Bipolar check-in #43

I'm glad to hear things are going so well. Enjoy the weather!

Your tart is amazing. A rainbow on a plate.

Oh man! I slept in big time! (Till 2pm and went to bed at 12:30am!) And I'm still tired! I don't get it! So I'm feeling stressed that I won't get enough "me time" today or that I will And I'll neglect my chores. I dunno! I don't know what I'm doing!

Oh yea, and I'm also experiencing these phantom cramps (like mild cramps), but my period is already over and plus I never had these after a certain day in my cycle. I dunno why this has to happen! I mean, it's not bad, but it's like tiring all the same. Sigh

That looks yummy!

You are an excellent baker/chef! How long did it take you to make the tart?

I'm drooling that looks so good! (I knew it would just from reading others' comments.

I did a little baking the other day. Just a box mix, but baking GF successfully from scratch is pretty difficult unless you have all the exact ingredients. Anyway, so yeah, I made GF Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookies with almond butter instead of peanut. They're pretty good. I thought I'd just leave them for hubby after I ate 3 the first night, but I've been eating one every day for the last two days. sigh!

I was going to try the picture sharing option, but the pic is on my tablet and I'm on the PC. it's not a very good pic anyway though, but still.

Late to the "party", but I didn't see this yesterday. So sorry for ya. Hope things get better for you real soon and you get the help you need. *hugs

Been a lazy day but I went out and bought water for my cpap and came home and took a shower and put on pajamas. Feeling good!

I was supposed to go out today and enjoy the nice weather (although I'm not sure it's really all that nice and I'm getting some sun just from the windows), but since I woke up so late and am so behind on stuff, I don't really feel like getting dressed to go out now for what could only be a few minutes if it's still cold. Like I said, the sun through the windows is enough of a help, although I suppose breathing in some fresh air could be good. Oh! Ok, I'll try to get out because I have to toss some garbage and get the mail...

I did manage to accomplish a few things today, washed dishes and swept the main level...most of it. I know it's not much, but it's still something when I could've spent more hours online. Not sure what else to do today. I really need to exercise, but I guess I'd better get outside before the sun goes down....

Ohhh, I love anything with oatmeal. It sounds delicious with the almond butter, though I love peanut butter, too! Definitely oatmeal makes gluten free baking so much easier, I assume.

Thanks, bluebicycle, and everyone else who commented on my tart!

Well, I guess "hands on" prep it took about 40 minutes, but the whole process took much longer. The baking times (combined) took about 35 minutes. But then there were a couple long refrigerations needed (minumum 2 hours total), cooling times (almost 1 hour total), and in the very beginning the time it took for the butter and cream cheese to soften (about 30 minutes). I did some things while other things were cooling/chilling/baking. I guess one would need 3 or more hours from very start to ready to serve.

yeah, I love peanuts/peanut butter too, but I'm supposed to cut it out of my diet with all my other restrictions. Unfortunately, the cookies are LOADED with sugars and calories. There's no perfect concoction. :/ As far as the oatmeal, did you know there's even a gluten free oatmeal because a lot of gluten intolerants or celiacs cannot even eat oats!! So, I assume it has those oats, but I have to buy separate oats when I cook with them or eat them plain. ughh what a headache!

Today I met with my T. A portion of our conversation was about how to approach my FIL with his attitude toward me and the work I do. "Thank you, but I have a job that is well-suited to the illness I also have."

Yes paid idiots are everywhere unfortunately.

I hate to see you continue to struggle like this.

It’s sad that you live in a big city yet finding a good Pdoc has so many road blocks between insurance or mandatory Therapy.

Do you have a rough idea of how many times you have called ? Maybe ask if he ever returns calls or does idiot always return calls ? I have research cogentin it seems the most logical next step because I truly can not handle this non stop inability to just sit and rest ? Or something like that ??

So happy your enjoying your French class !!! Yummmm Pizza! And a good T session .. fantastic week I’d say

That dessert looks heavenly

Yes Middle Tennessee summers are just hot, unlike Florida we don’t really get as much humidity like I did growing up. Unfortunately unless its cold the pollen here is just awful lol my pulmonary Doctor said years ago. “ your moving into one of the worst areas of pollen “ LOL

But beautiful rolling Hills and my small town make it worth my need for allergy meds

Still feeling like absolute ****. I managed to drag myself to work and make it through the day but I fell asleep as soon as I got home. An hour later I woke up with debilitating sinus pain/pressure. I took more Advil and Sudafed. It is just now kicking in, three hours and one hot shower later. I really hope this lets up soon.

