Bipolar check-in #46

Today is my 22nd wedding anniversary. Kind of cool it's my 22nd on the 22nd. That will never happen again. It seems like it will be a comparatively pleasant day. I have only pleasant tasks on my "To Do" list, including arranging the flowers my husband bought me, buying one or two mandavilla to transplant into large pots, cooking something nice for dinner, and eating some of the beautiful cake my husband bought for the occasion. I wanted to make beef kofta kebab on the grill for dinner, but it looks like it will rain at that time. It's sunny at the moment, though.

Yesterday I did a lot of flower planting. We're almost there with all of the gardening. As usual, we've created a lovely little oasis. Very few of our neighbors seem to care as much about their yards. Hubby even bought a lovely bird bath that has a fountain feature. We can't wait until we spy a bird utilizing it.

Attached is a photo of my hubby and me on our wedding day, 22 years ago today. It was in Prague, Czech Republic. We had lots of black and white photos taken.

I dunno. Guess I've been struggling some lately. Feeling stressed, and, this evening especially, lonely. I'm ready to go to sleep, even though it's only 9. Been struggling to get up in the morning. I threw abilify into the mix since a couple weeks ago. I'm not really seeing much difference. It usually acts rather fast for me. BUT. There is situational stuff going on. So maybe it's just tough **** and I've just got to plow through. Just under a week till T appointment. So ready for it.

Bleh. Don't mind me.

I dunno. Guess I've been struggling some lately. Feeling stressed, and, this evening especially, lonely. I'm ready to go to sleep, even though it's only 9. Been struggling to get up in the morning. I threw abilify into the mix since a couple weeks ago. I'm not really seeing much difference. It usually acts rather fast for me. BUT. There is situational stuff going on. So maybe it's just tough **** and I've just got to plow through. Just under a week till T appointment. So ready for it.

Bleh. Don't mind me.

Last night was really rough. Yesterday was going really good until my therapy session. I started therapy up again and I don’t know why I was expecting it to go any different. I really like this therapist and she’s helpful but the last 5 minutes of the sessions I always feel left hanging. And she realizes it and she try’s not to let it happen, but it always does happen. I don’t know. There’s just something about her. My last therapist from a different clinic was working out fine but my Pdoc from there was an idiot. At least she never really made me feel ****ed over. Although she wasn’t much of a help. She never made things worse though.

I am technically dealing with PMS right now even if I don’t get my period. So my feelings may be a bit all over the place.

Any tips on dealing with Akathisia?

Starting to get really paranoid again

Is the haldol new to you falcon? I had akathisia when I first started it but it went away in a couple of months. But if you’ve been taking it a long time that can also cause it. Sometimes your dr can give you cogentin or propranolol to help.

Keep in mind that everyone including their neighbor is writing a book. They have stars in ther eyes, thinking their book will be published and sold on Amazon. At least nowadays I am sure most of it is crap. This goes beyond writing skill level. They believe for some reason their story will be unique enough and of interest to the public at large. There is blogging for this. Everyone wants to feel special. Everyone is already specal. They do not need to attempt to publsh a book to prove this. But then they may be writing their book for other reasons beneficial to them.

Anyway, I am having a bad day. I am still sick. There are times it gets more difficult to breathe. I have now called off three times on my part time job. I think I am now placing ny job at risk. I cannot afford to lose it. I hope to find out today if I have COVID-19.

Hi bpcyclist! I have been excited for you that you have completed such an important book. I'm sorry that you're struggling to get the proper attention for it. You may recall that I have been working on a book of my own for a while. If/when I ever finish it, I'll have to struggle with the same challenges you describe.

I know something about gaining recognition and attention. It's "Who you know!" [I won't add the second part ending in "blow".] Yes, networking is crucial. Who have you been in contact with in regards to your book? Who do you know? Who, other than the agents/publishers, have you talked with about your book? Do you have anyone's name to name drop? Wouldn't it be lovely to get a good name and review quote for your book back cover or cover sleeves?

I wonder if any of the following people could be "that person"? Even if you first start by asking THEM a question about their work, it can lead to you sharing about yours and maybe getting a plug, of sorts.

