Bipolar check-in #46

I told that Years ago ... I didnt have and side effects luckily, but it just didnt help things so I moved on to another med..

I hope you also have no side effects but also get help from it

I slept!!!! Omg I slept the whoooole night! It was amazing!

I woke up when RS left for work (6:30a) and couldn’t go back to sleep like I usually do BUT I DON’T CARE I SLEPT!

I still don’t feel like eating so it’s whatever so yeah I’m probably still a bit manic just the nice happy kind. Hopefully if I keep taking the seroquel for a few nights it won’t get out of control.

EDIT: now that I’ve had a chance to wake up IM MANIC AS HELL!!!! I’ve already spent $90 on Amazon when rent and car insurance is due. I’m so happy!! I can’t concentrate for ****, I’m trying to figure out wtf to do today and I don’t want to do a damn thing my mind is in overdrive. I’ve got waaaay too many thoughts to even decide what to do! I’m hoping after work we can take a walk in the park. A nice LONG walk. Although my son won’t want to walk very long because “it’s too hot” lol, it’s perfect temp for me, eighty. I love it!

first dose of Fanapt taken, 1mg. Mouth is really dry and im sleepy so I guess those are side effects

Just working on a big scene in my novel today. Kind of intricate and involves a ton of stuff I don't know much about, military stuff. But that means I get to read about all that, which is always fun. Anyhow, wish me luck. This is a really key couple of scenes in setting up the whole, big story.

Hugs and love to all...

Thanks for asking, Christina. Yesterday was pretty lousy. Once the anger calmed, I felt a bit depressed. I managed to get through the day, despite. This morning I feel noticeably better. My moods have been fluctuating quite a bit. I wouldn't say they are episodes, really. Lots of stressful stuff, and maybe perimenopause, are surely to blame. I talk to my pdoc this afternoon. I have a video appointment with my gynecologist tomorrow afternoon.

Yesterday, I wrote a blog post relating to bipolar disorder. I hadn't written one on that topic for a long time. Coincidentally, my post title is "Fewer bipolar-related posts on my blog - Why?" In response, I received two very thoughtful comments. One was from an online friend of several years. He wrote such a long comment, that though it is lovely, I feel overwhelmed and have not yet responded. I haven't responded to the other comment, either. It is sweet and complimentary, but I feel nervous that it is from a person from a past forum (not on PC) I used to visit. She used to act hostile towards me. That commenter's name is the same unique one as that hostile person, and the writing style is similar. If they are the same, it's likely she wouldn't recognize me. What a coincidence it would be that she'd find my blog! Update: I responded to her comment. Wouldn't it be nice to begin positive interactions with her, if it is her!?!?

I had a long and strange dream last night. My late and beloved mother was in it, and yet I didn't question why she was alive. And yet, I questioned why the many people in my dream were not wearing masks to protect from covid 19. Even I wasn't wearing a mask and I questioned why I wasn't.

My therapist knows that I had experienced mild agoraphobia several years back. I told her that this pandemic is bringing back such symptoms, to a small degree. Of course she encouraged me to get out more (exposure) and "face the fears", rather than let them strengthen.

I hope you have a peaceful day, BirdDancer.

I’m still depressed but keeping busy to try not to sink further. I have a telehealth meeting with my NP tomorrow on the doxy.me platform. Hope I can figure it out.

Hugs to all.

I’m so ****ing exhausted from the seroquel. All I want to do is take a ****ing nap, but no, still planning the wedding that isn’t even a thing yet. Plus I am uncomfortable and can’t stop switching positions or moving my legs. I feel like I HAVE to move. My IOP doc said yesterday the exhaustion should wear off after about a week but as I recall the last time I was on seroquel it never did. I don’t remember getting akathisia but it was seven years ago and I’ve had ECT since then so who knows. I still want to switch to geodon. I cannot gain any more weight. I’m already severely overweight as it is.

I had my doctors appointment and it went ok but I felt like the nurse was being a bit weird with the whole social distance thing. She kept talking to me about weird stuff while taking my vitals, and I wish she wouldn’t. She had a mask on of course. I bathed my arms in hand sanitizer as soon as she left. Also the nurse and a technician took my blood and it took about 10 minutes for them to get it and I didn’t understand what the problem was. I was about to pass out and it must have shown on my face since they kept asking if I was ok. Again they were both really close to me the whole time. Which weirded me out but I assume they know what they are doing though and are practicing good hygiene and safety. The overall appointment with the doctor went good and he gave me a referral to a different sleep doctor and also to a plastic surgeon.

Today my moods are alright.

My psychiatrist looked at the document I created for my Dad's neurologist to see. He said it was done perfectly. He seemed shocked by how ideal of a document it is. The actual content was definitely mine, but I confess that my husband chopped it down significantly, and did his magic. It helps to be married to the son of a neurologist/psychiatrist. I sent it to my sister who was also quite happy with it.

My psychiatrist has never met my dad. He has heard oodles about him, and after reviewing my document he said that the neurologist should consider the diagnosis of frontotemporal lobe dementia. Honestly, that dx has come up during the recent years. I do hope the neurologist does a very thorough examination. We just want to know what is truly happening already. We thought that our father had had a CT scan and MRI last year, but apparently not. Our father refused those tests. He'll likely try to refuse them again.

