Bipolar check-in #47

I do not ''achieve enough in my life''

What is something you would like to achieve?

So happy for you on the Clozaril. Do you find it helps with mood stability at all, or just mostly psychosis?

Good question. I'm not sure what I like doing that I have the ''ability'' to do ''well enough'' for the harsh inner critic and those other judgers inside (and outside)

Very much with mood stability. Psychosis has never been nearly the problem that rapid cycling and severe mixed episodes were. Psychosis was manageable with med changes. No mood stabilizer ever really helped me much with the mixed episodes and I tried pretty much all of them; I think all but tegretol and that was because trileptal was a disaster. I went on a bunch of APs but some didn't work, some had EPS issues, some I was allergic to and that left Seroquel which I eventually was taking 1500 mg of XR. That wasn't working so that left clozapine and while I've had occasional psychosis that was easily handled and some small mood episodes I've had nothing like what I used to live with all the time. It's totally worth the blood tests to not have constant mixed episodes, and I'm pretty happy with the lack of psychosis too.

Good question. I'm not sure what I like doing that I have the ''ability'' to do ''well enough'' for the harsh inner critic and those other judgers inside (and outside)

I hear you! I was thinking the same just yesterday morning.

I take solace in the fact that every single day is a new day and I can make a new start if I really want to do so.

It's interesting you've mentioned New Years Eve because that's just hours from the start of a New Year, which often ushers us into "new beginnings," at least initially.

And so, if you are feeling like this is New Years Eve, then the spirit of a New Year is just hours away! You have a few hours to get your New Years plans/strategies together. Me, too!

I hear ya, Fuzzinator. What about setting a little goal or two and trying to make it happen? Maybe that might help.

Hi Fuzzy,

What about start with something that you like doing and not focus on the ability or wellness pieces yet? Maybe make a list of the things that you like doing most of all? And then we can go from there?

Thank you I am thinking about bringing it up to her, but she has been defensive in the past. I hope that if I bring these issues up that she won't hold anything against me or be spiteful. I guess I'll consider how to approach it, although I dread having that conversation with her.

Hey there ,friend! So happy to see you posting!


I am sorry you are not feeling better these days.


I also have some very quiet periods in my life. I often find I have poverty of thought when experiencing poverty of speech. In my case, my mind is not speeding, it is just quiet and when it is more difficult, I feel somewhat removed from everyone in the conversation.


I realize you have tried many meds/approaches to getting help with depression. I was thinking of you the other day and had decided I would ask a question or two when we met up again.


I am going to ask yet, I do not want you to feel you must reply here at all.


How is your energy level when so quiet?


Do you feel you might have some issues (trauma, etc) which might exacerbate your depression ? If so, have you had the chance to work with a therapist on these (if they exist)?


Have you ever experienced neurological symptoms, even intermittently? If so, have you had a thorough examination by a neurologist?


Have you had thorough medical work - ups, including comprehensive labs?

Have you had your thyroid function checked?

Liver function?

More than once? As in, are your overall labs monitored?


Some doctors believe some men are truly deficient in testosterone. While. theoretically, there could be many causes, many different environmental factors can play into this.


Many men take testosterone supplementation without labs to determine whether a real deficiency exists. All kinds of testosterone boosting supplements are heavily, and rather carelessly, advertised.


I am noting some of the possible harmful effects related to using these types of supplements when not under the care of a doctor.


Liver damage or failure can be related to the use of supplementation.

In some cases, altering the amount of testosterone in one's system can cause some severe mood changes, including periods of rage.


So, why would anyone what to check into testosterone supplementation?


It is possible, when there is truly a deficiency, some men again feel much better with careful supplementation.


These are just a few of the questions which have come to mind when I think of you and wonder why you have not had a truly helpful response to any of the typical psych meds?


It's entirely possible to have more than one condition going on. A man might have something like both testosterone deficiency and depression. Psych meds, alone would not address the whole picture.


So, just a few thoughts. I would enjoy seeing you enjoy your life more. I know how much you love your family and want to be present with and for them.


