Bipolar check-in #47

Had to catch up! I’ve been spending all my time on reddit. I’m so sorry for what some of you are going through.

Me, well, I’m doing great. No longer depressed and anxious. I’m back down to just the two meds, depakote and lamital. To hell with APs! I met with an endocrinologist and it turns out my prolactin is just a bit high, so the longer I am off haldol it should level out on its own. What a relief!

I have been following r/lose it on Reddit and it is very inspiring. People have lost 40, 50, even 100lbs! I am very early into my weight loss journey. I walked 2 miles on Monday and Tuesday. Yesterday it stormed and today I lost motivation because it was so hot! What I have to do is wear my sneakers when I’m dropping my son off at camp and go directly after to the park. I’m hoping to work my way up slowly to walk further. We went on a 3.5 mile exploration of a state park in the nearby state last week and oh boy, was it difficult! I almost didn’t make it!

Last bit of good news: WE GOT APPROVED FOR A MORTGAGE!!! I cannot believe it. I never though it was possible. I thank my nana so very much for being so generous and thinking of her grandchildren. I was Able to pay off all my credit cards AND my car (which should last for at least 4-5 more years), and I still have enough for a down payment! It’s just unbelievable. I never thought I’d have this in my entire life! I made doubly sure with RS that he is intent on spending the rest of his life with me and he assured me he is. He has been looking for rings that he can afford. I told him do NOT go over 1k. Any more than that is just ridiculous. I would be happy with a thirty dollar cz ring from amazon lol.

I just....five years ago I thought my life was over. I was resigned to living with my hoarder mother for the rest of my life as a single mom. And now...it’s just so amazing.

Anyway, I’ve rambled on fir long enough. Hugs to everyone! I know so many are struggling. I care for you all and you are all on my mind.

So happy for you WFC!!! Congratulations on the mortgage!! This was an uplifting post!!

I'm over the moon happy for you

@wildflowerchild25: So happy for you! Grats on the mortgage! Your life surely has done a 180!

In my news it was another quiet day of mild depression. I'm trying to be grateful for all my blessings, especially when there are those here who are really suffering, like @MarcusAurelius living out of his car. Surely i can be grateful for my home of 15 years. I just feel so darn unhappy. I am considering Overeaters Anonymous for the nth time. Perhaps i can just try 'one day at a time.' Just try and eat healthy for one single day tomorrow? We shall see...

Was almost all the way asleep when Mr. Kitten started niblling on fingers. Finally gave up and started fixing some food. Chekckd on him--sound asleep on my bed! Stinker!!!

Bad thing happened: yesterday, my parents were bragging about buying Chinese takeout. They said, "there was no one in there!" Yeah, uhhhh.... I f***ing wonder why!

Now they want me to come over to their house. Like... I don't want to go. They keep buying takeout food when there are a billion cases here, and Chinese takeout was the icing on the cake!

I am only slightly worried about them getting coronavirus through food. I'm more worried that they're just interacting with people and doing stupid s*** like hugging, shaking hands, etc.. Why do people NOT care???

My anxiety is absolutely out of control today. I can’t eat anything even though I haven’t eaten much in awhile. I haven’t weighed myself in a couple weeks but I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve lost weight. I also have pain in my throat like a cramp. And I am having a bit of trouble walking up the stairs but it doesn’t exactly feel like I’m physically sick.

I am so happy that many things are looking so very up for you, Wildflowerchild! Please enjoy this positive turn.

Good morning to you and Mr. Kitten! Is Mr. K bright eyed and bushy tailed today? Maybe that will rub off. Be sure to enjoy some kitty play.

Wonderful news!!! So happy for you!!! It’s good to hear.

Yea, wild! So VERY happy for all the good stuff going on for you!!
You may have thought you were starting to ramble, but the following I found so very encouraging...

"I just....five years ago I thought my life was over. I was resigned to living with my hoarder mother for the rest of my life as a single mom. And now...it’s just so amazing."

Thank you.

Are people getting it from food, really?

I am aorry, MD. Don't you have Klonoping or something for this stuff?

I do almost all of the cooking for my husband and me, but occasionally I enjoy ordering delivery or takeout. Or before the pandemic, we would occasionally eat out. We have only eaten at a restaurant once since the pandemic started, and that was a lunch last Saturday, outdoor seating only allowed and with more than ample spacing between tables. Then my husband reads today that it is being recommended that people eating at restaurants (outdoor seating) give as much as 50% tip to wait staff. I know some people are super tippers, but I can't help but feel more reluctant to eat out with such an extra bill expectation, even though I'd normally want to support local businesses. I'd rather still order takeout/delivery, if giving myself a break from cooking. I have been tipping more generously for that, but not 50%. I suppose if my delivery bill was only $15 I might tip closer to 50%, but if a sit in restaurant bill was over $100, would $50 truly seem appropriate? Then what about after the pandemic is long over?

Finally got kitten to sleep and got four or five hours for me. Once he is really finally out, he is in a coma. He is a very sweet-natured kitten. Reminds of my Viszlas, often termed 'velcro,' because they must at all times be right on top of you, physically. Albert pretty much always has to be touchinig me in some way. This is quite fortunate for me, since I have so little contact with other living organisms in real life.

Texted my pdoc a few days ago and had not heard back. Was gettig worried. He usually responds immediatement. But I had a message from him when I woke up, so, that was good. Onward.

Hope everyone has a nice day. This is short. Kitten crawls on my keyboard over and over...









Hope eevryone hs a nice day!!!!

My brother and I are in an argument about this, unfortunately. I don't feel that the food is a concern. It's the people interaction. We minimize this by going contactless delivery. It probably does nothing, but its piece of mind. We're not much of a cooking family and did our best for a long time, but we read a Dr. Fauci report when he said that he didn't have a real concern over it.


My current status: Uncertain. My mind is racing, every sound feels like the loudest thing. Last evening my wife banged a spoon against a bowl accidentally. My hands shot up to my head or maybe my ears. I think she was in shock to see it, but that's how I feel a lot of the time, but its worse during whatever stage I'm in. Later I felt a need to justify the validity of the action, which now seems insane to me. If I'm hyper sensitive to sound, I am. Tough crap.

I relate to this about the sensitivity to sound and visual stimuli, It is usually when I am getting manic ish.

Here we go...

Adorable fluffy guy! Thanks for sharing the photo.

I know exactly what is happening there. My parrot did the same thing. Basically it is:

"Look only at ME! Play with ME!"

From what you've described, it sure sounds like Mr. K likes you much much!

Oh my god. Why aren't my 13 year old cats that cute?

I rode my bike today for 4.5 miles. First time I have been on that bike in years.

It's a bike setup on a trainer and I have a bike computer on it along with a heart rate monitor.

I used to work out every day on that bike but I stopped when I fell into a depression at the time (not the current round of depression, this happened before the current one).

Hopefully this is the beginning of getting back into it and maybe a way out of this depression I'm in.

I'm having a terrible time getting to sleep. I go to bed between 11:30 and midnight, read for a bit and toss and turn until dawn. So consequently I don't feel up to getting up at 6 am to do the shopping. The fridge was almost bare, I really had to go. Ugh, so many people and so many without masks. Do they not swatch or read the news? We have a spike in this county! Fortunately I had no close encounters of any kind. They had everything I wanted so I'm stocked up for two weeks. Hopefully by then my sleep will be restored and I can go early in the morning with the other seniors

Awesome, Scooter!!

Really hope this improves soon, Nammu.

Thanks. I have Xanax. I just needed decent food and then an hour nap after. I felt much better after.