Bipolar check in #45

At least you don't have to go anywhere(?)

I'm doing alright. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow over the phone. Gonna see about changing one of my meds. Other than that not much going on. My sister is ordering me one of those handmade cloth masks since our governor just signed an executive order stating everyone must wear one when out grocery shopping, at the pharmacy, etc.

I had to make pharmacy runs today. My sleep med is only 30 days at a time, what a pain. I stopped by Culver's I'm really Leary about ordering food but I really wanted their chicken tenders. Everyone who works there is wearing cloth masks and gloves, and the place has always been friendly and clean so I felt comfortable ordering there. Was a nice change.

I did. I had to get N3 from work.

I just did 20 push ups and 50 crunches.

My case manager finally called back. Just wanted to make sure that I'm staying safe and to say that my med review with pdoc will be over the phone.

I am glad to read you are doing alright!

Our governor signed an order 2 weeks ago. Many people are not listening. The state government is now saying we are reaching our apex. I don't believe it. I hope I am wrong. New York's Governor, President Cuomo, just ordered masks on today.

I am glad your sister is helpful. My sister is, too.
Be well!

Sorry to hear you have to go every 30 days to the pharmacy, but the rest of your post sounds really great, Nammu.

I've heard/read lots of news stories that talk about how the risk of catching COVID-19 from food is very low, so you're probably fine to order again in the future. For example, Can you catch COVID-19 from food? | Live Science

Thanks WC
Yup, I live in New York , it’s weird that it took this long for our governor sign something to require them, many other states did it weeks ago

I hope you’re doing well and stay safe

I was talking with my T about suffering a drought of creativity. When I got off the phone with her I had received a Facebook communication from an author I enjoy. On his fan page I had asked a question about a town name which is so small on his map that it's illegible. He answered with the name and admitted he didn't like the name anymore. I shared a brief narrative framework for a history explaining a name change. He liked it and answered with, "Well played, sir, well played." I feel so buoyant. This is definitely the high point of my day.

Very cool, thanks for sharing this!

Congrats! That's awesome.

For a few days now I have been unable to fall asleep until somewhere between 1-2am. It is very frustrating. I am very anxious, which causes racing thoughts, specifically obsessing over my relationship with my late husband. Trying to figure out if it could have been considered abusive or not. It certainly wasn’t what I would consider “traditionally” abusive, in that he didn’t hit me or try to control me (too much). But theres a lot that did happen that I normalized at the time and now that I’m with RS, in a respectful and open/honest relationship, I think perhaps it wasn’t normal. There is a particular serious incident that I think could now be framed as an actual assault, but again, I don’t know if I’m just making a big deal out of nothing. It’s nothing I can discuss here as it would be too triggering for others.

Anyway last night I was so frustrated that after I took 100mg of trazodone and .5mg Of klonopin and was STILL AWAKE at 12:30am, that I took another 100mg Of trazodone and another 1mg of klonopin. Mistake. I passed out almost immediately, which is what I wanted, but I slept until 11am and only got up for an hour before falling back asleep until 4pm. Very, very groggy. Obviously I need to tinker with my drug intake and scale it back a bit. Or at least not take sedating meds in the middle of the night.

The estimated power restoration is Tuesday, April 21st. Very demoralizing especially with what’s already going on. I want a generator. There were three votes and I lost. I guess we’ll be roughing it for the next week.

My mental health is holding but it’s wobbly right now.

Warm regards to all.

Very cool! I'm so glad that happened!

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Well, in news from my room (haha), the unemployment person called and we got everything sorted. Yea! Other than that, just doing little stuff, keeping occupied. I should get out for a little walk. Haven't been outside at all today.

Right on! That's good news and I'm sure a huge relief for you.

Having an asthma attack. Used my rescue inhaler. Still feel like I have allergies or something. Asthma and allergies go together.

EDIT: Im feeling better now 40 minutes later.. I guess the benedryl kicked in and so did the albuterol.

Fantastic News

Could not do 50 crunches if the very survival of the galaxy depended on it!

Sleep can be such a pain. Glad you finally got a bit.

One thing I have learned about myself is that, if the primary driver of my sleep trouble seems to be hypo/mania spectrum stuff, traditional "sleep" meds are much less likely to work. I recently went through a whole deal with this with several different medications. Nothing helped. I think we tried Thorazine, Restoril, and Ambien. As soon as we added 1500 mg of Depakote at night--presto!! Sleep!!

So, just a thought about another possible way to think about sleep. Hope it gets better soon!!!!!!!!!!

Been agitated for the latter half of the day. I'm not depressed, but I have had negative thoughts out of frustration and boredom. Like I don't know what to f***ing do. I feel like punching something, I guess.

Anyways, I should probably go to sleep. I doubt I will feel much better tomorrow, but it is better to try to sleep it off than to stay awake trying to cope with it.

I am sure I will be fine... I think. I bought a ton of things to do, but they're not in the mail yet, so maybe I will just buy digital copies of movies, books, etc even though I have a bunch of that s*** coming in the mail. But whatever. I need SOMETHING.

Just go to bed

@Jennifer 1967: So sorry about your power! That's a real hardship. What are you doing about perishable food and charging your phone?

@Innerzone: Glad you got things sorted out. It must be such a relief!

@bpcyclist: Happy to hear your physical symptoms have eased and that you don't feel it's COVID. You sure sound happy! Enjoy!

In my news: I had a quiet relaxing day as all my muscles felt sore from my hard work yesterday. I'm happy to see the improvements but every time i do one thing, i notice three more that have to be done. I also seem to be extremely reluctant to go to the grocery store. I can limp along without it tho so i'll just have to wait until the spirit moves me.

I got some pleasure when i watched TV on my phone. It's an iPhone and the sound over my earbuds is superb! Just like being in a theater! The color is excellent too. The image is small tho. But it's something a little different to do. A change is as good as a rest!

Skipped virtual Scrabble club tonight again. Just not into it.

My mood has definitely improved recently but it's not soaring as in hypomania. It's also not rising steadily day-by-day either so i don't know what's going on. I guess i just feel healthy. It's nice!

It's been a while since I posted here. I resigned from my job today, but I have a job interview tomorrow. I'm not sure I want that job. The thoughts of starting work all over again are making me anxious. I'm already on a climb to mania - those two things are combining to produce no sleep. I guess a call to the doc is in order to stop the mania, although to tell the truth I kind of like it.

Not much has changed since I last posted. My session with my T went well yesterday. He was encouraging and helpful. He said I am having an existential crisis. This didn't surprise me. Being mostly bedridden has me wondering what the point of it all is, amongst other things. If I can't give I feel useless. Meditation is helping me make sense of it all, keeping me calm, and giving me the chance to explore imaginary worlds in my mind. Two hours a day. I should be a zen master soon. lol.

Today I drove to the beach in hope I could at least stand in the sand for a bit. Unfortunately all the carparks were full. It seems everyone in my city is driving to the beach to do there allowed exercise for the day. It used to be quieter. I live 5 minutes walk over a hill from the beach but I am so ill I can't even manage that walk without crashing hard for days. At least I got to drive along the ocean. It is so vast and beautiful.