Again, please do not feel you should answer any of these personal questions here. I have included them merely as some food for thought.


It's great to have an update and to know you are hanging in with the ongoing challenges.


Much Love to You and to Your Family!



*** I am not a health professional. Please always check in with your doctor and/or pharmacist. ***

I thought you were a bit up recently, Im sorry that it hit you sideways today But its good you could see whats going on ! I Bet going out felt great ! Funny thing about Dennys... Years ago when my Husband and I were just friends, one night chatting online it was about 130-2 am and I said OH damn I want Pancakes.. Wanna meet Amanda and I ? He said but its 2am I said yes AND??? I didnt see anything wrong with it LOL I mean it was week day and a school night , But Amanda was always up for a middle of the night pancake run.. This is why when I was told I have Bipolar I said Ohhhhh well that explains alot

Great news on your college plans ! You know Hallie is a peer support specialist I'm sure she would be happy to chat about it if you wanted too..

I think we all need to buy ourselves a few things here and there. I am ordering a easel this month so that when my paint kit comes in I can get to work.

Im ready for Fall, Hoodies, scarves , boots and cofffee

Her name is Maybelle. She lives with my sister currently but doesn’t get a long with her dog so she’s gonna be moving in with me. Here’s a pic of her

I panicked last night after accidentally seeing the news on Reddit. . I had trouble walking because of exhaustion and lightheadedness. I tried ordering food. My mom picked it up but I was so nauseated and dizzy I couldn’t eat much or barely even sit up or hold the plate. I told my mom to wake me up and I’d eat later. But now every time I sit up I get incredibly nauseated dizzy and I am very shaky. I know I messed up badly. My mom mentioned taking me to my GP tomorrow if things don’t clear up. but any doctor is going to send me to the psych unit. I’m honestly not sure I don’t belong there though.

I panicked last night after accidentally seeing the news on Reddit. . I had trouble walking because of exhaustion and lightheadedness. I tried ordering food. My mom picked it up but I was so nauseated and dizzy I couldn’t eat much or barely even sit up or hold the plate. I told my mom to wake me up and I’d eat later. But now every time I sit up I get incredibly nauseated dizzy and I am very shaky. I know I messed up badly. My mom mentioned taking me to my GP tomorrow if things don’t clear up. but any doctor is going to send me to the psych unit. I’m honestly not sure I don’t belong there though.

I am very glad you seem pretty okay this morning. How many melatonin do you usually take?

@Mountaindewed -- are you looking at /r/coronavirus, /r/chinaflu, or /r/COVID19? Those subs can definitely trigger some people, as can /r/worldnews and /r/news.

If you don't know how unsubscribe to a sub or remove those subs from your home feed, go here and look at the righthand side: subreddits.

I have unsubscribed from various subs because they either piss me off (so I guess they're triggering?) or I find them annoying because they make me anxious.

While you're at it, maybe find some funny subs to join, like /r/funny, /r/jokes, /r/amitheasshole, /r/TIFU, etc.. I'm also a huge fan of /r/InterestingAsF_ck and /r/MildlyInteresting. (Just replace the underscore '_' with u.)

Slept well. Just getting going. Big day for me today. I am getting a little kitten!!!! Yay!!! I hope I do everything right. I don't really know what to do, but I have read everything. I can find and I am as ready as I am going to be.

Hopefully, he will be my little pal and we can do fund stuff together. I am so excited.

Was pretty sad most of yesterday, so looking more at maybe making some med shifts. Maybe get rid of the depakote or something. For starters. We'll see.

I am very tired of always having to change my meds. But I won't give up.

Slept well. Just getting going. Big day for me today. I am getting a little kitten!!!! Yay!!! I hope I do everything right. I don't really know what to do, but I have read everything. I can find and I am as ready as I am going to be.

Hopefully, he will be my little pal and we can do fund stuff together. I am so excited.

Was pretty sad most of yesterday, so looking more at maybe making some med shifts. Maybe get rid of the depakote or something. For starters. We'll see.

I am very tired of always having to change my meds. But I won't give up.

What kind of kitten?