Bipolar check in #45

yeah, I managed to sleep for 6 hours and woke up a couple of times, so who knows how much sleep I actually got.

sleeping doesn't help unfortunately, as this morning I am still agitated and have been for a few hours already.

I just feel like punching something, I guess

Can you punch your bed or a pillow?

Im sorry it didnt really help but i'm sure your body was grateful for the break , I hope the day will improve for you

Well no sleep for me and thats okay.. Chemical slam isnt anything I doing more than a couple times a year. We will be talking to our Doctor about 9am for a follow up.. I dont know if they will want him to go get a chest xray or not... There is less than 28 confirmed cases that have been recorded in my area altho I know there are many more. Id still like to not have to go if at all possible, we shall see what she advises.

In other news my Gov announced yesterday anyone in Tennessee can get a COVID test whether they have symptoms or not.. The closest drive thru test site is about 1.5 hours away. I dont really see a new for us to be tested of course... The testing will be ongoing for medical workers thankfully.

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed recently. My anxiety levels are high. It's hurting me.

I forgot my evening medications until late last night, so I didn't fall asleep until 3 am. A similar thing happened only about two weeks ago, but I missed them completely that night thinking I had taken them.

I talked to my sister yesterday. I got worked up. She's so ignorant about much of what's going on. She just listens to her husband who believes in conspiracy stories. I reminded her that this year may bring huge changes for me, depending. People's decisions determine paths. Yes, a vague statement.

My dad called me yesterday. I had been calling him, but him not me. I told him to make calls and not always just wait for them. My dad is slightly desperate. He's avoiding many things, as if hiding in a closet. I wish I could help him more, but as Tennessee Williams wrote in Cat On a Hot Tin Roof:

Brick: "How does one drowning man help another drowning man?"

Had an appointment with my psych today, was prescribed Trilafon to replace another med I was on. Hopefully I don't have any bad side effects and it works well.

As usual not much going on, just doing my hobbies, ukulele, art, reading, videogames.

Hope everyone is well

Got the garbage out. Woke way too early. Was on a trip to islands in outer Scotland. A tame dream but still a dream I would have liked to enjoy longer.

I'm sorry your having a rough time right now, yes indeed our lives have been just tossed up into the air and we now wait to see how it all comes back down..

How about setting a repeating alarm on your phone as a reminder to take meds and then set another alarm to go off 15-20 mins later in case you shut off the first and get side tracked??

As the Airline attendants say before the plane takes off .. Put your oxygen mask on before you try to help someone else.. Your self care comes before your Sister and Dad right now

I'm always around if you need an ear

Hope the medication is helpful. Its good that you have hobbies to look forward too

Thanks, Christina I think I will take your advice about setting an evening alarm on my phone.

I hope you and your husband feel a bit better today.

Notice I said "crunches" not "situps".

Thanks we are hanging in there.

@whatever2013 re: movies on your iphone, is there a setting n your phone that allows you to "turn" the screen so it plays lengthwise- i.e. fills the whole screen? Mine can lock or unlock. All you do is turn the phone so the shorter side is facing up and it automatically flips. At least thats what it does with youtube.

We have a big cooler with ice and my sister is bringing us dinner each night (very thoughtful and appreciated). I have a car charger and periodically just leave my phone out there with the car running.

Finally did some serious digging around about this never-ending upper respiratory tract stuff I have been dealing with. Just so weird for me. Worst part has been the left ear pain from what feels like a chronic middle ear infection. Really uncomfortable. Just a total drag.


So, I am a researcher by training and I started digging and lo and behold--presto!!! I had totally forgotten that modafinil can cause upper respiratory tract infection symptoms in some patients. Not much is known about it and I actually do not believe these are actual infections,, because mine gets much, much better as soon as I stop taking the medication. Right away. Real infection would not do that. It would take several days.

So, I think what is happening here maybe is that the drug is causing, in some people, some airway inflammation that acts like a URI +/- super bad allergies-type of picture. Just speculation on my part based on my experience. Nobody knows, of course. Nobody ever really researches this stuff. They just report it and move on.

