[Blue_Bird]

Been awhile since I checked in I think. A lot going on. Most likely going to be moving into the new apartment within the next month, super excited but stressed at the same time. All the excitement of the holidays and moving has me hyped up, I only slept 4 hours last night and 3 the night before that. Starting to get tired, hoping I can get some seriously good sleep tonight. I think if I can't fall asleep by a certain time I might end up taking one of my prn medications just to calm me down in hopes that I can get some rest. We'll see, maybe I'll get to sleep without it, I hope so.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Having a bad day so far. I hope today gets better, but I doubt it. I think my therapist's comments are just bothering me too much.

I'm not even tired, but I want to sleep because this day sucks. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow after I've slept it off, though.

On the upside, I will be getting Chinese (hopefully).

Hi Blue, I am sorry you are having a rough day today. I read your thread and have left you a note there.

Oh, you've helped me to recall I have often gone out for Chinese on NYE!!!
I did this much more often when I'd live in MA. Very few Chinese restaurants here. I might go to one tonight though!
Are you going to be with your family?

I hope you enjoy your evening.
Much Love to You!

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Do you remember the cartoon show entitled, "The Jetsons?"
Their life was very futuristic! As you have pointed out, we now have many of these capabilities.

I recall reading a weekly "newspaper" in the classroom, while in the second grade. It was teling us that one day, we will no longer carry money (paper bills, coins). It said we would be using plastic cards for most transactions. I found that idea hard to believe. And now, there are additional methods to pay and I am guessing plastic cards will eventually fade out, too .

Nammu, I agree with you. It does seem like the Ringing in Of the New Year brought much more excitement, vision, hope... overall optimism!

As I write this, I am wondering if it's just you and me who feels things have changed?

Yet, no. I have talked at length with my nieces and nephews about their viewpoints, their hopes, their dreams, etc. They are not very optimistic, in general.

I really do want to be optimistic! I just feel like things have changed drastically in the past 10 years or maybe longer. (?)

Thanks for sharing!

I loved Hanna Barba cartoons, the flintstones and the jetsons were both favorites. I loved how the flintstones had things like garbage disposals and record players made with stones and werido animals. The Jetton had Astro the dog.

[Aurelius710]

2020 is gonna start on a mixed note for me. On the plus side, I've got insurance for the first time in six months and just in time to get a new therapist. I see my current one in a telehealth context and he feels he can;t adequately manage my case over Skype. That sucks, considering I've been with this therapist for four years and I don't want to change. However, I see the wisdom of visiting someone who would have access to local resources that could help me.

Work has cut my hours to unsustainable levels. It's kinda hard to pay the bills on 14 hours a week. So, I'm gonna spend some of my five days off looking for another job. Fingers crossed!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Aurelius710

2020 is gonna start on a mixed note for me. On the plus side, I've got insurance for the first time in six months and just in time to get a new therapist. I see my current one in a telehealth context and he feels he can;t adequately manage my case over Skype. That sucks, considering I've been with this therapist for four years and I don't want to change. However, I see the wisdom of visiting someone who would have access to local resources that could help me.

Work has cut my hours to unsustainable levels. It's kinda hard to pay the bills on 14 hours a week. So, I'm gonna spend some of my five days off looking for another job. Fingers crossed!

Good luck with finding a new therapist, I am sorry this involves getting rid of you current T. I hope everything works out for the best in these matters. I pray you will find a great therapist and also a job you enjoy and which pays well! Lots of benefits, too!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I have gotten a little side tracked from my planned goals today. I've only made it through 9 pages of what I wanted to work on. Then I went to the grocery store and picked up a Whopper Jr. at BK. I hadn't thought of the grocery store but realized we had nothing for dinners and no milk or OJs. On my way home, I went through the BK drive through. The clerk I always like there gave me my drink, took my money, and then had to holler at me because I started driving away without my food. Ha ha! Luckily I heard him and backed up. He said he was going to have to run after me. This type of thing is so common for me. My brain dwells in another realm.

Now I'm home and unloaded the groceries. I've got to get back on track with some of my remaining goals. I do want to shower before dinner, because I feel and look "quite in need of a shower". I think tonight I'll boil the fresh lobster raviolis I bought, and make a pink sauce with shrimp for them and sugar snap peas. For tomorrow, I bought meat for a Czech favorite called "Svickova na Smetane" with Czech dumplings. All very high in fat and cholesterol, which is what I should avoid. To top off the artery clogging, I plan to make homemade creme brulee tomorrow. My lactose intolerant hubby will be popping lots of Lactaid pills. After New Years, low saturated fat diet! I want to try the Mediterranean diet.

