Bipolar check-in #46

That's awesome news!! So glad she tested negative. I hope your ECT appointment next week helps.

Stay safe until then

That is amazing news. Sendind supportive vibes for a successful treatment next week.

I feel anxiety because i have to take my dog for her nail trim tomorrow. The groomers are open on a limited basis with safety precautions due to the virus. I didn't feel that i could ask my neighbor to drive us. I didn't want to put her in that position, having to decide between helping us and risking her health. So i'm going to cab it which ramps up the anxiety as sometimes the drivers are grouchy about dogs. I've ordered my cab and specified that i will be travelling with a dog but still sometimes i'll get a real Oscar-the-Grouch.

If it's anything other than an ordeal i will be surprised. Our appointment is at 4:00pm. Wish us luck!

I've felt down the past few days. The few nudges i was feeling towards hypomania have stopped. I feel really weak insecure lonely. I know everyone is suffering because of the lockdown. I sure want to make an effort to have more of a life when it's over. All this time to reflect leaves me realizing how empty my life is. I did what i could by going in my Scrabble club's online meeting on Wednesday but it's not very interactive, we just play and that's that. I tried calling in to my IRL support group's warm-line but it didn't satisfy.

Not sure if i can carry on. Memories of the past attacking me. Keeping the crisis line in mind.

Yes Moose!!!! Thank you that is indeed what we need here

Fantastic news

Well, I have not slept yet, but I was binge watching some stuff on Netflix. It's now almost 12:20am, and the last time I checked the clock, it was like 8 something. lol.

I am going to bed now... I hope. If not, I will take a shower and then hop into bed.

I had a good therapy appointment today, but I was meaning to discuss how my meds have been making things worse for me. We ran out of time though, so it is what it is. Guess I will write down some stuff on a sticky note to remind myself. Heck, I still haven't even told my therapist about the mean lady who they let back into the practice, the one who accused me of lying and (IMO) purposely cancelled my appt out of spite.

Blue I hope sleep finds you quickly

My therapist emailed me and said that she understood and that it was ok to take a break from therapy but the office wouldn’t be open until June at least. And to go to the hospital if I feel unsafe. And to reach out if I need anything.

Today I feel pretty decent considering I’m getting my period in 1.5 days. Maybe taking a break from therapy really is what I need.

I'm feeling really good. I think my doctor has found the magic combo and dose of meds. My mood is stable, I feel much less anxiety, and I'm optimistic. I'm hoping this lasts. I'm sure my own efforts to stay calm and stable have helped as well like mindfulness, meditation, limiting news, using coping skills and getting enough sleep.

I bought a giant word search book today so that will be something to help keep me relaxed/distracted. It's getting hotter out lately so I need to get some regular T shirts, I mostly have long sleeved shirts from winter. Will probably get those tomorrow when I'm doing my household necessities shopping. Have to do my grocery shopping next week, hopefully that goes well.

I'm just counting down the days till my Xbox comes, that should be a lot of fun. Had my McDonald's yesterday, it's probably been nearly a year since I had fast food so that was amazing!

Feeling much better. Haldol has calmed my agitation greatly and the increase in lamictal has helped depression. If anything, I’m a bit hypo. Spent a lot of money. I ordered three band tee shirts when I realized mine don’t fit anymore corona weight! And some earrings and some clothes for my son. But I also paid a bunch of medical bills (stimulus = gone lol). So at least they won’t go to collections. It’s a good thing we can’t really go to the stores because I want to go SHOPPING. Not just online shopping lol.

I had to print something so we ended up breaking social distancing and going to my mom’s. We wore masks but didn’t keep 6ft because her house is too small for all that. I’m having another virtual happy hour with my brother and sister in law tonight. That’ll be nice.

The gov opened the parks back up and it is simply GORGEOUS out so tomorrow we will likely go for a hike and maybe have a social distance picnic like Christina suggested with my grandma. I really miss her and I’m still afraid that I might never see her again if she catches it. So if we wear masks and keep 6ft outside we should be ok and at least I’ll get to see her, even if I can’t hug her.

So glad for the wonders of medication. Haldol specifically. It works quickly for me and squashed the mixed episode within a couple of days.

I was so touched by the way RS handled the whole situation. He didn’t even get mad at me after I hurt myself. He just said he was sorry it got to that point and he understood that I was in a lot of pain and it wasn’t really me. He gave me lots of cuddles and just lay in bed with me for hours while I was writhing from bad thoughts and bad energy. I’ve never had that. My mom used to get mad at me and so did my husband. My husband never told me it would be ok or that we would get through this together. He always just said “I don’t know why you’re doing this to me”. I loved my husband very much, and he loved me, but I truly think RS is the man I was supposed to end up with for life. My husband and I had some great times and I will always love him. But RS is my true love.