So, this is very bad for me, because I can't keep doing this. It is impacting the quality of my life to constantly be sick. Not sure what I will do, as this med really improves my quality of life pretty markedly. May have to reconsider Adderall again. We shall see.

Hope everyone is hanging in there! Hugs and love to all!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry if you might have to change/stop the Modafinil. It sounds reasonable that you would put that on the table as a possible cause. I forget the medication, but I know that once my husband had a similar reaction. He was miserable. The hard part was that his doctor insisted that he was wrong about that med causing the particular side effect. My husband had to really insist on a change.

Out of curiosity, do you think that being a doctor makes other doctors listen to your feedback about medications more readily? Maybe its hard for you to know, never having not been a doctor, but maybe you do have a sense for that?

My husband found a package on our front porch this morning. It was a gift from our new neighbors. Two small boxes of N95 face masks. The gift is very touching.

Several weeks back, before the pandemic really started here in the US, my husband and I went to their door to welcome them into the area. I specifically made a batch of nice vanilla crescent cookies to give them, along with a bottle of wine. The lady (Yan) seems very pleasant and friendly. Her husband didn't come to the door. I got the sense that he speaks little English, but I'm not completely sure. They have a cute little daughter, maybe 5 or 6 years old. Obviously, we have not seen them since, because of the stay at home order. The gift today was the first they've reached out to us. I have to say that it brightened my day a bit, that gesture. I told my husband that I look forward to when things calm and we can enjoy our deck, and invite them over for some hors d'oeuvres and drinks. I didn't mention to Yan that I speak some Mandarin Chinese. I had decided to do so more during a future meeting.

That's amazing! And very thoughtful! I wonder where they found them... Lol!

I am sorry your hubby had to deal with being not listened to. That is a shame and all too common. Why any doctor would ever think they know everything is just beyond me.

My psychiatrists have tended to be open to my ideas, when they weren't driven by mania or psychosis. I would say I have a collaborative relationship with my current one. But he has forgotten more than I could ever possibly learn, so it is not a very equal collaboration, not because he doesn't listen, but because he knows so much more.

Yes, they're likely from family members in China. The masks we have had before (still have some left) were from a Chinese American friend whose lived in the US for years. She got them from her family.

Huge shipments have apparently been coming in to the US from China recently (the world's leading medical supply source), but it took a bit of time. From what I read, part of the increase started because of the decline in cases in China. Another part because the US federal government "contacts" started to tone down the nasty language. [Middle fingers usually don't yield good responses. Intro to Diplomacy 101] I'm not yet sure how well organized the distributions are right now within the US.

Nice! That's great. Always nice to have a good supply around right now.

I filed for the stimulus payment today because I don't have SSDI (you don't need to do anything if you do) but SSI and because I didn't file taxes the last couple years. I got stuck in one place and saved it and when N3 got home, he found the problem and its been accepted! Now we wait....

Did 50 crunches and 30 push ups today! And used my elastic band a bit for "fit ins".

My bipolar symptoms are out of whack today and it’s noticeable. I wish things would get better. Maybe I can start seeing my therapist twice a week. She mentioned some clients switching to every other week. Maybe she would have room to see me. I’m not sure that would be good though without me currently working. But I do have some money plus my stimulus check.

Well I thought I was good. NOPE. Got the okay from H to spend money on an "investment" but worry I went overboard and it's not going to pay off. My mom cut all my hair off (from butt length to pixie) after fighting with it for over 2 days and trying everything it was still matted to my head. I chickened out having a real conversation with my T today. It doesn't help that I've been up 30+ hours and counting. T said that I may be able to go off my medication at some point. H says no but he's being an *** anyway. I got into an argument with Miguel for not sleeping. T says he just wants to protect me but I'm the ****en parent! H talked to him while I was doing therapy and he apologized. I like my T but I don't know if I'm making progress. I don't even think she knows I'm having a mood swing.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. I'm worried about someone.

A T I saw didn't even know when I had a mood swing either