Bipolar check in #45

Tried to sleep but a total no-go. Amped up for no reason and physically feeling quite unwell. Neighbors making tremendous racket, as always. This respiratory thing just is not getting better. It's getting worse, actually. Oh well.

Got tons done on my edit. Pleased with that. Had to tone down one section about my dear friend, whom the hospital (unintentionally, of course) killed with a benzo overdose. Still angry about that and I had to reign that in. I really, really want this to be balanced. It's not about settling scores in any way.

Anyhow, must get out of this little apartment soon or I will lose my mind. Haven't been able to ride for a couple of days because of this URI. My breathing isn't so hot right now. It just feels weird. I really don't know. Maybe, will be better tomorrow.

Love and hugs to all!!!!!!!!!!

Doing great so far today! Well, even though I only woke up an hour ago. lol. I'm actually MOTIVATED to do work today. How amazing is that? It's a miracle! Hallelujah!

I made myself some breakfast about 30 mins ago and it was delicious. I had some scrambled eggs and toast.

I'm hoping I can accomplish some good things today, but who knows. We'll see.

Oh, and I did take all my meds last night rather than forgetting them, skipping them, or sleeping through my med time! (As I said yesterday, sleeping through them the previous night was a genuine mistake.) I feel like a total badass for doing so well with this.

Picked up my first tick of the season today. I've been doing things but feel like crap.

Slight moodiness today. It’s not affecting anyone around me though. I’ve been lying down since noon. I’m very tired from being up from 12-4 last night.

Did a few push ups and crunches today. Used the rubber band stretchy thingie to exercise my arms, too.

An ok day. Took a nap for no reason. Talked with Caleb for a bit. Got an email from my pen pal but I'm not replying right away. One reason is that at the end of his email he said he wanted to write more but he had to get to work. So maybe he'll write a second email? I hope so. The first one was about recording history which is what I've been looking up lately. I'm waiting for the chicken to be done in the oven. Oh yeah- and I took N3 to work and back.

My day was ok except I went to that ''other'' forum where I got triggered before. Grrrrrrrrrrrr............

Salmon and something similar to tata tots for dinner

I honestly think if this lockdown goes on much longer, I will have to check myself into a psych ward just so I can have some company. Some people are still meeting with a few friends and family, but my family is too far away. One friend I thought would be up for it told me no. I don't know what to do.

@bpcyclist: Not to scare you or anything but your symptoms sound like COVID-19. Maybe you should get tested?

In my news, i slept okay and the weather was not too bad so i did more work on my home today. Really enjoying the work!

Service at pharmacies here is just appalling. I'm on my third pharmacy in ten years and they continue to fumble the ball. But they do actually make the touchdown, i do get my meds eventually, so there's that. Just annoying that they can't follow simple instructions.

Hope everyone is happy and healthy!

Flashbacks. I don't want to sleep tonight. I feel disconnected to everything. Like I'm dead, mind completely separated from body. Someone else is controlling me, typing these words. I want to scream at them and tell them to get far away because it's not safe, but nowhere is safe and that would just cause unnecessary panic. I'll deal with the panic, not her.
Weird.

Further adventures in unemployment.

Yesterday, I phoned all day, from 8am sharp. After 850 calls, I got through. After being on hold for 52 minutes, the call dropped(!!) Back to it. It was literally ALL I did yesterday. Tap tap, busy signal, tap, tap tap, busy signal, tap. All freakin' day. In total, I made well over 3,000 calls. Yes, really. I kept track. So at 13 minutes till 5, I got through again. Then was on hold for 2 1/2 hours. I was resigned to keeping the line open all night, when I heard a voice. She took my contact info and asked if it would be OK to call as early as 6 am. Sure, why not?

So I got up before 6. They never called. I really, really don't want to have multiple days of this... sigh.

Oh! And then today I get an email back (in response to one I wrote awhile back letting them know I didn't have a cid# and needed it to check the address they had for me on file.) They wrote back saying to write to them with my cid#, so they could verify my case. SMH!! I wrote to tell you that I don't have one!! That was the very POINT of my email! WTH?