I am so glad you finally got sleep :Love:

Did you let IOP know that your way UP ? Right now spending money is not a good thing at all. Your not sure when you will get the inheritance yet and often that stuff can take a while to get sorted out.. I know you have alot of CC debt right now.. Can you possibly cancel some of your purchases ? Think of a Need vs Want way to determine if you really need something or not.

I am so thrilled you were able to sleep!!

Well not exactly. In fact not at all. I’m not counted on my inheritance to come in for a couple of months, that’s why I shouldn’t spend. I’m spending out of my saving which is NOT good. One of the things I bought were hiking boots (need) and a bird feeder (want). Thankfully I’ve racked my brain trying to find something else to buy and I’m coming up empty. So I won’t spend any more.

I should def let IOP know but maybe it’s not mania? Maybe I’m just happy? I mean I didn’t really do much today. But I was still sedated from seroquel once it really wore off in late afternoon I was really, really happy. So yeah...I’m sure if I continue seroquel, even at a low dose, it will help.

Bird Dancer I am glad that today is better than yesterday. I had a hystectomy at age 32 my ovaries and they just stopped working... Bam menopause , Gawd it was terrible I was having more hot flashes a day than not. My Doctor put me on a replacement, cant remember the name , But after a month it honestly wasnt helping enough for me to take the risks it involved.

Maybe that person that found your Blog is the person from the past, Hopefully they have become a more compassionate person?

Its wonderful that you have a great letter to explain your Dad's health mental and physical and how he does day to day.. Good your Husband helped and your Pdoc was impressed.. I hope that your Dad will agree to MRI and any other testing so that they can find out what is going on and maybe something can be done to improve his life.

Can you plan days to go out each week for groceries ? are there any parks near that you and your husband can visit and take a walk ?

Well good ! I was manic once and bought neon yellow jeans , light a high lighter and I a zebra stripped shirt because at that time I thought it looked great LOL.. this was in my 20’s long before online shopping was invented LOL

I’m just glad you got sleep , much needed

Ha ha I remember a purchase of bright neon orange shorts and multiple silver high heels in the early eighties I wore them the day I bought them and never again

Doing alright. Finally getting somewhat decent quality sleep. I woke up 2 times in the middle of the night, though -- once at 2am and another at 3:40am. I finally woke up at 4:30am.

But man, I'm so upset about my GPS watch. I spent $249 on it and I don't know if I can wear it anymore. It made me itchy and it peeled off the skin on my arm. Now this is what it looks like 2 days after I stopped it (i.e., it looked a lot worse before):

A bit weepy today. It is the five year anniversary of my husband’s death. Not much more I’d like to say about that.

On the plus side I slept again last night, and today I am feeling normal. Maybe a bit happier than I’m used to, but certainly not manic.

Sigh...I just have to trudge through the day.

Hi Jennifer!

The doxy platform is very simple. It is set up for either chrome or fire fox.
Close all open pages for the best experience.

With one of those browsers, just type your provider's doxy address in your search. It should take you right to your practitioner's waiting room.

Be watchful, as you'll be asked for permission to use your mic and camera. (Some people miss this and wonder why things are not working.)

Once you have access and have given permission for your mic and camera use, sign in! This lets your provider know you are in the waiting area.

Should your mic/camera fail, you can restart your browser and go through the steps again.

At some point, you'll have access to a chat box on the lower right of the screen. I have found this helpful for 2 functions.

The first: I can text the provider and let her/him know I am refreshing my browser, etc.

The second: I have a roaming family member. If I want to introduce a topic, want to make a comment or just want to say my family member is nearby, I can text it in the chat box.

Since I do have someone in the house, I also use earbuds/headset because then only I can hear the provider talking. (You can still be heard! )

I hope you have a great appointment!

Ouch! Is it possible to put some kind of wrist band underneath it?

32 is so young to have a hysterectomy! I'm sorry you had to go through that in such a sudden major way, Christina!

Out of curiosity, what were the risks you experienced? I read that they do sometimes give women some medications to assist with the "transition". Is what you were given likely different because of your hysterectomy? I am a little worried about having to take any kind of hormonal "anything". I never did that well even on birth control pills (with my bipolar disorder). I was happy when I went off of them.

I will try to get my butt outside more. Perhaps I'll even go to the store to buy a certain cheese I want for a recipe.

I hope things are getting easier at home for you and your husband

You want to know something gross? The skin is still stuck to the watch. (It's hard to peel off. No idea how to get it off!) I could technically put the watch back on and not worry about my skin getting ripped off again because it already has a "skin barrier" stuck to it.

But in all seriousness, it has a heart rate monitor built into it that needs to make contact with your skin to get an accurate heart rate. That's partly why I bought the watch, and unfortunately, you can't get heart rate if there is a band in the way.

Maybe I'll just go buy another Fitbit. At least I know those don't irritate my wrist! I've had two already. I just upgraded from a Fitbit to a Garmin because Garmin has the best GPS tracking features.

I think you should get a refund, or partial refund, for this watch that injured you. You have a photograph. It is unacceptable that a product would be designed in a way that it would do such a thing to your arm. This may also sound gross, but you might want to keep the skin on the watch band to fully prove what it did. Or, at least take some photos of the watchband that has the skin stuck to it.

Do you generally have sensitive skin? I know that I do.

So sorry you re contending with all this discomfort. I have had numerous issues with many atypicals over the years, including serokill. They finally tried Trilaafon and ti has really helped. No side effects at all. So far...

Nickel allergey (allergic contact dermatitis) is one of the most common allergies in the United States. Do you think it is possible you may have it now?