Bipolar check-in #47

Prayers and support.

I am quite sure you have looked into this, but, what about some nursing assistance for you guys?

Oh no no no nooooooooo Too much a risk for Covid ! I have absolute control of what comes in the house, Everything is sanitized to hell and back.

Cases have doubled here in 24 hours. So the risk is getting bigger and bigger.

Ah, right.

The heat wave broke today, i ordered groceries and i finally got my meds. Other than that it was lousy. My call to give the pharmacy heck did not work out as my phone took just that moment to malfunction and i could hear my own voice echoing loudly back to me. I hate that. It's so disorienting. I spoke to the manager and managed to squeak out that i was upset and that this wasn't the first time they've let me down. It sounded like a young woman. She just said that my meds were out of stock but arriving today and they'd get to me for sure. She did not apologize. So that was disappointing.

I'd switch pharmacies but it's my third pharmacy in ten years and they are the the best of a bad lot. Not sure what's going on with pharmacies in my city. At one time picking up my meds was like a social call, the staff and i knew each other by name and my meds were always ready to go. Then it was taken over and it's been a revolving door of staff and poor service every where i try.

It was my weekly Scrabble club and i lost two out of three. One loss was to the lousiest player in the club. I expect to lose a great deal of rating points. I'm in a tough spot because i'm at the top of my division and can only gain points if i win all three. Everyone wants to take me down. I try and tell myself that i am playing just to be part of something but it's not much comfort.

A long-awaited dental appointment is tomorrow but i am going to cancel. I can't face it in this state of misery. I'll go in the Fall when i'm hypomanic. It's not urgent, just two spots of sensitivity that are fine as long as i brush with special toothpaste.

I ate junk all day.

I slept well tho!

Hugs to all who suffer!

It is a smaller deal in Canada than here, but there are pharmacies that will mail you your stuff every month. Pillpack is a big one. I do not know what the players are in Canada right now, but you might look into it.

Tired and frustrated. Every time I think I'm getting a little better I get worse again. One step forward, two steps back. Tired of it.

I feel like crap today both physically and mentally. I was up last night from 11:15-4:30. Then I got up at about 7:30. My stomach is all off I think from PMS but I had this tank top thing on for 3 days straight that I shouldn’t have had on for that long. I for sure shouldn’t have been sleeping in it. There’s no way I’m going to the stores for the next several days.

I’m willing to ask for help now from my therapist and my Pdoc. Before I was hesitant about their help regarding med suggestions and other forms of therapy. But I am absolutely tired of feeling this badly all the time so I am open to their suggestions now.

Oh man, Christina! You've had your hands so full for so long. Wish I could be there and help somehow. Fully sanitized of course.

It *is* good to verbalize your fears. I'm glad you have such a good place to do that.

You're in my thoughts as ever. You can always rest assured of that.

I'm in the USA, always had such trouble with CVS and Walgreens. I don't mind a med being out of stock, it happens, but I do expect the order to come the next day. for example I was on vraylar last year, they didn't have it in stock. they kept promising that it'd be here the next day. I waited five days and then asked them if another CVS had it in stock so I did that.

I've had some troubles with Walgreens, mostly back in the days when I was on opioids. But I like the freedom Walgreens gives me to get my meds from any state. Back when I traveled that was a godsend. The two most used pharmacies knew me by name. They have made it so all my meds have the same date. I only have to fill my scripts once every three months. Except for the controlled med, that I have to pick up once a month.

Maybe try to go for a little walk for 5 or 10 minutes, Fluffification. Sometimes it helps me quite a bit. Hope you feel better!!!!

What about a little aerobic activity like a walk? Bike ride?

Another epic sleep for me. Not sure why this is happening, but won't complain, that is for sure.

Already getting hot here. I am sure the whole state will be on fire before July. Usually, summer in Portland and Seattle starts on July 5 and extends into the first half of October. usually, Spetember and early October are the nicest months here. so, a little odd.

Depression a bit better yesterday and not really psychotic, so, that was nice. Maybe I am turning a little corner here.

So glad I talked to my dad the other day. He is my hero. I sure wish I could give him a hug. He is 88. His coronary arteries are probably way better than mine. His cholesterol has always been, like negative 100 or something. Sharp as a tack. he will lilely outlive me. Always went to bed at 9 pm, hell or high water. I thik that was the key. That, and us eating salmon every single night.

COVID erupting here. Super bad. So worried about everyone. Our poor handling nationally of this crisis is going to cost us very dearly, I fear.

Love and hugs to everyone!!

Just read a heartbreaking article in the NY Times about 76 deaths from COVID at a Boston veterans' nursing home. As I said yesterday, my dad is in a very well-run home. They have had zero cases. Totally locked down. No one in or out. Very expensive. I am grateful, of course I am, but I just am heartbroken that it seems like wealthy white Americans are able to weather this storm better than poorere, more vulnerable folks. It just makes me so sad that a nation that has so very much in terms of resources cannot seem to do the right thing for its vulnerable citizens. People of color. The poor. Veterans. The mentally ill. So sad. I wish it would change. It hurts my heart.