Thanks, Blue_Bird. Is 4 mg twice or 3 times a day or so a lot?

Thanks for that, BD. either it is a big coincidence, or it really helped me a lot last night. And so far today, as well.

I take 4mg twice a day, I don't know what the average dose is though

Unfortunately, I don't have a whole lot of insight or anything else to offer right now, given my state. But I did just want to tell you that I am praying for you. Don't give up. Most all of us have been there, a number of times. You will make it through this. Don't give up.

Hugs and love!!

Awesome news!!

I am no expert, but I do think sitting around the house, as I have been doing, is bad for my brain. Bad for rumination, especially. Bad for my psychosis. Maybe going for the dog appt. will help you.I hope it does. Taking action, any action, seems to help me some. Baking, cleaning, writing, a walk, looking at flowers or dogs or happy kids. Whatever. Anything but sitting around.


Sending strength and support. Maybe try to go do some small activity.

I agree about the rumination and sitting around. I am now busy with my job (from home) due to the current situation and in a way it has been really helping me just to stay focused on that and not get lost in my head.

First 24 hours of Trila-whose-its and I don't understand. Why would I suddenly sort of not be thinking about everyone being out to hurt me and spy on me and have cameras in my apt. and stuff? I am always so stressed out about that. And now, I am not. Not complaining, that is for sure. But I really just am confused about how my brain works. I don't know why a little pill would make this all a lot better so quickly. A pill won't remove cameras. Oh well. Maybe it will continue and I will just feel better for awhile. That would be such an improvement in my quality of life if I didn't have to worry about these spies all the time. I would really like that a lot.


It does make me sleepy, but that always wears off with me. I think it was Christina (?) who once said there is nothing that can make her sleepy, med-wise, anymore. That is def true for me. This is the first med I have tried in, oh, maybe 5 or 6 years that is actually able to sedate me. It won't last, but for now, it is nice to be able to really sleep.

Strength and hugs and love to everyone!! You guys have literally saved me, several times, and I am so grateful for all of you. Truly, I am.

bpcyclist thank you, unfortunately I'm still in bed again.

At risk of repeating myself, things in my head are about as bad as they can get.

Hi bpcyclist. I know you asked Blue_Bird the question, but I thought I'd mention that when I took Trilafon, I took 4 mg three times per day (12 mg total/day). At the time I was also on a large dose of Geodon as well as Lithium and Tegretol XR. It was the hope that the Trilafon would replace the Geodon. It maybe could have. Trilafon was excellent for my moods and I felt more normal on that than I had for a while, in a good way.

The only reason I switched back to Navane from Trilafon was that Trilafon was making me gain weight, and the only reason for going off Navane turned out to be false (my pdoc thought Navane caused me to have a rash, when a dermatologist soon after confirmed that the rash was not medication-related.) Anyway, I think as antipsychotics go, Trilafon was much more effective for me than the Navane. I ended up having to go off of Navane again when it caused a dystonia. Perhaps Trilafon will be side effect friendly for you. As I recall, you're trim and exercise a great deal. Maybe you wouldn't gain anything on it.

Picked up n3 from work and then took him to his gf's. Then when I got back home I took a nap and it turned out to be too long. I hope I can sleep tonight. It was a gorgeous day out too but I didn't get out into it. Lazy me.

Keep worrying. And when one thing comes to mind all the things I worry about come back at the same time. Tv commercials bother me so I mute them. I'm doing laundry. Maybe I should unload the dishwasher.

I am so happy for you that Haldol is quickly pulling you out of a mental bad place

Yes go for a hike ! have that picnic, Would be a huge lift for both you and your Grandmother

A bipolar friend of mine that drop use to droppedher meds often and winds up in a heap on the floor that is dangerous and agonizing.. Her T a few years ago asked her to write a letter to herself when she was stable and enjoying her life , Explaining that indeed she did need to stay on meds because when she gets off life is just too much... So a letter of compasson to herself and reminder why her meds are just a much needed part of her life.. Shes had to pull that letter out many times, But its worked for her. Just a thought

Im so grateful that RS is supportive, you found a wonderful man

Im sorry. Now that your wife tested negative (Fabulous news) do you have a date set for ect? If you dont can you just focus that on Monday you can call and set up the appt? Then just say something like , "ok I am going for ect in X days I can make it, I can do this, I know it will help... I often need to do that between visits to my T..

Stay safe