probably be pissed though. She demands expensive gifts even though she doesn't reciprocate, not even partially. I am afraid she is going to go bankrupt when she moves out on her own in a few months, but my therapist said not to feel guilty for refusing to help out because she knows better and needs to start respecting people more.

Wow jenn, am sorry you have been getting sick.

glad you are going to call and get your lithium level checked.

You might be toxic?????

I hate getting sick!
Feel sorry for you.
((((((HUGS)))))))
bizi

I had thanksgiving Wednesday. My sister apologized for her younger self. I tried to stay busy wrapping. I found these small bracelets that I love.

Hey there Blue!

I am thrilled you are doing better!
Nice job catching yourself and getting back on course with your meds.

I hope you will find a solution you can live with re: gifting your sister. It feels like you are getting closer to a resolution..

You might ask yourself what's the worst that can happen if your sister becomes angry?

Changing your approach may put you in a position to talk about your own feelings, as sometimes this type of a shift within a family may raise some issues that need attention.

I'd found this to be true this past holiday when I'd refused to take on all of the responisibility for the holiday, after I had taken it on for many years. Discussing this with your therapst might help you to be prepared for however your sister responds. In truth, she can only get away with her behaviors if the family supports her behaviors.

Great job of taking care of yourself!

Not doing well. I'm getting very fearful, and not getting an adequate night's sleep isn't helping(if sleeping at all some nights!). I know if I was asleep right now I would be doing my mind so much good but I can't. We(me, Dad, Stepmom) just had such a nice evening with my sister, her boyfriend and my niece and nephew. (Dinner out and then back to the house to talk.) I have so many issues about fear of germs that it's the middle of the night, and there would be so much to do to get myself "sanitized" again after going out in the world(all the things I had to touch and use while out and the kissing and hugging) that I'm wearing the same thing I wore when out, didn't wash my face or brush my teeth and I'm trying to sleep lying on the rug in my bedroom fully dressed with only a pillow so I don't get germs on my bed or blankets. I woke up uncomfortable and cold so here I am. Miserable and ready to cry. They are coming over bringing breakfast for us before they leave, so I figured I'd begin the decontamination process after they left since it takes a long time and they left last night around 10:00pm. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to see them and I love them, but my mind is overwhelmed. And now I'm afraid to post, even my usual word games on here or sending a friend a pm because I'm afraid anything, any wrong word will trigger someone or hurt someone or cause something bad to happen. I am trying to be so careful, and it is paralyzing me. My dear Dad said tonight that I should fight it(the monster of my germ fear), and I told him, "But it's so big! It's this tall(and I held my hand up high.)"

My heart literally broke as I read your post, RTS. I am so sorry you are having to deal with something so overwhelming. Do you have a therapist by chance? If so, I would definitely contact them. If not, you probably would benefit from getting one.

What about the med situation? Does anything help you?

Sending you positive vibes and prayers!

Woke up early and for some reason, am very tired. Had some trouble with akathesia last night and that affected my sleep. Might have to go back in there ans try to sleep a bit more.

@bpcyclist

Hi there! I hope you feel better soon! Sweet dreams if you try to get some more sleep!

Hey Blue, another thought that came to mind for your sister... What about a weighted blanket? I know you enjoy yours and she'll need stuff for her new place when she moves out. There are a ton on sale right now. You don't have to get her the luxury edition... Maybe there's a decent one with the features you enjoy. Or maybe there's something else you enjoy that she's never tried. The makeup gift card sounds nice as well.

Your therapist sounds wise.

I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better!