I have general orientation for work in half an hour and all I can think about is getting high/drunk. I will not show up drunk and/or high. I don't even have half the shite I was using around. Why do I have anything around is the question. It'll be interesting to see what new measures they're taking. I really need to pay attention to this orientation because I haven't worked there since before ECT two years ago and I'm sure things have changed and I've forgotten a lot of things. I am very anxious. Tonight I'm going to try to sleep without the ativan. I slept like 11 hours last night.

It hurts mine, too. I so wish things would change for the better. For EVERYONE!

Kinda lousy day for me, so far. Hubby feels sick, which he often does. He has many health complaints. I know some are seriously legitimate, but do think a couple are exaggerated. I know he's under an extreme amount of stress. I believe if that could be alleviated, some of the health complaints would ease up. It's just how in the heck do we alleviate the stress? Yes, there are the usual suggestions, but sometimes they are not quite possible, or whatever!

I know my husband hates his job, but I think he's been suffering a little by not being around some of his workmates. I asked him if he wishes he could go back to the office, if it was safe to do so, and he gave an unequivocal "No!" I still think being around the people would be good. He needs that social support even more than I do. Actually, I've been missing alone time. And I mean more than just being alone in the bedroom with the door shut, while he's in his office. When hubby does return to the office, it's not going to be the same. His old roommate took a package, many were laid off, some furloughed, his old boss moved to Texas, and one nice (and young) colleague just died yesterday. The new "boss" is a rather wicked kind of lady that almost nobody likes. The head of the department is an a- h- 0 -1 -e. We kind of wish we could run away, but even that's currently not on the table.

I haven't heard anything about my psychiatrist, who is likely still in the hospital. Today I had recurring thoughts of anger in regards to my gynecologist's office cancelling on me four times already. They won't even call in a mammogram script, so I could get that done. I'm not worried about anything, in that respect, but I know for sure. For sure. That many people have suffered consequences, health-wise, because of cancelled appointments. In fact, I suspect that colleague of my husband who died yesterday might have been a victim of such decreased medical care. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming doctors for all of this. I'm blaming the fact that this pandemic is as bad as it is right now. Bpcyclist, you're right that it affects some in this country much more than it does others.

Sorry to hear about your appointments getting cancelled and no mammogram script. I can only imagine how frustrated you feel.

I know what you mean about being around people. I'm quite a hermit myself, but even I do go nuts if I'm not being able to see certain people, like coworkers, family, etc.. I need social stimulation, and not the kind where we do it over video chat, either.

I had an asshole of a boss back in 2016-2017. It's really difficult working for someone who treats you like s***, regardless if the person is treating others like s*** too. I don't blame your husband for disliking this lady and disliking work as a result of her. Sometimes people get to high ranks in their company and then they feel they're better than everyone else. They also think it gives them the right to treat others like s*** because "they're not as good as me! Peasants!"

My heart goes out to you, BirdDancer. I think a lot of people are stir crazy. Too much 'family time' is not good for many of us, not that it affects me right now. But I hear you.

What about getting out for a nice walk just by your lonesome or something? See some flowers, some doggies, some toddlers playing? That might give you a little breathing room, possibly.

Our healthcare system is being brought to its knees right now. Bad things will continue to happen until we push through this.

Hi not new to bipolar or psych central but decided to come over to the bipolar side instead of the psychosis side.

I’m good today. Wish it was Friday. Got five days off after Friday. Working from home for the past while but I’ve been getting out. Haven’t been showering regularly though, but I’m feeling pretty optimistic.

I have a couple of things....

First, I have been sleeping between 9 and 11 hours each night for many months now. It's getting to be a real drag because I'd like to stay up later than I do. It has to do with my latuda and remeron, they both make me really tired about an hour after I take them. Not much to do except take them later and try to sleep less.

Secondly I feel like I've stopped growing as a person. I'm stuck in this rut of depression and an having a hard time finding my way through it. I literally don't do anything beyond going with the flow. I don't initiate anything, I just follow. I used to be a doer but now I just follow along. If there's nothing to do then I do nothing.

I haven't written in quite a while and am having a hard time motivating myself.

Neither of these are new and I don't see quick solutions to them. I guess I'm just venting.

My pdoc is out of ideas with respect to medications and I'm waiting for a referral to a special clinic for more treatment options, but who knows when that might happen.

Welcome to this side of things! Happy to have you here. I can definitely relate to showering regularly. It's one of the harder things for me, due to weird nerve pain and just an overall hatred of showering.

Glad to have you again.

Have you ever tried Ketamine, Scooter?

Yeah health care is staggering right now. Did I mention that the ASL interpreter I had yesterday? That was her first job since March 12th! That means that there have been no deaf clients since March! She said there's a handful of deaf in my hometown and where she lives has a deaf club. When I finally get a new iPad and sign up for fb I can join. It's about an hour away but I could socialize online. I really don't like driving.

@BeyondtheRainbow

Do you remember side effects from when you first started clozapine? I remember you mentioned you were in hospital so it's totally fine if you don't remember. I'm getting a lot of drowsiness.