Bipolar check-in #46

Another Awful Storm blew through..... wind Gusts 80-90 mph , we lost another tree and some really big branches are down those will need the chain saw .. One large branch would have taken down part of the pasture fencing... I was so Happy it missed it by a foot, I truly didn't want to go out an fix it or have to put up a new section today.

This is what life is like in the Spring for Middle Tennessee , Vicious Storms and mass amounts of Pollen. But I have no desire to live anywhere else, I love our home

Hope everyone has had a nice weekend

I have been really restless lately. With nothing to do in my area with everything being shut down. You can only sleep so much before your body says no more. I think my meds are what are making me feel the way I am feeling. I can sit long enough to watch anything or read. I go to my local covered bridge but I am getting bored with it. They extended the stay at home order until at least the 29th of May. How can they open things and still stay shut down? It's confusing. Oh well.

This whole Covid mess has everyone struggling.. If you think your meds need a tweak or something call your Pdoc in the morning and see what he/she thinks.. Most Pdoc's are actually able to get back to people sooner now than when they typically have a packed waiting room...

Maybe something can be changed or added so that you can enjoy tv or reading ect.

Hang in there

My anxiety is through the roof! I am extremely irritable and having a lot of trouble going into my toolbox of coping skills to stay calm.

My job for the municipality I work in was labeled non-essential and have been temporarily laid-off. Though I applied for re-assignment and am still working on a non-fixed schedule at completely different hours than my regular job. So I am still ok financially. The change in my sleeping is difficult. My regular job starts at 4:00am, and my new re-assigned position starts at 1:30pm. After this is over, I get my full-time job back.

I am forcing myself to stay positive and keep as busy as I can. I have to keep it together for the sake of my family and how I conduct myself working with the public. This is hard, I have nowhere to blow off steam.

I feel very alone even though I'm around people (or at least 2 metres away). I think I have a bad case of imposter syndrome keeping myself together 24 hours a day. Inside, I'm a total anxiety riddled wreck!

Don't really want to say much. I'm DETERMINED that this be a blip. I was quite severely depressed yesterday and man, I forgot, in that physically palpable way, just how awful it is. (It wasn't the only day, just the worst).

Bleh. I invoke the lyrics in my signature.


Much all around. Not up to individual response, but I'm reading and thinking of everyone.

feeling

Awww IZ Im sorry that your having a Blip and I hope it will be gone gone gone when you get up tomorrow

I did a fun thing today: i played an online game with my IRL support group. It made clever use of technology. We used our laptops and our phones! They interacted! It was sort of a pictionary game. We met over ZOOM and played the game in another app. The whole thing was just magical to me -- i've never seen such a thing. I drew on my phone and voted on my phone and the results showed up on the laptop! It was a little overwhelming for this old lady. I didn't last long. But next week it will be familiar and i can play for longer. My IRL support group is really going the distance to keep us in touch during the lockdown.

It was nice to do something completely different. I've heard somewhere that you should try and do at least one completely new thing a day. Hello!

Hugs to all who need them!

My anxiety is through the roof. I’m having a panic attack right now. I can’t imagine why. M will be here is a few hours to stay for the month. What is wrong with me?

I, too, hope it is a blip. Sometimes my severe depressions only last a few days, while others last weeks or months. I have no idea why, but I can relate to having blips.

I hope you feel better soon. Please do update us today if you feel up to it.

Sorry to hear that, Jennifer.

There is nothing wrong with you. You just sound very stressed out. I hope you're able to take a PRN. Do you have any PRNs?

plagued by nightmares again. one was that three men broke into our house. it was so scary i woke up in a panic and made RS go check on my son because i was too scared to leave the room. the other one was i had to take my brother to the hospital because he was attacking my mom because he was so upset with her. he got committed to the same hospital i've been in numerous times, but the catch was he was young, like 12-13. i had to take him twice because he attacked her twice. then i was so upset that i went to hurt myself but RS walked in on me and found me with my "kit". i tried to play it off. it was awful.

i know when i'm feeling down i get all these nightmares but it sucks to not even be able to sleep well because of them. RS gave me back my meds yesterday so i could refill my container but i told him to take them again. i'm still not feeling well. like i said it's getting slowly better but i just wish i could kick it. i will though. just gotta give the meds a chance t work.

The other problem I have is every single damn night when I am trying to fall asleep I am plagued by intrusive thoughts about my husband’s death. Like thinking about finding him, his funeral, his addiction, etc. I imagine this is because the anniversary of his death is coming up May 28th. I’m going to try to work on intrusive thoughts with my therapist

Ah, that sucks about the tree. I am glad nobody was hurt and that your fence is ok.

