Bipolar check-in #46

I struggle with the agent/editor idea myself. On the one hand I respect expertise. On the other, my message is my message. I don't want to cloud it with the opinion of someone who holds little insight into my area of expertise, my spirit and the vibe I offer when I craft on my own.

I keep buying things when I shouldn't. It's getting really bad. I might just shred my credit card w/ my paper shredder and then tell my CC company that I "lost" the card and want a replacement. It'll arrive here in 5-10 business days if I order a new one, based on when I've had to request new ones in the past after people stole my CC info.

I'll also delete my PayPal account. It's so easy to pay when you have PayPal. Just log in and you've got the CC info right there, without having to even memorize it (although I did memorize mine unfortunately, after using it so much!!).

My parents are giving me $1000 because I spent so much money on them. They said to take the money and not spend anymore for a while.

I suppose I should call my therapist, but I have an appt with her tomorrow, so I'll tell her then. I just kinda automatically buy things without thinking about them. I'm being really impulsive, and the crappy thing is... I KNOW I am being impulsive, but I do it anyway.

Keep in mind that everyone including their neighbor is writing a book. They have stars in ther eyes, thinking their book will be published and sold on Amazon. At least nowadays I am sure most of it is crap. This goes beyond writing skill level. They believe for some reason their story will be unique enough and of interest to the public at large. There is blogging for this. Everyone wants to feel special. Everyone is already specal. They do not need to attempt to publsh a book to prove this. But then they may be writing their book for other reasons beneficial to them.

Anyway, I am having a bad day. I am still sick. There are times it gets more difficult to breathe. I have now called off three times on my part time job. I think I am now placing ny job at risk. I cannot afford to lose it. I hope to find out today if I have COVID-19.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tucson Keep in mind that everyone including their neighbor is writing a book. They have stars in ther eyes, thinking their book will be published and sold on Amazon. At least nowadays I am sure most of it is crap. This goes beyond writing skill level. They believe for some reason their story will be unique enough and of interest to the public at large. There is blogging for this. Everyone wants to feel special. Everyone is already specal. They do not need to attempt to publsh a book to prove this. But then they may be writing their book for other reasons beneficial to them. Anyway, I am having a bad day. I am still sick. There are times it gets more difficult to breathe. I have now called off three times on my part time job. I think I am now placing ny job at risk. I cannot afford to lose it. I hope to find out today if I have COVID-19.

I'm sorry you're having a bad day. I really am. But no need to piss on someone's fire.

Bpcyclist, did you do derm lasers? I have a big portwine stain and had 2 treatments back in 2000. It was when the lasers were first out with the coolant spray. I only did 2 because it's on my hand/wrist and didn't work very well. It did stop my bleeder which was the goal. I'm still so grateful that the lasers were an option. When I was little my parents were told the only option was to tattoo it to skin color but it would still show whenever I was tan and it would be painful to do. I don't know if that was true (I think it came from the same pediatrician who said it would fade in 6 months) but it certainly made it surprising when I found out about the lasers when I was in college.

Sorry for off-topic.

Almost time to go get N3. Then a late lunch. I think we may order Jimmy John's- sandwiches. Not much going on today. Been reading the book I used to have that I borrowed from a friend who has it. I wonder where my copy went? Unless that is my copy. No way to prove that. Im just going to enjoy reading it and order a copy IF I really like it that much. I dont think I ever read my copy.

Hi bpcyclist! I have been excited for you that you have completed such an important book. I'm sorry that you're struggling to get the proper attention for it. You may recall that I have been working on a book of my own for a while. If/when I ever finish it, I'll have to struggle with the same challenges you describe.

I know something about gaining recognition and attention. It's "Who you know!" [I won't add the second part ending in "blow".] Yes, networking is crucial. Who have you been in contact with in regards to your book? Who do you know? Who, other than the agents/publishers, have you talked with about your book? Do you have anyone's name to name drop? Wouldn't it be lovely to get a good name and review quote for your book back cover or cover sleeves?

I wonder if any of the following people could be "that person"? Even if you first start by asking THEM a question about their work, it can lead to you sharing about yours and maybe getting a plug, of sorts.

Pete Earley (journalist, writer, speaker, activist) who wrote a great book called "Crazy: A Father's Journey through America's Mental Health Chaos". See Pete Earley - Bestselling Author and Mental Health Advocate

Bryan Stevenson (lawyer, writer, social justice activist, clinical professor at NYU School of Law, founder/executive director of Equal Justice Initiative). Or anyone from Equal Justice Initiative or a similar organization.

Someone high up at NAMI. Have you ever attended a major NAMI event? I wonder if they would consider letting you give a talk about the content of your book?

Someone high up at DBSA. Ditto as above regarding NAMI.

One of the main writers for Bp Magazine (bpHope.com | Hope & Harmony for People with Bipolar). I'm thinking someone like a Melody Moezzi, who is a lawyer, has bipolar 1, experience at hospitals which she wrote about in her book "Haldol and Hyacinths". Maybe Julie Fast (Julie A. Fast) also has bp and is a well published writer. I briefly met both.

Andy Behrman, man with bipolar 1 with psych hospital experiences, and writer of "Electroboy". I briefly met him at one of his book readings.

Dr. James Phelps (Contact PsychEducation - PsychEducation), a well-known psychiatrist and writer of issues relating to bipolar disorder. His website focuses on bp2, but his knowledge and experience go beyond that. I've had brief correspondence with him because he liked my question.

John McManamy, writer of several books on bipolar disorder, man with bipolar disorder, was a very popular blogger. He used to go to the same DBSA meeting as me.

