Bipolar check in #45

Yeah, being out in public has become anxiety producing. I take a shower afterwards because of cooties but also because I start sweating from the anxiety. I'm so glad to have my sisters mask now!

I am still struggling with the ever mounting restrictions and the uncertainty of when things will be “normal”, if they ever will again. “Experts” are all contradicting each other; some saying early summer, some saying if we do that there will be a second deadly spike, some saying maybe not until November. I’m trying to stay out of the news and conspiracy theories. I’m comforting myself by mindlessly reading reddit. I downloaded three books for kindle but haven’t gotten to them yet.

I’ve been talking to my brother and SIL via FaceTime quite often. My other SIL doesn’t have an iPhone so I haven’t been able to video chat with her yet. She’s still playing the perfect mom/wife on fb and doing 180 on me in her texts.

RS hates being stuck inside so he went out and rototiller me a little space for a veggie garden yesterday. I just have to figure out how to get some seeds. Evidently Home Depot and Lowe’s have started taping off the garden center, claiming it is not “essential”. They are also not shipping seeds online. I am unclear as to whether independent garden centers are open. I think they are but I’m not sure.

I’m still getting dizzy quite often. Usually not severe, but yesterday I had a migraine and slept for two hours and when I sat up I got very dizzy and almost fell forward. I’ve been very careful getting up and leaning down today. There seems to be no specific trigger; today I stood up just fine only to sit down quickly and have my head spin. I wonder if I have something wrong with my ears. Head CT in ER a couple of weeks ago showed nothing, as did bloodwork. I wish I could go to my primary. I guess I could do a video visit if need be.

Been listening to music of all sorts today. Everything feels slow. Hurry up! (See my post on the board here.) I can't believe its 4:00 already! I spent two hours on the phone with Caleb talking constantly about all SORTS of things! It was fun! Been home all day except to take N3 to and from work. Did pushups and situps! No walk today because it is uber windy out!

Last night I went to a friend's house because my place would not be safe if tornados came through (no interior room and windows all around). I think it low risk to them as I have been completely isolating for almost a month, not even going into a store. However, I am a bit stressed to have broken my social isolation at the moment. She and her roommates have also been pretty careful, but they haven't been 100% quarantined. Deciding between possible tornados and covid is a bit much. At least I didn't have to go to a shelter which would have been more of a risk. My area ended up being fine after all, so that was fortunate.

Sending compassion to everyone affected by the storms, and anyone else needing some.

Christina, I am so sorry to see you have been in so much pain. I hope it goes away quickly. Thanks for the kind words and support on my previous posts. Here if you need anything.

Jennifer, I am really sorry to hear about your community. That sounds scary. Is everyone okay?

Does your SIL always send suicidal stuff to you? It is definitely not fair if she is always using you as a "therapist" instead of seeking help herself. As you pointed out to her, there are plenty of online resources one can use to get help, most of which are free. Heck, you can also throw the Crisis Text Line at her if she still bugs you about it. Then she can text people if she prefers texting instead of calling. Those people will also recommend for the texters to get a therapist (because they ask if you're currently seeing a therapist or not, and mention it as a treatment option), so you wouldn't have to tell her yourself to go get a therapist. They will do that for you.

I think I’m good from the plastic bottle. It’s been 2 weeks and I have zero symptoms of covid. I had my 3rd shot today so I’ll see how the next couple days goes and if I have any mood swings like last time. Right now I just feel a bit sick physically and sort of anxious.

Thank you. There were two fatalities and numerous hospitalizations. Structures didn’t blow away...rather they collapsed.

Sounds bad. I'm sorry. Glad you are ok

That sounds really scary, Jennifer.

I'm glad you're okay, but I'm sorry to hear about the fatalities and hospitalizations.

I'm so sorry your community is going through this on top of everything else. I am grateful you and your family are ok.

(Not so) fantastic news: I "only" contacted my parents 6 times today, as opposed to 7 yesterday. (Yep, I contacted them after I said I would stop. lol. But I was desperate.) Trying to limit it to 3 calls a day tops, but obviously I failed.

Anyway, I think I should probably force myself to go to sleep soon. I only have 1 klonopin left though, so I don't know if I really want to burn through it just yet.

I have a pdoc appt this Thursday and a therapy appt on Friday. I hope to have my rexulti changed to something different. I immensely dislike rexulti, but then again... I kinda also dislike APs in general, so idk.

I just wish today was a more productive day for me. My mind has been totally scattered throughout the day and I'm going nuts from severe BOREDOM. I'm just buying things, watching YouTube videos to see who I'm personally connected to, and talking to people. I think I need to find a way to go outside, except today was windy as hell and rainy, so I didn't want to go out.

@Jennifer 1967: So sorry to hear about the storm. Glad you are safe tho. We're having 80kph gusts now here also. Scary. Our windows are top-quality tho as we just had them replaced recently so it should be okay.

In my own news, i slept poorly and felt sick to my stomach so i didn't get any work done on my place. I feel discouraged but there's lots of time to get back at it.

Do you like my new winky-face avatar? It's the memoji i've been playing with. "Memoji" stands for "me" + "emoji." It comes with the newest Apple operating system for iPhone. You build the emoji to look like you, selecting skin color, face shape, hair color and style, etc. Then memojis with different expressions and poses are created.

Selecting the correct one to send in your text is a bit tricky tho as the choices are all crushed together. I sent the swearing memoji by mistake once and another time i sent three by mistake and they were 'heart eyes.' 'thumbs down' and winky-face, sort of saying 'i love you,' 'you stink,' 'just kidding'!!!

Oh Jennifer I am so sorry that this happened..... I have no idea why the storms are just so violent now. I will keep your and your community in my prayers

I call my mom a couple times a day and my dad once a week. (Theyve been divorced for over 25 years). Sometimes she says "I'll talk with you tomorrow" - that means "Don't call me again tonight".

Im glad you have a pdoc and T appointment this week!

Im bored too. I did laundry and dishes today. Maybe tomorrow I will clean my room. I talked with my friend Caleb for 2 hours straight today! A great conversaltion! ( Id marry him if he werent such a heavy smoker. ) All I did was sit in my recliner and talk on the phone and listen to music and look up the history of sound recording. What did you order and when is it suppposed to arrive?

This whole COVID thing is changing daily. I limit my news big time...

You did the right thing about your SIL, you gave her numbers and now take a big ole step back.. You have to take care of your own mental health.

You can buy fresh green beans and melons for seeds to grown your own, Would be a great thing for your son to do too

Take care of you and your family

I am so sorry

My pain is just shy of jump off a bridge level. My husband said today his lungs are not improving feeling maybe worse. We had that nasty storms blow through yesterday and cold front, so that "might" be the reason, Ill see how he feels in the morning and call the Doctor if need be.

Hugs everyone

Yep, that's the one. I have no idea what kind of dog that is. He's so cool-looking. He liked to nap.

I dunno about missing Wellbutrin and nightmares. I almost never have nightmares, which is so bizarre, given how bad my PTSD still is. Who knows...

Oh, that weather was just awful!! Really glad you sought shelter and are okay. People who have never experienced a truly powerful thunderstorm in the deep south or tornado alley just have no idea how terrifying it is.

I'm so sorry. I am really glad you are okay!!

Find some movies you haven't seen yet? Book?

Very cool!!

Sending prayers for relief...