Wow! The food sounds great, as per usual!
I love crème brulee!
I hope you and hubby are having a fun night!

[Sunflower123]

I’d planned to go see a late movie and get home in time for a glass of champagne with my family but I’m so stuffed from dinner out that I can hardly move (it was a fabulous dinner). I really feel like getting comfortable and watching New Year’s Eve programs on TV, having my champagne and nodding off. Jumanji can wait for another day.

I wish everyone a Happy New Year’s Eve and a wonderful 2020!

[Moose72]

I feel good! Brushed teeth and under my new squishy comforter and wearing sweats watching my new favorite youtuber do a nye live feed. Ive never watched a live youtube feed as it was live. Ive seen them after theyre live. No, I don't have plans for tonight besides picking up Noah - late! Tomorrow, we are going to my mom's for lamb! Yum!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’d planned to go see a late movie and get home in time for a glass of champagne with my family but I’m so stuffed from dinner out that I can hardly move (it was a fabulous dinner). I really feel like getting comfortable and watching New Year’s Eve programs on TV, having my champagne and nodding off. Jumanji can wait for another day.

I wish everyone a Happy New Year’s Eve and a wonderful 2020!

Sounds great! I'll be over shortly!

Happy New Year, my friend!!!

[Nammu]

Yay! A pajama party with champagne!

[Moose72]

Fireworks against a snow-cloudy sky looks weird! The fireworks look silver!

[Moose72]

Happy New Year Everybody!

I went to bed at 5pm yesterday because I was feeling so awful. However, I didn't fall asleep until about 7pm because I spent 2 hours crying because of all the bad memories. Then I randomly woke up at 12:06am and realized it was the new year. I heard fireworks and people celebrating, but I just wasn't feeling it.

I still feel bad today. I feel especially pathetic because I cried on and off throughout the day and into the night. I thought I'd feel better today, but no, I feel the same.

Sorry for b_tching. I just wish I could celebrate the new year with happiness and joy. However, I'm sure things will get better. They always do. I am clinging onto that hope.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I went to bed at 5pm yesterday because I was feeling so awful. However, I didn't fall asleep until about 7pm because I spent 2 hours crying because of all the bad memories. Then I randomly woke up at 12:06am and realized it was the new year. I heard fireworks and people celebrating, but I just wasn't feeling it.

I still feel bad today. I feel especially pathetic because I cried on and off throughout the day and into the night. I thought I'd feel better today, but no, I feel the same.

Sorry for b_tching. I just wish I could celebrate the new year with happiness and joy. However, I'm sure things will get better. They always do. I am clinging onto that hope.

I am so sorry you had a kind of rough New Year's Eve, blue. That stinks. I am sorry you were crying for two hours. That hurts my heart. I hope maybe today might be a bit better for you. In any event, Happy New Year.

[bpcyclist]

Well, this morning, I feel exACTLY like I used to after a brutal and endless night running the trauma service in Nashville. Abso-lutely hammered. Clean and sober--not to worry. But just fried from my current ordeal. I had forgotten how awful and dysphoric and hopeless it feels to be way, way past the point of exhaustion, while still having to function. Of course, back then, I would at this time of day be finishing rounds and getting ready to head to the OR for a yet-additional day of torment. Being told I was an idiot. Possibly being punched in the middle of an operation. Far worse stuff I can't even write cuz it will just freak people out. Def. being screamed at once or twice. And I was one of the ones they loved!!

Fortunately, I don't really have to do anything today. I just cannot fall asleep. So, it's weird for me today. Lots of reminiscing of my Vanderbilt days. Very bittersweet. Some of my happiest and proudest days and absolutely, some of the darkest. Oh well...

[Nammu]

Absolutely zero amount of sleep last night. Early on my turned into stone but about 4am I was able to just lay and do deep breathing and relax for a few hours. Night I don't sleep it's essential that I just lay and rest a bit to keep pain from taking over, 2020! Can not believe it's here.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Well, this morning, I feel exACTLY like I used to after a brutal and endless night running the trauma service in Nashville. Abso-lutely hammered. Clean and sober--not to worry. But just fried from my current ordeal. I had forgotten how awful and dysphoric and hopeless it feels to be way, way past the point of exhaustion, while still having to function. Of course, back then, I would at this time of day be finishing rounds and getting ready to head to the OR for a yet-additional day of torment. Being told I was an idiot. Possibly being punched in the middle of an operation. Far worse stuff I can't even write cuz it will just freak people out. Def. being screamed at once or twice. And I was one of the ones they loved!!