I got in minor trouble at work today. My supervisor called me in and said she heard me “yelling” at my student. I was genuinely confused because I don’t remember yelling at him at all. I think I was quite patient with him after all he put me through today. So I’m not upset, just confused. I said to her that if she has any ideas on how I can respond to him, please (for the love of god) help me. I am completely out of my element with him. He is severely mentally ill, as well as on the autism spectrum. He comes in angry and it just escalates from there. Today he continually threw himself against a locked glass door, causing to bounce open at the bottom from the force of it. What if he hits it so hard he goes through the door? He could be seriously injured. I am not strong enough to restrain him myself. I have no Walkie to call for assistance. It’s a dangerous situation. My classroom team and I have decided that I should not be left alone with him when he is in such a state and that we will immediately call for assistance over the intercom or class walkie. I may have indeed yelled at him just so he could hear me over his screaming. I really don’t know.

I just want this monster of a cold to be gone so I can function again and be better at my job.

I’m glad things are going well !! You so deserve it

Just a quick hello for now!
I have been reading here when I can do so.

Much Love to All!

I had a good day. I'm getting use to my headphones. I went to the movies and enjoyed it even if I didn't really get it. I've been having trouble taking my medication. I'm taking it but it takes lots of conversations/ youtube. Pdoc says I'm doing good the fact I could write to her is a good sign. I'm deciding a super short hair cut and color.

Beautiful, I'm hungry (and I am supposed to be asleep)

What did you wash/coat the fruit with? it looks so good!
You are quite the baker!!!!

Possible Trigger - SI

University begins in five days. The Fibromyalgia/Chronic Fatigue is getting worse, and my hip is still causing major issues. Despair is flooding in. I don't know if I will cope with the load, and if I can't I don't know if I can cope with the loss. I am not depressed, but still very suicidal. No one can help me or fix this. All I can do is wait and see what unfolds. I'm scared I won't make it. Sorry to be so down. I have tried so hard to stay positive. Living a life so limited physically and mentally(cognitive) is not one I want to live. This has to improve ASAP.

I’m glad you worked on how to hopefully stop his behavior about your job.

Maybe it’s time to stop questioning if and how you can do this... and just go do it ?

Trust me I have Bipolar, PTSD, anxiety, Fibro and cfs and PsA etc etc

So I truly understands the struggle but sometimes we focus on all the ABC’s of why we may possible fail instead of just go DO ..

So what’s your first class ?? Make sure you leave with lots of extra time so if your hip or Fibro cause you to have to just stop and take a break and sit.

Does your university offer accommodations? Like giving extra time for turning in homework or maybe a quieter room to take a test in ? Usually Pdocs can fill out a form.

My daughter pre Bipolar diagnosis was able to buy a small recorder and all the students were allowed even encouraged to record the class. So along with notes she could re listen to the lecture.

I’m not being mean or dismissing how you feel or your fears , just maybe giving you an idea that you might not think of because your struggling.

So take a few deep breaths , gather your school supplies. Make a few dry runs before it starts .. see how long it will take you to get to classes.

Just go Do

Really trying to get off smoking. Tried to quit cold turkey but came to the conclusion that was going to be a no go coming off a pack a day habit. So for this week I'm down to 6-8 cigarettes a day. That's a whole lot better than 20+. And I switched from full flavored to ultra lights. I'll just keep dwindling them down.

Yesterday was rough. I ended up taking the day off work, which I rarely do.Nicotine withdrawal hit me hard, I had major muscle aches and fatigue. And I had a total mental breakdown as I was about to leave for work. Balled my eyes out for a half hour. Was having female issues too, so I went and saw my PCP yesterday. While I was at my PCP, I scheduled for a physical. That will make my pdoc happy. He's been wanting me to do that.

Also had a good conversation with my mom about a bunch of stuff yesterday. She's been so supportive this week.

Today is upward and onward. It's been a difficult week for me. Still waiting on biopsy results. Looking forward to going to work this morning. Feeling loads better this morning.