Bipolar check-in #46

Well I did get some "sleep" it was a chemical take down, but my brain was shut down , so worth the medication hangover.

My Husband said he think he might just actually feel a "tiny" bit better! But he often doesn't realize just how sick he is until he walks to the bathroom and back and hes huffing and puffing... then he starts ranting a bit about hes just useless and I am having to do everything

I got my new Stethoscope today ! So glad it arrived before the Doctor Appt on Wednesday... To me his lungs sound utterly trashed So hopefully he will continue to improve so I can tell the difference.. I do want the Doctor to give me guidance on the "levels" of where he should be, what his baseline is vs what it is now... Its just been so long since I was dealing with breath sounds on a regular basis.

Even though I slept I was still not able to get in front of my Fibromyalgia pain.. I am so over this monster

I hope everyone is enjoying there weekend, it seems alot of the country has some decent weather

Thanks Christina. I went off haldol with my pdoc’s permission because I thought it was causing my jaw to twitch, but that wasn’t it anyway. I’m not sure if I still would have done well without it for longer if lockdown hadn’t completely stressed me out. Maybe, maybe not, as I tend to get hypomanic in the spring anyway. But for now I will stay on it. When drs open back up I will see an endocrinologist to take care of the hyperprolactinaemia. I will probably need to add another med (bromocriptine) to combat it but it’s a small price to pay for a med that works so well, especially because most of them don’t! I will def stay on haldol unless my pdoc says we can do another trial off of it. Probably next summer after the risk of spring hypomania has passed.

Yes, sometimes we just don’t want to admit we need the meds that we need!

I do have a date for ECT. I'm scheduled for Friday the 8th. Not too long from now. And your suggestion is exactly what I do. I'm going for ECT in 5 days; I can make it. It will definitely help.

Thanks, ˜C.

Fantastic !

Glad to hear you can make it and that the hospital isn't calling it "elective."

While you're there, I think you should try to brainstorm an emergency plan for when you feel like this and cannot get help. I think with more states opening up this month, there is the very realistic possibility for a second shutdown if states are hit with a large second wave. So, I think it is good to come up with a backup plan for how to get you into ECT or to time ECT treatments in a certain way. Idk. Maybe you can negotiate something with the hospital beforehand in prep for another shutdown (just to be safe).

Everyone

I've been a woman of fewer words lately, I know, but I have been reading here and care about all.

I'm just going through the motions lately. I'm waiting for next Friday when we will know about my husband's job. I wish it was tomorrow. I hate the waiting. I asked hubby what he prefers, and he said he'd rather be laid off than retained. I understand. I understand the desire for release. Maybe that really would be for the best. Sometimes major changes must happen as a result of a sudden blowout, as if an over inflated tire, than a long agonizing wait or years of perpetual procrastination.

When home ceases to feel like home anymore, one must move elsewhere. And yet there is something I feel I'm trying to clutch onto, but I can't identify what. I think it is something that will slip through my fingers because it is not much more than air itself. Nothing to hold onto here, but I do have my husband's hand and he has mine. Maybe sailing across the sea we'll go and we'll land in a new realm, that envelopes us softly, like a blanket, held in the warm arms of a new mother.

@BirdDancer: Waiting is so hard. It's usually harder than the actual event. I'll send good vibes that the days pass quickly.

In my news, my dog's nail trim appointment went well with just two hiccups. I'm thankful that it wasn't an ordeal or a fiasco. @bpcyclist was right -- it was good to do something practical. The owner actually took charge of my dog to escort her in and he turned out to be a very charming and handsome young man so that put a little spark in my day!

Not sure what's happening with my mood. It was a nice day -- we hit twenty degrees celcius today (68 farenheit) for the first time this Spring. I definitely feel better than yesterday. If the few glimmers of hypomania i got over the last few weeks are all i get tho, that's still okay. I really did good Spring cleaning and other home improvements and i'm grateful for that much.

Watching the original, classic Frankenstein. Fun.

My NP sent me 8 boxes of samples of Vraylar in the mail today with cute flowers drawn on the box. That should last me awhile as I only take it every 3 days. I’m glad she looks out for me. I’m in the process of applying for assistance.

M called and casually mentioned that she’ll be home Monday for the month of May. Great news! I’ve been cleaning like a speed demon because between caring for mom and brother, I can get behind on the house.