Fortunately, I don't really have to do anything today. I just cannot fall asleep. So, it's weird for me today. Lots of reminiscing of my Vanderbilt days. Very bittersweet. Some of my happiest and proudest days and absolutely, some of the darkest. Oh well...

Wow are you saying that your coworkers used to punch you? That's terrible. I am sorry you experienced workplace bullying.

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Well, this morning, I feel exACTLY like I used to after a brutal and endless night running the trauma service in Nashville. Abso-lutely hammered. Clean and sober--not to worry. But just fried from my current ordeal. I had forgotten how awful and dysphoric and hopeless it feels to be way, way past the point of exhaustion, while still having to function. Of course, back then, I would at this time of day be finishing rounds and getting ready to head to the OR for a yet-additional day of torment. Being told I was an idiot. Possibly being punched in the middle of an operation. Far worse stuff I can't even write cuz it will just freak people out. Def. being screamed at once or twice. And I was one of the ones they loved!!

Fortunately, I don't really have to do anything today. I just cannot fall asleep. So, it's weird for me today. Lots of reminiscing of my Vanderbilt days. Very bittersweet. Some of my happiest and proudest days and absolutely, some of the darkest. Oh well...

That is just horrible what happened to you! I hope that that the abusive behavior has since stopped. If they did it to you, they've likely done it to others.

I know that the worst part of workplace or school abuse or bullying is that people have to be there during the majority of the best hours of the day. I remember getting home from extreme stress at work (not so much abuse, but severe stress) and drinking to self medicate.

[Moose72]

I asked my friend to do something today and she said yes. Well I then said I'd like to meet her hedgehog thatshe loves so much. So she im's me a map of where she lives but I can't wrap my brain around exactly what streets connect to what streets to get me there even THOUGH I have a map that I can zoom in on in front of my face! Directions FAIL! So I just cancelled going to her place and asked if she'd just meet me at Starbucks. She said yes.

[xRavenx]

I had a lot of mood swings yesterday. It felt like everything was going to come to an end. But a family member talked to me, and it made me feel a little bit better. Today, I am not feeling as hopeless, although it is a struggle. I'm hoping for a better year.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Well, this morning, I feel exACTLY like I used to after a brutal and endless night running the trauma service in Nashville. Abso-lutely hammered. Clean and sober--not to worry. But just fried from my current ordeal. I had forgotten how awful and dysphoric and hopeless it feels to be way, way past the point of exhaustion, while still having to function. Of course, back then, I would at this time of day be finishing rounds and getting ready to head to the OR for a yet-additional day of torment. Being told I was an idiot. Possibly being punched in the middle of an operation. Far worse stuff I can't even write cuz it will just freak people out. Def. being screamed at once or twice. And I was one of the ones they loved!!


Fortunately, I don't really have to do anything today. I just cannot fall asleep. So, it's weird for me today. Lots of reminiscing of my Vanderbilt days. Very bittersweet. Some of my happiest and proudest days and absolutely, some of the darkest. Oh well...

I’m sorry Vanderbilt has left you with bad memories. It’s always been my IP and they have a wonderful program and top notch psych staff, well except that one horrible asshat.

I hope 2020 brings you stability and joy

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I asked my friend to do something today and she said yes. Well I then said I'd like to meet her hedgehog thatshe loves so much. So she im's me a map of where she lives but I can't wrap my brain around exactly what streets connect to what streets to get me there even THOUGH I have a map that I can zoom in on in front of my face! Directions FAIL! So I just cancelled going to her place and asked if she'd just meet me at Starbucks. She said yes.

Download Waze on your phone and it gets you right to the door, very user friendly

[~Christina]

Well we are at our friends home in north Florida. I’m hoping we head home tomorrow but my husband hasn’t said much.

Happy New Year everyone

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Absolutely zero amount of sleep last night. Early on my turned into stone but about 4am I was able to just lay and do deep breathing and relax for a few hours. Night I don't sleep it's essential that I just lay and rest a bit to keep pain from taking over, 2020! Can not believe it's here.

I am sorry you could not sleep. "hug:
Me, neither, knowing our friend, Jennifer, was partying without us.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am sorry you could not sleep. "hug:
Me, neither, knowing our friend, Jennifer, was partying without us.

. Yes. I didn't get any champagne!!!