Thank you so much my friend...I am so happy that you understood my pain, that I expressed it well enough that people can understand the extent of what this fear does to me. Your compassionate response touched my heart...I do have a counselor that I see about every 2 weeks. He is wonderful and this would be something important to talk about and get help with, but my PsychPA and I are focusing on what I am most in need of, even more than this, and that is to keep my relationships with those I love, and even with people in the world that I have to interact with, from deteriorating by my behavior. (Which is the Bipolar. She diagnosed me with Severe Bipolar Disorder and explained to me that at the far end of the spectrum(where I am) you can get things like paranoia, which is my #1 priority to get under control right now. Being paranoid that people are deliberately hurtful and uncaring towards me makes me respond with everything from coldness and harshness to blowouts of my rage exploding verbally. (And people really care about me, and I know this when I am thinking clearly.) So I have to put on the backburner the kind of things I described in that post because right now my PsychPA is trying to get my moods stabalized. She does plan on getting me back on Luvox for OCD symptoms after my mood is stabalized, thank goodness! (I was on it for many years but got off all my meds for the past 4 years approx. until I deteriorated and went back for help in August.) Right now I'm on Lamictal (which has helped my despair that I could not continue for one single more day), but hasn't helped me with the paranoia and the behavior resulting from that. She has me on Abilify, but it isn't helping, so this week when I see her we're planning on switching to Lithium probably. I am so sorry this is so long!!!

I hope your uncle recovers quickly and well, Miss Laura.

Those Chinese buffets are dangerous! Especially the ones near me, since the area has a large Chinese population. Everyone fills their plates at least three times. They have several dishes and dumplings I hadn't eaten since my time in Taiwan.

I hope your brother's health improves soon, Jennifer. Is he getting any physical therapy? That helped my dad.

I'm glad you're contacting your NP about your nausea and vomiting. When I would start Lithium, I had nausea, too. It did fade for me. I hope yours fades quickly, as well.

That is terrible that your insurance decides on your therapist and not you. Is it possible that rather completely quitting that you could check in with her less often?

I got up at 2am again ugh!

I took Seroquel last night and it didn't do anything at all. I'll try again tonight.

I am so tired, I haven't ever been this tired. Even when my kids were very young, I still managed to sleep and wasn't this tired.

The brain zaps continue. I forgot to mention them to my pdoc because all I was focused on how I'm not sleeping. They're a little more predictable now but they're still pretty random.

I'm feeling both good and bad at the same time. I have enough energy to make decisions that aren't good for me, like not eating, but I'm trying to correct that even though I don't want to, but I know it's good for me l my overall health.

Thanks BirdDancer,

My Uncle seems to be out of the woods which is good I think he needs a pacemaker I'll find out more tomorrow when I go up. Apparently it was touch and go when he fell ill and they didn't think he would make it. Scary times

I'm off out soon for an early Christmas meal even though it's actually St Andrew's day today so I'm hoping for some Scottish music lol..... I am off to see The Red Hot Chilli Pipers in Dec love Scottish music lol

Spent most of the night in flintstones bed again. I tried to force myself to just relax and empty my mind. Did get up around 4am for an hour or so. When I went back to bed I was so tired I was able to do the mindless thing.

I must have slept for an hour or two cause I had a dream. Two old men, one straight one gay both artists collaborated on a political panting. Full of intrigue and a murder of a meddling woman. Rump was in it too and trying desperately to outshine a famous popular orange cat that the democratic convention was using for politics. The two old guys had a falling out and a woman was murdered. Very complex dream. Saw the paintings the two guys did they were striking. The straight old man told the gay one that he liked swirls in his pictures.

I'm still exhausted but my eyes feel better for having some sleep and for keeping my eyes closed most of the night. I hate these bouts of insomnia I'm too tired to do anything or think straight

He is doing physical therapy and has improved by leaps and bounds. The improvement has been unbelievable. When he couldn’t walk unassisted we knew something was wrong.

Thank you. I hope it fades as well. I’m sure it will.

We got my brother to a doctor with a small Saturday clinic. Yay!!! He has an acute upper respiratory infection which they’ll treat with antibiotics until he sees his regular doctor Wednesday and has a few tests run (this clinic wasn’t equipped but it is all he would agree to). I’m over the moon. Fingers crossed.

I only got to see M for 15 minutes today before she had to leave and we’d planned on coffee and a two hour visit. Between the stress and worry over my brother, not sleeping and her having to leave...I just started crying and shocked everyone including myself. She hurriedly made plans for us to meet up next weekend. I’m emotional and restless right now...all temporary I’m sure.

Warm regards to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

I’m not sure, like I said I can’t afford to see her even twice monthly. She slid her scale to accommodate me when I had no insurance and it was still $60. I don’t have an extra $120/mo to work with. Maybe I might be able to squeeze an extra sixty out of my monthly wages and see her monthly. I’ll have to talk to her and see what we can work out.