Pete Earley (journalist, writer, speaker, activist) who wrote a great book called "Crazy: A Father's Journey through America's Mental Health Chaos". See Pete Earley - Bestselling Author and Mental Health Advocate

Bryan Stevenson (lawyer, writer, social justice activist, clinical professor at NYU School of Law, founder/executive director of Equal Justice Initiative). Or anyone from Equal Justice Initiative or a similar organization.

Someone high up at NAMI. Have you ever attended a major NAMI event? I wonder if they would consider letting you give a talk about the content of your book?

Someone high up at DBSA. Ditto as above regarding NAMI.

One of the main writers for Bp Magazine (bpHope.com | Hope & Harmony for People with Bipolar). I'm thinking someone like a Melody Moezzi, who is a lawyer, has bipolar 1, experience at hospitals which she wrote about in her book "Haldol and Hyacinths". Maybe Julie Fast (Julie A. Fast) also has bp and is a well published writer. I briefly met both.

Andy Behrman, man with bipolar 1 with psych hospital experiences, and writer of "Electroboy". I briefly met him at one of his book readings.

Dr. James Phelps (Contact PsychEducation - PsychEducation), a well-known psychiatrist and writer of issues relating to bipolar disorder. His website focuses on bp2, but his knowledge and experience go beyond that. I've had brief correspondence with him because he liked my question.

John McManamy, writer of several books on bipolar disorder, man with bipolar disorder, was a very popular blogger. He used to go to the same DBSA meeting as me.

One of the bloggers mentioned at The 10 best bipolar blogs

DocJohn here at PC. I've read many great articles here at PC. Wouldn't it be great to write one, too, or an excerpt from your book, if DocJohn would allow that. The PC articles often pop up on page 1 of various searches. I'm not sure how well known DocJohn is in the psych industry, and if he'd read or like your book, but who knows.

A prestigious professor at a local university?

A journalist working at your local newspaper or TV station?

Another expert in the field of the topic you address in your book? A celebrity that is passionate about the topic?

Not every person above would be responsive, but some might, especially if you write something that would really catch their attention. One never knows unless they try.

Have you considered starting a blog as a means of attracting recognition for your writing? You get to network that way, too. If you get to know top bipolar bloggers, you may even be able to have a guest post published on their blog. Then you can add that bragging point. Top bloggers have tens of thousands of followers, can sell their books online, earn ad income, etc. You'd better believe that some of these top bloggers know influential people.

It is sad that many wonderful and educational books remain unpublished, when superficial celebrity junk tops the NY Time's Best Sellers list.

Today is my 22nd wedding anniversary. Kind of cool it's my 22nd on the 22nd. That will never happen again. It seems like it will be a comparatively pleasant day. I have only pleasant tasks on my "To Do" list, including arranging the flowers my husband bought me, buying one or two mandavilla to transplant into large pots, cooking something nice for dinner, and eating some of the beautiful cake my husband bought for the occasion. I wanted to make beef kofta kebab on the grill for dinner, but it looks like it will rain at that time. It's sunny at the moment, though.

Yesterday I did a lot of flower planting. We're almost there with all of the gardening. As usual, we've created a lovely little oasis. Very few of our neighbors seem to care as much about their yards. Hubby even bought a lovely bird bath that has a fountain feature. We can't wait until we spy a bird utilizing it.

Attached is a photo of my hubby and me on our wedding day, 22 years ago today. It was in Prague, Czech Republic. We had lots of black and white photos taken.

Had a couple of bad days this week because of nightmares. I began to have nightmares last night, but I had kind of talked to myself before I went to sleep. So instead of being stuck in them, I woke up fairly quickly and though I was panicked, I calmed down faster than I would have. And it didn’t bother me today. So that’s good.

Tomorrow we are holding a very small funeral for my nana. Less than ten people, per state regulations. So it will only be immediate family. That’s better for me, no large crowd of people I don’t know (after my dad died I just kind of stopped seeing his side of the family).

RS wants to watch a movie but movies still can’t hold my attention. I’m just starting to be able to watch tv on Hulu again. I exclusively watch Seinfeld. I know there are thousands of shows out there but I prefer the known to the unknown. Friends was my jam until they took it off of Netflix. Hopefully soon as the depression continues to abate I’ll be able to get into watching movies again.

glad it's the weekend.

had a really tough week with anxiety and flashbacks. I hope I can relax for a little while