Overall, it’s been a good week; stolen money aside.

Warm regards to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

Ughh, Sunday. I don't wanna work tomorrow. I have lots of conference calls.

I'm having a pretty good day so far today. I need to take a shower because I haven't done so in a while. (Yuck, I know.)

Anyways, I slept alright last night. Not the greatest quality sleep, but I did sleep some... at least.

No voices last night or so far today, so that's good. I'm hoping things stay that way. I think the rexulti was causing them.

I hope everyone else has a lovely Sunday.

I actually slept pretty good last night. I went for a long drive through the mountains yesterday and even saw some skiers who had hiked up and skied down the slopes. I was very jealous. Feeling much better today.

Back to feeling a bit depressed again today. I think it is because I had a ****ed up dream right before I woke up. I was in jail, and they had an art contest, and someone ruined my art. I was crying the whole tome I was in jail and worried that they were going to put me in the hospital instead. The feeling in the dream was abject hopelessness and depression so I’m sure that’s what it’s from. I hope when we get out of house on our hike I will feel better. I’m sure I will.

Hope everyone enjoys their Sunday.

I am here. Tomorrow I'm going to work on the curriculum like it's a job. I need to get it done and out.

I am sorry. Just keep going. You will get to the other side.

But ECT is on the books pretty soon, right?

Oh, thanks very much for that, BirdDancer. Really appreciate it. So far, I am on it b.i.d., bit it could go to three times a day. We are also reducing my Abilifry at the same time, don't think I mentioned that. We never do 2 changes at once, but this was so bad, he was afraid he was going to have to put me IP and I really don't want that now. Uninsured. Otherwise, I am obviously rather at home in any hospital as a patient, given how long I have been one in the past.

Not that my brain has particularly been working well of late, but it sounds to me like you are thinking of this in a very healthy and appropriate way. One of the best things that ever happened to me occurred after I was discriminated against (for bp) and run off from a job I thought I really needed, Turns out, I did not.

........

I am so sorry, wildflowerchild--I had a back-in-hospital dream last night, too. Then, I had a I'm a doc-again-dream. I kept telling people I probably should not be seeing patients, given my state, but they all said I was great! Now that I am awake, it's actually a bit amusing. But I am sorry you had that dream, Those are rough,


And you are not in the hospital. You are not. Remember that.

Had terrible ankle jerking all night fro mmy Periodic Limb Movement Disorder (it is related to RLS, if you don't know about it). Would not stop and it is so ferocious, it wakes me up, Oh well.

Still feeling better overall about cameras and spies and stuff. I am not really sure if I am still upset and worried or not. Not nearly as much, I guess. So, that is good. Still not sure how this all works, but, just glad I feel better.

Hugs and support to everyone!!!

@bpcyclist glad your psychosis is getting better.

Man, I'm afraid to ride my bike. The chain looks filthy and will probably start grinding if I ride the bike, thus destroying it. Waiting for some shipments to come to my apartment so I can clean and lube the bike chain. I ordered the stuff on April 28th because it's out of stock EVERYWHERE around here. I'm just itching to go outside.

Anyways, I finally cooked something for myself today! Eggs and sausage for a late breakfast! This meal was the first meal I've cooked in over 2 weeks. Everything else has been frozen and/or canned. Progress!

Also, I took a shower finally. Quarantine gives me excuses. lol. I'm not gonna let myself go 4 days w/o a shower again. No thanks! I need to get back to daily, especially if I'm going to be exercising on my bike. Do not want to stay yucky!

It definitely felt better to get out of the house. Our hike was very nice, only about a mile because that’s all the climbing my out of shape *** could handle then we visited my grandma which was definitely very nice. I’m glad I got to see her again. I hope she doesn’t get sick but we were wearing our masks, so it should be ok. She gave me some peat pots so I can start my watermelon, green bean, and cucumber seeds inside. I have soil in my trunk. I didn’t even think about starting them inside.

I’m back to being a little down now but not as bad as this morning. Hopefully lamictal increase will kick in soon.

I've been out of bed since 1 pm. I ate 2 eggs/3 toast/a piece of bacon. I'm not feeling better but I'm not fighting my reality checks as much.

So glad you got out into nature ! A mile would be impossible for me right now.

I'm even more happy you saw your Grandma