Bipolar check-in #48

Still hanging in there. My NP started me on 150 mg of Wellbutrin plus I talk to my therapist on Thursday. That should help.

Warm regards to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

I’m so sorry you’ve had a tough time. I hope your leg heals quickly.

Well Shyt I was so hoping things would turn right around for you.
I'm sorry you injured your leg

I'm glad someone brought you some food and visit , A much needed kindness today

My eldest and significant other are having housing issues and there's not a thing I can do but make suggestions but I feel its too little. I have 2 extra bedrooms but can't offer them because of section 8 rules. *sigh*

Gawd what a day..... Steve Glucose meter just isnt giving good legit readings, So called the Doctor. Medicare will pay for one every 5 years , but it was 27.00 our cost then had to add on addl test strips it only comes with 25 and he checks at least twice a day.. anyway.. We have a better Moniter.

The leaking water tank has burned through all our propane tank. So I only have cold water, Cant cook, our propane works just for our Stove and hot water. We decided to go with a tankless water heater, so that was just shy of 400.00

We decided to go with a new propane company. New tank and 100 gallons is minimum .. so there goes another just barely shy of 400!!

So the tankless hot water heater wont arrive til 7/20 the new propane take wont arrive until 7/22..

So cold water everything, and when I say cold its 450+ foot well so water is very cold., No ability to cook on my stove top. This is gonna just be a blast

Hugs and cookies to anyone in need

And you can't even heat the water on the stove?! Ugh!

I'm kinda of freaked out. My father died about 15 months ago. I hadn't seen him in 20 years before his stroke at the end. For about 2 months before he had the stroke I would hallucinate seeing him at this one particular place in town, wearing a specific shirt he used to wear all the time. The hallucinations stopped just about the time he had the stroke (it took a while for them to find us).

I posted recently about "Mark" who has been part of my family for 25 years and is now dying of lung cancer. And today I hallucinated Mark.

It's all part of my mixed episode and tonight's boost in AP will nearly certainly fix it but it was really frightening. Too much going on in my brain at once.

Hi. I'm fine. No desire to read or write. C'ya!.

No my stove works off Propane. I can heat a small bowl of water in a bowl in microwave

I am just grateful its not winter.

I hope that things settle down for you quickly

That sounds hard. Hugs.

My ex and I didnt pay the gas bill so it was shut off in winter! We heated a large pot of water on the stove (electric) and used the water to bathe.

Today was difficult. I got up later in the morning when I was feeling better. This depression needs to stop. I have allot of anxiety. I reordered by CBD soft gels that help. At least for me, anxiety is the flip side of depression. Both involve allot of negative thinking. If I can remove most of the anxiety, I think my depression will improve.

This isn't good...

I took the extra clozapine today and get sleepy quickly. I fell asleep around 10.

I woke up for some reason I don't remember. I feel somewhat agitated but maybe someday I'll have a zoo with things like that. I'm having trouble focusing to type this so maybe I'll be back to sleep. I guess we'll see..

Oh, good, Jennifer--Wellbuyrin always works pretty quickl for me. Fingers crossed. I have started to try to run again and have added yoga back every day, as attempts to help my depression. I think I am relying too heavily on medication and not enough on skills.

Hugs.

Jeez, Christina--it never ends...

I have had many visions over the decades, Rainbow, so i relate to this. I hate them and go out of my way not to put myself in a position to have another one. I hate them. Hang in there. Hugs.

Hope that helps, Rainbow. Stat with it. You will push through this.

Hugs and love!!!!!!

Quite a depressing pdoc visit today.

I had some paperwork that had to be completed for total disability insurance. My pdoc said no way am I ever going to be able to work again and noted that my cognition was ‘slowed’ and that my bipolar is very brittle. Nothing new but it was still hard to hear again how much my life now sucks compared to pre-bipolar.

We discussed the fact that my mood is low, how flat I feel and my desire to decrease my meds (not that I’m not on that many). She said “no go” with reducing my meds stating that every time we’ve tried to cut down on Seroquel that it has backfired and I’ve ended up in an episode and unstable. She has a point. She also said that she wants me to do something to engage my brain daily. E.g plan/organise dinner ( we eat a lot of low-cal freezer meals.) That will relieve some of the boredom that comes with stability.

Hugs to those who need them.

Another quiet day of mild depression. Not much energy and laid around most of the day.

I read about 'game rage' which i guess is what is happening with Scrabble. The article had several methods of coping. I think it will help. I also watched an expert player on Twitch.TV. That's this Internet site where expert players talk you thru their game. I get to hear the expert's thought processes. It's quite interesting! It's something completely new to improve my game so between it and the game rage article i feel some hope for Scrabble. It's obviously something i'm passionate about. I just need to find a way to make it work for me.

I was worried the one neighbor i am close to and like so much was avoiding me because the last few days she has just been waving from afar when i see her outside. But she came over to me today and told me about how she had come across an old copy of TV Guide with an article about old shows we had so much fun talking about the other day. She put it aside for me. I thought it was really thoughtful! It means she thinks of me even when i'm not there! I felt so 'cared-for.' She's really a gem!

Hugs to all who struggle especially @~Christina with no hot water -- yikes!

I'm moderately depressed. I'm keeping busy though. Some of my passing thoughts would disturb others. It's not what I think that matters it's my actions that count. I don't know what I'm going to say to T. I'm safe and so is everyone else.

I feel like crap.

Maybe I wasn't so awake........a zoo?? Randomly?

Please feel free to laugh at me.

I'm now up at 4:20 and have been for 15 minutes. I think I am going to need 400 mgs after all. I must have developed some tolerance to the clozapine.

Here goes nothing.....

Checking in. I've been out of the mix for a while. I was doing well off meds for almost a year, but the racing thoughts have returned over the past few days. I was able to shut it down for a while, but last night I feel it became too much. I told my husband everything. I am speaking with my therapist in a few and calling my psychiatrist when they open. I love my family unconditionally and though it hurts my pride a little to say I can't fight this on my own, keeping them safe is a top priority and I am seeking help.

I don't know how much I will be around, but you all are my friends and I wanted to be honest. You give me strength and I carry your kindness and wisdom with me. I know I have nothing to fear. Love to you all.

My pdoc basically told me the exact same thing in April, but he used a different word than 'brittle.' Same concept, though. But my psychosis and mania calmed down after only two med changes and we didn't even have to start Clozaril--yet... So, hope, I guess.

Have you ever tried Provigil or Nuvigil? Not sure what your psychosis situation is, but, when that is stable, things like Provigil or even Adderall can really help cut into the flatness thing, in my experience, anyhow. Some people here on this board do nto feel these meds should basically ever be used in us, but my pdoc disagrees, as long as we are not actively psychotic. Those drugs very seldom cause mania, contrary to popular conception.

Anyhoo, just thought of this for you.

Hugs.