I have never been to TN specifically, but I do enjoy the south (e.g., South Carolina, North Carolina, Georgia, etc.). The weather is just beautiful there when it's not a grueling heat. It's also very interesting to see people in the south because the south actually has something called manners! Or maybe I just live in an area where people are shitheads. But I get the general vibe that the south is friendlier. But I work in tech, so my only "real" work options are in Boston, Seattle, Austin, and Silicon Valley. It's hard to find jobs elsewhere in my field.

Sorry to hear about the awful nightmares. I'm glad everyone is ok and that it was just a nasty dream.

I hope the nightmares subside soon. Have you considered nightmare meds if you're getting nightmares so often while depressed? There is a nice article published on the NIH's website (nih.gov) that talks about treatments: Best Practice Guide for the Treatment of Nightmare Disorder in Adults

Scroll down to section 4.1 ("4.1 The following are medication treatment options for nightmare disorder").

Just thought you might find it interesting. It lists pretty much every treatment available, and section 4.2 lists non-pharmacological treatments (e.g., EMDR, CBT, etc.). Plus, some of those meds are ADs, anxiolytics like gabapentin, APs, etc.. So basically, such meds would have dual purpose for you if you already have anxiety, etc..

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I may be better off just buying a new bike at this point because of this COVID-19 bullsh_t.

My bike just isn't in rideable condition right now after inspecting it further, and to get my bike serviced so that I CAN ride it, I have to wait 3-4 weeks at most shops. Each shop has over 100 bikes to be serviced right now!!! The one shop I haven't talked to yet (because they won't pick up the phone!) charges $120, even though everyone else charges $70-75 for the same thing. It's not worth it. I also CANNOT get the supplies to fix the bike myself because NO ONE is shipping anything in less than 1 month's time.

Whatever. Maybe I'll just give my bike to my mom for Mother's Day and she can use it. I'll bring it to the shop, get it tuned up, and have it fitted whenever they make time. I don't want to lose a whole month of summer just because I can't get my bike in rideable condition. This is so stupid and it irritates me.

Thanks, Moose--I really appreciate that.

1 foot is too close!

I loved living there, but I don't miss that weather about half the year one bit.

O forgot--any prn's available for you?

Let's hope so. Sometimes mine only lasts a short while or a good sleep helps a lot. The DSM-V is totally inaccurate to my daily life.

There are some deals right now on bikes. Specialized was doing 40% off nearly everything awhile back. Not sure if that is still on. Bikedsirect.com has killer values on off-brand, perfectly fine frames. Might check there, too.

I ordered a tool from Shimano in Tokyo for 5 bucks in March. Amazon just informed me it is lost. The shops here are also swamped. Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

Have had nothing but hospital dreams/nightmares since starting Trilafon. Weird. I do feel better on it, overall. But had to spend 45 minutes last night remembering that I was not back there being discriminated against right now, today. Ugh!

I'm feeling oddly revved up after getting around 3 hours of sleep last night. I've been productive, picked up some meds from CVS, learned how to make iced coffee at home, cleaned the bathroom (after projectile vomitting all over the place), sent a message/picture to my doctor about the growth on my lip that came back, went for a walk, and took an MBTI test that came up ENTP (odd because I am not extroverted at all and used to test ISTP/INTP on those tests a few years back). I gotta brush my teeth again.

@bpcyclist

Thanks. I'm not a huge fan of Specialized. My current bike is a Specialized hardtail MTB, but I feel like I got ripped off. The quality of the parts I got for the price I paid was not all that great. I mean, I guess the quality is fine...? But after looking at new bikes, I now realize I could have done much better with a Trek or Cannondale in the same price range, for example.

I currently have my eyes set on a specific Cannondale hardtail MTB. Two shops nearby sell the same model (coming drop shipped from the same warehouse, I think). If I order a bike, it can get to one of the shops by May 14th, or I can wait until a long time to get my bike serviced. I'd much prefer 10 days, but idk.

This weekend hubby and I did preparations for staining our deck. The weather was uncertain yesterday, so we stained it this morning. There's only a teeny bit left to do. We're so tired. Hubby is napping and I am typing this. The back of my neck is sunburnt. I don't feel that well. Maybe too much sun.

I bought new curtains and rods for upstairs. We will slowly be sprucing up our house for a future move (approximately when TBD this Friday). There's tons left to do. We'll have the whole interior freshly painted at the end. We're thinking of renting out our house, mostly furnished, until/unless real estate prices go up again.

We may be moving first to Czech Republic, perhaps initially renting a place near Brno (in Moravian region). My husband is originally from Prague, but his best friend may have almost full-time work for him to do in Brno. That is a comforting prospect.

I'm going to freeze the raw meat in the fridge. I don't have it in me to cook, cut up a chicken, and vacuum seal multiple things. Fend for yourself night!

Moose72 good luck