This lock down is very hard for everyone.. My Daughter is 14 hours from me, Her dad 20 mins, They both wear a mask and keep 6 foot away to take a walk together.. It really helps her. We used facetime for about an hour today She took a walk to the beach so I got to " go on the walk with her" Maybe a friend or more can do facetime with, it is better than nothing , or a friend for a 6 week away walk.. I hope you find some relief soon

You should call your Doctor.. My husband certainly doesn't have Covid but a lung infection is a lung infection and needs treatment... Most Doctors are the worst patients... Why not get help now instead of needing further care or a ER visit .. Feel better

I have no words that would not result in my being banned from PC ..

I think they certainly have to just auto extend the benefits of already approved cases... I wish each state would make a broad simple decision to not require this weekly stuff for the time being. It would allow those filing first claim to get quicker help too..

I hateeeeeeeeeeeeeeee that your having to deal with such stressful stuff

So happy to be here! My phone is acting up with the power being out. This is the third night without power and it’s supposed to be 37 degrees by 7 A.M. They said the electrical grid is shredded and it may take weeks. I’m trying to determine when said power will be back on so I know whether or not to look for a generator.

I was feeling pretty demoralized for a good bit of the day but a good meal, some sunshine and the right meds helped a lot.

Warm regards to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

I'd get a generator if you can afford it. If they say it could take up to a few weeks, it usually means it will take at least a few weeks. We had a really bad storm a few years back and were out of power for two weeks, and had multiple power outages of a few days. The generator is good because the food in the fridge/freezer won't go bad and you can still have your morning coffee! Don't have to go all out, just something to keep the refrigerator running and maybe a hot plate so you can warm some water up for a hot shower.
I'm happy you're here too!

I am so sorry what a horrible situation to be in I will keep you, your family and everyone effect by yet another disaster in my prayers

Can't tell if uncle Hugo is taking online orders. The other day there was a bit of activity in science fiction thread and I relized I really could use a few golden oldies science fiction books. They have a great selection of used books for reasonable $. That's one of the many things I miss about the Twin Cities, the great many bookshops. I don't know how many survived the Internet but Uncle Hugo and uncle Edgar did. I miss a lot of things, the walkable city and its many parks and lakes but not winter.

Thanks, whatever, I appreciate the insight. I was sort of wondering about it. I feel a lot better tonight. Maybe I am turning a corner. I hope so. Thanks for the support!!!!

Sorry, Innerzone. What flail. We are having this in Oregon, too. System totally overwhelmed. At least you are in contact with someone by email. I hope you can make some progress soon.

Hang in there.

Thanks, Christina. You know all about it--we are the worst.


I feel a lot better tonight. A lot. So, maybe turning this thing around a bit. If I backslide at all, I will make an appointment. I'm sure I don't have COVID, but I have had a lot of headaches and more and more COVID people are complaining of these.

Anyway, thanks for the support!!

Man, Jennifer, that is just hideous. I am so sorry. You might want to start looking at generators now, esp. if you would buy locally. They have a way of selling out fast after these types of events.

Sending you prayers and support!!!!!! Hang in there!!

I had an awful headache last night that was making me nauseous. I luckily had Aleve on me (that coincidentally expires in April 2020, so I was very lucky with that!). I fell asleep at 7:30pm and woke up at 4am.

I am feeling pretty good, although somewhat nauseous because I did not take my meds last night. I felt nauseous after taking the aleve, so I decided not to push it and make myself throw up from putting too many meds in my stomach. I wish I didn't have to skip my meds though... but like, I nearly puked when I took the aleve. Ughhh... not fun!

Well, I have a pdoc appt tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes. Should be my last one with him once I call the front desk to remind them that I want to switch pdocs. I need to ask how long the wait is though...

Then Friday I will tell my therapist about my evil first therapist who needs to be reported. Hmmm... should make for an... errr.... interesting convo... lol.

It is 34 degrees and SNOWING here! And we get more of the same on Friday! I can't express how much "UGH!" I'm feeling right now!

Send some my way please?

Tired but wired