One of the bloggers mentioned at The 10 best bipolar blogs

DocJohn here at PC. I've read many great articles here at PC. Wouldn't it be great to write one, too, or an excerpt from your book, if DocJohn would allow that. The PC articles often pop up on page 1 of various searches. I'm not sure how well known DocJohn is in the psych industry, and if he'd read or like your book, but who knows.

A prestigious professor at a local university?

A journalist working at your local newspaper or TV station?

Another expert in the field of the topic you address in your book? A celebrity that is passionate about the topic?

Not every person above would be responsive, but some might, especially if you write something that would really catch their attention. One never knows unless they try.

Have you considered starting a blog as a means of attracting recognition for your writing? You get to network that way, too. If you get to know top bipolar bloggers, you may even be able to have a guest post published on their blog. Then you can add that bragging point. Top bloggers have tens of thousands of followers, can sell their books online, earn ad income, etc. You'd better believe that some of these top bloggers know influential people.

It is sad that many wonderful and educational books remain unpublished, when superficial celebrity junk tops the NY Time's Best Sellers list.

I am just about positive that NAMI would be 100% delighted to have you speak, write, or anything like that about your book, bpc

Carpe Diem.

Welp, as I have said before a few times, I finally had to make it so I had to ask permission for my money. It is a pain and it has downside, but I won't ever spend $10K on guitars in three days again... It is just not safe for me to be in charge of the money.

Yes. I think you were wise not to continue, given the location. Glad it is not bothering you anymore...

Hello everyone

Today we received news about Steve's Sister...The tumor that was confirmed by MRI and Ct scan's yesterday.... Today they wanted another round of Mri's and Ct scan so they can plan for surgery. The tumor is gone... just gone..... The Doctors said there is no "medical explaination" for this.

A true miracle

Wow! A true miracle indeed!

Exactly, brother. Exactly.

Thanks. I have heard of SEID. I think it is a better name than CFS. They don’t use it down here yet though. I’ve been through withdrawals before. About 15 years ago. It was hell but this is worse as it’s higher doses for longer. I wish I was never prescribed this, although it has helped me during times of severe distress which were unfortunately frequent these last ten years.

Awesome news. Yes, a true miracle!

Amazing! This is good news. Something like this happened to my mother. I have not believed in miracles for a very long time. Now I see once again something like this happen. There is no other explaination for it, but to call it a miracle. What else can be said?

Yes, I agree with you. Thank you for calling me out on it.

@bpcyclist: I wish you well on your book. It seems like allot of hard work is involved just to get it published. Have you consideres publishing your book yourself?

Any word on your test results, Tucson? You've been in my thoughts.

No, not yet. Thank you very much for thinking about me!

My boss called me today wondering why I have been calling off allot lately. She did not get my message that I left for her yesterday. I asked her to not give away my job.

I dunno. Guess I've been struggling some lately. Feeling stressed, and, this evening especially, lonely. I'm ready to go to sleep, even though it's only 9. Been struggling to get up in the morning. I threw abilify into the mix since a couple weeks ago. I'm not really seeing much difference. It usually acts rather fast for me. BUT. There is situational stuff going on. So maybe it's just tough **** and I've just got to plow through. Just under a week till T appointment. So ready for it.

Bleh. Don't mind me.

Last night was really rough. Yesterday was going really good until my therapy session. I started therapy up again and I don’t know why I was expecting it to go any different. I really like this therapist and she’s helpful but the last 5 minutes of the sessions I always feel left hanging. And she realizes it and she try’s not to let it happen, but it always does happen. I don’t know. There’s just something about her. My last therapist from a different clinic was working out fine but my Pdoc from there was an idiot. At least she never really made me feel ****ed over. Although she wasn’t much of a help. She never made things worse though.

I am technically dealing with PMS right now even if I don’t get my period. So my feelings may be a bit all over the place.

Well, I was going to go bike riding with my parents this weekend, but it looks like that is a no-go now. My dad tweaked his back again, so he doesn't feel up to riding. I told him to not worry about it and just ride whenever he's ready. So, it looks like I'll be riding by myself in my neighborhood. That's okay, though. I'll manage.

Anyways, I am SO glad it's Memorial Day weekend! I love having a 3-day weekend! It's awesome!

I'm hoping to do some cleaning around in my apartment during the weekend. I have lots and lots of boxes and bubble envelopes to throw away! I know it's because I ordered too much stuff impulsively. I don't know why I can't stop myself, even though I'm well aware of what I'm doing.

bluebicycle, I'm glad Memorial Day is coming up, too. I hope you do get some good bike riding in.

Mountaindewed, it's good that at least your therapist knows that the end of sessions have been less than ideal. Perhaps you both could brainstorm a better way of ending them and set a time (maybe 10 mins before) to wrap up in a more satisfying and helpful way.

Innerzone, I hear you on the stress. Perhaps the Abilify will kick in soon. I hope it will for you. Is there some way you can step away from the stress in some way? I've been trying to do that, to a degree. It is a bit helpful.

Today is my 22nd wedding anniversary. Kind of cool it's my 22nd on the 22nd. That will never happen again. It seems like it will be a comparatively pleasant day. I have only pleasant tasks on my "To Do" list, including arranging the flowers my husband bought me, buying one or two mandavilla to transplant into large pots, cooking something nice for dinner, and eating some of the beautiful cake my husband bought for the occasion. I wanted to make beef kofta kebab on the grill for dinner, but it looks like it will rain at that time. It's sunny at the moment, though.

Yesterday I did a lot of flower planting. We're almost there with all of the gardening. As usual, we've created a lovely little oasis. Very few of our neighbors seem to care as much about their yards. Hubby even bought a lovely bird bath that has a fountain feature. We can't wait until we spy a bird utilizing it.

Attached is a photo of my hubby and me on our wedding day, 22 years ago today. It was in Prague, Czech Republic. We had lots of black and white photos taken.